Note: This is actually my first story.

Criticizing is good, but please don't be too harsh on me :D

Disclaimer: As you can see, I used paramore's band members as one of the characters here. I don't own them obviously. Also the store names, I don't own them either :D

1. Provocation

"Mom do I really have to go?" I asked mom as I started fidgeting at the corner of the room. Leaving my screwed up life in Franklin sounded soothing in my ears when dad offered me to move in Japan with Mom and her fiancée. But I felt a sudden ache on my chest as time goes by and I had to survive with mom for a week here in LA. I began feeling anxious of how would things work out. Will I live peacefully there? What would they think of me? Or would they even think I existed? Would I have fun the whole time in there? I shook my head in confusion to throw this anxiety off my system.

Mom just stared at me for a minute, searching for the words to say.

I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Now I'm really forcing myself to go,

I didn't want to ruin her day, it was already ruined with the help of my snobby and self-centered sister, Chiyo. She's more known as Katrina by her friends and Chiyo by her family. I have hated and always will hate her. I never knew someone else that could be snobby, self-centered and superior as her. I couldn't help myself to feel pity for my mom for picking her at the first place.

"If you don't want to honey, it's okay with me. I'll send you back to your dad if you want. It's not too late."

She said as if she was trying not to feel bad about my abrupt choice to come back.

Don't ruin it. Don't. You're tougher than this. Don't let it go through your whole head. I screamed in my head.

There's no way I'll go back in there. This isn't for me anyways.

It's for Kim. It's for my mother.

A couple of years wouldn't hurt my problematic shoulders. Besides, this might even help. I might get over Zac if I go a million miles away from Tennessee. I might feel a bit better without them.

Without Johnny. Without my friends. Without Zac. Without problems.

Ha! Without problems, that marked through my bare and apprehensive mind. What were my problems anyway? I don't see anything in my life that could be my problem. Everything fell into place the way I wanted it to be. My friends were there when I needed them. Johnny who's always there by my side, being really supportive on every step I would take, like what every dad would do. And Zac, he gave me enough space to get over him, but kept on coming back to me whenever he wanted me. That's what I can't stand. I really don't understand why I would still be waiting here for him, but I wanted to get over him. Everytime I start to get over him, he goes back to me and tells me how much he needs me, he wanted me, and he loved me. Then he walks away with the words hanging up in the air.

"Honey, have you made up your mind?" she stood still in front of me waiting for my answer.

"I'm not coming back mom. There's no turning back right?" I shrugged, resting my face on the table where I was in front of pondering over the same thoughts of what would really happen for me in Japan, would it be a vast and extraordinary experience to be there? Will people be nice? Will the people in school notice me now? For sure, I'll definitely go to school now. I can't convince Kim to hire a tutor for me, and let me get homeschooled education, not like Johnny. I could always make stupid excuses with him, and get away with it. But not with Kim. She'll definitely not approve my suggestion to her.

My phone unexpectedly rang, rubbing out the grief in me. I wondered if it was Johnny. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to him. I wouldn't want my permanent decision to get touched anymore.

The phone kept on ringing, keeping me disturbed all over. I looked it up, and it was some friend. Well not just "some" friend. Its one of my bestfriends!Hayley! I felt a little pleased because none of my friends wouldn't call, or even have concern for me, not that I wanted it. I didn't really tell them where I'd go, or how long would I be there. I just told them, I'll be back. The phone's really getting furious at me, as it rang continuously.

Damn you, stupid ringtone. I cussed to my stupid phone and finally answering it.

"Coley, coley! Talk to me! Please!" Hayley said with an alarmed tone in her voice.

"Oh. Hayls. What's up?" I asked on the other line without emotion at all.

"You have to meet me. US actually! You're in LA right? We found out the news about you! You have to talk to US. Meet us at Starbucks! You're near there right?" With a much more alarmed tone.

"Sure. I'll be right there in 8 minutes." I whispered. Now with enthusiasm in my voice

"Great. We're there as soon as you're there. We won't take too long. See ya!" she rapidly hung up before I could say bye to her.

"Mom I'll be out mmmkay? I'll be back before sunset." I said calmly, getting my favorite green colored fleece, and headed straight out of the door without waiting for authorization from Kim. I didn't really need any consent from mom right now. I really want to see them; I wanna tell them where I would go. So they wouldn't come at Johnny's for me and I wasn't there. I wouldn't want to disappoint them. They were my closest friends. Wonder how they would feel if I told them I'll leave a million miles away from here, I thought to myself as I walked to the sidewalk and climbing up to the nearest bus I saw.

