Stacked Against Us

This was officially the shittest Christmas ever...

Rocking up to a fancy brunch celebration with a black eye (thanks Mom - great present), trying to block out Lissa's sex flash-backs every time Christian looked at her with that revolting puppy-love expression (why couldn't the bond come with a freaking off-switch?), and having to endure three whole hours of Tasha Ozera casually flirting with my mentor/impossible crush (while Dimitri completely avoided me because he was still pissed off about the very hot, very wrong kiss we shared in the gym two days ago). And if that wasn't enough to ruin the Christmas vibe, my mother showed up late to the party and entertained us all with a graphically detailed lesson in decapitation technique.

Did I mention I hate Christmas?

When the party started to break up I practically ran for the exit, but somebody was blocking my way.

'Can I walk you back to your dorm room, milady?' Mason shrugged his jacket on and offered me his arm like we were going to the opera or something.

Just then, Tasha laughed at some God-awful story my mother was telling, and when I glanced around she had her hand resting on Dimitri's knee.

Anger bubbled up inside me - at Tasha for touching my comrade, and Dimitri for letting her. So what if we weren't officially together?! We had something. Something so strong that we kept on giving in to it - even though we both knew it was impossible for us to be in a real relationship right now. If he could just admit his feelings out loud, it would make our situation so much easier to deal with, but no... he had to stick to the rules as usual. And now Christian's geriatric aunt was groping my man like she thought he had feelings for her. If she wasn't so damn likeable, I'd be punching her beautiful moroi face right now.

The traitor must have sensed me watching him because he looked over to the door with that annoying blank expression, and I knew I had to get out of there.

'Sure, you can walk me,' I tucked my hand into Mace's elbow and smiled sweetly (secretly hoping Dimitri would notice how happy I was to be leaving with another guy). 'But only if you promise to never say the word milady again.'

Mason grinned in reply and we were out the door in seconds.

I wanted to dwell in my shitty mood and really work up some self-righteous anger about what just happened with Dimitri and Tasha, but Mason wouldn't let me. He spent the long walk back to our dorm talking and laughing and generally being a goofball until I forgot that I was supposed to be angry and just enjoyed his company.

'You want to carry an axe, Mace? Seriously?!' Somehow it didn't surprise me.

'I think I'd look hot wielding an axe! Like a sexy fireman.' He struck a pose that made me laugh.

'I suppose that would be kinda sexy,' I admitted.

Taking that comment as encouragement, Mason ripped his jacket open (despite the freezing temperature) and started flexing his pecs one at a time.

'You want sexy? I'll show you sexy!' he kept up the pec dancing and added a few hip rolls into the mix.

'Put it away!' I shielded my eyes, shaking with laughter.

He wasn't done yet. 'You can touch it if you like it!' he ran his hands down his chest and over his ass, working his moves. 'You wanna touch my sexy booody?'

I was about to tell him he could keep his sexy body to himself when Christmas decided to suck just a little bit more.

'Rosemarie?'

Mason froze - one hand on his ass and the other tweaking a nipple - his face turning redder and redder the longer he was locked in a stare-down with my mother.

'I'm sorry, Guardian Hathaway,' he stammered, hurrying to zip up his jacket. 'I was just...'

'Yes? What were you doing?' a deeper voice asked coolly.

Dimitri too? Seriously?!

'I was just leaving,' Mason dipped his eyes in embarrassment and shoved his hands in his pockets, shooting a glance of apology to me then taking off towards the dorms at a slow jog.

'Mace. You don't have to g-...' I called after him, but it was futile.

Just great. My Christmas morning was ruined anyway. Why not the afternoon as well?

'You mustn't encourage them, Rosemarie,' Janine launched into a rant, like she thought it was her motherly duty to protect me from the evils of the opposite sex. 'I'm paying your school fees so you can focus on your training and studies, not so you can let your hormones run wild for the entire world to see.'

Dramatic overstatement. Even if I was letting my hormones run wild, the only people out here were us... and maybe a few squirrels.

'And I don't care that it's Christmas,' she raved on before I had a chance to defend myself. 'When you graduate and become a guardian there will be no such thing as days off.'

Lie. We were entitled to twenty-one rostered days off a year. Janine just never took them.

