Hugo had paced the entire length of the house, top floor to bottom floor, croquet lawn to horse stable, and had not yet figured out an answer. This was going to be a real stumper. Finally, he had found his way to the kitchen, and had just taken a seat when he heard the front door open.
"Oh Hugey!"
Hugo's head perked up.
"In here, Alice."
Alice bounced through the doorway, wearing - oh no - the pink anorak. Hugo gulped, then cast his eyes down to the floor. It was Father he was thinking about. Not the anorak. Not the anorak. Alice walked over to him and grabbed his hand.
"Anything wrong, Hugo?"
He shrugged and gave her hand a squeeze.
"I dunno, Alice. Father's been acting rather strange lately. He's - hang on, where're the kids?"
"Well, Daddy took Ripley, Newt, LaLa, Ant, Dec, Kylie, Anthea, Blue, Peter and Romana II out to go see Quartet."
"What about Geraldine?"
"I think she went to see another musical film. Well, it sounded like it was about music anyway."
"What's it called?"
"The Sessions."
Hugo nodded, then got up and began to pace around the room again. Alice followed at his heels.
"What IS the matter, Hugo? I haven't seen you like this since Tonks and Lupin died!"
He turned around and put his hand on her shoulder.
"It's Father. He's just been..."
Hugo sat down again. Alice pulled up a chair beside him.
"Right, Alice, so I was walking through the hall, grabbing a late-night snack, and I thought I heard Father crying!"
"Oh, dear."
"I know! And so I looked round, to see where he was, and I peeked into the living room, and Father was sitting on the couch, watching Persuasion on the telly, absolutely blubbing! And you've seen him Alice. He watched the Fourth Doctor regenerate without a tear in his eye!"
He turned to see her sniffling and held her tightly.
"I know, Alice. I know. So you see, there's got to be something wrong with him! I mean, the last time he cried at a romantic film was when - when the Vicar didn't marry him... "
His face lit up. Hers soon after.
"He must be lonely!" They shouted in unison.
"Must be it!"
"Of course! Must be! Right Alice, there's only one thing we can do!"
"Of course!"
"Find him a girlfriend!" They again shouted in unison.
"That's exactly what he needs! But remember Hugo, no one may be as lucky as we were."
"That's true. We were star-crossed, we were absolute ideals. We were meant to be!"
"That's right," Alice giggled, giving Hugo a pat on the cheek. Then he jumped up, and stuck out his hand.
"Come on Alice, we have a job to do!"
She grabbed his hand, and they sped off to do their work - but not before taking a quick detour to the bedroom. They hadn't seen each other all day, and that anorak had been too much to bear for too long.
After they had completed their preliminary business, they sat themselves down on the couch, Hugo holding a notepad. Alice clapped her hands together.
"So, Hugo, where do we start?"
"Well, we need to think of the basics. Age and appearance and such. What do you think?"
She thought long and hard, then snapped her fingers. He leapt to attention.
"What is it? What do you have?"
"I feel," she began, in her most serious tones, "that the woman Daddy ends up with should definitely be a female."
Hugo was awed.
"That...is... brilliant! I hadn't thought of that before!"
He jotted down the information.
"What next?"
"Well, you come up with something next Hugo. I don't want to exhaust my brain and its valuable contents."
"Of course not, dear. No."
Now it was his turn to think. It looked exceedingly difficult. Finally, after an agonizingly long time, he fell backwards onto the couch, wiped his brow, and took a deep breath.
"Age-wise, she most certainly has to be... To be between 20 and 80."
"Of course! Anything lower or higher would be absolutely silly!"
Alice took the notepad from Hugo's limp fingers and recorded the next bit of information.
And so it went, for nearly 4 hours, with at least an hour of that taken up by breaks. But finally, they had finished, the notepad completely filled with lists, asides and doodles. It was considered a job well done. Then they heard the door unlock, and the sound of ten pairs of feet scampering down the hall. With that, they made a quick plan, and sneakily hid the notepad where nobody could find it. After all, who would look under a seat cushion?
Ah, the perfect time of night. No one awake, a small bowl of ice-cream, and Sense and Sensibility on the queue. David could understand why the Vicar was so fond of this setup. Well, at least she had, before she had gotten... married. David sighed, then turned on the film and got comfortable. Or at least, tried to get comfortable. But there seemed to be something sticking in his back. He grabbed behind him, and found - a notepad?
"Father's Ideal Girlfriend. Gender: female. Age: 20-80. Height: short or tall. Weight: fat or skinny. Hair colour: black, blond, brown, red, or grey. Eye colour: green, brown, or blue. Or hazel, that's good too. Personality: like Father or unlike Father. Money: lots, though I suppose he doesn't need that considering he's got lots. So I suppose poor's alright. Where's she's from: Dibley or somewhere else..."