Memories started haunting me as I relaxed my back on the chair where I sat. The first concert I had in Nashville, yea I think that was Muse, or Coheed and Cambria. I really can't remember.

The first movie I watched with my friends, actually it was with Zac. It was some pg-13 horror movie with lots of gore scenes in it.

The first time Zac asked me out. I started laughing on my sit when this memory flashed in my head.

We were on the playground when he started to spill it out on me. I didn't know how I would feel when he confessed it all. I didn't really think he would be solemn about me.

For the record, who would take a tomboy, a girl who didn't really fix her hair, and never really acted like a girly girl before seriously? I started to like him too but I thought he was mocking me because I've been telling Josh how I felt about his little brother, so maybe he told every detail to Zac.

I'm positive that he was just playing around.

So I started laughing, but he kept his face straight.

"Man! You've got to be kidding me! You serious? Or you're just mocking me?" I asked him while laughing. He didn't really answer and walked out on me. He was serious after all. So I told him to go at my place, and talk it all out.

We talked at the porch for a couple of hours about random stuff, and we started getting serious. I felt this electric sensation on my chest when he pressed his lips on mine and started to try out some things

that we definitely haven't done yet. He roughly licked my upper lip, asking permission to get inside deliberately, as we wrestled each other and practice around. He didn't give me a chance to catch my breath as we kissed. What kind of thirteen year old was Zac? That he gave to me wasn't a klss. It seemed more like an assault rather than a kiss.

But this was our first kiss, so I might as well let this go.

It was the very first kiss I had with Zac… it was the only thing that I

couldn't get over and over. I'm not supposed to be considering it as the best memory I had with him, but everything seemed right when we kissed.

Was I being ridiculous and irrational?

Or was I being sensible in the right way?

This one's for sure. Zac was an enormous jerk.

Okay, well maybe I was being sarcastic. He was still a nice person. He was still my first friend in pre-K. He's still family to me and that I couldn't change for his father was an awesome cousin to mine. Even if we had a fight, we have to kiss and make-up. His stupid and selfish actions wouldn't make him a huge jerk anyways. I wasn't mad at him at all. I'm just mad at the way he acted.

I was a few blocks away from Starbucks. So I decided to walk, and finally saw the logo of the said café, and went in. I searched for the nearest unusual hair color I saw in the room, and made my way to where I saw the bright orange colored hair. I stood randomly in front of the two guys and a girl sitting comfortably on the recliners, which were Jeremy, Josh, and Hayley. I stared at them for half a minute, and noticed that there was someone missing. Ah! Zac! Where is he? Is he sick? I hope he's fine--

"You okay or what?" Hayley said finally breaking the silence between us.

"Of course!" I lied. Who would be okay in this situation? You're about to leave a million miles away from here, without even telling you're best friends where'd you go, and when you'll come back. I felt my heart beating faster than usual as I sat beside Hayley, and showed a half-crooked smile that My Zac always wanted.

Wait. MY Zac? He was never mine. He will never be mine.

"So, Jon called us yesterday, and told us that you'll leave Franklin for good." Josh asked me with a serious face.

He seemed to be concerned rather than annoyed. Of course, I knew he would miss me. He never had a girl bestfriend other than Hayley before. And, no one like me before. I would miss him too. I never had a big brother before. He made me feel having a big brother, and he meant the world to me. Not that he was Zac's brother. I never thought of it that way. I felt like we were family. He is a part of me, I will always be a part of his too. He will always be my big brother.

"Jon? H-How did he know about this?" I asked them apprehensively. How did he know? I didn't tell any of them that I would be leaving for good.

Tsh. Dad told this to them. Maybe they visited my place, and told them where I was going, and made them understand that I would be leaving for good. I thought about it heavily in my head. I had a lot of questions to myself. For no explanation, I stopped worrying about it.

They would all know about it anyway. So I might as well tell them now, rather than hurting their feelings on the future. They would understand me anyways.

"Ohh. Yea. Jon… I told him about a week ago that I was leaving." I snorted.

"And when and where are you going?" Hayley asked deliberately.

"Japan… I'm not leaving for good. I'll be hanging there in a couple of years. I'll be back as soon as I graduate in highschool."

"JAPAN? DUDE. THAT'S A MILLION MILES AWAY." Josh said in a shocked but calm way.

"I know… but come on. This was my present to Kim. She wanted me to live with her so badly."

"What about Johnny?" Hayley said.

"He actually wanted me to go with Kim. He understands how my mother wanted to be with me."

"What about Zac…?" Josh said leaving unsaid words hanging in the air.

"Where is he anyways? And Jeremy, why aren't you talking?" I said without answering his question.

