When Running a Shop, a naruto fanfic

So, after much thought I decided that the chain of bad events should continue to happen to Kiba. We all know that he's an underdeveloped character and has a lot of potential. Plus, no one seems to write much about him anyway. I dedicate this sequel to DemonKaizoku.

I do not own Naruto

Onwards!

"So what do you want?"

"I want to go on a date with you."

"Whoa, whoa… You want to go on a date with me?"

"Yes."

"Why me?"

"Well, I don't get to see much other people besides those who visit the shop. Those who do are either too old or young for me, have no interest in them, or are already taken. You're the only one that I seem to have a viable chance with. You visit the store every now and then, are still single, and you're fairly attractive."

"… Does your father know about this?"

"Well, no, not exactly. He was there when I asked you for a favor, so I guess he may have figured it out."

"…"

"So… will you?"

"I… I think I need to ask my mom."

"How come?"

"Well… It's kind of silly when I have to explain it, but…"

"It's true that most shinobi clans would prefer that its bachelors and bachelorettes date and marry other shinobi. Strong ones are preferred as they are more likely to produce stronger offspring. Our clan would prefer that you date a kunoichi."

"So it's a no then?"

"Not quite. There are some situations where we don't care that much, similar to your current one."

"Yeah, I know."

"Your line of question, however, intrigues me. Has my little boy found someone he likes?

"That's none of your business! I don't have a potential girlfriend right now."

"Haven't I told you not to lie to me before? Inuzukas with stronger senses can often detect whether or not a person is lying."

"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you not do that? It's creepy! It makes me feel like I have no privacy whatsoever."

"Sorry dear, but this is a pretty important step in your life. You need to make the right choice here. So, what's she like?"

"Well… as you might have guessed, she's not a shinobi. But she said that she was interested in me, and I figured that since I should be trying to get into a relationship I should try this one."

"An interesting choice indeed…" she trailed off. "What does she do?"

"Well, she's the assistant at Ichiraku Ramen."

"…Her?"

"… Yes."

"The brunette who has that handkerchief over her hair?"

"Yes."

"… That's quite a strange choice."

"Well… she chose me."

"And that is half the battle. Now go out and have fun, but before you do, take this."

"…Is this what I think it is?"

"Oh, don't tell me you've never seen this thing before."

"But we haven't even started dating yet!"

"Then hurry up! Your grandparents are expecting great-grandchildren and I'm tired of them nagging me about it."

Needless to say, both of them shared a pleasurable kiss at the end of their first date. It was not long, however, before the father knew that something was going on between the two. The signs were not so obvious, but they were there. He started to visit the shop more often and chatted away lively with Ayame. While things were not serious yet, the father knew that it was headed that way.

So he set up a test for Kiba. He was going to help him with the store for a full day as an assistant starting from ten in the morning to seven at night. At first the adolescent was surprised, but after giving it proper thought he realized that if he wished to continue the relationship he should do as the father says.

So after a week of training at the shop, the day had finally come to prove himself to the father.

It was five in the morning. No one ever enjoyed being up at five in the morning. No one. At this hour, only two kinds of people were up: those who had to leave very early for some sort of meeting or mission and the insane. Kiba did not fall into any of these categories.

He found that he was wide awake at five in the morning. His alarm clock was not set to go off for another hour, but no matter what he could not shake the apprehension. Looking over, he saw Akamaru resting on the floor next to the bed.

Ayame seemed to like the dog, and it seemed to like her as well. She had said that she always wanted a pet, specifically a dog, but she knew that neither she nor her father had the time to take care of one. Perhaps that was another reason why she liked him?

He sighed. There was a lot riding on this test today. He didn't know what criteria he would be measured up against. He just had to make sure that everything was done to the best of his ability.

Kiba decided to get up and eat breakfast. Today was going to be tough and he needed all the energy he could get.

"Kiba-san, you're here early," the father said. He was still wiping down the bar, cleaning off whatever dust was on it.

Kiba yawned. "I found myself wide awake at five in the morning, so I decided to just come here a little earlier to help out."

"Well, that's great. Prepare the ingredients for me."

Kiba nodded and was about to start washing the vegetables, but he stopped himself. He then moved to the back, put on an apron, and then put on a hat similar to the one the father was wore when he was working. Finally, he came back out and washed his hands.

While he couldn't see it, he had a feeling that the father was secretly watching him. After washing the vegetables, he made sure that everything else was ready. Soon, the shop was open for business.

The first few customers were people that he did not recognize. One of them ordered take out and he needed to be reminded that the noodles and the soup had to be put into separate cups, his first mistake. He doubted that it would be his last, but hopefully they would be few and far in between.

