Finally! My Jerek fic sees light. I've had the idea for this fic since pretty much the end of season 2. Did a rough outline, procrastinated, then found out Jackson wasn't coming back for season 3 and almost scrapped it. =( But it wouldn't go away, so here it is. The fic picks up from a few days after the finale of season 2. Hoping to finish before season 3 starts...not likely tho...based on my track record. XD

Rating will probably change to M sometime...will let you all know...

Disclaimer: Don't own Teen Wolf or anyone in it. If I did, I'd be busy having way too much fun doing other stuff. ^_~

Redemption

Chapter 1

Jackson stared aimlessly at the ceiling. He was lying on his bed, alone in his darkened room. Well, he finally got what he wanted. He was finally a werewolf. He should be happy. Except that several people were dead because of him. When his wolf defeated the Kanima, all of its memories that had been hidden from Jackson came flooding in, every single kill. And the guilt was eating him alive. Jackson tried to shut it out, but no matter how hard he squeezed his eyes shut, their faces kept flashed in front of him. He saw the fear in their eyes and the sharp poisonous claws tearing them apart; he heard their screams. That certainly hadn't been part of the plan. He had thought it would be so easy: get the bite from Derek, turn during the full moon, and have unimaginable strength to be able to put Scott McCall in his place. How very wrong he was…

Instead, Jackson turned into something that he couldn't control, which was probably the worst thing in this whole fiasco. He had lost control of himself. And he had so little of it to begin with; at least, that was what he believed.

He tried pathetically to handle it himself, but in the end it was McCall – no, in the end it was Scott and his side kicks and worse yet, Derek and his side kick, who ended up coming to his rescue. And Lydia...Jackson owed her everything. Even after the way he tossed her aside in his chase for glory, she still saved him, still cared about him.

Thinking about all those people brought his mind back to his other dilemma. What was he going to do now? What can he do? How can he possibly face them after everything? On top of the guilt, he felt completely embarrassed, humiliated, devastated… Oh God... Jackson ran his hands over his face, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to close everything out. He didn't know what felt worse, the humiliation he felt over turning into the Kanima, or the guilt for killing those people. He knew which should make him feel worse, except that as usual, he put himself first. He couldn't help it. Humiliation and embarrassment trumped guilt. He was still the same selfish asshole after all.

Unable to face anyone, Jackson had been skipping school for over a week. He knew his parents were worried about him, but they sensed enough not to pressure him into going. Scott had come by once and Jackson practically flew into a panic, hiding in his bathroom until Scott gave up knocking and left. Out of everyone, Scott was the last person he wanted to see. After the way Jackson had treated him, Scott still wanted to help him. And it killed Jackson knowing that. Because he knew that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't have lifted a finger to help Scott unless there was something in it for him.

Danny had called him what seemed hundreds of times, so much so that Jackson turned his phone off. He also came over religiously every day after practice, but Jackson had his mom send him away each time. Danny knew something big had gone down, but he had no idea what, didn't understand why Jackson wouldn't see him, talk to him. And yet, Jackson couldn't see him because he was a stark reminder of what he had been. God...he almost killed Danny. That memory had hit him like a freight train. That fucking asshole almost made him kill Danny. And with that thought came the anger. Anger at Matt who was really at the root of all this. It was all his fault!

In a rage Jackson picked up a random item from his nightstand and threw it blindly, without aim. Hearing glass break, he pulled himself up and walked to his desk. A framed picture of Lydia had fallen to the floor. She had put it on his desk when they first started dating. He didn't even realize he still had it.

Lydia had come by a few times and was the only one who was granted entry to his house. It was probably because she saved him, but she was the only person he could stand seeing without the embarrassment overwhelming him. He was actually able to talk to her. And it wasn't like the way they used to talk, but really talk. It was almost therapeutic. But even still, he couldn't admit all his deepest, darkest feelings to her. And while they both admitted to still caring a lot about each other, they decided to just remain friends. It was clear to both that they only dated because each was the most popular at school. And while Jackson had found Lydia physically appealing, there was never really any real attraction.

Jackson slunk back to his bed, mind wandering to yet another dilemma, the biggest one. The full moon was coming up in a few days and he was scared of what was going to happen when he turned that night. He couldn't control the Kanima, what made him think he could control the wolf in him? Jackson thought back to when he had asked Allison out to make Scott jealous. He remembered the night when they were in his car and someone tried to attack them. He remembered finding the claw and figuring out that their attacker had been Scott. If even Scott wasn't able to fully control his wolf, how could Jackson? What if he went and attacked someone? How many more people were going to be added to his body count? And he couldn't possibly stay home. What if he attacked his parents?