"He's here… he just ordered some food." Jeremy said as he pointed to Zac's direction.

"Oh."

And so, Zac went into our direction, and he seemed more delighted rather than crestfallen. That's odd. He should be moping by now. His so-called "part-time" lover's moving a million miles away from here, and he wouldn't be getting any anymore. I forced to put up a wide smile on him trying not to change his emotion right now. I wanted it to be like this. He would be happy when I left, like the weight of the world on his shoulders got shoved away. But I wanted him to get frustrated and worried about me. Of course, the girl he somehow wanted would be leaving. He couldn't play me anymore. He can't confuse me anymore.

I wish I was the one he wanted all along. I wish I had what I wanted right now. Him. But people can't always get what they want and just get away with it. It just makes things harder. Good thing he didn't have any idea about this. So I could tell it straight to him.

"Hey Nicole!" Zac said with enthusiasm in his voice.

"I gotta get some of those." Jeremy groaned as he pointed on Zac's java chip ice cream.

"I'll come with you." Josh unexpectedly said.

"Hey! Don't leave me here you guys!" Hayley said as she made her way to them.

We were left alone. It made me feel uneasy. Was I ready to tell him this? I looked intently at him as I bit my lip making my feeling not sensible enough to him. He wouldn't notice me. I know him.

"You okay?" Zac said as he ate some of his ice cream.

"Y-yea." I said making my voice unaffected to make him not notice my emotion.

We sat in silence making the surrounding cold as if we didn't know each other at all.

"Why does it seem like you're hiding something from me?" he said breaking the silence between us.

"Umm. Yea, about that."

"What is it? Why are you here in anyway? Did your mom made you move here permanently?"

"No. I'll explain it to you. Well, dad offered me to live with Kim. I decided to go with her, because, this would make things better for us—"

"US? You mean… you and me?"

"Sort of. So yea. I decided to with her, because it would make things better for us, and Kim misses me so badly. I just can't refuse my mom, since we don't live together. And my snobby sister makes her life worse as days get by."

"Ohh… so you'll be here for good?" His tone got a little upset.

"No."

"Then where?"

"Japan—"

"JA-WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT?" He started getting frustrated.

"I'm not. I'm serious."

"Bu-but, you just can't leave me hanging here! You're leaving for good! Are you sure of this decision?"

"I'm not leaving for good. I'll just be there for a couple of years 'til I finish highschool…"

"YEARS? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME TSUUYO NICOLE S. ADAMS."

"I'm not. Listen, I've made up my mind about a month ago. I really can't change my mind now. I'm leaving in a couple of hours."

"Darn! I can't believe you! Are you getting away from me now?"

"I-I'm sorry okay? This isn't my way of getting away from you. I really want to. But that's not why. I'm trying really hard to get over you. But it seems like I can't. I love you. You know I do. But I love Kim too. She misses me so badly, and she's my mom; I just can't refuse anymore."

I looked at my wrist watch, making it seem like I'm on a hurry. I just can't take it any longer. I didn't want to pick over the person I loved and the person who gave my current existence in this world. I didn't want to cry in front of him. Tsh. I didn't want too much drama especially that it induces people look at us as we talk about it.

"Tsk. Zac, could you please be more understanding? She knows how much you're upset right now." Josh put his hand on my shoulder convincing Zac to stop being harsh.

I stared at him for a minute waiting for his answer. But nothing came out of him. He seemed really infuriated at me. I knew it! I never should've told him, and let them tell him about this. He'll get furious at me by now.

He wouldn't forgive me for doing this. I bit my lip again trying to be a little perplexed in his eyes.

"Fine. So when will you leave?"

"Tonight."

"Darn. You always plan these things huh?"

"Not really. They knew about it… so I thought you did too."

"They didn't even tell a thing to me!"

"I'm really sorry."

He stared at me and reached out for my hands while I was trying to carve out lines on the table. I let him touch my rough and tired hands and played with his hand for a while. I know what his plan is, playing me again, acting as if he was being sweet to me. I never really let other people play me before; it was just being ridiculous if I let them. But this felt really good. Everything he did to me felt right, even if he doesn't make up his mind at all.

"Are you sure you really want to leave?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Really? How sure?"

"About a hundred and ten percent?"

"Ohh… well… would you mind if I offer you to be my girl again?"

"Yes. I don't count long-distance relationships to work."