Pretty soon, he found that it was nearing the lunch time rush. The father had warned him about it, although he said that it was a little different. It was easier than most others because they only had a few seats available inside the shop. However, the seats would be filled up almost as quickly as it was emptied. Sometimes, the lunch rush would be easier than normal if there was a special sort of event or deal going on, but most of the time it was fairly busy.

It was just as the father said it would be. The lunch rush almost hit Kiba by surprise. One moment there were just a few customers and then suddenly everyone started appearing. Pretty soon, a small line had formed. As a shinobi he could do things a bit faster than the father and Ayame, but food could only cook so quickly. Given the size of their stove, only four pots could be cooking at the same time. Broth that was prepared earlier in the morning was kept in a warmer, but in order to cook the other ingredients, the broth needed to be spooned out into a smaller pot with the ingredients inside it and then brought to a boil. Then it needed to boil for about eight minutes for everything to fully cook before it could be served.

Thankfully, however, the lunch rush was short. The father said that it never lasted too long and that afterwards, there was usually a period where very few customers appeared. This would be when they had their lunch break.

"How am I doing so far?"

"Well, you've made some mistakes here and there, but it's been nothing major. There are some things that training can't prepare you for, but you've adapted to those situations as well."

"So… I've done a good job so far then?"

"So far, yes. But don't forget that there is still the second half of the day. Dinner time is usually a little tougher."

"We'll see about that. If it's just a longer lunch rush, it'll be nothing!"

But it was during the lull period that the worst would come. It was just as the two had finished eating that Kiba heard a familiar voice.

"… eat here?"

"Come on," a high-pitched voice said, "you've been here before. It's pretty good and you know it!"

Oh god, Ino.

The curtains at the entrance were pushed aside as the girl dragged Shikamaru with her to the bar. He wondered how Shikamaru was dragged into this and where the girl with the giant fan disappeared to.

Still, the two of them were customers. "Welcome!" he called out. The two of them froze, recognizing his voice.

"Kiba-san? What are you working here for?" Ino said, her face sporting a confused look.

"It's a long story, but-"

"We have the time to listen, go on and tell us!" Ever the gossip, that woman.

He looked towards the father, wondering if he should explain the situation that he was in. However, the owner was currently out of sight.

"Well…" he turned back to the two of them. "You know Ayame, the assistant here?"

They nodded their heads. "Well, both of us showed an interest in each other, so we started dating. Eventually the father figured it out and decided to put me through this test to see if I could help run the shop. I'm guessing she'll inherit this place or something and he wants her boyfriend to be capable of running a restaurant."

"… That's out of the norm," Ino finally said.

"…Yes, it kind of is." Reaching beneath the counter, he pulled out an order pad and a pen. "What would you two like today?"

"Two miso pork ramens please!" Ino barked. Quickly taking note of the orders, he ladled out the broth and was about to start when Ino quickly grabbed his arm from over the counter.

"Can I talk to you privately?"

"Are you sure you should be leaving your date behind like this? Won't he run away if you leave him alone?"

"He's a little too lazy for that, aren't you, Shika-kun?"

A look of embarrassment sprouted on Shikamaru's face. "The troublesome girl's got me right on that part."

"Let's go then!" Ino quickly walked behind the counter and pulled him into the back of the store. Having recalled some bad memories when dealing with the blonde (although there were two of them that time), it was easy to say that he was a bit intimidated by her.

"So… what do you want?"

She took out a small plastic bag with some sort of powder inside it and then produced a small slip of paper. Her voice became a low whisper, surprising Kiba. "I want you to put this inside Shikamaru's food."

"What is it?" he whispered. Could Shikamaru hear them?

"That's a secret."

"… It's not poison, is it?"

She grabbed his work apron and pulled him down. "Are you suggesting that I would poison my boyfriend?" she hissed at him. He quickly shook his head. "Good!" Suddenly, she was cheery again and she let go of him.

"So then what does this powder do?"

She was silent for a bit. "It's supposed to motivate him."

"… Motivate him? How?"

"You'll find out after you put it in."

Then she left for the front of the shop again, leaving the powder on a table. Taking it with him, he returned to his cooking. Sneaking in the drug was easy, as Ino distracted Shikamaru enough to give him ample time to put it in. When it was finished cooking, he poured out the contents into separate bowls, put them on a serving tray, and then placed it in front of the two. The drugged one was closer to Shikamaru, the clean one was in front of Ino.

"I'll take the one that has less," Shikamaru said, and grabbed the one in front of Ino.

