Quinn was lying down in her bed at Yale. She was trying to read a book to get the mind off things but it was proving to be difficult. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and she was supposed to go home to celebrate it with her family. She wanted desperately a way out of it. Her relationship with her mom and her sister was decent now, but the other relatives were a different story. It would be awkward for sure. She didn't have a lot of options though. She could stay here all by herself but that was a depressing thought.
That exciting feeling for Christmas that you had as a child had disappeared long ago but still… her inner child was begging her to be around people and enjoy herself as much as she could. She still remembered how she used to love Christmas and how exciting it was the moment of receiving presents. But now? Now was a different story. Growing up and having to go through everything that she did certainly can deeply affect a person for the rest of her life.
It was her second year at Yale and her goal to graduate at the top of her class was very likely to happen if things remained the same. She had friends, she loved her major and she was allowed back to Beth's life. But something was missing. Her love life was definitely pathetic. Since finishing highschool she only had dated her professor (she preferred not to think about that, she alleged temporally insanity) and slept with Santana that fateful night. Apart from that, there have been a few dates here and there but she always ended up the night alone. None was interesting enough for her to want to go further. Except… yeah, better not go there right now.
Her phone beeped with a message interrupting her musings and she left the book aside. She promptly reached out to see the received message.
I know all your dirty little secrets. Be careful. I'm watching your big ass. -A
Quinn rolled her eyes.
You really should stop watching PLL all the time.
Thank you for the very unhelpful advice. What's up, bitch! Excited for the holidays? Aren't you jumping out of joy?
Santana. Of course. She was one of the few people that she had kept in contact after highschool ended. The only other person that she talked regularly was a certain brunette with a big voice. Quinn smiled while thinking about Rachel. After Finn died, Quinn tried to be there for her and comfort her as much as she could. She never rooted for Finn and Rachel for obvious reasons but she knew that Rachel had loved him although they were no longer together when it happened. They reconnected after being distant the first year in the real world and their friendship grew and now Quinn could say that Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray were really good friends. Honestly, Quinn couldn't complain about that, considering their past, but if she was going to be sincere with herself, she wanted more. She would kill for a chance with Rachel.
Yeah, I can't stand still. I'm just so excited. Big Fabray reunion. Not the best prospect. You bitch.
She received a new text message just a few minutes later.
Can I tempt you with a trip to New York? I'm sure you'd have a good time with me, Hummel and the hobbit.
Reading the text, Quinn thought that a visit to New York and spend Christmas with the trio didn't sound bad at all. She would hang out with her long-time friend and she would see Rachel. That was a plus for sure.
Are you serious? Because I'm about to answer yes. That would be great.
Of course, Q. They are going to be happy to see you and spend time with you. You tend to disappear sometimes… So… when are you coming? (Not a pun)
Very funny. I will pack my bag today and take the train tomorrow. Is that okay?
Perfect. Text me the time to go pick you up at the station.
Deal.
She called her mom a little later to let her know her new plans. She wasn't very happy about it, but she understood it. After all, she had already seen Quinn in Thanksgiving.
That afternoon she packed her bag with all she would need for a few days in the city and decided to go shopping. She reasoned she couldn't show up empty-handed, so she bundled up to ward off the low temperate, and went out in search of the perfect gifts for the three roommates. Kurt and Santana's were easy but she spent too much time deciding what would be perfect for Rachel.
That night when she was ready to go to sleep she was feeling both excited and nervous about the imminent trip.
Quinn got out of the train and started looking for a familiar face. She knew for sure that Santana was coming for her but she didn't know if Rachel and Kurt would be with her too. Now that she thought about it, they did know that she was on her way, right? Knowing Santana… She didn't want to impose or something. She was so lost in her train of thought she missed a Latina girl coming her way.
"Looking good, Fabray." Quinn looked up immediately and saw Santana smirking at her.
"Thanks, Lopez. Are you looking for a compliment too?"
"Actually, no. I know I'm hot. You don't need to say it." Santana said boldly.
"You should look the word modest in the dictionary. Oh, wait, don't waste your time. I'm sure it's not in yours."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
Santana got close and hugged Quinn warmly.
"I missed you, dummy." Santana said softly.
"That's really something coming from you. I missed you too." Quinn replied honestly.
They pulled apart and smiled at each other. They started walking out of the station to get a cab to Santana's apartment.
"So, how is everything going?"