I put my hands away on him and rested it on the chair. The song that played was our song. Memories I pondered over the bus started coming back in my head again. I sighed heavily as I stared at the ceiling erasing the excruciating sensation that I feel in my chest. I began to think that I want to hold back now. Everything I had was just going to be put on the waste again. My life from now on would be better, for my family, and for me too. But everything that I wanted to happen was in place. It was really perfect. Tears fall upon my wearisome eyes. I didn't care anymore if they would look at me or if they get disturbed with me. They wouldn't understand me anyways. Was it really this hard leaving the one you love for the other person you love too? Darn. I'm being cynical about this. On the other hand, I'll let this all go when I get to Japan. I'll handle this out on my own.

I didn't realize that Zac wasn't in front of me anymore. Maybe he got so fed up with all the drama. He didn't like dramas either. He got replaced by Hayley who had a straight face now, like she was impeding herself to cry. So would she get mad at me too? Please, don't. I really can't get grip anymore, all of this is taking me in. I can't let my emotion get through my final decision, even if I would regret all of it.

"Aww. Nicole it's gonna be okay…" swabbing my tears away from my cheeks.

"Yea I wish. Zac's really mad at me right now"

"He wasn't… he just needed some space."

"I didn't really seem like he just needed some space…"

"He didn't wanna cry in front of you."

"Then why didn't he tell me? He's mad at me."

"No. He is NOT don't worry about him he'll be fine."

"Fine."

"It's gonna be okay… If it's not okay, it's not the end."

"What if it was? The plane crashed, and I died."

"Don't be such a pessimist Coley." She threw a smirk on me.

"What if that happened?"

"That's not gonna happen. Please. Coley don't put up any of that."

"tsk." I groaned.

"I'll miss you…" she began crying.

"aww… you know I'll miss you too."

She moved beside me and hugged me tightly.

"Come on, stop it. I'm the only one who's allowed to cry here."

She just continued crying on my chest as if she didn't hear anything from me.

I could still recall the first time she cried on me, when she and josh had their first huge fight. I had no idea that I was the only one who listened to her and the one she could grasp on to when that took place. It was like this, at this very position. We were on some place on our hometown, and she started explaining how things went with the both of them. I listened to her very eagerly trying to get a firm grip on me and tell her what really happened with Josh. I just couldn't handle it any longer. My two bestfriends fighting over some stupid misunderstanding, it's just too much. Good thing, Josh came in and clarified everything about their huge fight. After that, Hayley and I became closer and we became the best of friends.

Someone poked me on my head, as if it was just some flat ball. I ignored it for a couple of times, as it just continued. Tsh. I hate it when there are kids in these places. I hate kids. They just ruin my day, but not the way my stupid sister does. She's much worse than kids. Again, she's the most self-centered and snobbiest person I knew. I'm not ever gonna repeat that again. I didn't want her to come to my head now. There's just too much that I have to concern about than her. The poking became sturdy as if it was done on purpose.

Damn it! Who does this kid think who he is! I muttered.

I turned to my back, and shot a glare to the not-so-young person who was purposely poking at my head. It wasn't just some kid, or stranger. It was Chiyo! No wonder that wasn't done accidentally! Does she really have to ruin everything? Fate was testing me. Well fate wasn't doing a good job on testing me. He was worse actually.

"Come on? Won't you even move? Mom's waiting for you." She screeched.

"Can't you hold on a sec? I'm busy." Making my voice sound annoyed than my cold voice.

"Fine" she rolled her eyes, and went her way to the counter.

"Umm, Hayls, I gotta go… My stupid sister just came and wanted me to go home…" I said with an apologetic tone.

"Ohh. Wait. When… are you leaving?" she said. I was unsure how her tone was.

"In a couple of hours…."

"Ohh… take care of yourself kay? And tell me stuff when you get there…"

"Of course… stop crying. I'll come back in here anyways…"

"I'll try to."

"Don't try. Do it. Please? For Me?" my voice started getting shaky. I didn't want to cry again, in front of her.

"For you…" I paused for a minute."For me…"

"I love you" she said as if she unaffected.

"I love you too Hayls. I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too. You're like my sister… And now my sister's going far away."

"Tsh. Stop being melodramatic about this. We'll still talk right?"

"Of course."

"Everyday?"

"Heck yea. I'll call you everyday even if it makes my phone bill over a million bucks!"

"Yea right. I'll call you too." I said with eagerness.

We all had our goodbyes, and promised each other that we won't ever forget to call each other every week. Even if it takes our phone bills over a million bucks. Yea, I wish that we all could hold on to that promise. I'm really positive that we would all grow apart from each other. I've seen people make those promises, but it just gets broken. Some of them become enemies, or they just have a fall out between them.