Uh oh.

Things were about to get ugly.

"T-That's new of you," Ino said. "Normally you'd be too lazy to get the one that's far away." She was obviously distressed.

"At the same time though, the one with less means that I have to use my hands less."

"O-Oh…" Ino looked up at him, casting a very worried glance at Kiba, as if asking him silently if he had put the drug in.

To Kiba, it was like one of those science fiction books where the mad scientist falls prey to his own diabolical scheme. It was always something that was worth seeing. He implied nothing about whether he put in the drug or not. He simply told them to enjoy.

He did, however, secretly pay attention to just what was happening. Ino was too worried to notice him watching and if Shikamaru knew something, he did a good job of not letting Kiba know.

Eventually, he began to notice something; Ino's face was flushed red. He was unsure if this was a development from the drug or not, as it had only been a few minutes since she started eating. However, considering how quickly some poisons acted, he would not be surprised if it was caused by it. Also, she was no longer showing the doomed look she had when she first started. In fact, she began to eat almost a little more vigorously. There was also a faint smell that he could easily pick up, but he doubted if most others could. As soon as he identified it though, he didn't like where this was going.

It was when they were paying for the meal that Ino made her move. When Kiba handed them their change, Ino suddenly wrapped Shikamaru up in her arms and then very quietly whispered something into his ear. Of course, being an Inuzuka, he could easily pick it up.

"Let's do it."

"What?"

It was a blur of blonde hair and soon Ino was what many would consider 'all over' Shikamaru.

"Damn it, Ino!"

The Great Struggle had begun!

"Get a hold of yourself!" Shikamaru turned to Kiba. "What did you put into her soup?"

"A strange powder. She only told me that it was supposed to motivate you. Did you know that we put something in?"

"Well with the both of you acted, it was easy enough to guess! God, troublesome little- ow!" Ino had just bit the skin on his shoulder, albeit lightly of course.

"I should have done this first." Kiba stared in horror as Ino suddenly pulled Shikamaru's head down and kissed him. As the two of them were stunned, she leaned into him, causing the two to fall down and disappear in a puff of smoke.

…

Well at least it was out of his hands now. As for the change, he simply put it back into the cash register and began to clean up the area. Thankfully, there were no major accidents caused by the two.

The afternoon was off to a weird start, Kiba thought, but he doubted that it could get weirder.

That was when the next customer walked in. "Welcome!"

"…Kiba-kun?" a lazy eye stared at him.

"…Yes, it's me, Kakashi-sensei."

"You know, you don't have to call me that. I'm not your teacher anyway."

"Consider it a formality then. I've only ever really know you as the teacher of Naruto's team, so I guess it stuck with me."

"Well, if you plan to call me that, then perhaps you could explain to me why you're working here. I'm kind of confused as to why you're here and not that Ayame girl."

"Well, it's kind of a long story."

"I have a lot of time on my hands right now, Kiba-kun. Why don't you try me?"

He paused for a bit, once again looking for the father. However, he was nowhere to be seen. "Ayame and I both showed an interest in each other and we began dating. The father figured it out and decided to see if I'm able to help around in this shop. I think she'll inherit this place or something and he wants her boyfriend to be capable of running a restaurant."

"… That's out of the norm."

"…Yes, it is." He had a feeling that he heard that line before. "What would you like?"

"I'll have a miso ramen, please."

After Kiba prepared the ingredients and put them over the fire, he noticed how the man was looking around, as if…

"Are you waiting for someone?"

"Actually, I am."

Was it a woman? "… When were you supposed to meet the person?" he knew about the man's chronic tardiness.

"Well, around two o' clock, he said."

"What time is it now?"

"About one fifty-five."

"…."

"…"

"So… you're actually early."

"I decided to try it out. Everyone says that it's a good habit to get into, but so far I don't think I'm getting very good results."

"Well, how many times have you tried it?"

"Today would be the first time in a long while."

"So you have been on time before."

"On occasion, yes. For example, if I were to meet the Hokage, I would do my best to not be so late. If it were just a genin or something, they can wait a bit longer."

"I notice how you said that you try not to be so late instead of being on time."

"Well, no one is ever really on time. You're either early or late, no matter how close you come to the designated time. It's a mathematical concept."

"But after a certain point, doesn't the difference become negligible?"

"Perhaps, but that difference is still there."

Kiba sighed. "I feel like I'm getting a math lecture out of you," he said, taking Kakashi's ramen off of the stove. "I think I'll just leave you alone for now."

"Well, it's your loss then."