"Fine, I guess. The usual. Kurt and Blaine are as disgustingly couply as ever and Berry, well, you know her. She doesn't stay still for one minute. She freaks me out sometimes with her energy, I swear, but I guess I'm used to it now."
"Aaaaaannd how is Dani?" Quinn asked in a teasing voice. Santana blushed a little.
"She is great, thank you very much. She is gone for the holidays but I will see her soon enough. And there is always sexting."
"Yeah, I don't need to know that information."
"Jealous?"
"Let me think about it? Mmmm. Nop."
"Some hottie in your life lately? Or you are still a nun?"
"I'm focused in my studies. I don't have time for stupid and awkward dates that don't go anywhere."
"Because they aren't with the right person."
"You are so wise I may pass out."
Santana laughed at that and Quinn grinned a little. They certainly have missed this banter these months. They text regularly, and talk once in a while but it was hard. They had busy lives between studying and working.
"Ready to see the midget?"
"Why wouldn't I be? It's not like I'm meeting the President."
"Defensive much?"
Quinn glared at Santana but didn't answer. Santana just smirked at her.
"Have you talked to her lately? Because I have barely seen her and I live with her."
"Well, not much, to be honest. Some texts… but we have been busy I guess. By the way, does she know that I'm spending Christmas here with you guys?"
Santana looked away at the window and Quinn confirmed her suspicions. She was going to be the first surprise of the holidays.
"Santana! Are you serious?"
"Relax Q. I just haven't had the time to inform my dear roommates about the new development. But don't worry, they will be delighted, specially a hot brunette."
"You think Rachel is hot?"
"Don't you?"
Quinn felt her cheeks getting hotter and looked outside the window to the streets passing by. Of course she thought Rachel was hot but she wasn't going to let that one out. Santana would make fun of her. Even more than she already did. Quinn never said a word to Santana about her feelings for Rachel, but Santana didn't need to. For her, it was pretty obvious. You just had to be a little observant.
The car stopped in front of the apartment. Quinn took her bag and both women got out of the car and into the building. They got up the upstairs and stopped at the door.
"So… you want me to announce your presence or do you want to make a big entrance?"
"Whatever works for you, smart ass."
"In that case, let me proceed."
Santana slid the door open and walked into the decorated apartment. Kurt and Rachel were in the couch watching some trashy TV show exchanging impressions. They both looked up when she walked in.
"Hi, darlings!" Santana exclaimed in a cheerful manner.
"Hello, Santana. Where have you been all morning?" Rachel asked curiously.
"I was picking something up. It was sooo big it took me forever to get here."
"Hey, I resent that!" Screamed a voice outside of the apartment.
Rachel looked to the door just as Quinn appeared dressed with jeans and a thick coat. She jumped in surprise with her eyes widened.
"Oh my God!" She yelled with a high-pitched voice.
"Quiet down, Berry. You are going to let me deaf, jeez." Santana complained.
Rachel run to the door and hug Quinn tightly. Quinn returned the embrace with all her being.
"I can't believe you're here, Quinn." Rachel whispered.
"You will have to thank Santana over there for this." Quinn answered.
"I knew I was friends with her for something." Rachel said lough enough for everyone to hear.
Kurt laughed and stood up to greet Quinn while Santana scowled at Rachel.
"So… you don't mind that I crash in here for a few days?" Quinn asked with shyness.
"Of course not, don't be silly. The more the merrier. With Blaine in Lima... I'm so happy you're here! It's going to be awesome." Rachel said in an excited voice.
"Great. Well… where I leave my stuff?"
"Oh, ah, I don't know, you'll have to sleep with me, Santana or the sofa. Your choice. But the sofa is not an option because it wouldn't be good for your back."
"Exactly. So, Q. Who do you prefer to sleep with? Me or Rachel?" Santana asked with a barely concealed smirk.
Quinn looked at Santana and wished in that moment she could slap her to shut her up. After their hook-up at Schue's wedding, things were a little awkward at first but one night, Santana got sick of it and set on clearing the air. Since then, things got back to normal, but Santana occasionally liked to tease Quinn and make comments with double meaning.
Quinn knew that Santana was the safest choice but part of her knew that turning down the possibility of sleeping in Rachel's bed would be absolutely absurd.
"Well, if you don't mind, Rachel, I think I'm going to pick you."
"Yay! Take that, Santana!" Rachel exclaimed.
