As she popped the two baby bottles into the little warming caddy that fit snuggly on what was her favorite sauce pan-turned-baby-formula-warming-pan, Didi Pickles was struck with the oddest feeling of wrongness. She remembered when she had been a young woman, before meeting Stu and starting a family, and she'd scoffed at her mother when she claimed that all women had a sixth sense when it came to their families. It was only now, with children of her own, that she saw the wisdom of her mother's words. How many times had she felt that something was up, something she couldn't quite grasp, but it would be wise to go and check on her little ones. She'd gotten that feeling only days earlier, when the babies had gotten stuck in the runaway Reptar Wagon and ended up lost in the forest. She could still remember the chill that had suddenly filled her soul while she'd been out and later cursed herself for not listening to what her instincts were telling her. Perhaps if she had...

No, there was no use dwelling on it. The babies had been found and were safe and that was all that mattered. Everyone was happy and healthy and things were back to normal.

"Blub! Blublubu!"

Didi smiled, looking over at the baby carrier that was currently sitting on the kitchen counter. "Alright, Dilly-willy, mommy hears you. I have a nice tasty bottle for you and one for Tommy... oh." Didi blinked at the empty high chair that sat at the table. She'd expecting to see Tommy there, the playful grin she'd come to love so much on his face as he waited for his bottle and then breakfast. But there was no Tommy... merely her youngest child and an empty seat. Dil gurgled in annoyance, reaching chubby fingers up as he grunted, clearly wanting his bottle and not in the mood to wait. "Okay, sweetheart, let me get it." Grabbing the bottle and checking to make sure it was just warm enough while also not so hot as to burn his little tongue, Didi clicked in approval before giving Dil his bottle and turning back to the stove. "I just don't know where my mind is today," she said to herself. "I completely forgot your brother. Poor little guy must be so confused... now then, let me-" Didi turned around, only to blink in confusion. Dil had already drained his bottle and was grunting again, reaching for the bottle she'd prepared for Tommy. "My, someone is hungry!" Dil's face crumpled, a clear sign that he was going to begin bawling. "Now now, Dilly, you already had your bottle and this one is for Tommy-"

The moment those words left her mouth Dil let out a high-pitch scream that would have rivaled air raid sirens. Didi did her best to try and calm him, coming over and shushing and cooing to him. Dil however was having none of it and violently kicked and thrashed, screaming his little head off.

"Someone's upset," Stu said as he entered the kitchen.

"Can you go get Tommy while I calm him down?" Didi asked over Dil's sobs. "I forgot to grab him and if he doesn't get fed we'll have two upset babies."

Stu, however, ignored her and walked over to Dil, wiggling his fingers at him. "Hey, champ! Why so upset? Is dad's one and only still hungry?" Stu reached over and plucked the second bottle from Didi's hand, handing it to Dil who happily began to tug at the nipple.

"That was for Tommy!" Didi complained.

"Dil wanted it," Stu reasoned. "Just easier to give him what he wants than deal with the crying. Besides, Tommy won't mind… Dil needs it more."

"He doesn't need it though, Stu," Didi said with a sigh, gesturing at the bottle that was still full, Dil merely giggling as he sloshed it around. "He's not even drinking it... it will go to waste!" She went to grab it only for Dil to yank it away from her, his face set in an angry pout.

Stu merely shrugged and went to start the coffee maker. "I'd say calming down our son isn't a waste."

Didi rolled her eyes. "Can you at least put another bottle on the stove while I go get Tommy?" She began to head out of the room only for Dil to begin screaming again, waving the still-full bottle about. Droplets of milk splattered Stu's shirt as he walked back over and moved to face his sobbing child.

"Think he needs mommy, Deeds," Stu said as he lifted the squirming upset infant up.

"In a moment, I need to get Tommy," Didi said, only to blink when Stu much too quickly darted around and practically thrust Dil in her face. "Stu!"

"This is important, Didi!" Stu whined. "He won't stop crying and he needs you! Tommy doesn't matter right now… Dil does!"