"A negligible one." It had to be a woman. Why else would Kakashi try to be early for a meeting?

He sighed. Today was not going to be such a great day. The father seemed to have disappeared from the store entirely and there were all these weird conversations and happenings now. Hopefully he would be back soon.

Oh, another customer. "Welcome!"

"Huh? Kiba? Is that you?" The voice sounded familiar. Kiba's composure drooped a little.

"Oh, hello Chouji."

"Do you work here now?"

"Well… no."

"How come you're here then?"

"It's a long story."

"I have a lot of time on my hands, try me."

He didn't bother to look around for the father this time. "The assistant Ayame and I have started dating. Since her father owns this place, he decided to see if I'm capable of running this shop, as I believe that she'll inherit the place eventually. My guess is that if we do end up getting together, he at least wants to make sure that I'm can help her."

"… That's out of the norm."

"… Yes, it is." Now he was definitely sure that he heard that somewhere earlier. "What would you like?"

"I'll have the miso chicken ramen, please."

"Actually, we're out of stock for that one. The delivery this morning was botched, so we don't have the ingredients for it, sorry."

"Well then, I'll have the miso beef ramen then."

"Alright, one beef coming up."

As Kiba worked on the dish, he took a look at Chouji. When he thought back to how he looked when they were genin, the older version seemed a little slimmer.

"Say, Chouji. This may be a sensitive question for you, but have you lost weight since our genin years?"

"Nope. After I gained back the weight I lost, my weight hasn't significantly changed since."

Maybe it was the clothes then. Another question popped into his mind.

"Do you still do yoga?"

"Yes. I started it about a year ago, and I've done it every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of the week. If I'm on a mission however, I do it for twenty minutes before we sleep."

"Uh… huh."

"…"

"So, are you able to… you know… resist?"

"Kind of, usually I'm able to hold back. However, after about the fourth or so fat comment from the same person, I tend to become a bit unstable."

"… What happens when you can't control yourself anymore?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Well, I've always blacked out when I can't take it anymore."

"You go unconscious? Isn't that dangerous if it happens on a mission?"

"Well, I don't think I really black out. I just slip into a subconscious state with only one objective in mind: to harm that particular person."

"… How do you know that?"

"There is usually a path of rampant destruction when I revisit the scene and my teammates are simply glad to have me back in control of myself."

"And what of the person?"

"For each incident so far, from what my teammates have told me, they have not found a single scrap of evidence that the person ever existed."

"Oh…"

"…"

Chouji's food was done now, so he served it to him. There was yet another silence between the two.

"…"

"I know what you're thinking, and I suggest that you don't try it."

Kiba was a bit off guard. "What was I going to do?"

"You were going to call me fat and see if I would do anything."

"…"

"Don't even try it, for your own sake. I don't even know what I do when I'm that enraged."

"I'll keep that in mind then."

Eventually, Chouji paid for his meal and left. Kiba was unsure if he missed a golden opportunity to see if what Chouji said was true, or if he was spared of some ungodly wrath. However, a voice interrupted him.

"Well, it's about two thirty now," Kakashi said, standing up. "It looks like I've been stood up."

"Person never showed up, huh?"

"Sadly, yes. I was hoping to meet up with him after not seeing him for a bit. Oh well, perhaps we'll meet at a different point in time."

Him? "What did he want to meet up with you for?"

"I don't know. He did, however, say that it was rather important, so I do not think that he would have wanted to stand me up."

"… Kind of odd, don't you think?"

"Yes, it is odd. But if the person chooses to waste my time like this, then I'll let him know that I did not appreciate the way he is acting."

"… Maybe this isn't something that I should be saying, but I thought you were waiting for a girl. I mean, why else would you have come so early?"

"…"

"Are you calling me gay?"

"God, no!" Where did this come from? "I didn't call anybody gay!"

"You know, there is a fairly high percentage of homosexual shinobis in Konoha. In fact, statistics show that, on average, fifteen percent of the population of any ninja village is homosexual. Also, many shinobis are also bisexual."

"I don't need to know this stuff!"

"There are also a lot of lesbian kunoichi too, although they also fall within the percentage."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"As a shinobi, this is important information for you to know." Kakashi leaned in. "You know, there is a good rule of thumb when it comes to determining who's gay or not."

"I'M NOT LISTENING!" Kiba promptly put his hands over his hears.

Kakashi, however, continued anyway. "You're hands won't help you because you're an Inuzuka. You have genetically enhanced hearing and I know that you can still hear my voice."

Kiba began to bite his lip because he knew the man was right.

