Wednesday, November 9th was the day Eliza Hamilton and her month old son, James, passed away. A year later, Alexander Hamilton was dreading the morning that he had to wake up and face his children as he sent them off to school on the aniversary of their mother's death. Still, the day came, and the moment his eyes opened to the sound of the blaring alarm clock, he wanted to shut them again. He heard the shuffling feet of his kids getting ready for school, and knew that if they could be strong enough to get out of bed today, then so could he.
It was raining slightly the morning that Eliza got into a taxicab with James. They needed to go across town to the doctor's office for James's one-month checkup. New York City was famous for reckless driving, but it had never really been a concern for the Hamiltons'. They had lived in the city their whole life and nothing had ever happened, so when Eliza's cab skidded into another cab when turning the corner, it didn't make any sense.
Alex still doesn't remember much of the phone call. Even at the time the only words he could comprehend were 'accident', 'wife and child', and 'hospital'. His mind was a blur. He did what he was supposed to. He picked up the kids from school, called Angelica and Peggy, went to the hospital, and said his goodbyes to his wife, who wasn't able to say goodbye back. He kissed his youngest child on the forehead, the boy whom he was just getting to know. He was already gone.
Eliza had a little bit of life left in her according to the monitors, but it wasn't long before she was gone too. Her entire family was by her side when she died. As the monitor flatlined, there was a moment of silence. It had all happened so fast; their mouths parted slightly in shock and a fear of what the world would be like without Eliza in it.
Angie, Alex and Eliza's daughter, was the first to cry. The fabric of her brother's jacket muffled her sobs. Philip held her and let her stay on his shoulder while he allowed a few tears to fall as well.
Will, the Hamilton's other son who was only four years old at the time, sat on his father's lap. He looked around, saw how upset everyone was, and felt his dad holding him tighter than before. He turned around to look at him. Tears were brimming the edges of his Dad's eyes, so he asked, "Daddy, what's wrong? Is Mommy okay?" Alex choked on a small sob, unable to answer, and kissed the top of Will's forehead. His son's words still haunted him to this day.
Just like a year ago, Alex went through the motions. He changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and checked his phone- which only had one message on display, and it was from Angelica. It read: Morning, Alex. I know today is hard for all of us, but if you need me at all, don't be afraid to call.
He sighed; he had been incredibly reliant on Angelica since his wife's passing. He wasn't a very good single dad. He was working all the time and Philip could only babysit so often. Whenever he needed help, Angelica was his first call. He owed her everything.
His morning routine ended with Alex making breakfast down in the kitchen before the kids got there. Today, he made their favorite, French toast with fresh syrup and lots of whipped cream. Will was the first one to coming running down the stairs. At first, Alex didn't know why he was so happy, but then he realized that the day would mean nothing to the five year old. He could barely tell time, much less read the date on the calendar.
"French toast!" Will yelled, taking a seat at the counter where Alex had put out their food. He immediately began to eat, munching on his breakfast and living in his own happy, little world.
Alex smiled, as he watched his son and sipped on his coffee. Philip was the next one to come down, which was odd. Angie usually beat him to it because it took around four alarms to drag Philip out of bed in the morning. By the look on his face, it was clear something was wrong, and he wasted no time telling his father what it was.
"Angie hasn't even turned her light on yet. I could hear her crying through the wall," he said quietly, in hopes that Will wasn't paying them any attention.
Alex sighed and whispered, "I knew this would happen." He paused, looking at his happy son sitting at the counter, and then said, "Will, Philip and I will be right back, okay? Finish up your breakfast."
"Okay Dad!" Will said with a smile. Alex brushed passed Philip, who quickly followed him up the stairs. Softly, he knocked on Angie's door.
"Angie? Honey, can I come in?" Alex asked. She was fifteen and he respected her privacy, but he would force his way in today if he needed to.
Thankfully, there was a small 'yes' from the other side of the door. When he and Philip both entered the room, they found Angie sitting upright in her bed under the covers with tears streaking down her face. Seeing them, she put her head into her hands and managed to get out, "No, I don't want Philip to see me cry."
Alex looked to Philip and shrugged in a sympathetic way. Philip cut in, "Come on, Ang, I've seen you cry before. It's alright." He sat on one side of Angie on the bed while Alex sat on the other.
"I- I'm sorry. I told my- myself I wouldn't do this t- today," she stuttered.
"Angie, you have every right to do this today," Alex said to her with a stern voice but kind eyes.
She looked up to him with teary, doe like eyes and admitted, "I miss my mom." Then, she fell into his shoulder and started to cry again.
Alex wrapped his arm around her one side and then ran his other hand through her hair, "Shh… I know, I know. Shh…" He looked at Philip over her shoulder and he was tearing up himself. When he saw that his dad was looking, Philip immediately wiped the tears away.
When his mom died, he promised himself that he would be strong for his family. Similarly, Alex had made the same promise. Neither wanted to admit that today was harder than any other.
On their way to the high school, Philip and Angie always brought Will to his elementary school first because their dad had to go to work. They did their best to hide their sadness of the day for Will's sake. They didn't want to make him upset. It was only every once in awhile that Will remembered the death of his mother and when he did, it wasn't pretty. He would wake up screaming or crying and their dad would have to spend the rest of the night calming him down. When it happened during the day, he had freak-outs at school and Alex would have to leave work to get him to go back to his classroom.
