Title: How Do These Hearts Unfold?
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Pairing: MadHook (Killian/Jefferson)
Genre: 5times, humor, timeline.
Summary: Jefferson felt like he lived many different lives in many different realms. As he changed in every point in his lifetime, there was this man who did the same, going in the opposite direction.
Disclamer: I don't own OUAT, I only miss Sebastian Stan and Jefferson and dream about a Jefferson/Killian meeting.
Notes:
- 5times when Jefferson met Hook.
- It was meant to be 5ficlets but I was inspired…
- Based on "How Do These Hearts Unfold" by Raised by Swans.
How Do These Hearts Unfold?
01. They dreamt about freedom, about being young forever. Killian had a pure heart no grownups never destroyed as Jefferson's one was eaten by the bitterness of not being loved.
It was his birthday. Jefferson usually didn't like this day because no one ever was in the castle to say "Happy Birthday Jefferson". It was "Happy Birthday young master" when the servants remembered it. However, his father made an exception this particular day. Not that he told him "Happy Birthday Jefferson" but the intention was there when he said "You are wiser now, huh?" The old man eyed Anna, his nursemaid, with a skeptical look, and then turned to his son again. "I've been told you've been a responsible child lately—"
"I'm not a child anymore, father." Jefferson corrected him with a fierce indignation. He regretted it as soon as the words came out. Fortunately, his father seemed in a good mood enough to not correct him.
"Anna said you brilliantly carry out your duties and that you excel in history and geography, two important matters for people like us." The compliment was so unexpected that Jefferson forgot to thank him. The old man didn't pay attention to his reaction anyway. He kept on his track with boredom in the voice as if he said this kind of things every day. He didn't. "It's a good thing because today is the day when you receive your inheritance." He paused and made a sign to the nursemaid who stepped in the room again with a hatbox in her hands. Jefferson didn't notice she left. He watched her every move, apprehending what would happen next, fearing she would disappear with the precious object if he didn't.
He knew, he heard of it, but never dreamt of the legacy he knew would be his. His sixteenth birthday. He was pretty sure the right age was eighteen but he wouldn't say anything, too afraid his father would realize his mistake.
As Jefferson stayed silent Anna cleared her throat. He gulped and whispered something like a light "thank you, father". His eyes embraced the shape of the box. He was fascinated by the sound of the leather when his nursemaid opened it. Then, the Hat was there. The most marvelous thing he ever heard of.
His father spoke again but Jefferson didn't really pay attention. He felt the magic for the first time in his life, the Hat called him and it was like it said his name. It said "Happy Birthday Jefferson" and nothing in the world could ever charm him like this.
"This object will show you some wonders."
He would never doubt of this statement.
"Use it carefully and it won't be a burden."
The Hat could travel between time and space. He never expected his father to give him such a gift for his sixteenth birthday but who was he to complain? He was so excited he spent the rest of the day running in the forest. He couldn't try it right now, without a tutor with him. He was so impatient he couldn't breathe when he stayed still in the castle, between heavy walls.
"What does it mean between time and space?" Jefferson asked his nurse. The young woman sighed and leaned into his space. He liked it every time she did. She might be stern sometimes but she still had a gorgeous chest.
She whined and cleaned his dirty face with a tissue. "I guess it is yours to figure out." Her gesture was so vigorous it prickled. He tried to step away, which annoyed her. "Stop being childish. You are so scruffy again! Where did you play this time, huh?" He shrugged and she sighed like every time he did. Yet, this time was different because she didn't leave him to it. "You're sixteen now and you carry your family legacy. You can't go in all the dirty places like a savage. You're a gentleman for good sake. Someday, you'll be as esteemed as your father. A lot of people will come to you and please you for benefiting your gift."
Jefferson wanted the hat, the money, the respect, all of these things people never stopped promising to him. However, he couldn't stand it when they forced him into boredom. A gentleman can he not enjoy himself?
"It sounds really appealing, indeed." He says deadpan.
Anna shook her head before she stood straight and made him whirl but he faced her again. "Now go take a bath before anyone sees how unruly you really are." Jefferson didn't move, more to see the annoyed frown on her face than because he didn't want to bath. "You! Impossible child!" She made him turn again but pushed him forward this time.
