Disclaimer: I don't own any of GLEE, etc, etc…if I did I wouldn't need this story to make all of my dreams come true and poke a little fun at myself and the fandom and my obsession with samcedes and GLEE in the process.

GleeTrufax #1: They all ship samcedes, but RIB likes to play

kurt and rachel are marching into school all determined, mercedes and others are in the background. they hit the hallway with the wind machine and look like they are going into show choir battle. finn has his supportive buffoon face on and blaine is looking all french pooodlish. suddenly a door opens (to the janitor's closet) in the background and a well muscled arm (totes tru if you saw it lifting weights last night *fans herself*) and pulls mercedes into the dimly lit recesses.

The camera is actually torn about who to follow as it pans to look at kurt and rachel walking one way and the door to the closet swinging shut. after almost following gayberry, the decision is made and suddenly we are in the closet.

Mercedes is pressed up against the closed door with a look of shock plastered on her face and a grinning sam facing her.

he says 'two things, that's all, i promise'

she nods slowly and relaxes into the door.

'number one, will you go to prom with me, just you, me, the bolo, and the diva?'

she smiles shyly and says 'there's so little time left, is it wise to jump into it now' and then she adds, 'wait, the bolo?'

smiling, he moves in closer and answers. 'all i want is to have my princess on my arm one last time. besides, the body roll is just one of my new moves. i wanna teach you some more.' he wiggles his right eyebrow at her.

'TEACH me? you? plese, boy i could roll you to the floor and back up again.'

'is that a yes?'

'yes' *eyeroll* (but not a nasty one like the one from the Whitney tribute, a cute flirty one)

'good, now for number two'

his arms had been palmflat against the door on either side of his head. at this point he moves his left to cup her face while his right slides down off screen. his right shoulder dips and as he moves mercedes mouth falls open. We zoom in on her face, sumthin is def going on down there. 'sa-ssam, what are you doing'

leaning in for a kiss he says, 'baby, you think i didn't see you in that skirt friday.' after melting her with a kiss, during which he can be heard mumbling 'dat ass' he pulls back (and is very pleased that she tries to follow his lips back, to avoid breaking the kiss.) 'i miss you and i'm done wasting time. i don't need official, but i need you, in my arms, holding my hand, sitting on my lap, smiling at me, and laughing in my ear...everyday until i have to let you go.'

she stands there with a dreamy look on her face, and before she can answer sam has pressed forward for his next kiss. he doesn't need an answer, just her.

and then back to the part of the show no one cares about (unless rachel does actually choke in her nyada auditions, then i am watching the hell out of that next segment!)

it should go down like thus:

a smexily dischevled and breathless samcedes sneak into the back of the auditorium hoping to at least have made it in time to hear kurt. they are somewhat pleased to discover that rachel is still onstage.

*pretend this is rachel singing, b/c i don't know what song she's actually doing…*

and then the singing just ends midcroak. rachel covers her mouth and her eyes go wide. 'let me star-'

'this audition is over. NEXT!'

'no but wait you, you don't understand. i need another—c'

'NEXT!'

rachel gets all red in the face and starts shaking real bad. finn is hiding in the wings watching with kurt. next thing you know kurt gasps and dives behind finns body for cover. finn just stands there letting himself be covered in goop.

(imagine your tv screen covered in pink gloopy berryguts that are now sliding down leaving slimy trails, blocking your view from the shocked reaction of the hidden gleeks now rushing the stage. okay really it's just blaine & samcedes, but they are rushing.)

and finn is looking confused and gassy, not sure how to fix it. and now you hear 'squeak, squeak, squeak' as the creepy janitor comes out of the wings wheeling a cleaning cart. mr. kidney looks at finn, tosses kurt a towel, and goes to stand over the berrypile now littering the stage. turning back to his cart he walks over to the screen with one of those big squeegees to remove the blood&guts from the screen (as if there really is a camera there!)

a/n: perf beginning andending LOL :P & wanky episode title is wanky.