A/N: So currently, I'm obsessed with Pandora Hearts. However, I've been wrapping up my Yu-Gi-Oh GX fanfiction, and gathering what I can of Shattered Hearts, so I thought that while I'm here, I might as well let my feels of the latest chapter out. XD Enjoy.
Inevitable
The darkness presses in around her. In this place, there are no tears, no smiles, no color. The emptiness crushes her on all sides, the endlessness of the walls suffocating. Thick, thick thoughts, a marsh in her heart, lump her throat, but it doesn't matter.
In this world, there are no tears.
Every second fills with regret. If only Noise hadn't interrupted at that time.
She had taken so long, so long of wanting and longing and hoping, until she finally decided to act. Oz was her beacon, the spark of light that told her she was human, that she could feel and think, and be free—be what Vincent-sama always called a lie in this cruel world.
It looked so warm, but when that light waned with Oz's insecurity, she recoiled.
She knew how to be cautious and distrusting. She knew to look for someone to catch her before jumping. She recognized the absence of anyone there.
So she waited.
Soon the light grew, not from Oz, but from within herself, and finally after trailing him and his friends in secret, after trusting that beautiful glow, that hope, she chose to leap because she thought she could catch herself.
In this world, she cannot cry in anguish. She does not exist here, or anywhere, not now.
Noise exists now, and she struggles against the painful passions she suddenly feels toward her other, passions of hate, even if momentary. You killed him, she chants, you killed his uncle just for fun, and—Noise's simple laugh drowns her small protest and renders her silent again. Her struggles only amuse Noise. She can't fight that. Never has.
If she had only exercised more control, more attention, more cautiousness at the time, maybe she would have made it. For a moment, she allows herself the vague fantasy of her and Oz, sitting together, talking openly like they once did, because it is the only resemblance of color in this place. If only, if only Noise hadn't—no.
No.
This was wishful thinking. It has nothing to do with whether Noise killed an important person of Oz, whether Noise came out at that time or another time, maybe even days later when it could have been worse, when she might have had the chance to kill Oz himself.
No, it doesn't matter what has been done because she was destined to fail from the very beginning. All along, she should have known, Noise destroys what she creates because they do not deserve good things. If it wasn't this, it would be something else.
Isn't that what Vincent-sama always told her, after all?
It doesn't matter. What can she do? To most, she is as good as invisible. Oz is too good for someone like her, her with hands that taint everything they touch.
Vincent-sama doesn't love her.
It was pathetic to have tried for so long, for such a waste of time. She embraces the cold emptiness and lets everything go because nothing matters anymore.
In this word, there are no tears.