Thanks to the lovely Ngawai, for encouraging me to do this fic. This is just as much her as it is mine. Love you Ngawai! :)
Aroha nui xoxo
Also a huge thanks to sadhappygirl for your support :) Thank you, Tara
As we all know we don't own or claim anything but our wicked thoughts. hehe!
Song choice Again by Janet Jackson.
PV: Mercedes Jones
Dec. 5th, 2011
"Twitter says you're officially dating Sam Evans, AKA Trouty Mouth, AKA Hobo McBeiber." Jacob Ben Israel irritatingly prodded.
"Yes, Sam and I did date but then his dad got a job out-of-state." I happily smiled, but in reality I was dying inside. I was trying to put up a good front, but needless to say I missed him so much, but knew I needed to move on. Looking squarely into the irritating little reporters eyes I smiled, "But I will give you an exclusive Jacob Ben Israel…" I continued and feigned delight, "There's a new man in Mercedes Jones life now, and his name is Shane and he will play a significant part in my future plans." I cheered as I remembered that I had said the same thing at the beginning of the school year, but I meant it. I needed to move on and Shane was my future. Turning on my heels I abruptly left the menacing reporter and carried on with my school day.
Later that afternoon during rehearsals for the Troubletones, Santana casually strolled into the practice at least half an hour late.
"Santana you're late! I growled, "You know we have to be on time and dedicated if we are going to make it to regional." I grimaced.
"Alright, alright…" Santana raised her hands in the air, feigning concern, "I had to spy on New Directions. I heard they got a new…well old member," she snickered, "that you might be interested in Miss Jones." Santana winked and then smirked at me, as she playfully twirled a lock of her brown hair between her fingers.
"Who?" I feigned ignorance, "And why would that interest me?" I grimaced folding my arms, knowing full well who it would or could have been. But I needed to seem disinterested. I couldn't't let anyone know how I felt about the blond Adonis. I had already heard from a friend, that he was in town and as soon as she mentioned him, memories returned, filling my mind. I could not take my mind off Sam. He's back! I gasped as recollections of the happy summer we spent together at the park, the lake and at the carnival, came flooding back.
I heard from a friend today And she said you were in town Suddenly the memories came back to me in my Mind.
All these reminders were unwelcome. I needed to eradicate Sam Evans from my mind. Quickly turning, I exited the classroom and made my way down stairs. Suddenly, someone slipped their hand into mine and I knew exactly who it was.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Holding your hand!" Sam smirked sending me his cheeky yet adorable signature half-smile.
I was taken aback, as simple as that he had done it again, Sam Evans had strolled back into my life, like we were still together. Closing my eyes I felt the warmth of his touch on mine, I reveled in his nearness, how can I be strong? How can I stop this? I asked myself. I had asked that question time and time again. I said that I'd never fall in love with you again Sam Evans, not again, I inwardly chastised myself, but here you are once again drawing me in simply by grabbing my hand! I grimaced.
Finally, I manage to pull my hand away from his. He cannot do this to me! I mentally assured myself. He cannot make me fall in love with him again! I grimaced and kept my vision set straight in front of me, trying desperately to eradicate the loss I felt as soon as his warm hand left in mine.
Sam told me he knew I had a boyfriend. I tried to explain to him that I will always have a special place in my heart for him and that I'd moved on, and that he needed to do the same. But he ignored my pleas.
Sam replied, "I don't care how big or bad your boyfriend is, I'm gonna fight to get you back!"
I couldn't't tell a lie, it felt good to hear those words exit his beautiful lips, but I had a boyfriend that was kind and loving to me. When Sam left for Kentucky I was crushed, hurt and disappointed, though through no fault of his. Sam and I had made all these plans together, we had planned our future. We were perfect for each other. But when Sam left he took a piece of my heart with him. I felt lonely and desperate. After some time I found comfort in Shane who helped me pick up what was left of my shattered life.
A wounded heart you gave.
My soul you took away.
Good intentions you had many. I know you did.
Friday, June 17th, 2011
"I love you Mercedes," Sam whispered to me for the last time.
I was heartbroken as I watched from my front porch as Sam drove away. I cried relentlessly until my mother comforted me, drying away my tears, knowing I had lost my first love.
