NOVEMBER 27, 2009

Friday

For some reasons, I don't know where else am I going to and who can I turn to. I don't know where to start, nor how can I arrange all the things I'm thinking at this point. Imagining myself, writing all this stuff in this dark room-waiting for nothing makes me sick. It's as if I'm expecting for something which will never be mine, or else a miracle will happen-makes me sick and blue. These disturbing thoughts of him continue circling through the corners of my mind. And I can't think of myself being with him for the time being. He was in love...yes; perhaps he was right now. I don't know. I guess this sounds painful, especially on my part...but, he was. Really, I guess. I don't know. Maybe, I'm just jumping to conclusions, or I'm panicking a lot. I feel stressed because of this emotion engulfing my whole self. My heart was unconsciously flying in the clouds before I knew it. My mind was focusing on someone who's very dear to me. That person and I have a deep connection-a bond which has been established since decades of years had passed. He's the reason why I'm feeling this emotion at this moment.

Now, I'm thinking on how I can stop myself from reaching my thoughts about his countenance. It was a mixed feeling that I always feel every time I see him. Those single days show that bright smile on his face as we have our world meetings, were my unforgettable everyday moments of him. Those happy greetings from him cheer me up. His happy expression when he sees me makes my heart leap in excitement, but whenever I want to hug him back, I always end up, greeting him. In return, he never forgets to greet me in my own language, though I often find his accent a kind of funny, while he tries his best, speaking it as clear and as good as he can. Then, he always takes me to his favorite fast food chain when the meeting is over. Sometimes, we go there just the two of us. But, he always prefer a whole bunch of company, to be followed by a huge party at his house, especially during Christmas, New Year, Thanksgiving Day, and his most favorite holiday-his birthday, Independence Day. I reminded him not to engage himself in parties all the time…most importantly, when he dives for a shot; for he has something more important to do than partying all night and drink with his friends. But, he'll just chuckled and pat my head. He always believed that in conditions like this, "The more, the merrier."

However, how can I say what I truly feel for him? After everything he has done for me, what will he think about me if he knows the truth? What will he say? What will he do and feel after finding out that I have this feeling for him? What should I do?

I've been depressed these past few days. I almost tend to recall everything that had happened between us. You see, he just saved my life from destruction and bondage. He rescued me from the woes of war and damage. He lifted me up, after seeing me, stumbled down and almost defeated during that war. Though I know that though he has been hurt too, he never gave up risking his life for me, in order to protect me. He is the one who made me feel that I should stand up and move forward to become prosperous once more. He gave me my freedom. He offered his hand to me and helped me seeing the future in a bright, new light. From the pitiful shadows of war, he became the beacon to the window of my shattered home.

FLASHBACK:

"Hey, will you come here for a sec?"

"Well, looks who's here! You haven't pay attention to the whole meeting a while ago, aren't you?"

"Hahahahaha! Yeah...I'm just a bit dozing off myself, because I was wondering if the person who's celebrating her special day will appreciate my gift."

"What does that mean, then?"

"Oh, now you're making fun of me, man! I remember it!

"Come on. You know that I do appreciate gifts, as long as you made your whole heart out of it. (Chuckles)"

"Well...at least I've been looking for an expensive and original brand such as that! An awesome person such as me can get what he wants! Hahahahahaha!"

"Wow...this is a-"

"Yap! I know that you always love writing literary stuff and all that. So, I bought you this all the way from England. Fortunately, Arthur saw me at the gift shop, so he helped me a bit to lower the price!"

"THANKS, KUYA!"

"Hahahahaha...you're always welcome! After all, you're my responsibility!"

"Still, thanks for the gift."

"Nah! Don't mention it. Anyway, I'm hungry! Wanna join? My treat!"

"Hey, should I be the one to treat you?"

"No, don't bother. I insist. It's your birthday after all!"

"Hahahahaha...let's go! I know just the PERFECT place to eat!"

"Come on! Yehey!"

FLASHBACK ENDED:

Those fragments of memories began to etch in my mind as I scan back the previous pages of my handy journal. That was my birthday, June 12. We held it together last year, and I celebrate it with him at McDonald's.