Why the hell did he ever think becoming a werewolf would be a good thing? Jackson had wanted this so desperately all because Scott was one and was stronger than him. All because he needed to feel he was in control all the time. The need had consumed him. But instead, he turned into something that was controlled by a crazed murderer and used to kill people. Jackson hung his head and wished desperately it never happened. He wished that he could go back to the way things were...back to when he was normal. He wished that this could all be over.

Scott glanced at the empty stool behind him as he sat in chemistry class and saw that Jackson hadn't come to school, again. He was worried about what was going on with Jackson and wondered how long it would be before he was willing to talk to someone. Someone other than Lydia that is. Stiles said that Lydia had told him that Jackson he had just been staying at home and that he was dealing with it and just needed time. While Scott could only imagine what Jackson was feeling, he needed to get some help fast. The full moon was just a few days away and it would be Jackson's first. Someone needed to talk to him about how to try and control his wolf. What if he couldn't cope when he turned? And what if turning into the Kanima had somehow affected Jackson's wolf?

The bell rang and Scott rushed out the door with Stiles stumbling after him.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Stiles called.

"I gotta talk to Derek. Jackson won't talk to me, maybe he'll talk to Derek," Scott answered.

Stiles scrunched his brows and nodded slowly. "Yeah, uh huh. Jackson won't talk to you, or even Danny, but he'll totally talk to Derek...angry mean alpha Derek who scares the shit out of him," he said skeptically. "Totally makes sense."

Throwing his hands in the air, Scott replied, "I have to try everything. The full moon's just a few days away and as far as I know Jackson still has no clue of how to control his wolf. Unless, Lydia told you something otherwise."

"Nope." Stiles shook his head.

"Besides, Jackson might be able to ignore me, but Derek won't be ignored." Scott pulled out his phone and called Derek.

Derek answered after the fourth ring. "What?"

"Hey, um, listen. You need to talk to Jackson," Scott said.

"I need to what?" Derek asked incredulously.

"You need to talk to Jackson. The full moon's just three days away and he still has no idea how to control his wolf. You helped me and everyone in your pack, so you need to talk to Jackson." Scott braced himself for Derek's refusal.

"I don't need to do anything, Scott," Derek bit out. "I have two missing pack members and an alpha pack to look for. I am not taking on another one of your projects."

"But you have to, I mean, come on Derek," Scott whined. "Other than that mark on your house, you haven't found a trace of the alpha pack. Maybe they were just passing thru. And I thought you released Erica and Boyd from your pack. Why do you have to look for them?"

Derek sighed impatiently. "Because I'm pretty sure something bad happened to them that night that when we were dealing with Jackson and Gerard Argent because I can't feel them anymore."

"How do you know?" Scott asked. "They probably just left town."

"Even if a werewolf is released by his or her alpha, the alpha will still sense a connection until they join another pack, or become omegas, or..." Derek trailed off, leaving Scott to imagine the rest.

"They die?" Scott guessed in disbelief. "I doubt it, they're probably just too far away and aren't they omegas now? That's probably why you can't feel them. I'm sure they're fine, but Jackson will be in big trouble in a few days if you don't help him figure stuff out."

"Forget it, I'm not going to waste time explaining everything to you," Derek dismissed. "And I'm not going to talk to Jackson either. You know, I went to him before, after I realized he survived the bite. I felt him panic and I went to help him, but he completely blew me off. He didn't want to be in my pack then and I don't want him in it now. Jackson is an omega and he's on his own."

"Wait a second," Scott protested. "You know how he is. He's mostly just talk and he needs help now. What if he goes out of control and hurts someone?"

"Not my concern. I've got other things to worry about. You wanted to save him and I did my part in that. He's your problem now." Derek brushed him off and hung up before Scott could get another word out.

"Urrggghhh!" Scott gripped his phone so tightly he cracked the case. "Damnit!"

"No dice, huh?" Stiles asked as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

Scott didn't respond. He spotted Lydia and Allison down the hall and rushed over to them. "Lydia! Are you going to see Jackson today?"

Lydia pursed her lips and shook her head. "Probably not. I went over yesterday and I don't want to wear him out, you know?"

"But it's important. You need to tell him that he needs to talk to me," Scott urged.

"Look, I already tried. I told him that you could give him some advice on how to handle the whole being a werewolf thing, but he's just not ready." Lydia shrugged.

"The full moon is in three days," Scott exclaimed. "He has no idea what's going to happen. Why am I the only one worried about it?"

Giving him a look, Lydia said, "You have no clue, do you? He's scared to death of what might happen. Trust me, he's worried too, ok? You think he wants to hurt anyone else after all the people he's – you know!"

"That's why he needs to talk to me," Scott insisted. "I tried to get Derek to talk to him, but he said –"

"Wait a sec, you tried to get Derek to talk to him?" Allison interrupted. "Derek, who killed my mom and scares the shit out of Jackson?"