'You need to be alert to danger and behaving professionally at all times. What were you thinking getting jiggy with that Ashford boy in broad daylight. Are you trying to get expelled?'

Getting jiggy? Oh my God.

'For starters, Janine,' I cut in, pressing my palms against my thighs to stop myself from attacking her, 'nobody calls it getting jiggy anymore, and secondly, I was not getting jiggy... Dammit!' I threw my hands in the air. 'Now you've gone and made me say jiggy. I mean, I wasn't doing anythi-...'

'Excuse me for the interruption, Guardian Hathaway,' Dimitri spoke up, and I died inside realising he'd just witnessed that special chat with my mother. 'Were you planning to spend any time with your daughter this afternoon? It's just, Rose has missed a few days of training in the lead up to Christmas and I'm concerned about her falling behind in her preparation for Qualifiers. I was hoping to run her through a few drills now, if that's okay with you?' he raised an eyebrow, waiting for her answer.

Janine frowned then nodded. 'Of course, Guardian Belikov. That's very thoughtful of you,' she turned her attention to me. 'As I was saying, Rosemarie; there are no days off when you're a guardian. It's best you learn that lesson early. Go and train. Stop by my guest quarters when you're done and we can continue this conversation then. Dimitri,' she nodded in farewell and strode off towards her room.

'Training? On Christmas Day?' I demanded as soon as my mother disappeared from view. 'This is just cruel.'

Dimitri didn't even look at me. He just set out towards the gym.

For a few seconds I considered running in the other direction, but we both knew he was faster than me and I was way too full from brunch to think I was had a chance of escaping him. Hating myself for being such a pushover, I followed after him (though I hung back a few paces and played a mini-game on my phone while we walked - just to make it clear I wasn't going to be dictated to on my holiday).

After a while I looked up from my phone and shot a frown at the back of Dimitri's head.

'This isn't the way to the gym.'

I'd been so focussed on my game I hadn't noticed we'd already passed the gym and were doubling back around to the western side of the campus. I pocketed the phone and jogged a bit to catch up to him.

'What's going on?'

He didn't answer, but he did look at me briefly and the stormy expression in his eyes did weird things to my stomach.

Ten minutes later we arrived at one of the oldest buildings on campus, and that's when my mood dropped right through the floor.

'Okay. This is worse than training,' I protested, following him into the library and scowling at the rows upon rows of bookshelves that towered around us.

It's not like I hated books. They just reminded me of studying - and I hated studying. There was actually one thing I'd always wanted to do in the library, though. I sometimes imagined how cool it would be to tip over the bookcase on the end of the row and start a chain-reaction - like a giant book version of dominos. Sadly, I was pretty sure Dimitri didn't bring me to the library to fulfil that fantasy today.

'So now can you tell me what this is all about?' I asked when the door closed behind us, lowering my voice even though there were no librarians to shush me. 'Are you setting me another assignment? Because I know where all the vital organs are if you want me to list them. Look... Heart, lungs, kidneys,' I ran ahead of him and pointed each of them out, using myself as the model. 'See. No study necessary.'

He kept on walking, taking a side corridor I didn't even know existed then leading the way to a private study alcove on the second floor - hidden at the back of the Arts and Crafts section. The category listing on the end of the nearest shelf included Yarn Preparation and Weaving, and Calligraphy, Illumination and Heraldic Design. I was pretty sure nobody ever used this part of the library. Definitely not on Christmas Day.

'Sit,' Dimitri pointed to a study table in the corner.

I was going to refuse on principle, but I took one look at his face and decided not to start a fight. Yet.

I sat down at the table, but instead of taking the chair opposite me my mentor paced across to the other side of the room and stared out the window. That whole side of the room looked down on an interior garden feature - a project that was maintained by the senior moroi students specialising in Earth. It was pretty, but Dimitri was way too tense to notice.

I watched him for a minute or so - trying to figure out his strange mood - then decided I'd waited long enough.

'Comrade. Will you just sit down and tell me what the hell is going on? Please?' I added a bit of sweetness to balance out the Hathaway sass.

He looked over his shoulder indecisively for what felt like forever, then seemed to come to a decision. Coming back to the table, he perched uncomfortably on his chair and met my eyes properly for the first time.

'I've got something I need to tell you...'

'No shit.'

He sighed wearily. 'Can you just let me talk without interrupting? This is hard enough as it is.'

