A/N: A side note, Kioku is coming along, I'm trying not to rush it. Anyway, I think with this oneshot, I finally crossed the line. You'll see what I mean when you read. If you don't see me again, then know that it was this story that did me in. I've written many disturbing stories, and weaved many twisted tales, but nothing like this. As a warning, I'll tell you now: If you aren't ready for the thing that you are about to read, then turn back and forget that this story existed. This really is twisted, but also note that it doesn't reflect on the views I hold. Actually to tell the truth, a good portion of this was inspired by a hentai doujin I read with a similar theme(yes I do read them). Anyway, read, and may god have mercy on my soul (even if I don't believe in him).
- Kode-Dekka
"Mother"
A "Twisted Worlds" Story
Kode-Dekka
What am I doing?
Her golden hair flowed between my hands, dancing through the cracks between my fingers.
What am I doing?
Her back was turned to me, so her eyes could not see the face I was making as I ran my fingers down the skin of her back.
What am I doing?
When she looked back at me, her eyes piercing through mine, I finally could stand it no longer. Her small body felt frail as I wrapped my arms around it, pulling it closer.
Why am I doing this?
She finally became curious of my actions, but all I did, was ask her if she wanted to play an adult's game; like the ones I used to do with Fate-mama.
Why am I doing this?
She was ecstatic, and nodded without hesitation. If everything wasn't so twisted, if my actions and motive weren't so disgraceful, I would have shared her enthusiasm.
What, just what is wrong with me?
On this day, one year ago, Fate-chan died. She was killed during a mission, and never came back to me alive, like she had promised. I hated her; even at her funeral, where I mourned her, I hated her for leaving me all alone.
But I wasn't all alone, I still had Vivio, I still had everyone else with me. However, they could not fill the void in my heart, nor could they satisfy the desires of my body. So, on the anniversary of her death, as I stood by Fate-chan's grave with Vivio, crying as I saluted her, I still hated her.
The two of us went home, where another miserable day would await me. I had no more desire to fly in the sky, I didn't want to fly in a sky where Fate-chan could not join me. So I retired from the TSAB, and decided to live the rest of my life as a normal woman, back on Earth; though once a year, I will continue to return to Mid-Childa, to pay my respects to the one woman that I both loved and hated.
Now that I lived a simple life on Earth, I needed a simple job to support my daughter. As if it were fate, I worked in the cafe that our family owned, as if this place was had been waiting patient for me to return. During the day, I would serve customers; at night, I would usually put Vivio to bed, and spend my nights crying...
One faithful day, a day that I dreaded as a parent, everything changed. Vivio had gotten her first period.
It was a chaotic mess. Blood was everywhere as she cried, telling me that she was dying. As she wailed, I held her, telling her that it would be okay, that she was far from dying. Once I managed to get her to calm down, I knew that I would have to have "the talk" with her. I didn't want to do this, and I almost said that I would let Fate-chan explain it, but then reality came back.
I explained it to her, that she was now on her way to being a woman. I left out some parts, specifically the ones about sex, that talk could always wait a little longer, or forever.
She was still a mess, so the two of us took a bath together. A memory of Fate-chan surfaced. There was a time, where Fate-chan had her period as well, and things pretty much ended up like this. Just like right now, the two of us had taken a bath together, though at the time we had no idea of what we felt for each other.
unexpectedly, thinking about that time, tears started to flow down my face. "Mama?" Vivio said to me, and asked me what was wrong. I wiped the tears away, but they kept flowing, and wouldn't stop. Eventually, like a good girl, she hugged me, telling me that it was okay, and not to cry.
Eventually I did stop, and it was the last time I wept for Fate-chan.
I began to notice as Vivio grew older, she was starting to get more and more like Fate-chan. They had the same hair, and they acted very similar as well, sometimes it was hard to tell the difference. My memories and reality blurred together at those times, and I would almost call her "Fate-chan" by accident. If it weren't for her size, I think I might have made that mistake.
When Vivio had started to physically develop, it became even more of a problem. Sometimes, without realizing it, I would hug her from behind, like I had done with Fate-chan. She was a good girl, and still so innocent, so she had no idea of the terrible thoughts that begun festering in my mind.
One day, I finally crossed the line, the one that must never be crossed.
Vivio was 12 now. She was getting more grown up every time I saw her, more beautiful, more like Fate-chan. On that day, we took another bath together. Now that she was getting older, I didn't think it was a good idea, but I couldn't help but do it anyway.
I offered to wash her back, and she accepted gladly. As I washed her, my hands grazed against her bare skin. It was warm, and soft, and wonderful. She giggled as I did so, saying that "Mama's hands tickled".