He gave me a fountain pen. It was his gift for me during my birthday almost five years ago. I still use it. I always remember him while using my pen in writing. I guess I found my inspiration, then.

MARIA

(Signature over printed name)

It was a clear bright Saturday morning. The rooster crowed, signing that a new day is already beginning to take place. As usual, I have to prepare for the World Conference, so I have to rush to the Palace and see the President herself first. We have so many things to discuss, especially the renovations to be made in my house, when Ondoy struck last September. It was already the last Sunday of November, and Christmas will be coming soon. To be honest, I don't have plans yet on how to spend the season. After that calamity destroyed my home and all those people whom I care for-I wonder if I can be happy for Christ's sake. For His sake. For the One whom I owe everything I have today.

While heaving my thoughts in the horizon, my cell phone rang. I answered it.

"Hello, good morning! Who's this?"

"The President would like to see you right now. Please head on at the Palace at nine. She's expecting you."

"All right, I understand. I'm on my way."

I left my house at eight in the morning.

At the Palace, the President and I were walking on the hallway. We talked all about our plans for the country, not to mention on the 13th month pay of those employees who were working for the government. We're in the middle of our conversation when suddenly, she asked me to take a leave after I attend the World Conference three days from now.

"B-but, Ma'am…I don't think that was a good idea. In fact, everybody needs me. We must get up after the typhoon struck us. We need a complete recovery after the disaster." I hesitated.

But, Madam took my hand and said that it's OK. She added that I wasn't in a good shape these past few days because of fatigue, stress and depression I've gained during the aftermath of the typhoon. With a sense of guilt for leaving at work, I agreed. She assures that I don't have to worry. She'll take care of everything… (I hope so).

I left the Palace at noon after having lunch with the President. In the afternoon, I spend my time taking pictures at Luneta Park. When I got tired, I looked for a bench and sit on it.

I was nearly sleeping, when all of a sudden…

"MARIA! MARIA!"

I woke up from that loud noise! With my surprise, I saw five people heading towards me! I took a good look at them. Suddenly, my heart began to pound so fast when I saw that man who's very familiar to me. I thought I was dreaming. Then…

"You're alone, huh?" the man said with a smile.

I stood up and fixed myself a bit. I felt shy. I just hope they never saw my face while napping. Then, my eyes opened wide after seeing the man in front of me.

"Kuya Alfred? W-what are you doing here?" I asked. I felt a lump in my throat.

"He insisted to go here for a visit. Also, we would also like to take a tour on your place. So, we're sorry if we surprised you, Maria." The other man with messy blond hair and furry eyebrows said.

"No, no. It's alright, Arthur."

"Long time no see, aru!" the man wearing a red Chinese uniform with chinky eyes, long black hair tied in a small ponytail, and fair white skin said.

"I missed you. Kuya Yao!" I said happily. We hugged each other. The others looked at us, smilingly.

All of a sudden, a long haired blond man took my hand and knelt down in front of me.

"Bonjour, Mademoiselle! You're still as beautiful as ever!" he said then he kissed my hand.

"You too, Francis. You're still a….well…n-never mind! I don't want to say it! Well, hello then!" I answered him. Francis stood up.

"So, shall we have a round trip, da?" the man with a white turtle-necked shirt and a scarf around his neck and white hair said.

"Well, sure Ivan! I guess you'll be excited to see the whole military camp!" I said happily.

"Yah, da! I also want to see and check out if the ground is good for planting landmines." Ivan added with a cheerful smile on his face. But then, everybody knows what he really meant by that.

"THAT WAS INSANE! NEVER DO THAT!" Francis, Arthur, and Yao exclaimed in chorus.

"Now my stomach is gurgling again…want to go for a meal at McDonald's?" Alfred asked.

"We've just went there a while ago, you git!" Arthur muttered.

Slowly, the others wanted to take a meal. Of course, Arthur never complained anymore. He just sighed.

"Let's go! I'll take you on a tour!" I said.

The six of us left the park. This was my happy, lucky day. I saw him again after a long time. This time, he's on a tour with me.