"For a man, look to see if they have soft hair or have short shorts. As for women, those who are tomboys have a higher tendency to be lesbians than most women."

Kiba paused for a moment. Soft hair and short shorts? A tomboy? "Wait, does that mean Neji and Tenten are homosexuals?" It wouldn't make sense if they were, because just a few weeks ago he had overheard their… conversation.

"Oh, those two are bi."

"…"

"Surprised?"

"… How can you be so casual about this? And how do you know that they're bi?"

Kakashi leaned back and smiled. "When you're my age and you learn to read underneath the underneath, you'll understand."

"… I know I shouldn't be saying this to a customer, but I want you to leave."

"Sure, sure, but you can never, ever run away from the truth," and the man left.

Of all days, why did it have to be today? The dinner rush looked worse and worse every second. Between then and now, who knew how much crap would dump itself onto him?

He leaned against the wall and heaved a heavy sigh.

There were still four and a half hours until his shift was over.

If he bumped into nobody else that he knew, he probably had a chance of making it through the work day in one piece. How many people had he met already? He began to tick them off: Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kakashi-sensei. That was four of them so far.

But now that fifteen percent statistic would not leave his mind. Fifteen percent was roughly every sixth person. He was sure that those four were fairly straight. If he counted himself, then that meant that-

"Kiba-kun?"

He was snapped from this thinking and looked up at the entrance.

"K-Kurenai sensei?"

The woman walked up to the bar. "I'm a little surprised to see you here."

"I've… been hearing that a lot lately."

"Where's that girl with the handkerchief covering her hair, Ayame?"

"Oh, I'm filling in for her today."

"How come?"

"It's a long story."

"Try me. I have a lot of time on my hands." Now that he thought about it, he heard this sentence a lot today also.

"…" He took a deep breath. Perhaps he should write this down on some piece of paper so that anyone who was going to ask could just read it and save both of them some time. "Both of us have taken an interest in each other. The father decided that I needed to be tested to see if I was capable of running this shop to help assist when necessary. My guess is that she'll inherit the place when the time comes, so he wants her boyfriend to help her run the store."

"… That's out of the norm."

Would everyone stop saying that?

"What would you like?"

"I'll have a seafood ramen, please."

"Alright, one seafood coming up."

God, what was it with people repeating the same lines over and over? Kiba quietly stewed and grumbled over how annoying it was to hear the same thing from everyone he met so far.

But eventually, that passed. That caused Kiba to return to the percentage that Kakashi had given him.

Fifteen percent. Fifteen percent. Fifteen percent…

If the numbers really didn't lie, then that would mean that Kurenai-sensei was a homosexual. But that couldn't be true, as he was sure that she and Asuma-sensei had something going on between them.

Of course, she could be bisexual.

"Is something troubling you, Kiba-kun?"

"No! I'm, I'm perfectly fine. Just… thinking."

Of course, he could also just throw the entire equation out the window.

"Well, if you could, then think a little faster for me. I've been waiting for about fifteen minutes and normally it takes only eight to finish cooking. And you've been staring off into the same spot for quite a while. Are you sure that you're fine?"

"What?" he looked into the pot and scowled. The vegetables were no longer looking green and he was sure that some of the seafood in it was now overcooked as well. "Sorry, sensei. I think I

may have overcooked it." He poured the broth down the drain and tossed away the ingredients. "I'll cut the price in half."

"That's not really necessary, Kiba-kun."

"I insist. Besides, you were my teacher. At least let me show you my thanks for teaching me. Plus, it's store policy."

"Oh, very well then."

He returned to cooking the food. His mind still drifted, but this time he focused more on the pot of food rather than the percentage. When it was all done, he pulled it off the heat and served it.

"Wow, this looks absolutely delicious!"

"Oh, thanks." He was surprised at the comment. No one had ever commented on his cooking before. "I had some training here from the manager."

As Kurenai began to eat, he once again started to think about that percentage. What if it was someone else that was the odd one out, not his teacher? Kakashi had seemed a bit suspicious of giving him that percentage. Was he passing along a secret message?

He failed, however, to leave out the part about the large amount of bisexuals per village. Perhaps he wanted Kiba to ask someone?

"You look like you have a question that really needs answering," his teacher pulled him out of his mind once again. She must have finished eating. "You can ask me, if it's bothering you that much."

"Well… it's a really awkward question."

"I don't bite unless I'm eating, so don't worry about me snapping at you. Just ask."

"…"

"Are you bisexual?"

"…"

"That's quite the question you have."

"Yeah… Kakashi sensei dropped by earlier today and after some… unexpected circumstances, the conversation turned towards sexual orientation."