I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
never fall again
I started dating Shane about a month later trying hard to forget Sam. Shane was sweet and I cared for him, but I didn't feel the same way toward him, as I did Sam. Sitting quietly in class tears filled my eyes as memories enveloped me and I recalled how much had transpired since the last week Sam and I had spent together at our place…the lake house.
"Mercedes are you sure about this?" Sam whispered, stroking my cheek gently with his hand.
"I'm sure. I love you Sam." I breathed "I trust you, I want you to be my first." I did, I trusted Sam with everything that I am and was to be.
Making love to you Oh it felt so good and Oh so right
The loud ring of the school bell brought me back to reality, walking down the hall I received a text from Sam, reading. AUDITORIUM. NOW.
When I arrived, Sam stood before me, guitar in hand, as bright lights spelled out my name. Sam asked if we could sing a song together but I had doubts. I was weak when it came to Sam. I had to remain strong and just seeing him standing before me, made my knees buckle. I could feel my resistance faltering. I was falling under the Sam Evans spell and I knew that if I fell I would be even more hopelessly in love with him than I had before. Strengthening my resistance I turned and made way toward the exit.
Then I heard the beginning of Human Nature one of my favorite songs. Damn! Sam knew me too well. He knew I could never resist singing my favourite song. Singing together felt so right and perfect.
As the music came to an end, Sam and I faced each other and then it happened…we kissed. It was so PERFECT! It was much better than I had dreamt. As we stood alone, looking deeply into each other's eyes, we remembered how it used to be, and what it still could be.
So here we are alone again
Didn't think it'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
We went to Miss Pillsbury for advice, she suggested we didn't talk, tweet, or e-mail each other for a week. It was the longest week of my life. But we did dedicate songs to each other to express our feeling to each other.
Sam and I began seeing each other secretly again. Sam didn't like that I was still seeing Shane so he gave me an ultimatum. I knew it was wrong to date two guys, but I didn't want to hurt either one of them as I cared deeply for both. I loved Sam more than anything, but I didn't want to hurt Shane who had been there for me when I was at my lowest.
I've come too close to happiness to have it swept away.
Don't think I can take the pain.
No never fall again
Days before Valentine's Day, I had to make a decision, Shane or Sam. I was lost and confused. I didn't like who I was. I don't cheat but here I was, cheating. I just didn't know who I was anymore.
I talked to Shane and confessed everything. He was understandably upset but accepting.
Then I spoke to Sam. Sam had made me a Valentine gift. It was so sweet. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't, but I needed to get myself together before I could commit to someone else. I had to tell him I couldn't be with him, not just yet. I wanted him more than anything else in the world but I needed to find out who I was. I needed to find who Mercedes Jones was. I needed to sort out my life.
Sam was so hurt, especially after the song I sung to him, I didn't think he would ever forgive me, especially after the way he left the room.
Kinda late in the game and my heart is in Your hands
Months later Sam and I weren't really talking. Then one day after school he stopped me as I was talking to Kurt. He pulled me in to an empty class room to show me a video. It was me singing Disco Inferno. I was upset at first but he began to compliment me and explained how I got 484 positive comments and that people loved it. I couldn't believe he did this for me.
"Why?" I whispered, his green eyes meeting mine, "why did you do this Sam?"
"Because, I believe in you and what you can become…" He smiled, "Now complete strangers believe in you too. You just need to find your way to L.A. and do you thing." he continued, "It's time for this dream to stop being a dream and become a reality. You ain't no skim milk baby you're cream rising to the top." He smiled kissing me softly on my lips.
Sam Evans is wonderful, more than wonderful. Doing that simple act of encouragement had me falling in love with him all over again. Following that, Sam asked me out again, I had my doubts at first and was afraid that he would leave me again with his family still in another state. I knew he could leave at any time and it scared me. The last time he left, I only had three day's notice.
Don't you stand there and then Tell me you love me
then leave again
Cause I'm falling in love with You again
Now here we are at prom together, stronger than ever. Sam made me realize we can't live for what if and to just live for today.
Sam and I got a room after prom we wanted some alone time together. We lay quietly on the bed, motionless, looking lovingly into each other's eyes, not saying a word to each other but enjoying each other's company. As I was drifting off to sleep Sam's quietly whispered, his lips tracing my ear, "I love you Mercedes Jones."
"I love you too." I whispered, softly etching my fingers over his soft lips as he held me in his warm embrace. "I love you too."
Hold me
Hold me
Don't ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again