"That's what I said," Stiles chimed in. "The part about him scaring the shit out of Jackson...not the other…umm yeah."

"I didn't know what else to do," Scott defended. "He totally freaked out when I went to his house. I could hear his heart pounding, I thought he was gonna have a heart attack."

"Look, we've got a plan," Lydia said. "Allison and I found this place, we think it's the same spot Derek used to hide out in. On the night of the full moon, I'm gonna bring Jackson there and Allison and I will chain him up so he can't go anywhere."

Scott gave them a surprised look. "Why didn't you tell me? I mean, if I'm there, it might work and I'll ask Isaac if he can come too."

"No one told you because you're not invited," Lydia answered. "If Jackson knew you or that guy would be there, he wouldn't go. I know it."

"You two cannot handle him by yourselves. I mean you're just –" Scott stopped himself before he finished.

"Girls?" Allison finished for him. "I'm gonna bring my bow and plenty of arrows."

"Look, we've got it covered, so you can stop worrying ok? Later." Lydia turned on her heel and headed down the hallway with Allison following her.

"You're still worried, aren't you?" Stiles guessed.

"Yeah. Screw school." Scott took off out the doors and headed straight to Jackson's house.

When Scott arrived at the Whittemores' he could sense Jackson upstairs. Instead of knocking, he went around back and saw that one of the upstairs windows was open. Jumping up to the second story, he let himself in the house and walked silently through the hall until he found Jackson's door. He turned the knob and was surprised to find it unlocked.

Scott pushed the door open and called out, "Jackson? We need to talk; it's important."

Jackson sprang up from the bed in shock, having had no clue Scott was even in the house. "What the fuck are you doing here? Get out!"

"Look, I just want to help you ok?" Scott tried to approach him, but Jackson threw out his arms to keep him back.

"St– Stay away from me. I told Lydia I didn't want to see anyone. Didn't she tell you?" Jackson said frantically as he shook like a leaf.

Having had enough, Scott yelled, "You have no idea if you can control the wolf or not! Do you want to be responsible for more people dying?"

Stunned, Jackson's face blanched. It was worse hearing the words from someone else. Then his expression cleared and he said quietly, "Well maybe it's better if I'm just not around."

"What do you mean? Are you leaving Beacon Hills?" Scott asked, confused. "Your problems won't go away."

"No, I'm just going to let it be. Whatever happens, happens," Jackson said resolutely.

"What do you mean 'whatever happens happens'? Scott looked puzzled.

Jackson gave him a pointed look and then it hit Scott. He wanted the Argents to kill him. As the Kanima they weren't able to hurt him, but as a werewolf, he had plenty of weaknesses. They could kill him. "Wait a second! Gerard's gone and Allison's dad isn't the same as him. He's not just going to go around killing any werewolf he sees."

"But their main objective is still to keep people safe from werewolves and if I'm out of control and I attack someone, they'll have to take me out." Jackson said calmly, as if he had just found the solution to all his problems.

"Are you saying you want to go out of control? You want them kill you? No...no way. You can't do that. Your parents, your friends. A lot of people care about you ok. They'll be devastated," Scott beseeched him, hoping that he would see reason.

"They'll be better off without me," Jackson said with finality. "You'll all be better off."

Seeing Jackson's eyes harden with purpose, Scott realized that nothing he said would change Jackson's mind. He turned to leave, but not before he added, "Just so you know, I don't think I'd be better off if you were dead. And I know plenty of people who would say the same."

Scott left the house and took off running. What should he do? How can he stop Jackson from commencing his plan? What can he do? Scott did the only thing he could think of. He called Derek.

It took Derek eight rings to answer. "What is it now?" He practically growled.

"Jackson isn't my problem, he's yours!" Scott blurted out. "This is your fault! You gave into your urges and bit him. None of this would have happened if you'd just kept your mouth shut! You were the alpha, you should have had more control over yourself."

"So, you're blaming the whole Kanima fiasco on me?" Derek asked in slow measured words.

Realizing how angry Derek was, Scott said, "Ok, it's not all your fault. Matt's mostly to blame, and I know you wouldn't have bitten Jackson if he didn't want it. But it was you who bit him and so you need to help him." Derek was silent so Scott continued quietly and said the only thing left to say, "He wants to die. He told me so. He's just waiting for the full moon to come and he'll go out of control and make the Argents end everything for him."

Hearing an audible intake of breath, Scott's hopes were raised.

After a few moments of silence, Derek gave in, "Alright. I'll go talk to him."

A/N: I did not set out thinking it would be this angsty…but…yeah. Ok people…motivate me! I really wanna finish this before season 3 starts. =P