A/N: Hello people! I'm back with another little ficcie. This is my first attempt on a song fic and… yet another Starsecream/Alexis fanfic… this time this one's a bit angsty and from Suta-chan's POV.
This song is from latin rock music, yes, in Spanish. The song is called "Eres" (You are) from the Mexican rock group "Cafe Tacuba"
I translated the song in order to made this fic coherent, I originally wrote it in Spanish. If you are interested in reading the original version or you are Spanish speaker (Or you want to listen to the original song) Just e-mail me: nissantsuruhotmail.com
Flames are welcome
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers they are Takara's nor do I own the lyrics of Eres those are from Cafe Tacuba and EMI music. So please don't sue me.
By: Seeker Nami
Starscream had already been with the Autobots for quite some time and things still went roughly on the Autobot base. Of course, he barely tolerated them but it was plain impossible to be in peace with Hot Shot bothering all time. It was like the yellow sports car was looking for a dog-fight, as if, actually, he desperately wanted to put up a fight with the red jet. Not that he really cared…
Besides, there were those annoying humans…
Starscream thought they were particularly the most uncomfortable thing one had to bear in the whole base. They were intolerable, constantly rounding the base, being noisy, playing and losing time in general.
Optimus simply smiled at most of their pranks and Starscream frequently asked himself how was it possible that, despite the fact that he scolded them from time to time for some imprudence, he bore them so calmly as well as the other of the base.
However
That little girl… What was her name? Alexis; she seemed to stand out among the small group of kids. In fact, for a human being she was no fool. She was stubborn and he knew it well: No matter how much he tried to ignore her, how much he yelled at her or even insulted her –something rare even for him; he was a Decepticon not a boor- she always kept trying to approach him. Always looking for his friendship and showing that she believed in him.
A thing she rarely achieved.
One evening, Starscream managed to freely patrol the Autobot base. He wondered for a long while until he arrived to a small room. He stared at the built-in computer in the wall and had an estrange idea. He accessed the computer's main menu and, changing it's configuration here and there he got the computer to turn, for a few moments, into a long wave Radio.
He started surfing frequencies, listening to different broadcasts from time to time; he developed a curiosity for Earth's music, since those little humans (particularly Rad and Carlos) always listened to music to a very high volume, disturbing the base's serenity.
He found a song he seemed to like; in spite of his violent, fast-living nature, he found out that he actually liked a much more tranquil kind of music. He sat down on the cold, metallic floor and began to listen carefully to the song -which was in Spanish- as his hard-drive translated it to cybertronian and saved it in his memory, for no apparent reason.
Or so he thought.
You're
What I love most in this world, that you are
You're also my deepest thought
Just tell me what to do. I'm here for you.
A thought made him quiver. Really? He was thinking of Alexis, something he found himself doing quite often. Seemed like she had been there always, as a fundamental part of his memory banks.
When he was in the base and that little girl came close to him with her bright smile, Starscream feared the contact that turned out to be imminent, it was not, and of that he was sure, by the same displeasure he felt for the rest of the human children but because he started to feel very nervous beside her, thus becoming harsh and dire.
You're
When I awake, the first thing you are
What my life lacks if you don't come near
The only thing, baby, that lives in my mind.
Never before since he had been created, had felt something like thus. Thought he was unable of such emotions. He had seen it around him many times; before the war and still later, but he had never been interested in trifles of that kind. He just thought he was heartless.
And yet, here he was, in an alien planet millions of light years away from his own, shaken by this blinding revelation; she had arrived and came into his life, at first as an unwanted intruder but then he discovered his existence had never been complete as he felt it had in the past.
He actually believed he was fine: that the most important thing was to conquer the power of the Decepticon army, prove Megatron what he was capable of. He thought he only lacked the power!
He was plain wrong…
At times, he felt a little dazed, didn't know what he was doing, as if he was lost and then he recalled her smile and cheered up, relieving his heart from his aggravating load for some instants. Then, the things that came to his mind were, for sure, far beyond any Decepticon philosophical understanding.
The girl was kind, open-minded, loving and… pretty, very pretty indeed.
What else can I tell you?
Maybe I can lie to you with no reason
But what I feel today is that I'm death without you
Because you are what I love most in this world, that you are.
He would turn his back to her many times, contradict her or plainly ignore her. What could she understand about his problems? She was an inexperienced child whom couldn't do or say too much to help. Besides, he, Starscream was excessively stubborn to open himself to this creature and express all that drove him mad, all what he felt and thought.
In spite of this she trusted him with no objections, it seemed like she was the only one in the whole base who truly believed in him; not even Optimus Prime had been as honest in his opinion as her.
Optimus only gave him the benefit of doubt. Alexis gave him her faith.
He felt distressed, now his doubts about the Autobot and Decepticon war for the mini-cons merged with this dazzling feelings he was developing for the little human.
He wasn't sure of what he was: he was no Autobot, he would never be; of that he was sure. But once again he felt a chill running across his systems. At any moment he would go back to the Decepticon and the sole idea horrified him; he didn't fear the Autobot's rage nor to face Megatron (He knew he could content him one way or another) Primus forbid! It was fear to abandon her. The last thing he wanted was to abandon her.
He found out a while ago that this little child loved him, perhaps even more than to her human friends. He shook his head to set apart that idea from his mind.
He didn't want to hurt Alexis because he loved her.
Yes, he loved her.
You are
The time I share, that your are
What people promises when loves.
My salvation, my hope and my faith
He loved her madly.
At first he just tolerated her, without noticing why until his way of thinking eventually changed.
