His eyes burnt into mine with such intensity. There was something else, but I couldn't place the emotion. Why was he looking at me like this? Like I was everything to him. It had been almost two years since we'd last seen one another. That meeting didn't end too well. I tore my eyes away from him. It was too much, yet not enough. I'd put it all behind me. Heck, I'd even put it down in song to get it out. Seeing him here brought it all back. All the regrets. All the sadness. All the tears. None of it mattered as I glanced back at the one who would always have my heart.
There were jokes about my love life or lack thereof everywhere I went. Few actually knew the truth. I wasn't going to go out just to go out. I wasn't going to pretend I would ever be able to give my heart away. It didn't belong to me and it hadn't for years.

I couldn't put it off any longer. There weren't tons of people surrounding me anymore so there was no excuse to not make my way across the room. It didn't escape my notice that he wasn't approaching me. No, I would have to make the first move simply because it was me that had walked away before. Taking a deep, cleansing breath I started toward the one person who could break my fragile heart that he'd unknowingly been holding onto for the past two years.

As I approached, his friends all stopped talking and stared at me. Some giving small smiles while others glared. I deserved those glares. I'd done this. I had walked away from all of them barely saying goodbye on my way out of town. Plus I had hurt one of theirs badly. He tensed before turning around to face me.

"Hi," I squeaked out, sounding very much like a preteen fan girl.

"Bella."

His voice saying my name warmed me. For the first time in two years I didn't feel cold. I had planned what I was going to say so many times, but as I stood before him I couldn't remember any of it. I opened my mouth to speak, only to close it again. I swallowed the lump in my throat and decided to try again.

"Bella!" Another voice shouting my name caught both of our attention. "It's time for your next set. Come on." It was my manager and he began pulling me back through the crowd before I could utter a word otherwise.

Beginning the next set that had been planned out earlier in the day just didn't feel right. After the first couple of songs I turned to the band and let them know of the change. They could see I just wasn't into what we had planned so they quickly exited the stage leaving me alone with my guitar in front of the confused audience.

"As you can see I asked my band mates to relax for a bit. Being back this close to home makes me want to get back to how this all began. Just me and my guitar. You all are just along for the ride. Hope you will bear with me and just listen."

I sat on the stool in front of the mix. Strummed my fingers across the strings and smiled.

"So there's some pretty special people here tonight that I'm surprised to see. Excited to see but surprised none the less. I did a piss poor job of saying goodbye and keeping in touch, yet there they are," I was tearing up and I hadn't even got to the song yet. "I wrote a song for someone to try to get all my feelings out about a particularly bad goodbye. No one's ever heard it because it's very personal, but seeing as the person it's about just happens to be here makes me think it is time to put it out there. It's called Back to December. Hope you like it."

As my fingers moved across the opening notes, I looked up into his eyes. It only seemed right to sing it to him.

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night -
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time.

I closed my eyes during the last chorus, remembering the feelings that held so strong inside of me while I wrote this song last year. The applause and screaming brought a smile to my face as I opened my eyes. The smile quickly fell from my face when I saw that he was gone. I saw my former best friend look toward the door. That was all the answer I needed. He didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I tried to keep the tears at bay as I thanked the crowd and exited the stage.

"What are you doing?" my manager growled at me. "You are still supposed to play for another 20 minutes. You don't just get to decide that you don't feel like playing anymore and walk off the stage."

"I'm sorry. I just need a minute and some air. I'll go back on in a little bit."

"Don't bother. I can't believe you are so unprofessional, Bella. It's not like this is your first show. Just follow the format I've given you if you want to keep your career going." With those encouraging words, he turned and stormed away from me.

I quickly walked to the backdoor and exited into the cool night. Finally alone, I could let the tears pour out, much like my heart I had just poured out in song. Why did I think it would help? He probably just thinks I'm pathetic. I turned and kicked the wall behind me, effectively stubbing my toe.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Stupid wall."

"The wall isn't the one that hit you, ya'know." The deep voice that spoke behind me sent a chill down my spine.

I spun around, tears still streaming down my cheeks. "Quil."

"Don't cry. I won't let the big, bad wall hurt you again," he told me quietly, as he wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I'm not crying because of the wall," I sniffled. "I thought you left," I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure he'd even heard me.

"Sorry. I had to get some air. It was getting pretty heavy in there."

I nodded, but kept quiet. The silence between us seemed to drag on. I decided I should just head back inside. I never realized how uneasy silence made me. It had never been this way between us before. I turned and was almost to the door when he finally spoke.

"Did you mean it? The words to the song. Do you regret walking away? Do you wish we could get back together?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

I once again nodded my head. "I meant every word when I wrote it. I still do. I miss you so much."

I could feel the heat coming off his body as he walked up behind me. "I miss you, too," he mumbled into my hair. But no part of him touched me. Quil was the touchiest person I have ever known. He had always touched me, even if it was just running his fingers down my arm. No now though. I took that as a sign.

"I, um, I guess, um, I should go back inside," I stuttered out. "It's really good to see you Quil. Take care." With those words I reached for the door handle that would lead me back into the hell of my own creation, without the man I love.

"Damn it, Bella. Why do you always walk away? Why won't you fight for this, for us?"

I whirled around, shaking my head. "What? You're not exactly giving off the vibe that you want me around. I thought I was doing what you want. You haven't exactly given me a lot to go on here," I was shouting, but I couldn't help it. I was so frustrated and upset.

"I'm here, aren't I? I wouldn't be here tonight if I didn't want to see you. I would say that would give off a huge vibe, as you put it."

Looking into his deep brown eyes, I saw all the confirmation I needed that his statement was true. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, jerking him down to my height. No more talking or uncomfortable silence. Just our lips pressed together. Back where they belong.