Didi almost reached out and took Dil but the earlier feeling, the one that said something wasn't right, began to trickle along her spine again. It was as if she knew she needed to be somewhere but an almost magnetic pull was dragging her back to the kitchen and to Dil. She felt that it would be easier to just give in and accept her screeching son but her gut was telling her to push on. She gently sidestepped Stu, Dil grabbing onto her shirt and tugging on it as she passed. Didi reached up and pried his little fingers away, a memory of another little hand holding her finger bursting into her mind. That was enough fuel for her to push on, ignoring Stu's pitiful demands that she take Dil off her hands as she made her way towards the living room.

"I am so sorry, Tommy," Didi said as he walked around the couch. "First mommy forgets to get you for breakfast and then your little brother won't stop crying... this has been a rough morning but I promise-"

The next words died in her throat.

Didi felt her knees tremble and her stomach lurch down to her feet. The world seemed to spin for a moment even as her upper body seized up and refused to move. She felt like ice water had been poured down her central nervous system. A new high-pitched whine filled the air and it took her several seconds to realize it was coming from her as she stared at Tommy's playpen.

The once carefully painted wood was chipped and cracked, looking more like a rotting fence around some abandoned lot than the sturdy planks that would protect her child. The little metal latch was rusted shut to the point that no amount of elbow grease would get it to move. Inside the pen the carpet suddenly stopped, the soft fiber ripped away revealing cold concrete without a single toy or block to give comfort and joy. Large cobwebs hung in the corner, creating drapes for the sole occupant in the miserable little cage.

Didi reached out, her hand trembling like a wounded dove. There, laying pitifully in the corner of the playpen, was Tommy's skeleton.

The happy eyes that had looked up at her with trust and love were replaced by empty dark hollows that stared out at nothing and everything. The wispy hair she'd love to stroke and the soft pink skin she'd blown raspberries on were gone, leaving only clean hard white bone. His head was tilted haphazardly to one side, Tommy's jaw hanging open with his legs and arms sprawled out. He was still wearing his favorite blue shirt and his diaper but both were threadbare and covered in crusty stains, showing just how little love and attention the precious life had received. The tiny little form lay abandoned and forgotten with only dustmites to keep it company, neglected even in death.

Didi felt herself moving towards the playpen but she simply couldn't touch it. Couldn't step over the fence. Couldn't touch... touch... it would make it real, make it true and as long as she didn't get near it then it wasn't real and everything was still okay and her miracle baby wasn't... wasn't...

She heard Dil crying somewhere behind her.

"Didi, come on," Stu said, walking up with the thrashing 3 month old. "Dil is really upset and needs his mommy."

The grieving mother turned, though only enough to stare at Stu; as much as she wanted to shut her eyes and look away from the little skeleton that was wearing her son's favorite shirt it felt utterly wrong to do so. He deserved that much. "Stu... Stu, please tell me this is a joke."

"No, Dil really is upset-"

"Not Dil!" Didi screamed, waving wildly at the playpen. "Tommy! Please tell me this is a joke! A sick, horrible joke! Where is he?"

"Tommy?" Stu looked at the playpen, staring at it with the same carrying one might give a tree stump that had been in their yard for years. "Oh yeah... been meaning to clean that up. Sorry Didi… Dil here just draws so much attention-"

"Clean... clean that..." Didi lurched forward, to do what she didn't know, only for the sounds of their friends' voices to fill the air as they walked into the house. Didi was suddenly of two minds: one half wanted them to leave now, horrified at what they might see what had become of her child, while the other half thought perhaps they would know what was going on and tell her where her precious Tommy was. Because he couldn't be gone. He just couldn't… "Betty! Chaz! Where is Tommy? Did he spend the night at your houses?"

"Tommy?" Betty said, scratching her check. "Tommy? No, he wasn't at our house."

"He's right there," Chaz said with a grin, pointing at the skeleton that was still laying there in the corner. The redhead turned to Stu. "I thought you guys were going to clean that up last weekend."

"I meant to but then I got focused on building a new toy and Dil was really upset so I had to play with him-"

"TOMMY! WHERE IS TOMMY?!" Didi screamed at her husband and friends, stopping their conversation. Even Dil piped down, looking at her in confusion.

