A/N: Hello Everyone! This is my first fanfic ever, so please be nice and I'll take any advice!!

I'm not sure how long this story may be, but if I get lots of reviews, maybe ill go from there!

BTW, this is written as a journal entry, so the ways some things are written are due to that!

Warnings: This story contains yaoi…boyboy action so be aware.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, accept for some merchandise lol. Indeed if I did, there would be so much Ed and Roy action; it would be too explicit to air on TV ;-)

Edward's Journal

October 17

12:16pm

Ed here. Uhhh…I don't know how to actually start out a journal entry. Al said it would be a good way to clear my mind and all but it's not working. It's actually adding on more to the stress. Maybe I should try again later. OR see how Al writes his entries.

BRB

Ed (Am I suppose to put my name like a letter? So confusing.)

1:00pm

Wow. Al writes a lot in his journal. It took me like 45 minutes to finish, and that was just by scanning the pages. But now I know why he writes so much, he has so much on his mind. One of the pages I (Cough) absent-mindedly started to read was about me. It started out…well…it's hard for me to explain. Maybe I should just write it out.

Al's Entry

October 15

Dear Journal,

Ed has me worried constantly especially trying to get my body back. I feel as if a burden sometimes and wonder why I'm here. Every now and then I try to lighten to mood by throwing in jokes but I hardly ever see him smile. His face carries a heavy burden caused by me. I wish I could rid him of his sadness and all the things he thinks he has to do. You know, it saddens me to know, I've been next to my brother all this long, yet I forgot what his skin feels like or how he smells. Sometimes I wish I could touch brother, or even hug him. Anything will do so he would know, no matter what, we will always be together.

Here he comes into the kitchen; he looks at me with those sad golden eyes with a fake smile. Why do you do this to me? Make me feel as if…as if…I was the problem. Then he turns his head to the window, the sun glistening in his face and golden threads of hair, then sighs as if I was the one holding my breath. I don't know what to do, so I stand up and walk to the study room, thinking if I searched hard enough I would find all the answers to my problems. I hope so.

Alphonse

How can I have let this happen! My little brother thinking he is a burden to me and all I do is encourage it. Al is my life and my wish is for him to be happy, I would put my life on the line for that. I should go talk to him, but what would I say? I just invaded a major part of his privacy. Plus, I feel the lowest of the low. No matter what Al, I'll never make you feel this way again. I promise. As you know, I always keep my promises.

Edward (it feels better to spell it out)

10:36pm

Dear Journal,

I had a talk with Al and it went pretty well. He doesn't suspect I read his journal, but was a little surprised. We even discussed our plans for our future, who knew he had a crush on Winry and wanted to ask her out on a date. He asked me about my plans and of course I answered with 'returning your body back to normal' but I knew I couldn't tell him the rest. What would he think to know his brother is in love with a guy? I know he would be pretty disgusted and probably feel to become more distant. I just can't let that happen. I would do anything for Al, even if it meant not to love.

Edward

October 18

10:18am

Dear Journal,

I have to meet that Bastard Colonel today. I just wonder where he gets off at calling me at 8:38a.m just to crack jokes and make lame excuses just for me to come to headquarters. Maybe I should write out our conversation….Al said write out what's bothering you.

Phone rings

Ed: (mumbling) who the heck is calling me at this time! Hello?

Roy: Ah, Good morning Fullmetal, great to hear you are awake.

Ed: You bastard, you just woke me up from my sleep. What do you want?

Roy: Well, we are short on staff today and I would like it if you came in.

Ed: (Fuming) who are you calling so short, he can't get out of the bed!

Roy: (Snickering) I have no idea what you are talking about. But Ed, I want you to come in.

Ed: umm…okay sure. I'll see you around noon.

Roy: Fullme…Ed, thanks.

Ed: yea, no problem.

Hangs up

Damn. He sounded so sexy on the phone. His voice went straight to my groin. Ahhh why am I having these feelings? And what could he mean by "I want you to come in" and "Thanks"? Maybe he has the same feelings for me. I hope he does. Oh my, what am I thinking? Colonel Mustang, the all known ladies man. I'm pathetic. But no doubt, this still bothers me.

Edward

12:13pm

Dear Journal,

Ahhh…I'm running so late and this is all Al's fault. He made me sit at the kitchen table until I finished that glass of nasty milk. He was all like "Ed, this will make you taller and stronger."" For his information, I'm pretty happy with my height and abilities. I hope Roy doesn't think I forgot about him. How could anyone? Those dark charcoal eyes, that muscular body, and soft lips. I wonder what he tastes like. Ahh…I'm so disgusting but I can't help it. I actually think Roy likes to encourage these feelings cause recently he has been leading me on, like he called a few nights ago just to talk about what I was up to, obviously not much since is 12:01 am in the morning. Also, he always gives me those smiles. You know the one, where you are fascinated and yet deeply attracted to. Hmm…idk, maybe I'm just imagining things. Its 12:23pm, 10 minutes since I left and here I am at East HQ. I hope he isn't angry right now…I really don't need that.