"Yeah, I'm deeply hurt, I think I'm going to end up depressed because of this. I will need a lot of drinks to get over it" Santana sarcastically said.
"Well, suck it up. Come with me, Quinn."
Quinn took her bag from the floor and followed Rachel to her room, after being aware of Santana sending her a wink and waggling her eyebrows. I'm going to kill her, Quinn thought.
Quinn left her things next to the bed and looked at Rachel. She looked so mature now, so grown-up. So beautiful. She was captivated.
"Are you alright, Quinn?" - Rachel's voice said and Quinn snapped out of it.
"I'm perfect. I'm with you in New York. What could be better than that?"
Rachel blushed at her words and smiled bashfully.
"I have really missed you. I'm so glad you are here."
"Yeah, me too.
"It's going to be the best Christmas ever." Rachel announced.
The four of them spent a little while catching up with their lives until it was time to get everything ready for Christmas Eve dinner.
Santana and Kurt were the ones who would handle the cooking with Quinn helping a little. It was better not to let Rachel enter the kitchen. Cooking wasn't her forte, to put it mildly. They commanded Rachel to put the table and she took her mission very seriously. She wanted everything to be perfect. When she was finished, she let out a big smile.
"Were your dads okay with you not going to Lima?"
"Oh, yes, they are not even there right now. They took advantage of my absence to travel to some paradise. So, everyone is happy. What about you? Your mom didn't freak out?"
"Oh, no, I don't think so. She is going to have a full housel. I don't think she will miss me very much. Besides, we saw each other not long ago."
"Well, I, for one, I'm glad Santana invited you. It should have been me who did it though. I'm sorry. With the play… I'm just all over the place."
"Hey, don't worry, Rach, I get it. The important thing is that I'm here now."
Quinn smiled with bright eyes at Rachel and Rachel beamed at her. They stared at each other until a voice interrupted them.
"Are you guys going to stare at each other all evening or are we going to eat at some point?
Both of them blushed hard, and Quinn glared at Santana as she walked to them with Kurt tagging along.
"Do you want to say something to me, blondie?
"Fuck you, Santana."
"That's the Christmas spirit, good for you."
Santana laughed at her own joke and proclaimed that dinner was ready and that they all should sit down to enjoy her cooking abilities. Dinner was delicious and when they were done, Rachel tinkled her glass to say a few words.
"I just wanted to say something on this special occasion."
"Of course." Kurt muttered with a smile in his face.
"I just wanted to thank you guys for a wonderful day and for a great Christmas so far. If someone would have told me years ago that I would be here with you three I would have called them crazy… but you are the best friends someone could ask for and I'm very grateful for that. This year has been hard but you have been there for me, and you don't know how much I appreciate it. So, cheers to you."
Rachel smiled to her companion and raised her glass.
"To wonderful friends that will last a lifetime."
Kurt, Santana and Quinn shared the sentiment and toasted with Rachel.
"Okay, enough with the sappy fest, let's have some fun!" Santana exclaimed.
They took out a bottle of vodka and relaxed in the couch and told some funny stories. Some of them weren't so funny but with alcohol in their systems everything was more fun. Then they decided to watch some movies. Rachel and Quinn were sitting very closely on the couch with Santana on the other side of Quinn and Kurt in the armchair.
After endless hours of movies, with Rachel practically cuddling to Quinn and her eyes barely opened they decided to call it a night.
Quinn touched Rachel's arm to make her go to bed. Rachel stood up and went to change and get ready for bed. Santana came closer to Quinn and whispered in her ear.
"Control your hands tonight, would you? I don't want to hear groaning in the middle of the night."
After that she run to her room before Quinn could hit her in the head. Quinn went to the bathroom to change and entered Rachel's room where Rachel was already in bed.
"Oh, Quinn, I'm sooo sleepy."
"Yeah, I can see that."
"Get in here, please. I was so comfortable on the couch. You are so cuddly."
"Oh, my. Are you drunk or something?"
"Nop. Maybe tipsy but I'm fully aware of my actions."
"That's… good to know."
Quinn went to her side of the bed and lay down. Immediately an arm was flung across her waist and a warm body was flushed against her. Rachel's breath was right there.
"You don't mind, do you?"
Rachel closed her eyes and dozed off immediately. Quinn looked at Rachel face, sighed and then whispered.