He laughed. "You love how impossible I can be." He winked at her and she rolled her eyes. When he would be older, he would seduce her. It could definitely be helpful.
As expected, the ball was boring. He never liked the pretense, people with an inflated sense of their own importance and the girls who girly giggled because he looked at them. These girls were all the same, he wouldn't ever land his eyes to their kind. Girls and obligations, two things he hated. Beside Anna, he always ignored women when they gesticulated in front of him. He loved the curves of their body, the roundness of their chest, the scent of their neck, the curls in their hair and the kiss in the corner of their lips. He still couldn't stand them more than one hour. The last time he played with a girl, the fragile child slowed him in his adventure. He wanted it. An adventure with no woman in his life. He wanted to be a hero. He wanted to be free. Forever. He would be free once he would use the Hat. He hated these walls. The castle was luminous but there was nothing in it but mirrors. The light was outside and the mirrors in the walls tried to trick him with their reflection. He didn't believe in the mirrors. He wanted to feel the real sunlight. The castle was stifling. The air was faked. He believed in something else. He wanted to be something else himself. Nothing was real here. He wasn't real here.
"What are you doing?"
Jefferson stood straight as soon as he heard a reproach in his father's voice. "Nothing, father." The old man groaned. He did nothing.
"That is my point, Jefferson." And he only said his name when he was disappointed. "Why are you not dancing with one of our guests?" Jefferson suffocated. He forced a smile in apology and nodded. He was about to walk to the group of giggling girls when his father stopped him. "You will dance later. I have someone for you to meet." The boy raised one eyebrow. He was sure his father wasn't proud enough to introduce him to anyone. He felt warmth inside of his chest. What if his father was proud of him after all these years waiting for his approval?
Jefferson didn't have time to enjoy the feeling; a man, the skin like a crocodile, went into his personal space and stared at him curiously, judging him with a skeptical look. He knew this man. He spent most of his time in the castle like he owned the place. Anna gave him to understand that he kind of did. The man made Jefferson so uncomfortable he was about to say something when he reminds himself that his father would probably slap him for his rudeness. That was before the crocodile touched his cheek. His jaw fell but one finger went in the cavity, slid on his tongue and disappeared into the unusual man's mouth. Jefferson went still, disgusting by the move but appealing by the taste. The idea nearly made him shock. Then he recognized it.
Magic.
"Hmm! Oh boy, I was wrong, you're quite talented." His voice was a song of promises.
"Ahem." Jefferson looked his father in a naked expression of choc. "Rumplestilskin will be your tutor."
Jefferson forgot all about keeping a gentleman attitude and went for a childish one "What?" because he expected – hoped – that his father would be the one teaching him how to use the Hat. "You were supposed to—"
"Don't make a scene, Jefferson. Rumplestilskin is our most valuable friend in all the land. You must be grateful."
"That's alright! The boy will be a good apprentice as you told me he will be."
Jefferson took a deep breath and focused on keeping it low. The betrayal made his blood boil. "It will be an honor to be your apprentice, Sir."
"So polite. So charming. So…" He licked his lips "powerful."
The Crocodile smirked. He looked elsewhere for a moment and asked to be excused. His father glared at him and left the ballroom. Jefferson didn't understand. He wanted to understand, he was older enough to.
"Father!"
"What are you yelling in the corridors for?" His father hissed between his teeth. Jefferson didn't care if he was heard. He wanted to be heard. He waited for this day his entire life. The day when his father would teach him how to use the family legacy should have been a glorious, magic and happy one. It was nothing like that in the real world, only a bitter feeling was left.
"Why aren't you my teacher? I always thought it will be—"
"Don't be so ridiculous, I don't have time for you and even if I had, the choice isn't mine."
"What do you mean?"
"When you'll be older, you'll understand the matter of deals. You have to serve Rumplestilskin, that's all you need to know." And he left as if the conversation was over. It was over. Jefferson just wasn't ready for it.
He didn't go back to the ball, didn't dance with some girly idiot and instead went for the Hat room. It was the only room he never saw so he was curious. There was nothing special in it but the Hat. He didn't look for anything else anyway. All the magic, all the power… Jefferson opened the box and touched it. There it was. He never saw anything more perfect.