Edward

Roy's Journal

12:23pm

Where is Edward? He is almost 30 minutes late. It's not like I really needed him here, yet I want him here. I don't know but every time I see him, he brings on these feelings. Ones that a man is suppose to feel for a woman. I wish I could tell him…I know he would be disgusted, even would want to go under someone else's command. I can't let that happen. Not now anyways, yet I can't help to feel that he feels the same way. You see, I give him compliments sometimes like "You are looking well, Fullmetal." And he blushes. I love it when he does that and that growl when someone says something offensive, always go straight to my groin. I wish I could make him do that in bed one day. Oh my, what am I babbling on about…I can't do that. Throw away my career and have every one look down on me, I'm not sure if it's worth it. Ahhh…What is that racket going on in the halls? Let me guess is that Fullmetal? Yep. Someone made him mad. I guess I should get the door. I hope he isn't that angry, he will spoil the mood…and I really don't need that.

Flame

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The door opens wide before Roy could turn the doorknob; there stood a blonde haired boy, hair slipping from its braid and a pink face from previous rage. Roy couldn't help but laugh.

"I see someone has ticked you off, Fullmetal," Roy snickered. "It's a shame it wasn't me."

"Shut up, you bastard," Ed huffed. "You dragged me here, what do you want?"

At that moment, Roy was speechless. What did he want? He lied earlier on the phone about being short on staff. He had another idea, but that was highly unreasonable. So why was he shutting the door and closing the distance between them. So many thoughts are going through his mind, yet Ed is just standing there, waiting.

Ed shifted a little and stepped a bit closer, each feeling one's breath upon their face.

Roy saw those eyes, and just then he forgot everything. Where was he? How old is he? How did he get a boy like this? Then the phone rang, breaking the closeness either had. Roy rushed to the phone, face flustered from how close he was to his dream or how he just sunk so low to go after a young boy.

"Colonel Roy Mustang, speaking?" Roy said, clicking at his pen as any kind distraction. "Oh hey Maes, I did get those papers you sent, who knew there would be such a lead in Ishbal. Umm…yea. No…just some stuff. Can we talk about this later? No, I'm serious Hughes…and no, I don't need a wife. Yea, uh-huh…ok. Bye now!"

Roy placed the phone down gently on the receiver as possible and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. How could Maes possibly think he needed a wife? Well, he has been known to sense sexual frustration and Roy was full of it. Now what to do with Ed, he just basically worked his moves on him and then left the boy standing there. He couldn't do this. The best thing was to end it here. Maybe it was for the best.

"Ed," Roy clearing his throat, "I'm sorry about what just happened a few minutes ago. My mind was somewhere else and I apologize. So let's just forget about it and move on to what I should have called you here for. Recently, I have received some informa…

"Roy, are you sure your mind was elsewhere?" Ed questioned, "You seemed pretty aware to me."

"Fullmetal," Roy said, emphasizing the boy in front of him." Obviously, my mind wasn't here."

"So are we back to our originals names, Colonel? I don't seem to understand you; you lead me on then back away. I don't know why I even bother! Can you please tell me about this so-called information so I can get out of here? You make me sick."

"Ed…"

"Don't 'Ed' me. I don't want to hear it. So hurry up or I'm leaving."

"Ok…umm…let's see. Here it is… it has been discovered that an unknown alchemist, George Home, has been using something similar the philosopher's stone. I thought this may be a good lead for you."

"So where can I find this guy?"

'It seems he is in the backs of Lior. Later this week, I will have your train tickets."

"Oh I see. Well, thank you, Colonel."

Ed turned and started walking towards the door as the Colonel pushed his chair back and quickly rushed to him. He then grabbed Ed's arm and pushed his back into the door, kissing him with full force to the point where it hurts. Roy backed off a bit to get some air to his lungs…only to see a shocked boy. The boy's face was pink all over and his heart too was beating so fast. Ed didn't know what to do, so he just pushed the Colonel away and rushed out the door, leaving behind that longing image.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Ok…so what do you think? It took two days but it was worth. I had trouble finding a proper ending for the first chapter (writers block, much)…but it seemed suitable. By the way, this is my first so please be nice, any advice would be gladly taken. I know some may be looking for some lemon, but no worries, it will be here soon enough! So, reviews please :-)