"He's right there, Didi," Betty said, her tone the same as when she talked to Phil and Lil. "Now why don't you cuddle this cute little guy," she wiggled her fingers at Dil, who cooed in delight, thrilled he was once more the center of attention, "and let Stu and Chaz clean that mess up."

Didi felt white hot rage go through her. She wheeled on the three, screaming, "Mess? Mess? How... that... that's my son!" Tears gathered in her eyes, the energy she'd had leaving her as the reality of the situation crashed down upon her. "Tommy..."

"Didi, calm down," Stu said, setting Dil down before wrapping an arm around her as he tried to pull her away from the rotting playpen. "I don't get why you're so emotional... it's not like you really cared for Tommy-"

SLAP!

Didi's hand burned but she figured not nearly as much as Stu's now-red cheek. "How... how dare you! He was my son!" She looked down, curling her arms up to cradle an invisible bundle. "My baby...oh god, my baby...my little miracle…"

Betty's mouth quirked; it wasn't a smile or a frown... more of a 'uh, okay?' look. It was the look one would give a crazy person after they said that their favorite pudding flavor was 'toenail'. "I guess... but come on, Didi, it was real clear you didn't care about Tommy anymore."

"How... how can you say that?" Didi asked even as Dil gurgled at her feet, bobbing her shoes with his little fists.

Chaz looked sheepish. "Well... when is the last time you read to him?" Didi opened her mouth to respond only for no words to come out. She wracked her brain, trying to remember when was the last time she and Tommy had sat down and enjoyed a book, but nothing came to mind. No... something did come to mind: time and again her telling Tommy not now as he held up a book, Didi too busy holding Dil. She could see it clearly, the hope in his bright, beautiful eyes dimming as he slowly lowered his favorite Reptar book, his shoulders slumping as he toddled away, Didi not even bothering to watch where he went as she cooed about Dil making a spit bubble.

"Or the last time you played with him?" Betty asked. More memories of Tommy trying to get her attention but her focus solely at her newborn son. Of him being casually pushed away, placed out of sight, promises of 'in a few moments, sweetie' that never came to pass. "Or bathed him or fed him?" Didi felt herself rocking back and forth as memories, horrible, vivid memories of her time and time again putting Dil before Tommy burned through her gray matter, his wonderful smile gradually wasting away much as his form did. She could see the last time she'd truly noticed him, looking so thin and fragile, whimpering for comfort only for her to focus on Dil when he spit up on himself. "You've been so focused on Dil that we all assumed you were done with Tommy. Not like it's a big loss... I mean, he's no Dil! I'd say you traded up!"

The baby in question seemed to gurgle in agreement.

"Tell ya what," Stu said, patting her on the shoulder, "why don't you sit down and feed Dil while we get rid of this stuff. This corner would make a great spot for a playhouse for Dil. No reason to let it go to waste holding all this clutter. Get rid of all this and then we don't ever have to think about it again. Just focus on Dil… like you want." Her friends and husband moved to begin dismantling the broken play pen, Chaz accidently hitting Tommy's skeleton and sending it flopping to the ground. None of them even paid any heed when Stu's foot came down with a crutch, shattering Tommy's arm bone, grinding it to dust.

That was it. That was enough to snap Didi out of her trance. She was moving forward, trying to get to Tommy, to save him, to at least give him the dignity in death that had been stolen from him in life, but it felt like she wasn't moving at all. In fact it became clear that he was moving farther and farther away from her. The cold little corner where his lifeless form lay became shrouded in darkness, his bones crumbling as Stu and their friends carelessly knocked and batted the tiny frame about. Didi fell to her hands and knees, trying to claw her way towards Tommy, only to feel something tug at her dress. Looking back she realized that Dil had grabbed hold of her hem and was pulling her towards him, the baby screeching "MINE! MINE!" over and over, enraged that she dared show Tommy any attention or love. Behind him she saw all of Tommy's clothing and toys, things she had spent hours picking out knowing they would make him smile... now piled up behind the infant that always demanded more.

All sound fell away as Didi felt a soft wind tickle her check. A voice she'd never heard but knew in an instant spoke. It was a voice that would now never be.

"It's okay," the little voice said sadly, wavering on the wind. "I know you weren't really my mommy. I was just a placeholder until you got your real baby. I'll go now, so you can be happy. You don't have to keep pretending you love me any more."