He heard a sound.
He looked around but nothing moved. He waited. No more sound. He went back to his contemplation. He had no idea how the magic object worked and he didn't dare to experiment. It would be a challenge. It would be audacious. Stupid.
"The mouse lost itself."
Jefferson jumped and tried to hide the Hat, in vain. The Crocodile was there and walked closer with an frightening smile on his face.
"I didn't expect our first lesson so soon."
"Don't tell my father, Sir" was the first thing he thought but he was way too proud to beg. Instead, he said "I couldn't wait." The dare in his voice surprised him as well. It was the magic in the Hat. All the power in it. How good would it feel when he would use it? The thought of it made him shiver.
"Well, you're sure like your mother."
Jefferson forgot everything for a moment. "You knew my mother?" The question sounds like a fragile breathe. He didn't care for now.
"Indeed." He didn't elaborate. He turned around the young man, eyes went up and down. "I was right, you don't look like it but there is more magic in you that it should." Jefferson didn't understand what the man was talking about but it sounds positive.
"Can we start?" He asked when he realized Rumplesomething wouldn't say anything else about his dead mother. "Please?" The dare in the voice again. The man made one more circle around Jefferson before he giggled. He was ridiculous but majestic. Disturbing. Annoying. "Well? Didn't you implied I was ready for it?"
"Cocky. I like it. You'll go places, boy."
"Don't call me that. I'm not a child anymore." Jefferson corrected him as he did with his father. He didn't sound so petulant this time at least.
The Rumplething smirked, "Are you sure about that?"
"Let's find out." Jefferson handed him the Hat and raised an eyebrow.
Rumplechinskin looked him a while. He had this way to make you uncomfortable, really… "There are so many things you'll do for me…" He whispered with something in the voice. Jefferson couldn't quite put a finger on what it was but it felt… human. It felt real. He suddenly realized nothing was real before his sixteenth birthday. Everything was just… a reflection. He found freedom for the first time in his life. He wasn't just a child in a castle. He was a Realm Jumper. He would be once the Hat would allow him to.
The Hat vibrated. "Oh. What was that?" Rumplestithing asked with a thrilling voice "It seems like you find your switch. Pretty impressive!"
This object will show you some wonders.
"How can I get it to work?"
"How would I know? It is yours." His gesture was ridiculous as he said it, his index right to his chest, his heart.
Who the hell was this man? "Excuse me? Aren't you my tutor?"
"I can tell you about the power of your bloodline. I can tell you what your switch is. But the bond between you and this," he patted the Hat, "I can't interfere; only you can hear its song."
The song of the Hat.
As curious as it seemed, it made sense. Jefferson heard the voice of the Hat this morning. Tonight, he wanted to hear it again. It would make it feel free again. He would jump in the hat and slide on its curves. He would feel the magic of it in his veins every time he would use it. They would whirl together in the wind between time and space.
"Between time and space…" he said out loud. It didn't make any sense this morning.
Now it did.
Jefferson played with the Hat. His hands embraced the curves, his fingers caressed the silk, his skin prickled against the magic and soon he danced with it. A purple mist came out of the hole and when his hand touched, it was exhilarating. With a calculating move, he twirled it as if he was dancing with a woman, he extended his arm and let the Hat flowed on the floor. It melted with the ground and the hole grew wider and wider. Jefferson sighed. All the magic in the room… it was like the first breath he ever took.
"Wonderful dearie. It's time to jump now."
"Jump? Now? Without knowing where it leads?" Rumple nodded. "Someone already told you that you were a mad man?"
Rumple laughed as if Jefferson told him the biggest joke in the universe, "If you only knew!" He didn't want to know, really but he smirked despite of himself. He was starting to like the Crocodile. Perhaps he was the one going mad.
Jefferson jumped in the black hole.
And the lagoon caught him.
Jefferson never learned how to swim. He hated the lake behind the castle because the servants told him his mother drowned in it. He didn't want to learn how to swim because he was afraid he would enjoy it. He couldn't let himself enjoy such a dangerous thing.
He screamed for help but the water swallowed his voice. He could almost see the sound formed a bubble. He did it again but no one would hear him. It was the way of his life. No one ever listen.
