This is...way better if you don't question it.

Inspired by the late night musings "Irvine is such a sleaze! Me gusta!" and "what if Irvine were bi?"

Conquest

Irvine had been housed at Balamb Garden long enough to know that every night after curfew, the training center was open. Irvine also knew that every night after curfew, a certain Zell Dincht would work his way through the training center wearing a sleeveless shirt that did wonders for those biceps of his.

So every once in a while after curfew, Irvine would wait to hear Zell's door close across the hall. He would take the time to check his hair, his gun, and that pouty smirk of his (in that order) before grabbing his hat and setting out after Zell.

By the time he got there, Zell would have usually worked his way through a Grat or five and would be stopping to take a breather. It was then that Irvine would make his move.

"Hey, Zell," he said jovially, waving his hand in greeting.

Zell turned sharply and relaxed once he realized who had been talking to him. "Hey, man! 'Sup?"

Irvine would shrug and saunter over to Zell in his usual fashion. "Not a lot, couldn't sleep."

"You too? Man, I thought it was just me!" Zell said back enthusiastically.

Irvine laughed and voiced his agreement while thinking about how cute it was that Zell said the exact same thing every time. Tonight, Irvine kept Zell talking and managed to distract him from the fact that Irvine was taking him toward the secret area.

"Whoa! I haven't been in here in forever," Zell says, looking around and scratching the back of his neck. "Never seen it so empty, either, come to think of it."

Not a coincidence, darlin', Irvine thinks to himself with a smile. A few gil in the right hands can do a man plenty of favors. He leaned over the railing and watched as Zell did the same next to him. "Really quiet in here without the sound of a couple thousand cadets kissing, isn't it?"

"Yeah, definitely!" Zell laughed, hanging his head and chuckling to himself as if it were the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "I was wonderin' why felt weird in here!"

Irvine turned so he was leaning backwards against the railing and subtly moved closer to Zell. "You know, I could fix that for ya." Zell made a choked noise and jumped away from Irvine.

"WHAT?"

"Aw, come on, Zell," Irvine purred with that smirk of his firmly in place. Zell stepped back until he was pinned between Irvine's larger frame and the metal of the railing behind him. "You're tellin' me you don't like it when I do this?" Before the smaller man could protest, Irvine grabbed his chin and pulled him in for a kiss. Zell's body stiffened, but he didn't pull away. Irvine laughed and stepped back. "I hope you aren't, because then I'd have to call you a dirty liar."

Zell gaped at him open-mouthed. "What the HELL was that?"

"Haven't you ever been kissed?" Irvine teased, ruffling Zell's spiky hair playfully. Irvine couldn't help but think he looked like a chocobo in headlights.

"Well, yeah, OF COURSE!" Zell stammered, his face growing red. He scratched the back of his neck and looked at the ground. "Never by a dude, though, man."

Irvine leaned on the rail beside him. "Yeah, but did you like it?"

Zell froze. "C'mon, man, why are you messin' with me?" He asked, jumping to face Irvine.

Irvine put his hands up in mock-defense. "I'm not messin' with anyone, I'm just trying to have a good time. Is that a problem for ya?"

"Well...no, man, I guess not bu- mmf!" Zell flailed his arms wildly before settling them on Irvine's wrists as he braced himself against the rail. Irvine was surprised to find that Zell wasn't actually that bad of a kisser. In fact, Irvine would venture to call him above average- and Irvine had kissed a lot of people.

Irvine pulled away with a loud smack and smiled his most charming smile at Zell. "Think about it," he said as he turned to leave, looking over his shoulder to wave.

Zell stared at him glassy-eyed, and Irvine laughed the entire way back to his room. He hadn't lost his touch.