Chiyo and I took advantage of the empty bus and pretended not to know each other at all. It was really immature if you tell me. This is much better though, rather than letting our nerves get through us, and be convinced to rip our heads out. If I was her, I'd stop holding this grudge on her baby sister, because it was just immature, and we'll basically need each other in times of trouble. It wasn't me who was holding the stupid grudge first. It wasn't my fault dad wanted me better than her. Not that I was better than her, me and dad are just like siblings that had more fun. I was a daddy's girl, and I always will be.

"We're almost here." I said finally breaking the silence.

"I know. Whatever. Loser." she mumbled as if I didn't hear her.

Dumb blonde. I whispered incoherently.

Her blonde curls made her look like she had plastic surgery. It was her natural hair color, but it really didn't fit her at all. Well, some boys think she's hot, but I don't think she is. Ha! If I was a guy, I'd pick myself over her. Not that I was hotter. I just hated her. That's all. But of course, that wouldn't happen. When we get to Japan, she would be the one who gets all the attention in school. The one who'll get all the boys, and control them around. I don't really mind it. I just can't wait to finish high school. I wanted to come back right away.

She moved hastily to the front door trying to prevent anyone to see her with me as she opened the door and slammed it before I could get in. I felt chagrinned standing still in front of the door. I kept on thinking about it and came up with two options:

A) Was that really my sister?

B) Or Was I that hideous?

I'm positive with the option A. But I'll go with option B. I know I'm really hideous, but I don't have to let someone be rude to me with that brainless excuse.

"NOW WHAT'D I DO WRONG?" I protested to Chiyo as I exerted strength in slamming the door. It was much louder than hers.

"WELL, YOU'RE HIDEOUS?" she replied while yelling.

"WOW. SO YOU'LL BE RUDE TO PEOPLE NOW BECAUSE THEY LOOK HIDEOUS?"

"COULD YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN?" Mom bawled from the attic.

"Whatever." Chiyo rolled her eyes as she headed to her room.

I lounged into the couch and looked for something interesting in TV. I changed the channels without looking or slowing down to watch. So, this is what "TV surfing" means. It didn't sound fun as what Zac told me. I kept on continuing it until it stopped on MTV.I don't get to watch these stuff back at home, since I put cartoon, and kid stuff on my room's TV reception. Every teenager in world loves watching on this channel.

I'm just not sure why. Then some commercial started showing Hayley up, then the guys.

"Ridiculous." I hissed whilst changing the channels over again, without looking.

I'm getting good at this "TV surfing" but seriously, this is boring. So I decided to close my eyes for a second, in a few minutes I began to dream.

I was walking in the dim and chilly shore alone until I saw the people I care for on the shallow part of the shore. I watched them with cheerful and enjoyable faces, as I walked into the water following to where they were. The water's tint turned from dark blue to bloody red. I wasn't inundated by verity that it was turning bloody red. I just stood still and stared at the constant change of the tint. Still hearing their voices, I chased from where it came from and had no trace of them. I felt puzzled by the fact that they weren't where they were. I saw them again, but now on the subterranean part of the shore. I went to that certain direction not considering of what might happen to me if I drown on the blood colored sea. As I got farther, I began to drown. It didn't feel like drowning to me, it was more like relief for me. Drowning was better rather than be in a state torment, and waiting for something that's not definitely going to happen. I stopped breathing for a few minutes, and felt like I was being shaken from out of my body.

"NICOLE!!!!STOP PLAYING DEAD!! WE HAVE TO GO NOW!" A familiar and frustrating screech waked me up from my paradise. Chiyo why'd you have to ruin everything? I questioned myself.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" I groaned as I opened my eyes half-noticed that it was wet with tears.

"Honey, we'll go now, our jet's in an hour. I fixed your things for you." Mom stated with calmness in her voice as she wiped her tears from my cheeks. "It's okay. Everything's going to be okay."

I froze for a second, my head twisting into grimace whenever I heard that. Everything isn't gonna be okay! Even if you kept on repeated those on me, nothing's ever gonna be okay. Well, fine. I'm being pessimistic. Every little piece of my life would get back together again, as soon as the time's right.

Kim plunked up and ordered her assistant to put all our things on the limo, as I absentmindedly went in and jammed myself on the first comforting space I sensed. Maybe, I'm just being too melodramatic about this leaving shit. It's not the end of the world if I left. I wouldn't die if I left. None of my loved ones would even try to jump off a building just because I'm leaving. They haven't lost their sanity yet, so they absolutely won't do that. I should end this case once and for all. It's not really nice to be a drama queen. Who knows what could happen in Japan for me? Hmm, only fate can tell.

So long my oh-so perfect life, Nashville. Hello to my sweet misery, Japan.