The Hat appeared in the corner of his eye. It stopped twirling and was coming up to surface. Jefferson reached for it and when he caught it, he tried to make it work again before he drowned. It didn't work. Why didn't it work? It had to work.
Nothing came out of the Hat.
Suddenly, something coiled around him. It felt like water except it wasn't. He saw a red flash in the blue lagoon. He didn't know what it was until he heard the song. It wasn't the Hat this time. He was pulled to the surface. He tried to keep the oxygen in his lungs but he couldn't. He suffocated. He held the Hat tighter. When he breathed again, he tried to get free but what helped him didn't let go until he could reach a rock. He went out of the water as if it was a blazing inferno. He stood up on the rock and looked around him.
Jefferson saw the trees touching the sky and the leafs on fire, he felt the nice breeze, and he heard magic love songs coming from the lagoon… but there was only one thing he was paying attention: the mermaid which just saved his life.
"You are a rude human." Her voice was a song. He started to think he heard things that weren't real. Now he thought about it, a hat can't sing for him either… "I just saved your life and you are as silent as a carp." Jefferson opened his mouth but nothing came out. He never saw a mermaid before. He wasn't touching her anymore but he still felt the magic inside her body, against his own.
"Maybe he doesn't speak!" a childish voice mocked above him. He looked up. A boy was flying higher, between the orange and red leafs.
"I know how to speak!"
"You are rude, then. Say something to the lovely lady."
Jefferson didn't think. "Thank you ma'am." And he stared at her again. She was more than beautiful. Magic did that to him. He felt dizzy and everything was like rainbows in his stomach. He hoped he would get rid of it. Rumple would help him with it, he guessed. What else the man could be for if he couldn't help him with that? "Where am I?" he finally asked.
"You don't know? Can you be here if you don't know where you are?" The boy started to get on his nerves.
Jefferson sighed and looked up again; it wasn't something he particularly liked, looking up while he was talking. "I'm a traveler but it's the Hat which chooses where I should land." He answered to the boy which went down. He was smaller than him, younger..
"A Hat? I thought you flew!" He seemed really confused, a little sad too.
"No, I was— wait a minute, who are you?"
The boy laughed and his feet finally touched the rock he was standing on. "My name is Killian Jones. I rule Neverland." The word rule made Jefferson smirked.
"Is that so? A little man like you?"
Something heavy hit the back of his head very hard. He hissed in pain and turned to see the mermaid's innocent eyes. The young Jones burst out laughing. Jefferson wasn't impressed anymore. When the boy stopped mocking him, he flew around him again like a mosquito. "I still don't know your name."
"My name is Jefferson. I'm a Realm Jumper."
Then it hit him. Not a random rock, the truth hit him. Jefferson used the Hat. It was what he always dreamt of. Travelling. Between time and space.
He was free.
"Wow, it sounds dangerous! Have you stories to tell to the Lost Boys? It's been ages since they didn't have any storyteller!"
Jefferson shrugged awkwardly and went tight-lipped. "Well… it was the first time I jumped in the Hat so…" The idea of telling tales about himself pleased him, though. "I will come back after my adventures and I will tell you about them." The suggestion seemed to please Jones, greatly, because the boy made circles around him and hugs him. Jefferson wasn't used to the warmth of another human being around him.
"Yes! I love stories!" Jefferson smiled proudly to himself. The mermaid yawned to point her boredom out to them.
Jones showed him a lot of Neverland. He learned about mermaids, fairies, Indians and pirates. The pirates part was thrilling and appealing. He said to him that time doesn't work in Neverland. It seemed like it was eternal falls only. Jefferson found it more than great.
The young boy had something in the eyes. Something so beautiful Jefferson was jealous. It was light which seemed never fade even when Jefferson asked stupid questions about fairies or when Jones lost at one of the games they played together. Jefferson was good in hide and seek, Anna couldn't find him and she tried really hard. Jones wasn't half good. He just… beams with innocence and so much joy. He couldn't stay still for one entire minute. You would think that the boy knew how be patient in a world where time didn't exist. No. Killian Jones never waited, was always the first, always the one who was right. And every creature in the land trusted him, believed in him even, and Jefferson was mesmerized himself. Jones' eyes were on the horizon and you could feel how proud he was of Neverland. He literally own the place, him, the boy with sloppy clothes who had nothing, no money, no castle, no ownership, nothing! He still stood on the skull rock and knew everywhere he lay a look, it was his home. Jefferson never felt this way. He looked down at his reflection in the water and he didn't see the light.