"If only you knew…"
Quinn woke up because something was in her mouth. What the hell? She thought. She opened her eyes and was met with brown hair sprawled all over her. Quinn reached out her hand and moved it aside. She looked at Rachel then, who was still deeply sleeping. She looks like an angel. I wish I could stay like this forever.
Rachel, sensing eyes on her, started to wake up and looked blearily at Quinn.
"Hi."
"Hello to you too. How are you doing?"
"My head hurts a little but it should go away soon."
Rachel then realized she was practically on top of Quinn but she didn't move an inch.
"Sorry for…" Rachel looked down at their bodies and blushed a little.
"It's okay. It was... nice." Quinn answered hesitantly.
"Nice, huh?" Rachel threw Quinn a little smirk. "So, you wouldn't be opposed to do it again?
" I... well, I don't..." Quinn stuttered not knowing what to say to that.
Rachel laughed with mirth in her eyes.
"You are so cute when you get nervous" Rachel bit her lip. "I think it's time for...
"For what? Quinn asked, afraid of the rest of the phrase.
"For the presents!" And Rachel jumped out of bed to go to the living room leaving a perplexed Quinn behind.
"Did you sleep good, Fabray? Santana asked the moment she saw her.
Quinn glared at Santana but answered nonchalantly. "Very well, thank you for your concern"
"Come on. Let's get started." Kurt announced.
After Quinn's impromptu visit, Kurt and Rachel managed to disappear a couple of hours yesterday to buy her something. Everyone exchanged their gifts (Rachel gave Quinn a book) leaving Rachel's for last.
"Let's see what Q here came up with." Santana said very intrigued.
"I'm sure it's something better than yours." Kurt replied.
"Are you complaining about my gift?"
"Me? What gave you that impression?"
"Shut it, kids! It's my turn. Gimme gimme." Rachel said excited.
Quinn took a breath and gave Rachel her present. She knew the brunette would think it was too much but she just couldn't resist. She wanted to give her something special.
Rachel rip off the paper, opened the lid and saw a small box inside. She took it and opened it as well. A look of amazement passed over the face.
"Wow." Kurt exclaimed.
Rachel took the silver bracelet between her fingers and examined it. It was beautiful. Rachel cast her gaze at Quinn. Quinn was nervous about Rachel's reaction.
"Quinn! This is so… beautiful. But I'm sure it's pretty expensive. You shouldn't have bothered that much."
"It's totally worth it. You deserve that and more."
Rachel beamed and offered the bracelet to Quinn and said: "Could you…?"
"Of course."
Quinn secured the bracelet in Rachel's wrist and smiled. Rachel hugged Quinn tightly and whispered:
"Thank you so much."
"You're welcome." Quinn whispered in her ear.
Quinn went to the kitchen where Santana was making some tea. When she saw her coming her way the Latina raised her hand.
"A high-five, Fabray. Smooth move."
Quinn couldn't help but laugh and complied.
"What happens now?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're going to tell her how you feel, right?
"I… Santana… I don't know. I don't think she...
"Are you serious? Since you got here, she has these moony-eyes every time she looks at you. And the flirting, the touching, the cuddling. For God's sake, Quinn. What are you scared of?"
Quinn looked away. She had lost so much over the years… What if she was honest with Rachel, and then things changed for the absolute worst? What if she lost her again?
"I don't know if I'm good enough."
"Quinn, this version of you can't be any better for her. You complement each other perfectly. You have to believe that right now. It's time for you to make a move. She is not going to wait up for you forever. I know it's a big risk but, are you going to be able to be just her friend forever? Listen to her gushing about some stupid guy? Would you be able to bare that? Be brave, and go after what you have wanted all your life.
Quinn thought about Santana's words and realized that she couldn't stand still and do nothing while she watched some guy take Rachel away from her. Not again. That would destroy her.
"I'm going to do it."
"Really? I didn't think my speech was that impressive."
Quinn laughed and said: "You are good with words. At least, sometimes. Wish me luck."
"Go get her, tiger."
Santana gave her a pat on the back and Quinn marched to Rachel.
"Hey, Rach, would you like to take a walk with me?"
Rachel's face lighted up and she answered a very enthusiastic yes.
While they went out the door Quinn repeated to helself: You are Quinn Fabray, you can do this. Don't panic. Everything is going to be fine.