"No..." Didi sobbed, reaching out as the last little bits of Tommy faded away, wiping away all traces of his existence. She dimly realized that all signs of him, from the pictures on the mantle to the marks he'd made on the wall were disappearing as well. The world was robbing her of her son, leaving her not even evidence that he'd ever existed. She heard the little voice echoing in her ears even as she screamed, "I do love you... Tommy please... Tommy please don't go! I'm sorry, baby! I'm sorry! Don't leave! Don't leave! Please baby! Please! Please-"

"Didi!"

"Waa! Waa! Waa!"

"Don't leave mommy... please don't... please Tommy!"

"DIDI!"

Didi was suddenly aware that she wasn't in the living room, reaching out for the last remains of her son. She was in bed, Stu shaking her almost violently, the baby monitor squawking as Dil sobbed.

"Didi, wake up! You're having a nightmare!" Stu said, trying to rouse her. "Didi-"

"TOMMY!" Didi screamed, struggling to sit up. She looked around wildly, the world blurry without her glasses. "Tommy...Tommy!"

"No, Didi, its Dil. He's hungry... or his diaper needs to be changed... or he just doesn't want us to sleep again," Stu sighed at his bad joke. "You were having a nightmare, Deeds, but you need to-"

Didi grabbed Stu's arm so hard her knuckles went white. "Where's Tommy?! Where's Tommy!?"

"Tommy?" Stu said, confused. He scratched his head. "I don't know-"

While he was going to say "I don't know... his crib where we left him?" Didi never gave him a chance to finish. It had been the wrong thing to say to the panicking mother and Stu found himself hitting the floor with a thud as his wife raced out of the room. Didi barely remembered to grab her glasses as she darted out and down the hall, her bare feet pounding the floor as she raced into the nursery. She saw Dil screaming and kicking but for the first time in months he wasn't her first focus. No, her eyes instead swept the nursery until they came to rest on Tommy's crib.

For a moment she feared the nightmare had been true. The crib was completely empty save for Tommy; no stuffed animals or toys or even a blanket where anywhere near her son to offer comfort. The mattress was at least there and the crib looked to be in the same condition it had been hours before, so that was a relief. Yet there was Tommy, wearing his shirt and diaper…lying there... utterly still.

For one heartbreaking moment she was for sure he was dead.

Then his head moved slightly and the breath she hadn't realized she was holding came out in a powerful blast.

Didi slowly made her way to the crib, her entire body trembling as she looked down at Tommy. The baby stared at her and though she felt such relief at knowing he was alive she also felt her heart shatter at the sight of him. He looked so worn and tired, his own sleep cycle destroyed by Dil's screaming. Tommy had clearly not been getting enough rest, not that she'd noticed herself. He wasn't making any noises either... in fact Didi had never seen Tommy so quiet. He had always been a noisy, happy baby, gurgling and cooing at the sight of her. But now he looked at her and if he had been older Didi would have said it was confusion that crossed his features. It was as if he didn't understand why she was there... why she would be looking at him when Dil yet again demanded her attention. She reached down to touch him and let out a whimper when he didn't move towards her embrace; Tommy always tried to meet her halfway. Always. Yet now he seemed cautious, timid...

...like he was afraid the comfort she was going to offer would be yanked away at a moment's instant. Like he'd been disappointed too many times and his heart couldn't risk yet more disappointment. Like he expected her to turn towards Dil and once more ignore his needs.

"It's okay… I know you weren't really my mommy"

A knife went right through her heart.

"Didi, come on," Stu said somewhere behind her. She heard Dil's cries change slightly as he lifted the infant up. "Hmmm... not wet and we just fed him... I think he just wants attention. Tommy seems fine enough, thank goodness. Why don't you come over here and-"

She didn't hear him. Instead her eyes swept over the empty crib.

"You don't have to keep pretending you love me any more."

When she spoke she was just as startled as Stu by her words. "Where is the bear?"

"The... what?"

