Authors note: Alrighty guys, this is written M for a reason! So, be warned that there will be A LOT of references to excessive alcohol, drug addictions, cutting, possible lemon and lime in later chapters, abuse, and rape/molestation….sounds like a great story, huh? Hahaha…^^
Disclaimer: I do not--nor shall I ever--own Naruto….sadly :(
Chapter One: Issues
-- I turn the page to a chapter that they thought was just a phase. But it consumed me. You're right I am a failure and when my life turns to shit it won't have nothing to do with the fact that it's all you ever taught me how to do, so you can relax--
--Sick Puppies: Issues--
~Neji~
"Dude, are you ok in there?" someone--the guy who was throwing this insane party?--yelled over the constant roar of the speakers, as they played some catchy new dance remix, from the other side of the bathroom door.
No, I'm not, I'm really not…Lying here on the cool tile of the completely foreign bathroom--God, I don't even know who's bathroom this is; or for that matter who's party this is--I was far from ok…but this had been the case for longer than just one night. My head was spinning, as I lie motionless beneath the porcelain toilet, my entire body throbbed with insufferable pain. Paralyzed; I must be on the verge of death at this rate. How much had I had to drink? I lost count after my eighth…and then there was that--what had that guy called it?--I can't remember, but I know I snorted some strange substance that had me feeling completely out of it.
"Hey, dude, are you alive in there?" that same voice yelled again this time with a twinge of real concern in his somewhat slurred speech.
He obviously was looking for some reply, preferably one of reassurance, but my stomach was still churning, even after purging consecutively for the past half hour. The repugnant smell of vomit continuously filled my nostrils and the nauseating taste of beer and puke mixed in my mouth unpleasantly. There was no way I could open my mouth to speak, not without vomiting anyway. I tried to move, but failed, I was much to weak. God, I have never felt so helpless…yes, you have this is nothing compared to that…Shut up! I don't want to think about that now!
The door knob began to twist and turn frantically, and the same voice from before yelled, this time in an alarmed tone, "Dude, this isn't funny! Open the door man, or I'm breaking in!"
True to his word, the knob rattled a few more seconds--while I tried to crawl to the door--and then it burst open with a thunderous boom. My breathing, which was notably shallow, all but stopped at the look of sheer terror on the guys face as he stood shocked and still in the doorway. I must look like the walking dead…wait am I?
"Oh my God! The dude's dead!" the guy, who I vaguely remember being acquainted to, screamed panic-stricken by the supposed corpse lying in his bathroom--yours truly. Was he stupid could he not see the rise and fall of my chest? Or had my breathing really stopped? Maybe I should try to say something to the guy…but before I could even form the words--why were my reactions so slow?--he was running out of the bathroom, down the hallway and out of sight completely. Leaving me alone again, I attempted to lift my self again, but succeeded in only bumping my head on the cool porcelain of the toilet.
That unpleasant feeling in my stomach lashed out unyieldingly and I began to purge violently right there on the floor…spilling my guts all over myself…how do I have anything left inside me? I feel completely empty. Still, it kept on; repeatedly pouring the repulsive substance from my 's when the memory of what I'd heard from health class recurred, "…And sometimes when one is drunk they drown in their own bile. Pitiful, isn't it?…" So, that's my fate then? To lie here and drown consciously in my own vomit. Wow, what a fantastic ending to the life of the once perfect, golden boy--turned bad for no apparent reason--Neji Hyuuga….Would anyone care? Do I want them to? Do I care if this is the end; the part where I enter eternal darkness in Hell because I could never hope to be accepted into the gates of heaven? One lone tear fell at the thought of being denied the chance to see my beloved father again…
And that's when that voice--the one that haunts my every thought--whispered sinisterly…"Shh, little one, no one can save you now. You are mine…always." My mind screamed agonized by the memory forever engraved in my mind…no, that will not be the last thing I hear, I refuse to die with that voice trespassing my thoughts…But my resolution died quickly as everything blurred and fuzzed over and I slowly slipped into darkness….
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-Shikamaru-
Where the Hell did Neji get off to? He left over half an hour ago and he's still not back, and he was already pretty trashed…Why does he always get so fucked up everywhere we go, and to think he used to be the goody-goody, the golden boy, the kid every parent wished for, but rarely received…I guess it just goes to show no one is as perfect as they might seem….
