With a sigh, she opened her eyes again.
1:03 am, the clock read.
She had been lying here for an hour and a half, and yet, it seemed less and less likely that she would fall asleep tonight. Not that it surprised her, really.
How could she?
Her mind was reeling. She didn't want to be that girl; she wasn't. But even if she swore to herself that she would stay strong, that she wouldn't give up, that she would't settle for that type of life anymore, that she didn't have anything to lose, given the world they lived in – despite all that, she could't help it.
She was scared. So, so scared.
Despite their drive, despite their strength, despite their growing number in people and victories, she knew the Nazis were still putting up a fight, will always put up a fight. And tonight, more than any day before, that scared her.
It had been a few hours, but they had come so, so close to death today that she was still trembling slightly, even if she tried hard not to. It was Canon city all over again, except way worse. The fact that Lem, Franck and Joe almost got shot dead too this time didn't help, either.
Closing her eyes for a moment, she tried without much success to forget the images of blood that kept coming to her away, the fear for her own life, the panic when she hurt him cried out in pain as they kept running.
Without taking the time to think about it, Juliana got up, hugging herself to warm up as she silently made her way in the corridor of the deserted B&B they took shelter in. She tried to be as quiet as possible, but it turned out to be more for the others benefit as when she entered, he wasn't even asleep.
One hand under his head, he was staring at the ceiling, and a a look on surprise registered on his face when he finally spotted her, walking towards him.
Not daring to hold his gaze for more than a few seconds – because she didn't want to have to explain, because she didn't want to risk a rejection, and for so many other reasons -, Juliana simply walked to the bed, took off her shoes and settled under the covers, her back to him. Without a word, he moved with her and got on his side, arm sliding under her own head, the other coming to rest – after a slight second of hesitation, she noticed – over her hips.
Juliana had no idea what this was. But in that moment, she didn't want to think, rationalize, doubt, or question everything - much like like she had been since this all began.
She just wanted to feel safe, and sleep.
So, she tangled his fingers with hers, bringing their hands close to her chest- effectively making him scoot closer and wake something deep in her stomach - and making sure not to hurt his arm more than it already was as she relaxed into him.
How she came to only feel secure around a man she met a few months back, a former Nazi at that, when not so long ago she was living safely with one she was most likely end up marrying, she didn't know.
But she did, and she didn't have the energy to linger on that. Not tonight.
"You okay?", Joe whispered, and once again, she tried not to think about the fact that yes, feeling him around her did make her feel better.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
The last thing she remembered was his nose shyly burying in her hair and his thumb running circles on her skin and, mind and pulse finally slowing down, she fell asleep.