They were quiet while they walked aimlessly. Rachel kept glancing at Quinn, like she was expecting something. Quinn was panicking inside. Do I declare? Do I kiss her? This is so hard. Some help! Rachel finally decided to break the silence.
"So… is there some hidden agenda behind the walk?"
"No, no." Quinn answered too quickly. "I just wanted to spend some time alone with you. That's all."
"Oh". Quinn picked up the disappointed tone and realized this was the moment. She paused in her steps and saw Rachel do the same. They faced each other on the street.
"Well, maybe that's not entirely true. Look… I need to tell you something. God, I suck at this." Rachel looked at her inquisitively but she continued. "We have known each other for a long time and we have seen the best and worst of each other. I have made some things to you that I'm not proud of…"
"Quinn."
"No, let me finish, please. But we let the past go at some point and we have developed this great friendship that I'm so proud of. But Rachel, the thing is... I… I have… You are the most amazing woman that I have ever met and…"
"Rachel!" a screaming voice interrupted her. Quinn couldn't believe her luck. Rachel turned around and saw a guy getting closer to them.
"Mike! What are you doing here?"
A tall blonde guy with a winner smile was in front of the girls now.
"Nothing, just, you know, hanging out with some friends. Merry Christmas! I haven't seen you around much lately.
"Yeah, I'm busy, you know, with the play and stuff."
Quinn looked from Rachel to Mike and viceversa. Why the universe had to do this to her?
"Would you like to go out some time? Like a date?" Quinn restrained herself from punching that idiot.
"Thank you for the offer, but I don't think I can. I'm sorry. Well, we have go to. Happy Holidays, Mike. Bye!" Rachel made a hasty exit.
"Yeah, bye Mike!" Quinn said sardonically.
They resumed their walk in silence leaving a baffled boy behind.
"I'm sorry about that. He goes to NYADA and he is nice but... he doesn't seem to understand a no.
"Mmmm"
"Let's just forget about it"
"Fine. I just hope not to meet another of your suitors today." Quinn grumbled.
Rachel looked at Quinn from the corner of her eye. "If I didn't know any better I would say you are jealous..."
Quinn didn't respond to that, she just kept walking. They continued like that for a while until Quinn spoke.
"I just want to protect you. I don't want you to suffer anymore". Before Rachel could answer Quinn added: "We should go back. I don't want to end this day frozen. "
Rachel grabbed Quinn's arm and got as close as she could to the girl. Quinn smiled at the gesture but the interruption had certainly killed her mood a little.
Once inside the apartment they were greeted by Santana.
"Are congratulations in order?"
Quinn's eyes widened at Santana's question. Rachel looked confused.
"Why?" Rachel asked. Santana looked at Quinn who was trying to make a discreet gesture to shut her up.
"Oh, nothing. Too much tea in my head I suppose."
Kurt was apparently in his room talking with Blaine on the phone and Santana disappeared into the bathroom.
"When are you leaving?" Rachel asked with a pout.
"I don't know yet. Are you kicking me out? Tired of me already?"
"Of course not. It was an innocent question. I'm always happy to have you around. You make me happy."
Quinn turned around and looked at Rachel. Their eyes connected with such intensity that they were afraid of breaking the connection. Quinn took a step forward.
"I can't do this anymore."
"Do what?" Rachel asked.
"Before that idiot appeared, I was going to say something, something important. And here I go, because I can't keep it to myself anymore." Quinn stepped in Rachel's personal space and took her hands in her own. "Since I met you I have always felt this pull toward you and it came a moment where it was impossible to ignore it anymore. I'm tired of pretending. You are my person, Rachel. I have feelings for you, romantic feelings. I want to kiss you, hold you and be there with you when your dreams come true. You are my dream, Rachel. And all I'm asking for is a chance to make you happy.
A few seconds passed by before Rachel leaned in and kissed Quinn's lips with all the passion she could muster. Quinn melted against Rachel. The kiss was chaste and lasted a few more seconds before they pulled apart. Rachel reached out a hand to stroke Quinn's cheek.
"Nothing would make me happier than explore what we feel. Because Quinn, when I imagine my future, you are all I see next to me."
Quinn smiled and leaned in again to reclaim Rachel's lips.
"You don't know how long I have been waiting for this." Quinn whispered against Rachel's lips.
"Whoopee! About damn time!" They heard from the bathroom door. They rolled their eyes ignoring their friend's antics and kissed again to seal the start of a new beginning.