I gestured for him to get on with it - privately vowing to listen without comment until he was done.

'You know Christian's aunt Tasha?' he began.

'Well, yeah...,' I replied automatically. 'We just spent the last three hours in her guest quarters.'

'Two seconds? You couldn't last longer than two seconds?' Dimitri's temper flared.

'Well you asked me a question!' I defended myself.

'It was rhetorical!' he snapped, then looked away from me quickly; trying to regain his famous sense of control.

'Sorry,' he muttered after a bit. 'Can you just let me get this out? Please?'

I nodded, starting to feel apprehensive. What could be this hard for him to say?

Thankfully, he didn't make me wait much longer to find out.

'Tasha asked me to be her guardian...'

He seemed to be having trouble keeping eye contact. Not a good sign.

'...She wants children and she doesn't mind if they're dhampir so...' he turned his palms up, meeting my eyes warily like he was scared of how I'd react.

What the fuck? Dimitri. Tasha. Children. But... What about us?! My brain rewound to two days ago; me up against a wall, Dimitri's tongue thrusting into my mouth like he wanted to devour me. He denied it meant anything afterwards, as usual, but I felt what his body was doing. He wanted me. Just as much as I wanted him. So why was he suddenly shacking up with some stupid, old, handsy, royal bitchface? There. I said it. Tasha Ozera was officially a bitchface.

I felt like screaming - or crying - but there was no way I was going to let Dimitri see how much he'd hurt me.

'Well... Congratulations, I guess,' I managed a thin smile. 'I'm sure you'll both be very happy.'

The smile wobbled and I looked away quickly, focusing on an ivy creeper that was climbing up the window from the garden downstairs.

Dimitri cleared his throat. 'I haven't said yes yet...'

Yet? Like that's supposed to make me feel any better?

I couldn't bring myself to speak to him but he didn't volunteer anything else to the conversation so we got stuck in a silence that went on and on until I couldn't stand it any longer.

'Why are you telling me this, exactly?' I turned on him, the smile long gone. 'It's not exactly appropriate to be discussing your love life with a student, don't you think, Guardian Beliov?'

He looked wounded and I liked it.

There was another long wait before he spoke up again, and when he did I almost regretted being mean to him.

'I know I shouldn't keep doing this... opening up to you when we can't...,' he trailed off, then tried again. 'I just... need someone to talk to, Roza. You know me better than anyone here, and your opinion matters to me.'

Roza. I sighed heavily. How could I just storm out on him now he said the R word? Convincing myself it was a good sign that Dimitri was even discussing this with me - not Tasha - I decided to supress my inner jealous psychopath and try being the friend he needed instead.

'So you haven't said yes, but you're considering it?' I asked, trying to keep my voice light and even. Pretty sure I failed.

'Yes.'

'And are you leaning more one way or the other?' I prompted, feeling kind of annoyed that he was the one who brought up this conversation but I was the one having to do all the work.

'I don't even know,' Dimitri leaned his elbows forward on the table and buried his head in his hands.

Was it wrong that I actually felt sorry for him? It took a lot of effort to stop myself from reaching out to stroke his hair.

'Well, it's not that hard,' I shrugged, reminding myself that body contact was a really bad idea right now. 'You've just got to weigh up the pros and cons.'

He didn't move.

'Look, we can do it now if you want,' I offered, getting up and grabbing a random armful of books off the nearest shelf.

Dimitri finally looked up from his hands, curious about what I was doing.

'Here,' the books clattered loudly as I dropped them on the end of the table; the sound echoing throughout the library. 'The left side of the table is positives. The right side is negatives. I'll ask you some questions about you getting together with Tasha. You answer each question by putting one book on the positive side or the negative side. The side with the most books wins. Easy.'

Lie. It was hard. Painful. Soul-crushing. Still, if Dimitri did secretly want a life with Tasha, it was better to know now so I could stop wasting my time on a guy I could never have.

'Okay...,' he agreed cautiously, picking up a book called 'Finger Weaving, Scarves and Wraps'. 'Hit me.'

I hoisted myself up to sit on the table facing Dimitri and chewed my bottom lip, trying to come up with some questions on the fly.

'So... do you like Tasha as a friend?' I figured it was best to ease into the game slowly.

'Finger Weaving, Scarves and Wraps' went to the left.

