I remember when I was six and Mom was teaching me to tie my shoes;
Sadie was four and she was in Dad's lap, giggling away as he tickled her.
One month later, I had finally convinced Mom to give me a room of my own,
she just didn't want to have me out of her sight at night,
she wanted me safely in her arms.
I was going to miss sleeping with her, cuddled up and nice and warm and safe from the monsters in the closet and under the bed,
but it had to be done,
I convinced her I was no longer a little boy ("I'm a big boy now, mommy"),
and that Sadie needed the room to feel safe and warm and nice.
Mom and Dad bought me my bed and put it in one of the empty rooms in our house.
They helped me decorate my room with Superman and Spiderman decorations, and painted the walls blue.
That night, I slept for the first time in my new bed.
I was scared of the monster under my bed and the one in the closet.
But I remembered that movie (Monster Inc.?) I had seen a few days ago and told myself that it was probably the big blue monster in my closet.
With that, I had fallen asleep, even though I couldn't explain the monster under my bed.
I was eight and Sadie was six.
We were outside of our house at night, sitting on our parent's laps, Sadie on Dad's and me on Mom's.
We were watching the stars, which happened every Sunday.
Dad was telling us myths, Mom was telling us not to believe it. She was also telling us the laws of physics and the names of the stars.
I was eight and Sadie was six.
Dad was devastated, Mom was gone.
I had cried a river when Dad told us, Sadie cried with me, I had been holding her the entire time.
Mom was gone, she was never coming back.
I would never hear her voice again
smell her perfume
look into her beautiful blue eyes
she would never hold me
ever again.