"Well, Kakashi does say a lot of things." She folded her hands at the bar top. "And most of it is true."

Ugh.

"However, some things need to be taken with a grain of salt. I'm guessing that he gave you the average percent of homosexual shinobis in a village. Also, he probably said something about bisexuals, am I right?"

"… Yeah."

"Well, let me at least clear this up for you a bit. On the percent of homosexuals, he's right. About fifteen percent of the shinobis in a village are homosexual. If he said something about short shorts, soft hair, and tomboys, that's just a stereotype. It does, however, apply to some people."

"Uh… huh." That meant that someone that he knew was gay. Or most likely.

"As for the bisexual part, it's more of a trade skill that's necessary for shinobi."

"… Excuse me?"

She took a breath. "This might be surprising for you, but all Konoha jounin are required by law to go through psycho-sexual therapy."

"Psycho what?"

"Psycho-sexual therapy is a psychological session where all jounin have their sexual orientation reset. The goal of the session is to turn the person into a bisexual. Therefore, many jounins are bisexuals."

"… Oh my god. Why would they want to do that?"

"In our world information, and more importantly accurate information, is a very powerful asset. With information, we can act upon it, or use it as a bartering chip for other information or services. Now, how do you think that information is extracted most of the time?"

"…" Again, Kiba didn't like where the day was heading.

"I'll give you a hint: ninety percent of the time it's not extracted by force, trading, eavesdropping, or just pretending to be someone else."

"So…" he gulped, "it's… through sex."

"Yes. A lot of valuable information is gathered from the pillow talk that follows sex. Now, the reason why we have that re-education course is so we have a larger selection of people to send on that particular mission. If we know what turns the client on, it's much easier to have all jounin be bisexual and select from that instead of looking for a homosexual that fits the bill. Lying and cheating is a part of our job; location or situation should not matter."

"So then… you're…"

"Yes, I am indeed bisexual. That does not, however, mean that we don't have a preference. I have a preference for men, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I won't sleep with a woman."

"…" he leaned against the bar and buried his head under his arms. "Ugh."

"I know how you feel. It's quite a pill to swallow."

"I think I'll just stay a chuunin. I'm not sure if-"

Somehow, with her quick fingers, she grabbed him by his collar and lifted him up. "Don't you ever say that!"

"What the-"

"Choosing to remain as a chuunin means that you've given up on the road and you're quitting. I put in a lot of time into your teaching, and I'll be damned if you don't become a jounin!" Where did that nice teacher disappear to? "If you remain a chuunin that means that you're going to be doing the crap jobs that no one wants!"

"But I don't want to take that… thing!"

"It's not as scary as it sounds," she let go of his collar and he lost his footing for a bit. "It's really just a lecture and a bit of psychological rehab."

"That last part sure sounds scary."

"It's just some hypnosis stuff. It doesn't even take a full day. After they hypnotize you and run enough words and pictures by you in your subconscious state, they put up pictures of naked men and women and read your brain waves to see if you're adequately aroused. You keep your original preference, but now you won't mind the same sex getting too close to you either. Besides, since a large majority start out as heterosexual, this doesn't harm the child birth rate significantly either."

He was starting to wonder if being a shinobi was the right job choice for him.

"It's a small sacrifice in comparison to the pay and benefits of being a jounin. Besides, I doubt that your family would let you remain as a chuunin anyway."

He wanted to puke after that statement.

"Oh, and one more thing: since almost all jounins are bisexual, that means that a very large percent of the homosexual shinobi are either genin or chuunin."

He was sure that the last statement was put in to spur him on.

"Wait, if this is a necessary criterion to becoming a jounin, how come more people don't know about it? I mean, I'm to take the Jounin Exam in about two months! How come I wasn't told?"

"It's a very secretive thing in Konoha, as it may be in some other villages as well. We don't tell you until after you pass to keep you from slipping the information. There is, however, a way out of it."

"Really?" He perked up a little bit.

"But I can't tell you. You'll just have to pass the Jounin Exam."

Tease!

Pulling out her wallet, she fished for some bills before handing it to Kiba. "Thanks for lunch, it was wonderful," and then she left.

Kiba slumped against the wall once again. Why did life have to suddenly get so complicated? All this crap about mathematics and sex was starting to drive him crazy.

He wanted to go home. He really just wanted to go home. But he couldn't because he still had to run the shop and suddenly, things just didn't seem right. It was like he had suddenly become paranoid. What if, because of this strange maddening, he really did go insane? He didn't want to get locked up in some nut house for knowing the strange ins and outs of all the people he knew. Why couldn't people just keep their secrets to themselves?