Positive.

Great. No surprises there. We could do this.

'Do you like her as more than a friend?'

Dimitri didn't even hesitate - placing 'Pin Loom Weaving to Go' on the right.

Big fat negative.

My heart started beating faster. So he didn't like like her. Maybe I was still in with a chance?

'Do you think she's hot?' That one was mostly just to satisfy my own morbid curiosity.

'Decorating with Pompoms and Tassels' hovered in the air.

'Can I put it on the line?' he asked sheepishly.

I groaned. 'No you can't put it on the line. That's the whole point of the exercise, Dimitri. Just pick one.'

He still dithered.

'Look, it's really not that hard. She's a fox. Old, granted, but still a fox.' I grabbed his hand and steered it to the left and he didn't stop me.

Another positive.

I left my hand there a few seconds longer than I'd meant to and he looked up at me with a cute, shy smile on his face. I smiled back. Apart from the fact we were discussing the possibility of Dimitri leaving me for another woman, this game was actually kind of fun.

Breaking eye-contact, I grabbed a fresh book off the pile and scooted a few inches closer so I could pass it to him. If I swung my leg to the side a bit it would be touching his knee.

'Can you see yourself with her in ten years?'

I held my breath as Dimitri toyed with the book in his hand, and felt my heart drop when he put it on the positive stack.

That was three to one. Remind me - why did I encourage him to say that Tasha was hot?!

The darkness from the bond flared up inside me and I started to feel depressed... but before I could let it take hold, Dimitri touched my hand to get my attention and it was like an electric shock passed between us.

'If I made a commitment, it would be for life,' he explained quietly, looking right into my eyes. 'I'm not like my father. I'd never run out on my partner.'

Why did it feel like he was talking about me - not her? I felt confused and maybe a bit more hopeful.

'I know that,' I nodded, holding his gaze as long as I could bear to, then hurrying on with the next question before I lost my nerve.

'And if you were together in ten years... with Tasha... do you think you'd be happy?' I handed him a book about Celtic calligraphy, hoping he didn't notice how weird my voice sounded right now.

I stared down at my dangling feet - too nervous to watch him make the decision - and I actually couldn't believe it when I looked up and saw Celtic Calligraphy, Knotwork and Illumination on the right hand side of the table.

Negative? But with all the positives we'd already listed, how could being with Tasha not make him happy? My heart raced a little faster. Was it because he knew he wouldn't be happy unless he was with me?

'Why not?' I blurted out, unable to stop myself.

Dimitri raised his eyebrow just a fraction. 'That's not a yes or no question, Roza.'

I glanced away quickly, my fingers squeezed tight under the edge of the table. I wanted to snap at him. I wanted to tell him to man up and stop evading the question like usual, but I couldn't let this turn into a massive fight. It was looking very possible that Dimitri might say yes to Tasha. Losing him would be unbearable. Losing him and his respect would be a thousand times worse.

'Moving on then...,' I slid him another book, trying my hardest to act mature. 'What about the practical side of things? Would you prefer being a guardian in a private household over working for Lissa?'

I figured he'd probably say Lissa - I mean who wouldn't? She's a freaking princess! - but I knew as soon he opened his mouth that I wasn't going to like what he was about to say.

'As much as I value my position with Princess Dragomir, living in a private household would allow me a lot more freedom,' he admitted.

His hair was down today and he raked his fingers through it pensively.

'When I was younger I used to crave the lifestyle that goes with a high profile posting - the responsibility, the danger, the prestige... But since I lost Ivan...'

He faltered, looking up at me with such a raw, vulnerable expression that my hand moved towards his like it was drawn by a magnet, and I was helpless to stop it. When our hands touched he didn't pull away. He actually wrapped his fingers around mine, tracing his thumb absentmindedly over the callouses on my knuckles. I don't think he even realised he was doing it, but I could barely think of anything else.

'...It's made me rethink my priorities. I don't want to give up being a guardian. It's who I am... But if there's the opportunity for me to do my duty and have something to call my own too, then maybe...'

I knew exactly what he meant. If I could serve Lissa and have a piece of my own life too? It was the impossible dream. But not impossible for Dimitri if he took Tasha's offer.

'I get it.' That was all I could manage.

I slipped my hand out of his grasp and looked on numbly as he put 'The Complete Guide to Hand Lettering' on the ever-growing positive pile.