"The bear? Tommy's bear?" She turned away, looking at Dil's crib, and forced herself to believe that she didn't really hear Tommy sigh in disappointment and it was only her imagination. She looked at Dil's crib, her brow furrowing as she looked at all the toys and plushies and other odds and ends that were littered around and in it. While Tommy's side of the room was practically empty Dil's seemed to be bursting at the seams. Gifts that her parents had given her, little toys that were his favorite, items their friends had purchased just for him... they'd all ended up with Dil.

"Oh yeah," Stu said with a yawn, juggling the still fussing Dil. The cries had stopped but the baby was still sniffing, ready to begin sobbing again at any moment. "About a week ago Dil got a hold of it and him and Tommy were fighting over it and I convinced Tommy to let him have it." Seeing her just stare at him Stu swallowed but pushed on. "Tommy got upset but Dil's too little to understand. I sat Tommy down though and explained that as a big brother he has to let Dil have-"

"Give me the bear," Didi said firmly.

"Uh..." Stu looked down at the still whimpering baby. "I don't think-"

"The... bear."

Stu gulped and did as he was told. Dil let out a screech of protest and tried to grab the bear but Didi merely held onto the stuff animal, squeezing it hard against her chest as she panted, holding it like a drowning woman would a preserver. After a few moments her youngest calmed a bit, sniffing and staring at her in surprise.

"Okay," Stu said uneasily. "Well, why don't you-"

"No," Didi said, turning her back to him. "Tommy needs me."

Her husband frowned. "I really think he is fine. But Dil-"

"Put him in the car and drive around for a while! Chaz said that helped Chuckie calm down! Or take him down to the basement. Just... I need to be with Tommy, okay?" Stu opened his mouth but when he saw the way Didi was squeezing the bear, running her fingers along its seams and little eyes he wisely grew silent and backed out of the room, taking Dil with him.

Didi pulled the rocking chair from the corner and dragged it over to Tommy's crib, cringing a little at how he just laid there, staring at her. How many times had he stood up when she came near, excited to see her and ready for a hug and kiss and a cuddle? Now he just looked at her, listless and quiet... so utterly quiet. He had always been the most wonderful of conflicting emotions and actions, her special little guy. Adventurous and daring, exploring the world and curious. Yet when she was near he would seek her out and cling to her for comfort. While Dil was clingy to the point that you couldn't be in the same room with him without him demanding your attention and Angelica had been stubborn, refusing hugs and cuddles and always wanting down, Tommy was a perfect mix of both. He could handle being on his own but when someone he loved was near he opened his little heart to them and would seek joy from them as much as he gave joy to them. Now though? Now he lay there, confused and quiet, the only movements he made being the soft rise and fall of his chest and the blinking of his eyes. He hadn't even been that quiet in the hospital...

Didi shuddered at that thought and leaned over the crib, moving to pick him up only to stop. Maybe it was because he made no move towards her arms like he usually did. Maybe it was because he looked so peaceful that she didn't want to disturb him.

Maybe it was because to hold him was a right she felt she'd lost.

Whatever the case she instead sat down in the rocking chair and gently reached through the slates of the crib, her fingers delicately ghosting along the back of his hand. He didn't flinch away... yet he also didn't move closer, breaking her heart yet again. He just lay there, not even moving to look at her. She placed his bear on her lap, her finger stroking his tiny hand as she thought back to the last time she'd been in this position.

"Your daddy and I tried a long time to have you," she said softly, her voice a soothing murmur. Tommy slowly rolled his head towards her and she got the impression he was thinking 'why are you talking about this?'. "We tried for two years, sweetheart... there were days I cried myself to sleep, wondering why we couldn't have you. I think maybe you weren't ready yet... or maybe you weren't up there and God knew we deserved someone special like you so he made us wait. Maybe he just wanted to hold onto you himself just a bit more." Didi sniffed even as she smiled. "When we found out we were having you we were so happy. We couldn't wait to meet you. I... guess you couldn't wait to meet us either... maybe that's why you came so early."

Didi reached down with her free hand, touching her stomach. "You were suppose to come a month later but you were so energetic then that you just had to get out. But it was too soon... you were so tiny... the doctors-" Didi hiccupped before continuing, her voice wavering with her tears, both for the now and the past, "the doctors wouldn't even let me hold you. They were afraid I'd hurt you, because you were so small. They put you in an incubator, hooking up all these tubes to help your lungs and your heart... I hated it so much. I told them you were scared, that you didn't know what was going on. You didn't get to go to the nursery with all the other babies… just all alone in a tube. One... one nurse even said we shouldn't go see you, so we didn't get attached in case... in case you..."