Philip held his hand as we walked him to class. When they got to the door, Philip ruffled his hair and said, "Bye, buddy. Have a good day."
While running into the classroom, Will yelled back, "Bye Phil! Bye Angie!"
"I wish I could be that happy," Angie whispered as they watched him go.
Philip put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed it. "Let's get to school, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered again. Their school wasn't too far from Will's, so they usually walked after dropping him off. Today, their walk was quieter than it would normally be. Usually Angie had something to rant about or Philip had a funny story to tell, but today it didn't feel quite right.
Angie watched Philip's face as they walked. He stared straight ahead with a blank expression on his face. She didn't understand how he was holding it together in the way that he was. She could barely speak without her voice quivering. "Philip, aren't you upset at all?" She asked, trying to ignore the waiver in her voice.
He looked down at her, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Of course I'm upset, Angie. I miss mom more than anything."
"It's just, you haven't even cried. I feel so pathetic compared to you." Philip sighed. That's not what he wanted at all. Luckily, at this point they were arriving at the school.
He pulled her aside into a deserted hallway. "You're not pathetic, Ang, not at all. I haven't cried because I'm trying to be strong for you, Dad, and Will, that's all," he admitted.
"Well, stop it," she whispered, her eyes watering.
"I'll try." She hugged him and he kissed her forehead. Then, when she finally got the nerve to let go, he wiped her tears and said, "Go to class, okay? Text me if you need me. We don't have to be model students today."
"Thanks," she responded, giving him a light smile to ease his worries. In truth, she was worried about Philip. If he held everything in, he would eventually explode.
After the kids left for school, Alex found himself sitting at the kitchen counter with little motivation to go to work. He would have taken the day off, but if his kids could go to school, then he could certainly muscle through work. Taking multiple big gulps of coffee and then filling his to go mug up again, he finally grabbed his brief case and made his way toward the subway.
Silently, he was hoping that people knew what today meant for him but would keep it to themselves. He didn't want to deal with shit today, but he didn't want to deal with sympathetic faces staring him down all day either. Unfortunately, Aaron Burr was an idiot.
"Alexander!" He exclaimed when Alex walked out of the elevator with his head down. "How are you on this fine morning?" He clapped his hand on Alex's back. Alex cringed.
"Just fine, Burr," Alex muttered. As usual, Aaron didn't take the hint.
"Listen, I was hoping you and I could go over press release later, I could really use your opinion-"
"Burr! Can you shut up for two seconds?" Burr was silent. "Get Jefferson to do it. I've got actual work to do today." The entire floor was looking at the two of them now. Even George Washington took a moment to step outside his office and see what was going on.
Aaron was dumbstruck. He didn't know what to say; usually Alex didn't yell like that until the end of the day. George took over before Aaron could make a fool of himself. "Hamilton- my office now."
Alex bowed his head, ignoring the awkward silence and stares from his coworkers and went into George's office. Giving the rest of his team the nod of affirmation to get back to work, George shut the door behind them.
"Alex, what was that," George sighed.
"It wasn't anything. I'm just not in the mood to deal with Aaron's bullshit," Alex stated, his arms crossed.
"I can't keep making excuses for your outbursts, Alex," George said with a commanding voice.
"Then don't!" Alex exclaimed. George raised an eyebrow at him. Alex ran his hand through his hair and apologized, "No, you know I didn't mean that. I need this job."
"And you know I want you on my team," George said. Then, sympathetically, he answered, "Listen, Alex, I know today is hard for you-"
"I don't need empathy," Alex cut in. "I'm fine, really. I should get to work."
George gave him a look, but then sighed, "Alright."
Alex worked dilligently for the rest of the day. Without Alex knowing, the rest of George's team was given strict instructions not to bother him today. George was always looking out for Alex like a father would. With Eliza gone, he needed all of the support he could get.
Nothing was ever easy, however. Around one o'clock, Alex's cell phone rang. "Hello?" He said, still flipping through his papers.
"Mr. Alexander Hamilton?" A voice asked back.
"This is he," Alex responded. He scribbled a couple of things down, continuing to pay no mind to the phone call.
"Mr. Hamilton, this is Patriot Charter School, we're calling to talk to you about your son, Philip?" Immediately, Alex dropped everything and leaned back in his chair.
"Yes?" Alex asked with a sigh.
"We're going to need you to come down right away sir. Philip has gotten into a fight at school. The principal needs to speak with you," she explained. Alex closed his eyes, trying to contain the anger he felt.
"Was Philip the one to instigate?" Alex asked. He couldn't be mad without knowing the whole story.
"We aren't sure yet, sir." Alex began to pack up his brief case.
"Okay, I'll be there in less than a half hour," Alex replied.
"Thank you, Mr. Hamilton, and no rush, he's not going anywhere." The secretary hung up the phone and Alex finished packing. On his way out, he stopped by George's office.
He gave a small knock on the door and George looked up from his work. Seeing the distressed look on his face, George asked, "What's going on, Alex?"
"Philip got into a fight at school. I'm sorry, but I have to go down there."
"No need for apologies. We all have family issues that need to be attended to every once in awhile," he reasoned. Then, with a bit of hesitation, he said, "Just, make sure you get all of your work done, alright?"
Alex nodded. Of course he would get his work done. He couldn't remember a time that he hadn't done so. "Thank you, sir." With that, he rushed out the door to get to the high school.