So innocent, so cute, so familiar. As she giggled some more, her voice seemed to change, it sounded a lot like Fate-chan's now. As I washed her back, my head started to spin, and a terrible feeling welled up inside me. Memories of Fate-chan came to mind, and then something else too, the last thing I wanted at a time like this. While touching the skin of my daughter, I started to feel a warm feeling in my chest, and an even warmer one between my legs. Immediately I stopped, feeling disgusted with myself. She asked me what was wrong, and I shook my head, trying to get rid of everything inside there. I continued, and finally rinsed her off. She sighed happily, and turned to face me.
"Its my turn now, let me wash your back, mama." I stared at her, looking at her body, her face, her lips, memories of Fate-chan returning to me once again. "Mama?" She asked me again so innocently. The disgusting feeling inside me grew, and I finally lost to it.
"Vivio, would you like to play a game?" I said to her, my voice low, quiet. She titled her head, confused.
"What kind of game can we play in the bath?" She said back, only getting more confused. I smiled, though it wasn't my smile, it was the smile of the monster that lived in my heart and memories.
"Its an adult game that I used to play a lot with Fate-mama, do you want to try it?" Vivio's eyes as expected, lit up at the suggestion. I knew what she was thinking: she was finally being treated like an adult, and could do what all the adults did. She looked so happy that it broke my heart, the thing that I was about to do to her.
"Close your eyes and we can start, Vivio." She did as she was told and closed her eyes, waiting. Right away, I hugged her, and held her close to me. The sick feeling inside me was getting stronger, and I was losing more control of myself.
She cried out, surprised at my actions. I whispered in her ear, and told her it was okay, asking her to keep her eyes closed. She nodded. I felt her body becoming hotter, or maybe it was mine. My mind had long since gone blank, and I no longer even knew what I was doing. The demon inside me was in control now. I was no longer Vivio's mother, just a horrible creature that looked like her.
She was breathing quickly, and that's when my face moved forward, and I kissed her. She opened her eyes, and struggled as my lips stayed on hers. And as my tongue explored her mouth, she only moved about more.
When I pulled away, she was in a frenzy. I simply told her to calm down, telling her that was how adults kissed. I asked her if she wanted to be an adult, like Fate-chan, and do the things that we did. She nodded, not wanting to be left behind. Her innocence was almost on the verge of insanity, but she was a good girl. I kissed her again, and this time she did not resist.
I touched her small breasts, and she cried. When she asked, I told her not to question it and to just repeat what I was doing. She was obedient, so she did as she was told, and we kissed some more. I finally regained a bit of my sanity, and tried to stop, but was unable to. While my mind screamed in agony, my heart gave in to the desire for this girl, who looked like my beloved Fate-chan.
So as we kissed, I touched her breasts, and she did the same. Eventually, I moved down, and touched the wet spot between her legs, and I pushed my fingers inside. She moaned, though I knew she had no idea why she was doing it.
As this terrible act went on, she moaned more and more, and exclaimed that she felt strange, that she was scared of that feeling. I just continued, ignoring her.
When it was finally over, she looked exhausted, and was breathing and out heavily. As if to hurt myself more, I asked her if it felt good, and she nodded, but said it was weird. I told her not to tell anyone about what we did, that they wouldn't understand and would get mad. She nodded, obediently going along with everything I said, like a good girl.
On the inside, I was falling apart.
A few days after I raped my daughter, the guilt started to consume me. I felt sick, I was sick; I didn't deserve to be on this planet, I didn't deserve to even be alive for what I've done. I did something completely unforgivable, I knew that. The worst part was that Vivio didn't understand, the horrible thing I did to her.
When she asked me if we could do it again, I finally broke down, and understood what I had to do to atone for my actions. It all made sense, as there was only one way to atone for such a crime.
I told her that we couldn't do it anymore, and to go back to her room. I then took out a pen and a piece of paper, and started writing down something. It was everything, my feelings, and my crimes, all of me, I put on this paper, along with an apology to Vivio and to everyone else. I put the paper in an envelope, and went to Vivio's room. I told her that we were going to pay Auntie-Hayate a visit.
When we got there, I gave Hayate the envelope, told her that it was important, and not to open it until tomorrow. She nodded, not seeing just how serious it was. I also asked her to watch Vivio for tonight, that there was something I had to do. She agreed without question, and let me go. I said goodbye to Vivio, and told her to be a good girl, even though she was already the best one I could have asked for.
I went home, turning on the bath, and filling the tub with water. I got naked, and climbed in, bring something in with me, a sharp razor blade.
Once I was inside, I let the water warm my body. I closed my eyes, and placed the blade on my wrist. I'm sorry, Vivio... I thought. Thinking about what I did, I slashed the blade down my wrist and sliced it open.
As the blood flowed out of me, I kept my eyes closed, and indulged myself in my memories. A women with blond hair appeared in my mind, and smiled, calling my name. As I felt my head get a little dizzy, I smiled.
"I'm sorry Fate-chan, I'll be seeing you soon, so forgive me, okay?"
I let my body slide, and my face slipped under the red-stained water. And after some time, I went into a peaceful sleep, never to wake again...