Ripped Tights
Chapter One – Eyes Shut
It was a Saturday and as the wind chased dead leaves from forest trees, Jessica Day tightened her grip on her bicycle handlebars. She always felt nervous at the top of this particular point, and Spencer knew that, but he had sailed on down easily and hadn't even bothered to wait for her to catch up.
They had spent most of their summer here, riding the forest trail. It was a two hour loop through the trees, up to the old bridge and across, before a steep and tough climb to the tip of the hill. Jess always hated the fast descents. It was too much – she felt she lacked control over her bike, felt like she might spin off into the dirt or not be able to stop at all. Each time, she had squeezed the brakes all the way down so she wouldn't go too fast, squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn't see the world rush by. Spencer would always roll his eyes. "You have to go with the flow, Jess," He'd say every time she finally caught up with him, "It's just a hill."
Now, as her bike rested at the crest of the hill, Jess thought about the rust-coloured leaves drifting towards her feet. Summer was over. It was Saturday and school started again on Monday. Jess usually loved the beginning of the school year. It meant new pencils and a new book-bag and new classes and meeting up with Cece in the girls' bathroom. Jess was even taking Advanced English this year. English had always been her favourite subject. Spencer and Cece teased her mercilessly for being one of the few kids in class who actually read the assigned books and, more than that, enjoyed them.
Jess sighed. She couldn't wriggle away from the sense of dread in the pit of her stomach, or from the strange weight that lay, gentle as a stone, at her heart. She shook her head. She was probably just clinging to the remnants of the great summer she'd spent with Spencer. Once the bell rang on Monday morning, she'd feel totally fine. Happy, content, back to normal.
"Come one, Day. Just be cool. Go with the damn flow." She muttered, forcing a smile. Then, she kicked off, letting the bike glide down the hill. She still kept her fingers wrapped around the brakes, but for a second, she opened her eyes and caught a glimpse of sunlight falling in golden columns through the gaps between the tree branches.
…
Jess stretched and stared at her reflection in the girls' bathroom mirror. It had rained all morning and her hair was wet, and dark, flat strands stuck to her cheeks and forehead. She attempted to brush it to the side. It would dry. She then fiddled with the strap of her overalls. Were overalls really a good choice for the first day back at school? They'd seemed like a good choice when she'd picked them out that morning, but now, looking in the mirror, she felt like a kid. Jess breathed in. They would do.
"It's official," Cece stalked into the bathroom, her black heels clacking on the tiled floor, "I am off the rails."
Jess dried her hands on a paper towel and turned towards her best friend, who was grinning a sly grin.
"Off the rails? Cece – you should be on the rails! On the rails is cool. It's how trains go from place to place, all having fun and choo-chooing and being trains." Jess said to Cece, making a train motion with her arms.
"Trains wouldn't want to go from place to place if they'd met Jesse." Cece said the name in a low, excited whisper.
"Jesse? Like Jess but with an E?" Jess raised an eyebrow.
"What? It's a sexy name," Cece shrugged, making her way over to the mirror, "So he's picking me up at lunch and we're going to go drive around in his car."
"No! Cece! No driving around in cars. It's the first day of school, Cece. It's the first day. I mean- doesn't he go to school?" Jess asked.
Cece raised an eyebrow.
"Cece, you're only fifteen!" Jess folded her arms, "How old is-"
"That's right, Jess. I'm fifteen. I want to have fun!" Cece whirled around from the mirror and tilted her head to the side as if to say, 'Please, Jess'.
Jess rolled her eyes. Was Cece growing up without her? Was everyone growing up without her? Once more, she felt that weird rush in her stomach - the same tense, wobbly feeling she felt when leaning forward on her handlebars at the top of that hill, unsure and unsteady.
"Well, I'm fifteen too, Cece. I am fifteen and I am afraid of the world. The whole entire world. The biggest risk I took today was that I rode my bike to school without a helmet. How's that for off the rails?" Jess retorted, raising an eyebrow and suppressing a laugh when she heard how ridiculous she sounded.
"A helmet? Jess, I am talking about true love here." Cece replied, equally amused.
"True love? Wow." Jess said quietly, "I just want you to be careful, Cece."
"Super careful, like ten helmets careful." Cece assured Jess, reaching out to brush her friend's hair out of her face.
Jess shrugged and ran a hand through her long, dark hair.
"At least you have that boyfriend of yours to sit with at lunchtime, right?" Cece said brightly. "I don't have to feel bad for ditching!"
"I guess so," Jess muttered, leaning against the wall.
Cece kissed Jess on the cheek before rushing out of the bathroom with a wide, wild smile on her face.
"Be careful." Jess said quietly to the empty bathroom. She whipped round and adjusted her glasses in the mirror before walking to Advanced English alone.
…
Jess walked to the lunch room feeling relatively upbeat. The class seemed interesting and the teacher seemed to know his stuff. They were focusing on French literature, which was something Jess had never really read before. Jess walked into the lunch room ready to impress Spencer with her newfound knowledge of existentialism.