Sighing, I continued my search for the damned Hyuuga, checking each room only to come across hormonal and horny teenagers in the middle of 'doing the dirty', or smoking something illegal, shooting up, drinking excessively…yes, all the normal activities associated with a teenage party. It was the classic parents left for a weekend getaway, leaving their oh-so-trustworthy son alone in the house, with access to an impressive liquor supply and a great ritzy house to party in. Neji had heard about the party through one of his new 'friends' and had than insisted and pestered, until I gave in, which of course didn't take long, especially after I heard there was going to be a guy here with a fantastic supply of pot. Man, I sure could go for a fatty right now…aah, what a drag, I'm stuck searching for my supposed friend only to get stuck babysitting and monitoring his every move… that guy just doesn't know when to stop.
"The dudes dead! The dudes dead! Somebody call 911!" the guy who was the host of the party--Kago, was his name I believe--ran past me screaming like a siren as he passed.
I couldn't help but chuckle at first because well, he ran funny, his arms flailed wildly to his sides and he all but tripped over his feet. But all humor aside panic and fear slowly settled in the pit of my stomach, and bringing an unwanted torrent of presumptions as to what had happened. Neji, please, please don't let it be you who that dumb shit is talking about…
My mind was racing along with my body--very uncharacteristic of me, I know, but we're talking about the life of my friend here--as I raced along down the hallway in the general direction Kago had come from. All I could think about was being too late and finding the crumpled corpse of my friend. Hold on, Neji, hang in there bud…a voice reiterated in my head, over and over, as my feet continually pounded upon the carpet, propelling me forward. Willing myself to go faster I finally made it to an open--and it looked as though someone had forced their entry--bathroom door.
Eyes shot open, my breath hitched and my body froze at the scene before me. There he was, sure enough, it looked as though my premonition had been correct. Neji, was lying lifelessly, from the looks of it, on the gleaming white tiled floor. The whole room was in complete disarray: the shower curtain was torn halfway from its rod--Neji must have grabbed it for support before he had fallen--bile that had missed its target oozed down the porcelain of the toilet bowl; an empty Captain Morgan bottle lie on the sink along with splatters of more vomit; and then there was bile mixed with hints of blood puddling around Neji's still, face down form.
But all these things weren't nearly as unnerving or horrid as Neji himself. Lying face down beneath the stained toilet he faced the doorway, long dark tresses were matted and messy, his skin was even paler than usual and dare I say turning a hint of corpse like blue-gray. The most surreal thing though, was his eyes, they were: hollow, empty, other worldly…dead. Neji, what did you do to yourself?
Neji Hyuuga, fallen from grace; fallen from his throne; fallen into complete darkness. Could I have saved him from himself? What am I talking about I can't even save me from myself, so how could I ever hope to save someone else? Looking down upon Neji's motionless body I felt an involuntary chill run up my spine, and an unpleasant knot in my stomach tightening. What if I'm next??? A harrowing vision of myself lying dead upon the floor crossed my mind leaving me shaken to the core. I was completely frozen to the spot.
"Move." One simple command shook me from my shocked reverie and then someone was pushing my immobile body out of the way.
I stood there motionless, even though my brain screamed its demands to move; to do something; to save my friend. I was stunned by the scene playing darkly before me, surely this was only a nightmare, it simply could not be real. Yeah, this was a dream I would wake up any second to find myself in my own warm bed and Neji safe and alive in his. So, closing my eyes I tried desperately to awaken from this horrifically real dream…sadly, nothing happened and it appeared that this was in fact, the reality I was trapped in.
"What's his name?" the same voice as before asked in a surprisingly calm voice.
I struggled to find my voice, but mustered it, and whispered, "Neji…Neji Hyuuga….please, help him"
"Don't worry, your friends going to be fine an ambulance is on the way. My father's a doctor he'll take care of him, I promise," the same voice reassured in soothing tones.
Hope refilled my body, giving me the strength to face the inevitable truth and open my eyes. The scene had changed only slightly, now there was another person on the tiled floor, kneeling beside Neji's now upturned body. An astoundingly gorgeous girl was tending diligently to Neji, sweeping his matted hair from his face, and then gently wiping the bile from the side of his face onto a damp towel. Her blond hair falling and then shielding her face from view. Her hands swept over Neji's wrist, checking for a pulse, I suppose.