All of a sudden, I realised I couldn't just keep sitting there watching my future slip away - one book at a time. I jumped down off the table and nearly walked right out the door, but by some miracle I managed to pull my shit together and veered across to the window instead. Feeling Dimitri's eyes on me, I buried my emotions down deep and turned slowly to face him.

'Roza?' he sat forward in his chair, seeing through me right away. 'I'm sorry. I never meant to upset you. We should stop.'

Yes. We should have stopped, but apparently I liked punishing myself.

'But there's still one book left,' I argued.

Idiot. He was trying to let me off easy but I had to drag out the pain a little bit longer.

I leant back against the window and wrapped my arms around myself - protecting myself against the final blow that was about to come.

'Do you want children?'

We both knew the answer to that already, but I had to hear him say it. He had to hear himself say it. If he definitely wanted to be a dad, then there was no point asking any other questions. I couldn't have kids - not with another dhampir anyway. Tasha could. If Dimitri really wanted a family, then who was I to take that away from him?

My mentor sighed and his shoulders dropped a fraction. Breaking his eyes away from mine, he grabbed the last book off the pile.

It happened to be 'Natural Knits for Babies and Moms'. Clearly, fate wasn't happy just shitting on my dreams - it wanted to rub my face in it as well.

'Honestly?' Dimitri's eyes lingered on the face of the cute little baby that was smiling back at him like a toothless fun-monster. 'Yes...'

He added the book to the top of the positive stack. '...But...'

I closed my eyes and turned to press my forehead against the window behind me. The glass was cold. It gave me something to focus on other than the feeling of my heart imploding inside my chest. The final tally was five to two. Game over. The books had spoken. Tasha won.

'You don't need to explain anything to me, Dimitri,' I mumbled, my breath fogging up the window pane. 'It's how you feel. It's okay.'

I was expecting a response of some kind but the library was as silent as... well, a library. I rolled my head to the side - listening for a reply - but didn't turn around completely in case I took one look at Dimitri and burst out crying. I was not going to cry today... at least, not while he was still in the room.

'You should go tell Tasha what you've decided,' I suggested, hoping he'd take the hint and leave before I had a total emotional breakdown. 'I'm sure you'll have lots of transfer paperwork to fill out before-...'

I heard a low sound somewhere behind me.

'Huh?' I frowned over my shoulder.

'Ask me one more,' Dimitri's voice was quiet and rough.

He wasn't sitting at the table anymore. He was standing beside it - his weight unbalanced like he was going to pitch forwards or make a sudden dash for the door.

'But we've run out of books,' I bit my lip, so close to crying now I could feel the tears burning the back of my eyes.

He laughed softly. 'We're in a library, Roza. I'll just get some more.'

Oh yeah. Idiot.

Dimitri took off in the direction of the shelves and I turned back to look out the window, my mind racing. He still wanted me to ask him another question. That meant Tasha hadn't won yet. I was still in with a chance.

'Well?'

He was on the other side of the room but I felt his presence as if he was standing right beside me.

I kept my eyes fixed on the garden below, trying to squash all of my hopes and fears into a single question.

'All that stuff you can get with Tasha...,' I began, my breathing so shallow my chest hurt, '...is it more important to you than staying here with me?'

A loud noise made me jump.

I spun around defensively and my eyes widened as I looked at the two piles of books on the table.

The positive stack remained unchanged. The negative stack teetered dangerously from the huge armful of books that had just been added to it. It must have been close to twenty books tall.

That's quite a lot of books,' I choked out, the words ending with something between a laugh and a sob.

Dimitri gazed across at me - his arms hanging limp by his sides and his eyes swirling with emotion.

But he didn't answer and he didn't move.

'So you aren't going to say yes to Tasha?' I asked, just to be sure.

One moment he was on the other side of the room, and suddenly he was standing right in front of me - so close I could smell his aftershave and see the fine lines at the corners of his eyes that would become wrinkles one day, when he was older.

'No. I'm not going to say yes to Tasha,' he breathed.

The only movement in the room was our chests rising and falling, and then his hand was cupping my cheek and my arms were reaching for his waist.

He pulled me in closer - his chin resting on my hair.