Since she began dating Spencer, Jess had began flirting with vegetarianism. She had only met a few of his friends, but they all seemed really into it. As she'd be sitting with them today, she chose the vegetable chilli option at the lunch counter, and turned around to face the lunch room, tray in hand. The lunch room was already full up, and everyone was chatting and joking around. Jess walked towards the middle, where Spencer and his friends usually sat.
"Hey everyone!" she waved at the group of five who sat with Spencer, "Can't a girl get a nice soy burger around here? What's that about?"
One of the girls to Spencer's left widened her eyes and then looked away to her side. The rest of the group – another girl and three guys – all shifted uncomfortably.
"Weird, right. Did you guys grab some of this vegetable chilli? It's full of beans." Jess continued, attempting to ignore the weird atmosphere.
Eventually, a taller guy who Jess had met at a picnic earlier in the summer – Travis - nudged Spencer and coughed.
"Listen, Jess," Spencer began, standing up and turning to face her, "Oh wow. This is really awkward, but, the truth of the matter is, you can't sit with us today."
"I can't sit with you today?" Jess repeated, feeling her cheeks flush pink, "What do you mean?"
"It's just – me and the guys – you know that we founded the Environmentally-Conscious Student Society at the end of last semester?" Spencer asked, running a hand through his shoulder-length hair.
"Yeah?" Jess asked, still clutching her tray.
"Well, it was kind of a rule that helmets had to be worn at all times when on bicycles, Jess. Like, at all times. We think that you have to be safe when saving the environment, otherwise it's just a bunch of posers posing, you get me?" Spencer said, touching Jess on the shoulder gently.
"I guess, but what-"
"Bethany saw you riding your bike today without a helmet."
"But- I couldn't find my-"
"I'm sorry, Jess, but my hands are tied, you know? A rule's a rule." Spencer interrupted.
"So I'm just supposed to sit by myself?" Jess asked, a hint of irritation in her voice.
"Of course not – you can sit with Cece. You guys always sit together anyway, don't you?" Spencer shrugged as he turned to reclaim his seat at the table.
"Right, yeah, of course." Jess muttered, tightening her grip on the blue, plastic tray.
'Turn around, Day. Move a foot. Move anything. Do not just stand here in the middle of the lunch room holding onto your tray for dear life, you idiot-loser hybrid. Move.'
Jess sighed and walked towards the back of the lunch room with false purpose and immediately began scanning tables for what looked like the least threatening group of people.
He gaze finally landed on a table near the corner. There were three guys sitting at the table, all laughing. The first guy she recognised from a few classes – he went by his surname, Schmidt, and she couldn't remember his first name at all. A few years ago, he had been much larger, but appeared to have lost weight since then. The other two she had only seen in the hall a couple of times. She had sometimes seen the African American kid in basketball gear, so supposed he played sometimes. Not her forte, but doable. The other kid, with the messy brown hair, she didn't really know at all, but she remembered that Cece had once unsuccessfully tried to buy a bag of weed from him. Jess wrinkled her nose and stared down at her vegetable chilli that was getting colder. It was a possibility. Could she really just go up to them and ask to sit down though? She couldn't handle being dismissed from two lunch tables in one day.
Just as Jess decided she'd eat alone in the bathroom, the guys started doing goofy impressions of Sesame Street characters. That settled it. Jess moved towards the table. Threat level: negligible.
…
"Hey, I'm Jess – I heard you guys doing a bit of Big Bird over here, and thought I'd offer you a kick-ass Cookie Monster impression in exchange for a spot at your table. What do you say?" Jess babbled.
Three sets of startled eyes turned to look at her.
"Me Cookie Monster!" Jess yelled, drawing the attention of a few other tables, "Me want cookie!"
"That is a terrible Cookie Monster," Schmidt scolded as the other two guys laughed, "You should be ashamed."
"Cookie Monster sorry," Jess continued."Cookie Monster...stop?"
"Better." Schmidt nodded.
"So can I sit?" Jess asked.
The guys exchanged glances, before shuffling round to make an excessive amount room for Jess.
"Super awkward," Jess sang to herself as she sat down.
"This is Jessica Day," Schmidt said suddenly, much to Jess's surprise, "Mathematics. Mrs Princely. Three years ago. Boom."
"Wow, I didn't think you'd remember-" Jess grinned.
"I remember the names of all the beautiful angels who wander these halls. For future reference. Am I right, gentlemen?" Schmidt appealed to his friends.
"So far from right, it's left dude." The basketball-player muttered as the messy-haired, not-weed-dealer groaned.
"The man to my right is Winston Bishop. Point guard. Party animal." Schmidt said as a means of introduction.
"Substitute point guard." Winston nodded slowly, as if that were the sexiest thing in the world.
"And this man right here, the man I call the brightest star in our universe, is no other that Nicholas Miller." Schmidt said sincerely.
"It's Nick. Nick. No Nicholas. I'm not Santa Claus." Nick snapped.
"Wow. Well, it's very nice to meet you all." Jess smiled.
"Why are you alone, Jessica? Where is your friend, Cecilia number one?" Schmidt asked, scanning the lunch room.
"Cecilia number one? What is that?" Jess asked, prodding her chilli with a fork.