He looked up just in time to see the next customer come in.

"…"

"Welcome!" he did his best to sound cheery. And then he noticed who it was.

"I didn't know you worked here, Inuzuka-san," Sasuke said.

"Well, I don't."

"How come you're here? Where's that brunette that's always helping that old man?"

"… It's a long story."

"I have time to kill. Try me." Not verbatim, but it was still pretty close to what everyone else said. He walked up to Kiba.

It was like a speech now. "The brunette, Ayame, and I started dating. The father found out and put me here to see if I'm able to work a restaurant. I think it's because she'll be inheriting this place when the time comes and he wants her boyfriend to be able to run a shop."

"…"

"…" Please, don't say it.

"That's out of the norm."

He felt something twitch. "… Yes, it is."

"…" Sasuke sat down at the bar.

"Are you going to order anything?"

"Probably not. I'm waiting for someone, and he should be here any time now."

This seemed a bit familiar. "Who are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting for my teacher."

Oh… "Did you two have plans or something?"

"Well," Sasuke made eye contact with Kiba.

"…"

"Is it about-"

"Yes."

"In regard to her-"

"Yes."

"And you want to talk to-"

"Yes."

"… I see."

He was a bit unsure about how to break the information of how Kakashi had actually been on time for the meeting.

"… How many months has she been pregnant so far?"

"It's going to be two months soon."

"… Does it show?"

"I can tell, but not everyone can yet."

"…"

"So you're looking for your teacher, right?"

"Yes."

"When did you say you would meet up with him?"

"Two o'clock."

Oh boy. "Well, uh… he actually showed up on time."

"…"

"What?" It was hardly a question.

"He came by at one fifty five and just sat down and started reading." He really didn't want to get burned here.

"When did he leave this place?" Kiba swore that he saw red in Sasuke's eyes.

"At two thirty."

"And why didn't you tell me this when I let you know I was looking for him?" there was this malicious aura about the Uchiha. Kiba determined that it wasn't killer intent, but it was something that was worse. It was a feeling of upcoming pain, and he was going to be at the receiving end. "I am expecting a good answer."

"Well…"

"Wait, no, stop. I don't want to hear it." Sasuke put covered his face with his hands. "I'm not going to be satisfied with your answer anyway." Suddenly, he leaned over and gave Kiba a swift punch to the face.

"What was that for?" Kiba found himself against the wall. It wasn't strong enough to cause serious damage, but it sent him reeling.

"I had decided earlier that I would hit you if you didn't give me a good answer. Since I concluded that you couldn't no matter what, I acted accordingly."

"…"

Sasuke began to leave, but turned around. "And remember, if you say anything about this to anyone, you will remember that punch as a soft, soft tap."

"…"

When it was once again empty in the store, Kiba slumped down onto the floor. He brought his hand up to feel the bruise. It would begin to swell soon. Gathering some chakra into the hand, he cooled it and let it rest against it. It was uncomfortable at first, but soon the feeling subsided.

He took a deep breath.

…

He took another deep breath. This day needed to end. All these strange things from people he knew were going to drive him insane. He needed a break but without the father nearby to take over for a moment, it was not an option.

He would just have to keep going. With that thought in mind, he stood up. He had to keep his mind on the goal, which was receiving the father's blessing. If it meant that he had to endure this maniacal torture, then-

"Hey, Ojii-san! Two miso ramens ple…"

"…"

"…" He had an ugly, ugly feeling that it would come down to this.

"I didn't know you worked here Kiba." Only one person ever dared call the shop owner Ojii-san.

"I don't work here, you idiot!"

"Kiba-kun!" a stern female voice interrupted the two.

"Hinata? I didn't know you were here."

"Didn't you see? She came in with me."

"Anyway, Kiba-kun, what are you doing here?"

And the cycle continues… "It's a very long story. I'm sure that-"

"Well, what are you waiting for? Tell us!" Naruto didn't even seem to comprehend his statement.

"I'm interested as well."

Urgh! "Well, I'm sure you know of the girl that works here with the owner. Both of us showed an interest in the other and started dating."

"Whoa, really?"

"Naruto-kun! It's impolite to interrupt people. Please continue, Kiba-kun."

"… Anyway, the father wants to make sure that I'm capable of taking care of the shop in the situation that the relationship became serious, so I'm helping out today."

"…"

"That's out of the norm."

Not again…

"You know, I was just about to say that Hinata."

Kiba took another deep breath. He wouldn't blame them for thinking the same thing, as it would appear that everyone was thinking the same thing. "So, two miso ramens, I'm guessing?" The pair gave a nodding approval.

