I have grown older now,
I have matured.
I'm no longer your sweet little girl.
I noticed the change;
You noticed it more.
Why do you distance yourself from me?
Is it because I'm no longer easily controlled?
Does it scare you that I'm now a woman?
Tell me!
Oh please I need to know!
With each year that passes,
You drift away more.
Pretty please don't,
I love you.
I remember when I could look him straight in the eyes (Oh, how those golden eyes melt my heart). I was young back then but my personality has never changed. I'm still the sweet, bubbly, and adventurous girl I was when I was 8. I still never know when to shut my mouth and I still try to catch fish with my bare hands by the riverbank. I still have that same gap-toothed smile I did before and I still run around barefoot. I'm not the one who changed, he is.
I remember when he dropped me off at that village. That was the first time it had happened. It was after Naraku had been finally destroyed. Sesshomaru thought that I should try to live with humans again; that it would be good for me to live with my own kind for once. I was of course defiant at first. I didn't want to leave the only one in the world I trusted to go back to some village. I was never fully understood by people; always cast out as a strange little girl. There was no arguing with Sesshomaru though, he sent me to live with the old woman Kaede. I won't lie and say that I didn't enjoy my time there; everyone was genuinely nice and happy there. Sesshomaru would stop by and give me gifts and in the beginning I would beg for him to allow me to join him once more. In time though I eventually loved the village and the people within it and as I grew older I even began to have feelings for a few of the boys that lived there. A few years had passed when I began to miss Sesshomaru. His visits became less and less frequent. I even remember a time where I hadn't seen him for nearly a year. One day he came with a beautiful, silky kimono for me and I ran and hugged him. His body was stiff and unresponsive but my arms only held him tighter because of it. I began to cry quite loudly as I repeated: "Oh Lord Sesshomaru I missed you!" He never spoke or tried to comfort me but instead just stood there emotionless. After what seemed like an eternity of shedding tears he finally pulled me away from him and calmly asked if I'd like to join him once more. I was 14 at the time and now that I think back on it, maybe he thought I was finally old enough to make my decision. I shrieked with joy and exclaimed "Yes!" who knows how many times. That day I left all my old belongings, didn't say goodbye to anyone, and followed my Lord off into the woods. I didn't care all that I was leaving behind; I just wanted to be near Sesshomaru again.
After that he had tried to drop me off at different villages during different times of my life. After the 1st time, the longest I had ever stayed in a village was 6 months before I began to act out and force Sesshomaru to come get me. I never wanted to leave his side, not again. Only now whenever he dropped me off at a new village, it seemed as if he was doing it for his own convenience instead of for my sake. He seemed significantly colder each time he had to take me into his care again. He would never talk to me or even look at me. I sometimes think that maybe it was because he sensed a change in me deep down inside.
Yes, I have changed in more obvious physical ways. I'm now 19 and I've gotten taller, curvier, and I'm now a woman. I guess that's enough to freak out any man, maybe even Sesshomaru. But there's something even worse going on with me than that. Ever since the age of 15 I have viewed my Lord differently than before. I began to notice little things about him: The way he combed his hair with his fingers, how defined his muscles were, how his eyes seemed to pierce my very soul. I began to get nervous around him. I couldn't put a sentence together when talking to him or walk next to him without being clumsy and tripping. I wouldn't allow him to be near and guard me while I bathed. I blush even thinking about it. I got the strangest feeling in my stomach whenever I managed to touch him and my heart beat fast when he spoke. It was what the people in all the different villages described as love. I loved Sesshomaru. I know he knows it and he hates me for it.