"Damn, he hardly has a pulse…it's so faint…come on Neji, hang on…wake up," she uttered lowly, as she cautiously prodded Neji's side trying to gauge a reaction from him.
An almost inaudible groan escaped Neji's parted lips, as he began to stir into consciousness he blinked his eyes slowly and attempted to focus on his surroundings. He looked like he was fading in and out of reality, his pupils dilating and darting rapidly, as if he were trapped within some kind of hallucination. Thank God he's alive…of course after his uncle finds out…well, at least he's alive…
"Neji…Neji, can you hear me?" the girl asked turning his head gingerly in her direction.
Glazed silver eyes fluttered and adjusted upon the blonds own eyes, as she consoled him, cooing, "Neji, my names Blake, I'm going to help you, ok? You're going to be just fine. There's an ambulance on the way they'll take you to my father, he's a doctor, he'll take care of you."
Neji's hand struggled to lift from his side on the floor-it was so hard to see him in such a fragile position, I thought I'd never see the day, he'd just always been a symbol of strength to me-to tenderly brush the golden strands from the girls breathtaking face, tucking them securely behind one tiny ear. Always was a charmer…knew just how to charm the pants off any girl. I never could pull of his method nearly as well…lucky bastard…
"Excuse me young man," a deep male voice stated impatiently, pushing his way in.
Looks like the paramedics are here, thank God…you're safe Neji, you're going to make it, you lucky bastard…..
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+Garra+
"You're a worthless piece of shit! It should have been you! You killed her! It's all your fault! Karura! Karura, my love! Why…why did you leave me, Karura?!"
I can still hear his howls, echoing forever in my mind; etched permanently in my memory. How many times had I heard those howls of pain? How many times had I paid for my fathers lost love: my mother, who had died while birthing me. I had always been the one to blame by not only my father, but the rest of my family as well; the outcast; the punching bag; the devil's own…
Standing before the full length mirror in my closet I examined some of the fresh bruises and cuts delivered by the man I reluctantly call father. But behind his back I always refer to him as "the donor" he doesn't deserve the title father in my book. My fingers trace intricately over an older scar, smooth beneath my fingertips, given to me by "the donor" for looking at him funny. My body seems to be made of scars, one beginning where the other ended, each had a story accompanying it. I like to think they give me an intimidating appearance, but if anyone knew how I obtained them they'd probably have a different view on the demon Garra.
Demon Garra…just one of the many nicknames I have been associated with, along with spawny, devil child, hell boy, and the list continues on and on. It didn't really bother me the way it used to when I was a kid, actually I kind of liked the nicknames now. I relished in those daunted glances, in the rumors made at my expense, in the solitude always surrounding me, in the complete mystery of me. I like who I am…right?
Punching the door, narrowly missing the mirror, I tried to focus on the physical pain throbbing in my fist. You know you're lying to yourself, right? You hate who you are…you'd give anything to erase everything…to be accepted by others….
"STOP! Shut up! Shut up! It's not true! It's not…," I screamed, desperate to drown out that annoying little voice in my head.
That was the last straw, walking into my bathroom, that adjoined to my bedroom, I searched for my weapon of choice. I need the pain…I have to have it…to control it…
The light weight of the five-blade razor in my palm instantly eased my furtive state. Pulling my sleeve up to my elbow I placed the blade at the middle of my forearm where the scab of a recent cut was situated. Cool metal collided smoothly with the flesh of my arm, and I felt an immediate satisfaction as the blood trickled down my arm…
Only one voice now echoed in my head, one that never really went away…. "It should have been you…." repeated, over and over, like some broken record…It should have been me…trust me father it will be me…you will finally get you're wish….
…TBC…
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Authors note: I really hope somebody out there enjoyed this story and I know there are those of you out there that can sadly relate to these issues, as can I… yeah I know it's dreary and dark, but trust me the sun will eventually shine again for these three trouble guys…with the help of a few friends of course…Anyway, I'm sorry if it was terrible and I apologize for the shortness of Garra's pov, he will be featured more in the second chapter, I promise!! :P Please rate and review…I love reviews and that means good or bad! Haha. 'Till next time! ^^