We'd been at this point before. The point where mentor and student became just two people - two people who couldn't bear to stay apart any longer - but every time it ended in me demanding more and him saying we should stop.

'So where does this leave us?' I whispered into his chest, trying not to get my hopes up but hoping just the same.

He was quiet for a while.

'Nowhere... for now,' he finally replied. 'But in a few months... after graduation and your birthday...'

My hopes strapped themselves to a rocket and blasted off.

'…Maybe we can figure this out?' his fingers spanned out across my lower back, pulling me even tighter against his body.

'This?' I clarified, looking up at him with a growing smile. I'd waited a long time for him to admit he had feelings for me, and now I was going to make him spell it out.

'Us.' His other hand ran up my back and planted itself in my hair - the gentle pressure as he tugged on it drawing a soft groan of pleasure from my lips.

'But nothing happens until after graduation,' he warned, returning his hand to a safer position on my waist. 'That's the deal. We take care of your education first, and then we find a way to be together. Can you do that, Roza? Can you just... wait a bit longer?'

I pulled back a little and tipped my head to the side. 'I don't think that's going to work for me, comrade.'

He stiffened, but his hands remained light on my waist. 'Okay...'

'The problem is...,' I frowned, hooking my finger through one of the button-holes on his brown, leather duster, 'the whole school is about to head up to the ski lodge while the latest strigoi threat is being sorted out. What if I meet a hot guy while we're there and he doesn't have any rules about waiting?'

I snuck a look up at him then, loving the flash of jealousy that sparked in his eyes.

'I mean… I'm a girl with needs, Dimitri. If you want me to wait for you, I think I have a right to a preview of what I'm waiting for... just a little something to tide me over until graduation, you know?'

I was only half joking. If I didn't feel his lips on some part of my body right now I think I was going to self-combust.

'You shouldn't tease me, Roza,' he growled in my ear, making my skin prickle and every part of me crave for him. 'If any man tries to make a move on you, you just tell me and I'll…'

'You'll what?' I giggled, drunk from the feeling of his breath on my neck – his head dropping to nuzzle softly just below my ear.

'I'll remind you why I'm worth the wait.'

Suddenly his lips were on mine. Rough and warm and wanting. Pushing me back against the cold window pane, he reached for my thighs and I jumped up to help him - wrapping my legs around his waist and fisting my hands in his hair as we moved together in perfect synchronicity. Lips moulding, tongues delving, hands caressing, hips grinding, hearts and souls connecting.

'We are so not going to make it till graduation,' I gasped, shivering as the cold from the window at my back mixed with the warmth of Dimitri's hand that was slipping up under my jacket to knead my bare skin.

It took a few seconds for him to register what I just said. Forcing himself to stop, Dimitri rested his forehead in the curve of my neck - breathing hard.

'Why don't we try just getting out of the library to begin with,' he mumbled against my skin, not making any move to release me from his arms. 'I think your mother is waiting to see you, and as much as I'm happy about us being together, Roza, I really don't want her to find out yet.'

'She won't,' I argued, not wanting this moment to be over so soon. 'She thinks we're training. We've got at least another hour before she starts wondering where I am. What do you think we can do in an hour?'

I bit my lip, my gaze wandering over him as I tried to decide what part to attack first.

'Roza...,' he warned, and the breath hissed out of him when my face disappeared into his hair - my mouth seeking out his earlobe and biting down firmly.

'Say that again,' I whispered needily, and all I could do was close my eyes and cling on tighter as Dimitri responded with everything he had and more.

I went to bed later that night with a massive smile on my face. Today, I'd realised three things I didn't know before...

One: Dimitri wanted to be with me - no matter how badly the odds were stacked against us.

Two: I loved the library.

Three: Christmas was freaking awesome.

.

Author's Note:

*Grin*

In Frostbite, it was Janine who cornered Rose after Christmas brunch & dropped the bombshell about Tasha's offer. Pretty sure every reader was screaming NOOOOOO at that point in the books - so I decided to change it. Hope you liked this version a bit better - let me know what you thought in the reviews :D

This one-shot was my submission for the VA10thanniversaryproject's Festive Special (the final one for the year!) Check out their page to binge on a whole stack of Romitri/VA one-shots by some of your fav fanfic writers. There are collections for Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween + an AU Special, and a Festive Special, so hopefully you'll find something you like to get you through the holiday season :)