The Barret Files
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"Ahem."
"Ho hum..."
"How'd this begin?!"
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I was walking in my father's footsteps. He didn't give me much, but I got his suits. The man was a professional...thinker. He sure did contemplate my misery with orange juice. He knew I could blend.
So, anyhow, I found out, er, discovered, a very important lesson: They hate me, and I don't know why.
Now, you'd think it was from the ashes I always used to mascara myself, but no. I was a bit too fruity, for their...liking...
They called my brother "BROTHER HOOD", but I went to church! (Amen to that!) It turns out, I could fake being a missus all the time, and yet even HE didn't like me as well...
Anyhow, I just finished my doctorates at YELL University. They kicked me out, because all I did was ever shoot at the TV! I was LOUD! Boisterious! And BAD at...spelling class.
But, in my defense, I pleaded the sixth! I flunked law class when I realized it was the fifth...I think.
So, anyhow, you'd think my genius brother was a hotzie...Nah, he just liked Hot Pocket. But, here I'm walking around, in a daze, but BAM! I picked up an uzi, and realized it was a paintball gun! The guy I killed didn't come back from the dead! He just liked PLAYING dead! Oh, brilliant deductions, Sholmes!
But, enough about my violent past. Hey! I was dark! I should've realized this paint doesn't come off!
So, one day, I decided to find my brother (WITCH ONE?!) He had an arm extension too! I should've known he was a Star Wars fan!
So, we aim at each other, but...well, I lost my hand too! But, nah, the police sure liked aiming at me. And I wasn't even in the DARK!
Years pass, and I meet another brother (OH, BROTHER!) (No, not in that psychologically scarring sense!). And, he's more clueless than the rest! He named himself "Cloud", but I don't think he could spell it that well.
But, his wife was hot, so does that matter?!
But, nah, even I was in a daze! WHY, oh why was my blonde breathren so clueless to the women around him?!
Eh, that comes later, but let's turn back time to MY past!
(TO BE CONTINUED!)