He wanted to confess his heart to her, to free his soul from the chains of silence. Wanted her to know, to become something indispensable in her life (Though he already was). Wanted to be more than a friend. He didn't know and care how she would react in the very instant. He only knew he must tell her.
I'm whom when loving, loves you more than anyone.
I'm who would take care of you day-by-day, day-by-day.
Who would give his life for you, I'm who.
If he was human…Right then he desperately wanted to be what he hated most. He wished he would turn into a human in order to be with her 'til the end of times.
For her he would leave anything: Decepticons, Autobots, war, power even life if it was necessary. To prevent her from any suffering and pain that could come across her life.
Here I am by your side and waiting seated to the end.
You haven't figured out how much I've been waiting for you.
Because you are what I love most in this world, that you are.
What I think of every minute, that you are.
What I care most in this world, that you are.
He stood up from the floor and shut the computer down cutting off the radio signal and left the small room. He should told her…
All of a sudden, Starscream betrayed his feelings. Thrust, son of a drone, this time he perfectly knew how to convince the confused jet. He joined the Decepticons once again; his obsession for Megatron was too great so he just repressed his heart.
The Autobots, he had betrayed them, he betrayed himself and what hurt him most was the fact he betrayed Alexis and he knew quite well all the pain there was in her heart.
After the long battles they all had to go through; despite him being reformatted by the mini-cons in that unknown planet. And even after the hard times during their arrival on Cybertron he still harbored in the depths of his spark the desire to see her again; he still loved her and constantly thought about her. Forever concerned of her well-being.
Then, when Unicron's menace became flagrant and Hot Shot told Galvatron of an alliance, Starscream's spark literally danced with joy. Galvatron had to accept as soon as possible.
This alliance should save Cybertron from Unicron's death thirst and he could be near Alexis once again! Galvatron, don't hesitate. For Primus sake!
When Thrust revealed himself as the faithful Unicron minion he was, Starscream cursed himself for his stupidity. It was Thrust's fault he left the Autobots… no, this was ONLY his fault. For letting someone else manipulate him as a puppet on a string. Stupid! Just stupid! He wished to smash Thrust's face into a thousand pieces.
While being on Unicron's insides. When those double-faced Sideways and Thrust tried to escape with the legendary weapons and Hot Shot and Wheeljack pursued them, Starscream got really surprised when he noticed everyone was gone; everyone but Alexis, who stayed behind standing besides Sureshock waiting for him patiently.
—Why did you wait for me?—The Seeker asked.
—Because you're my friend—She replied with a smile. –And we must help each other.—
A friend. Only a friend. He deleted the sentence from his mind, by now he had to concentrate on Thrust and Sideways or at least in getting the hell out of wherever they were into; but the proximity to the child made him grew nervous while on their way.
Now he knew what true danger was and understood he should protect her with all his being; he rejoiced secretly for it. He was accomplishing one of his long-life dreams. He carried Alexis on his arms, protectively.
For a few moments he was ready to confess his heart out, however the idea vanished again when Unicron showed off in the skies.
He turned on his heels, ready to go:
—You know you can be of great help to us, Starscream.—Hot Shot said.
—I can't join you. I don't want to betray you again. It wouldn't be fair…—Starscream uttered. Besides, I don't want to hurt you again, Alexis.
—You wouldn't betray your friends… would you? —Alexis asked eagerly.
Starscream turned his back to them; he didn't want to face them.
How far should he have to go until he no longer betrayed others again and again? Will he ever find peace for his spark? Should he go on with this nonsense at all? He knew there was no place for him; wherever he was disgrace will follow. And that wasn't the life he wanted to bring on her.
–I don't know.—And he was true. He didn't know anything now. He was empty, totally blank. Alexis, baby… don't make it more difficult for me… for you…
Partially regaining his cold self he merely expressed his gratitude:
—Thank you, Alexis. You trusted me and I thank you for it. —Words rose from his lips burning in fault and to his disbelief, cold, emotionless. He transformed to his jet mode and flew off up to the skies. He felt the cold air, bracing his mainframe gently as he flew and he tried to get his nerves loosen so the itching pain in his spark would disappear, yet a question pondered in his mind: You wouldn't betray your friends… Would you? Damping his spirits even more.
Why Alexis? Why you had to make it more difficult? I love you, that's why I go away from you…
Finally, after having fought Galvatron with all the rage he had kept buried within him for ages, after having been defeated by him in a fair combat, Starscream once again felt something was escaping his comprehension; he felt useless and isolated. He knew that, after all he didn't accomplish most of his plans.
He spoke to Galvatron, told him a partial truth; He expressed how much he wished to be respected by him, but while words came out from his mouth, a thousand and one thoughts crossed his hard drive; thoughts that had nothing to do with what he was telling his former leader.
And, all over this… I never told you the truth Alexis. I was a slagging coward for not telling you… It's too late now. I can't go back…
Without knowing why, that song he heard a long time ago came to his mind, literally playing inside him like an MP3 would; the song that evoked the memory of his lost love. In that very instant, he stood on his feet and with a renewed rage he used his last waves of strength to aim at Unicron, whom watched from the sky and launch a final attack.
Unicron's horrifying thunderbolt hit him directly. Pain was too much to describe and invaded every atom of his. His life rushed before his eyes.
What I think of every minute, that you are.
What I care most in this world, that you are
—Forgive me Alexis… for not being honest. I LOVE YOU—
These where his last coherent thoughts seconds before he was disintegrated in less than stellar dust.
—I love you, Alexis. —
His sin was to love, and only Primus would judge his deeds in the other world.
For his soul would find peace at last, as her guardian angel.
-THE END-