Once more, Kiba set off to work. He needed to focus. Two scoops of broth per bowl, three handfuls of dried ramen per bowl, three inches worth of green onions.

Well… Naruto was the father's best customer, so he put in an extra handful for both of them.

All the while when he was preparing the food, however, the two of them kept giving side glances at each other. It was as if they were trying to get the other to do something first without saying anything. In a sense it bothered Kiba, but in the end he figured that today was just so horrible that everything for the rest of the day (and maybe tomorrow) was probably going to bother him. Finally, right when he served the food, Hinata spoke up.

"You know, Kiba-kun, we've been meaning to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Well, you know that day when I met you early in the morning here? And I told you that I was engaged?"

"Yeah, so?"

"And then you bumped into me later in the day and I also told you that I was engaged, right?"

"…And?"

The two looked at each other for a brief moment, sharing a slightly puzzled look.

"Well…" Hinata paused and blushed a little.

Wait. Something snapped in Kiba's head. His mind suddenly rushed through to that day. The both of them refused to name the significant other and also answered his questions in almost the same way.

Naruto's hand went to hold onto Hinata's, which was on the counter top.

It was an engagement ring with blue sapphires on both sides of a diamond.

Blue.

"We're getting-"

Kiba, gripping his head, screamed out the loudest and longest expletive in his life.

… It was warm now.

…

Soft, and warm.

…

He could just stay here all day if he could.

Just… rest, and pretend that nothing else existed.

"Kiba-kun…"

Who was saying that?

"Kiba-kun… wakey wakey."

Where was that voice coming from? It was familiar.

He felt someone lightly pat his head. The name was on the tip of his tongue.

And then, there was a feather light kiss on his lips.

There was a soft giggle, "Just like Sleeping Beauty."

He was a little groggy, as he had just been awakened. "Whaa?"

"Except that the girl is kissing the guy."

However, he was able to quickly recover his composure. "Ayame?" He looked around and noticed that he was in his room. The sun had begun to set and orange-red beams of light were leaking in through the windows. "What happened? I remember being at the store and-"

"Shh… you blacked out after your," she blushed a little bit, "tasteful language explosion." She was sitting on his bed and was wearing a loose turtleneck and a pair of jeans. Casual wear, she called it. "It took a bit of explaining to get Naruto to calm down though."

"Oh… How did I end up back here?"

"Well, I came into the store right before you fell down. I managed to explain to Naruto and Hinata that you were under a lot of stress and that your day was… very odd, to say the least."

"Yeah, it was… Wait, how do you know about that? Neither you nor your father was in the shop when it happened."

"Well, we had hidden some cameras within the store to monitor how you were doing. Later, my father would review the recordings to help make a better judgment. Also, he was supposed to disappear sometime after lunch to see how you handled the shop by yourself. Brilliant idea, no?"

He gave her the frown of ages.

"Oh, don't give me that look. It's for your own good."

"My own good? You have to be joking…" He sighed. "How did I do?"

"Well, you passed!"

"Really?"

"Don't get too excited now, you don't want to black out again. My father said that you managed to control yourself and took care of customers with ease. Taking into account that after a while you started bumping into odd characters, he thinks that you did pretty well."

"So we can keep dating, right?"

"Mhmm!"

"That's good to hear."

"Oh yeah, there was one other thing that I wanted to discuss with you for a bit." She pulled something out of her pocket and showed it to him. "This fell out of your pocket when Naruto and Hinata helped me get you back to your apartment. I don't think Naruto noticed, but it gave Hinata quite a surprise." She was blushing a bit, and so was Kiba.

"Oh, that." There was a small silence between the two of them. "My mom gave that to me right before we started dating."

"Right before? That's uh… kind of a heavy statement, don't you think?"

"Does it really affect us though?" there was an air of truth in what he said.

"I guess not, I did get the go ahead from my father anyway." She crawled under the covers with him and held him tightly before giving him a good kiss.

Kiba turned and brought her closer to him. "What's this about not getting me excited? If I recall, you said that it would be bad for me."

"True, but not if we call it getting you… aroused."

And the madness is over. Originally I had some trouble getting this started, as not only did I have to plan out what would happen, but I also had to have characters in character doing things that are seemlingly out of character and make it all work. Absolute fun to write though. Also, I had a hard time with the title, so it might seem weird.

About that whole bisexual thing: one day I was writing that part and somehow it hit me. For a militaristic shinobi nation's main job to be deception and control, it just made sense that they would also use sex as a weapon.