Through It All

The door shut and all he could do was gaze up at where she had been moments before. Hux would follow him into the hanger any moment. He could not show any weakness in front of that man, not after his rash decisions had let the Resistance escape. Even knowing this, Kylo struggled to compose his expression that had twisted with pain the moment he felt the bond sever. While physical pain fed his strength, this pain left him weaker than he had ever felt. He had let himself feel hope again, and now he was paying the price.

Kylo shoved his roiling emotions aside; all of them except his anger. He closed his eyes and let his fury rise. He let it burn away the fading image of the girl. The girl that had made him think another future was possible. The girl that, instead of taking his hand, had reached for that lightsaber, effectively tearing up the path that could have saved them all. He savored the heat of his anger as it filled him again. It scorched through his veins and cauterized the wound the girl had torn open. He felt the Darkness again and saw the black and red flames of his power dance behind his closed eyes.

When he opened them again, all traces of Ben Solo were gone.

Rey closed her eyes and took deep breaths. Her hand shook as she pulled it away from the door switch.

They had been fighting a monster on Crete. Kylo's fury made him irrational and ruthless, a stark contrast to the man she had fought alongside just hours before. It had felt natural to her, their movements linked fluidly as they took down the Praetorian Guard. Natural to have her back to his, going beyond trust and reaching a state where they fought together through the Force. Natural to throw him the weapon that would strike down the last figure in red. It was decidedly unnatural once they no longer had a common enemy and the blurring lines between their futures separated once more.

What he had said to her afterwards had shook her to her core. …You come from nothing. You are nothing… She had known this, but could not accept it until Ben forced her to say it out loud. She had ran away when Maz had told her, gentle as she had been. But Ben…Ben had wrenched it out of her, the truth she had buried deep for so many years, hoping that she was wrong. Wrong that her parents valued her less than a couple bottles of alcohol. Wrong that she meant nothing.

But not to me.

His words and the way he said them, an ardent confession he hadn't meant to utter, had made it so hard to say no when he offered his hand. He understood how it felt to be cast aside. She understood the isolation he felt when he did not fit the form his parents and Master Luke had molded for him. Together neither of them had felt alone.

The man she closed the door on was not the same monster that just ruthlessly destroyed so much of the Resistance. It was the same Ben that understood what no one else could. She felt as if she had just hammered a nail into a coffin, but nothing else could be done.

She felt her hope fall as she recalled him looking up at her, his eyes pleading with her one last time to change her mind. The dice had faded from his hands when she flipped the switch, and with them she knew Ben Solo may have faded too. Rey tucked away the small light that remained of her hope for Ben. She turned, set her eyes, and made her way through the Falcon and into the Resistance.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren stalked through the command center of the First Order's new lead ship, The Phlogiston. He thought it was aptly named. A chemical released during combustion that did not actually exist. He felt right at home.

After five months, their best engineers had finally discovered the breakthrough he had been pushing them for. The new technology went far beyond what he thought was possible. It did not merely bend the light and signals from the ship so that none escaped. No, it bent the fabric of space itself. They could not be traced and could not be seen. Anything fired at them would pass right through. They effectively did not even exist… until it was too late for the ship's next target.

Kylo slowed his pace as he reached the windows that looked out to the vastness of space. He had been asleep in his quarters, but had jerked awake once again from a nightmare, or a dream, he could not remember. This time it was different from the others. He had woken with the feel of her fingers barely grazing his, as they had on Ach-To. Unable to sleep or call upon his anger, he sought out the visual of space. He normally found clarity in the many stars and planets waiting to be taken, but tonight the lingering sensation on the tips of his fingers brought up the turmoil he thought he had burned away on Crete.

Kylo Ren walked to the clearing in the command center. He unclipped his lightsaber and assumed a predatory stance, igniting it as he stepped out. If he could not shove them down, he would fight his invisible demons instead.

He glanced at his saber for a moment, reveling in the heat and power that coursed through his arm, before twisting his wrist and saber in a figure eight. Starting with it halted behind him, he swung the blade forwards in a large arc. He flowed easily into his next steps, changing direction and stabbing to his right. He parried three times in quick succession and attacked thrice, his movements growing more aggressive with each blow. He envisioned slicing up through his enemy, then sweeping down and behind him to his right, stepping his foot back to make the blow more effective. He tried to ignore the fact that the last time he had done this move, Rey had put all her weight on his back, using his momentum to drive her forward and Force kick three Praetorian Guards away from their protective circle. She had taken his movement and turned it into the perfect balance.

Kylo wrenched around and drove his saber through the memory, hacking through its hold on him repeatedly. Everything around him became a blur as he ferociously attempted to cut it from his life. He spun around again, extending his arm behind him. He whipped his arm and saber forward at a frightening speed, then began a spinning sequence. With each turn his saber accelerated until it was a fiery blur. He let out a guttural roar that filled silence of the command center, focusing his turmoil into blank rage at the leading edge of the blade. He was on the fifth and final turn, which was usually his killing blow, when something else joined the sound of his hoarse voice and ignited blade.

"Trying to kill me?"

Kylo Ren stopped the attack in shock, his saber quivering inches from her neck. The crackling red of his blade illuminated her face, and a single tear was falling down her cheek.