"That's what we call your friend." Nick said.
"Yeah, that's what we call her." Winston nodded.
"Because she's number one." Schmidt whispered, holding up his index finger.
"I'm sorry, Cece's not here today." Jess said, shrugging.
"Is that why you're sitting with us?" Winston asked.
"Kind of." Jess shoved a forkful of chilli in her mouth, not wanting the conversation to go any further.
"Kind of? What does- What does that mean?" Schmidt asked.
"It means that my boyfriend blew me off, okay?" Jess snapped, burying her face in her hands, "What is it with that? Just cause I lost stupid my helmet I'm not good enough?"
"A helmet? What is this, the space programme? What are you talking about?" Schmidt asked, confused.
"I couldn't find my helmet today, which broke their dumb environment rules, which meant I couldn't sit with them." Jess mumbled into her hands.
"Wait a minute," Nick leant forward in his seat, "You're telling me your boyfriend – the dude you're supposed to be with – didn't let you sit with him at lunch for some made-up reason?"
"Yeah. Is that, like, a guy thing?" Jess asked, leaning forward consiprationally.
"No, Jess. It's a douche thing." Nick replied firmly.
"Definite douche thing." Schmidt agreed.
"For real, Jess. Douche alert." Winston said, shaking his head.
"Jess. Your boyfriend should wanna sit with you. He should wanna sit with you every lunch. He should wanna spend all his time with you because you're it, you know?" Nick told Jess.
"I'm it." Jess repeated.
"Yeah, I mean, when I was with Caroline I-" Nick started, but was cut off by Schmidt and Winston's boos and hisses.
"Not Caroline, Nick. What have we discussed?" Schmidt asked, his tone stern.
"That I should pretend she never existed." Nick muttered robotically.
"What? Who's Caroline?" Jess asked, curious.
"Nick's ex-girlfriend. They were classic childhood sweethearts. Only with more fighting and storming out and less milkshakes and late-night phone calls. She moved away at the beginning of summer. We have been repairing the damage ever since." Schmidt explained, gesturing wildly.
"I'm not damaged, man." Nick frowned, "And I drink plenty of milkshakes."
"I'm sorry your girlfriend moved away." Jess said, partly because she wasn't sure how to respond and partly because she genuinely meant it.
"Well, I'm sorry your boyfriend is a douche," Nick replied, "Helmets, man, helmets. Rules are for fools, Jess."
"Then call me a fool, because this girl is riding without protection from now on," Jess retorted, holding her hand up for a high five.
"What did you just say?" Nick yelled, as he slapped his palm against hers.
"Protection." Winston giggled as the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch.
"Okay, Winston, let's go. You have to be my partner in Gym or else everyone will laugh at me." Schmidt stood up lightning-fast and grabbed Winston's arm, pulling him behind him.
"See ya around, Jess!" Winston called as he was dragged away.
Jess smiled. To her surprise, lunch had actually ended up being the opposite of a disaster. It had been a while since she had just goofed around like that. She felt a flutter of warmth in her stomach. In the slight, awkward silence that followed Winston and Schmidt's departure, Jess took a moment to really look at Nick Miller. She'd never spoken to him at all before today. He was gruff, and seemed easily agitated, but there was a definite kindness there. She nudged him with her elbow.
"Thank you," she smiled, "For what you said, and for letting me sit with you. You guys are alright."
"Are you kidding? We never have girls sit with us. Thank you for making us look good," Nick smiled.
Jess laughed. Up close, she could concede he was kind of attractive. He had the kind of brown eyes that warmed you up from the inside, made you feel right at home. There was also the faintest bit of stubble there. Cut off some of that hair and give that hoodie a wash, and he could be a hit, Jess thought.
Nick began to gather his things together, and gave her a little nod before standing.
"So I'll see you around, Day?" he asked finally.
"Not if I see you first, Miller." Jess replied, shooting him an exaggerated wink and instantly regretting it.
Nick snorted and held up a hand before walking away from the table.
Jess turned to watch him go. Maybe he was right. Maybe Spencer was a douche. Maybe she needed someone who wanted to be with her because she was it. Whatever it was.
As she contemplated that, Nick stopped and turned round to return to the table. Jess started to glance around for whatever it was he had forgotten, but he shook his head.
"Listen, we don't normally- I mean- Look. So, Schmidt, Winston and I usually hang out in my dad's basement on Monday nights. Nothing fancy. We just drink some of my dad's beers and talk shit about school and other stuff. It's pretty lame, actually. You interested?" Nick asked.
Jess looked up at the boy who stood in front of her and all of a sudden felt glued to her seat. She'd never hung out with a group of guys she hardly knew before, had never even had more than a sip of beer. It all seemed a bit crazy. 'No,' Jess thought, 'Not crazy. Just different. Different. Different is good. Different could even be fun.'
"I'm interested," Jess replied with a nod, and then she stood up so that she was facing Nick Miller, so that their feet were almost touching, so that her blue eyes met his brown ones. The lunch room was almost empty. The rain battered the windows. Outside the leaves were falling from the trees in yellow clusters.
She nodded again.
"What's your address?"