She couldn't finished. The nightmare was still too fresh.

"All I could do was let you hold my finger. That was it. I couldn't kiss you or cuddle you or even feed you. It was all done by machines and nurses in strange masks. I had dreamed of you for so long and then there you were but I wasn't for sure you'd live long enough for me to ever get to even hold you. I stayed so long there and when I couldn't your daddy did. We were afraid if we left you... we'd just gotten you, sweetheart, and we didn't want you to leave us so soon." She looked down, running the fingers of her free hand along Tommy's bear. "One nurse, a much nicer nurse, gave me this. She said that whenever I wanted to hold you I should hug this bear... store all my love for you in it. That way, when you got better, I could give it to you so you'd have more love than any other baby in the world. So I'd sit with you and hug this bear and I swore that you were the light of my life and I'd never forget that." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I broke that promise in less than two years."

Tommy shifted slightly, kicking his leg but otherwise made no other moments. He just stared at her with quiet eyes as Didi cried.

"Your brother was the first newborn I got to hold and... and I guess that is why I got so wrapped up with him. That and he is so needy. You've always been so strong, even when you were in the hospital... it is easy to forget that you are so young and need mommy as much as Dil does." Didi swallowed hard, slowing the stroking motion she had been making with her fingers. "I know things have changed, sweetheart, and I won't promise that things can go back to the way they were before Dil. Because I love your little brother. I love him so much. But that doesn't mean I love you any less. And mommy is going to work so hard to show you that. I don't know how, Tommy, but I promise that I will find ways to show you I love you... and make up for letting you down."

"Mmmmupf."

Didi blinked, slowly looking down at the crib... and watched as Tommy's hand closed around her finger, giving it a small squeeze. He didn't give her a brilliant smile, he didn't giggle and laugh... no, that would come later. When she earned it.

Didi wiped away her tears. For now though... that was enough.

~MC~MC~MC~

Author's Notes: So… this needs some explaining. Don't ask me why but the other day I got the urge to rewatch some scenes from the Rugrats Movie. And I came away with two thoughts: Dil is a brat and Tommy's parents are horrible.

When my mother got pregnant with my brother she and my dad spent the next few months taking me on fun trips, explaining that when the baby was born we'd have to focus on him a bit but they still loved me. THe thing is... I never remember them focusing on him more than me. I never felt abandoned. My parents did it right and I loved my brother.

But this movie? Dil is a brat that not only steals Tommy's toys he physically hits him. And does his parents do anything? Nope... Stu even encourages it, giving Dil the toys over Tommy being upset, trying to wrap it up in "Well, little brothers are a pain". Now, we come to the big emotional climax. What is it? Is it Dil realizing the error of his ways? Didi and Stu realizing they've neglected their son? Nope! It is Tommy apologizing for getting upset. The big moment is the character that suffered APOLOGIZES TO THE BRAT. And yes, Dil suddnely 'learns to share' but come on, that isn't earned. Not after all the crap he did.

I had several different ways of doing this. At one point the idea was to have Tommy decide to give him mom and dad the 'old shoulder' (cold shoulder) as well as Dil, not realizing they were trying to be nice to him and things only getting worse the harder they tried. Another idea was to redo the movie to make the climax be earned. But I was struck by the utter sadness of Didi dreaming of Tommy dead and telling her that he knew she didn't love him and decided to run with this.

This is a type of angst/hurt/comfort story I love. Tears at the beginning, a character realizing they've done wrong, and then working towards the happy. The Castle fic I did, Chasing Him, is like this. If anyone has any good Rugrats fics like this, please let me know.

Final question: is there a demand for more? Because I have at least two more chapters in mind. The first would be focused on Dil, revealing that he too had a nightmare concerning Tommy that makes him see the error of his ways. The other would be pure fluff with Didi having a day with Tommy, showing him she loved him and slowly getting him back to his normal self.