The Lost Boy was younger than him but they knew how to play. They didn't cry when they fell. They didn't scream when they lost a toy. Everything was a toy. One of the boys wanted to play with his Hat. He didn't let him. Instead, he took him on his knees while they ate and told him fantasy about pirates and mermaids in epic battle for the skull rock. Jefferson has been told he was wrong but the little boy asked him more of it.
The food was abstract. Everything in Neverland couldn't exist without imagination. It feed them all. The thought of an apple gave him an apple which he ate. It made sense, how could they lived without any servants otherwise?
Jefferson didn't know how many time he spent in there but he felt like days. He didn't want to go back home. His father would be angry at him because he used the Hat alone. Well, it was only Rumplething's fault, after all! Anyways, he was happy in Neverland. While should he leave?
"Give me fairy dust, anything!" he asked with excitement. The lost boy was still asleep, Jones was always the first to wake up. Jefferson just didn't want to miss any adventure he lived. He followed him, climbed in the trees even if he knew that his neck would break if he ever fell.
Jones gave him a look. Jefferson clarified. "Teach me how to fly."
When the flying thing was mentioned, it wasn't so funny anymore, though. The boy said it as an apology, which was even more annoying, "You can't fly."
"What do you mean? You can." Jefferson pointed out the obvious. Jones smirked at that.
"I'm flying because I'm not a grownup. I will never be. Ever. I don't want to!" His words were always filled with a fierce passion. It was exhausting.
The concept turned around his head. "Well, I won't either… if I stay here."
The boy shook his head. "No, no, no, you have to travel! Hop in your hat and come back so you can tell me about your adventures!" And it was all Jefferson always dreamt of but he couldn't help but feel rejected. He didn't want to be like his father. He wanted the Hat because he knew he could do something different with it. Storyteller was great, yes, but he needed more. Magic was everywhere in this place. Neverland could be home…
It wouldn't be all heavy walls and no breath.
"What if I stayed?"
"You can't."
"We can have adventures together, playing sword fighting with pirates, I could learn to swim with the mermaids, I—"
"No, you can't."
"WHY NOT?" Jefferson yelled at Jones but he couldn't help it. The more he thought about it the more he wanted to stay here with his friend. He didn't have any friends. Never had.
"You are too old."
"I'm sixteen, moron. It's not too old."
"You are in Neverland. Grownups become pirates. I don't want us to be enemies."
"What is wrong with being a pirate?"
The question shouldn't have crossed his lips, obviously, because Jones became red. "Are you mad? They are ugly and cruel!"
"Well— you are too!" Jefferson felt stupid. It was the most childish thing he ever said. Anna would be there, she rolled her eyes to him.
"I'm tired of you! Just— hop in your damn Hat and never come back again! Or become a pirate and I will be happy to kill you with my sword!"
"Stop saying hop, I'm not hopping in the Hat, it's called Realm Jumping!"
"Whatever! You know why you can't fly? It's because you're not a child anymore!"
It was the worst insult ever to Jones. Jefferson didn't answer. He twirled his hat and this time, it worked. He restrained raging tears. He wouldn't cry. He jumped in the hole – didn't hop, okay? – and found himself in the Hat room again. Rumple was waiting for him as if he just left.
"I'm not a child anymore." Jefferson whispered. Rumple patted his shoulder with a little smile. It wasn't a smirk or something cruel or cocky. Just a smile. His father never gave him a little smile. "I'm not a child anymore…" he said again.
"You can be whatever you want from now." Rumple said and his voice wasn't singing anymore but it was okay, it sounded nice. "I'll teach you to be whatever you want to be. As long as you're giving me what I want." Jefferson gave him a quizzical look. The Crocodile only smiled again.
The young man looked down when he felt tears on his cheeks. "I want to be a pirate." He mumbled. "What do you want from me?"
"I want you to be a pirate."
Jefferson could do that.