I watched the water fall from the shower head, it seemed to fall in slow motion. I couldn't hear anything around me, it was all white noise.

After my shower, I got dressed and left the bathroom.
I walked into the lounge room where my two boyfriends sat. Side by side, shoulder to shoulder, laughing and kissing.

I gasp. I back tracked my steps till the floor board squeaked. Sebastian and Blaine looked up at me and I froze.

"Hey, babe, you're up early! It's a Saturday." Blaine smiled at me.

"What? Are you dying?" Sebastian laughed.

When I didn't laugh back, they both frowned and stood up. I stepped back.

"Kurt?" Sebastian tried.

I gulped.
"I-I'm just gonna go out for a while."

I quickly left the room and grabbed my car keys. I nearly made it to the door until Sebastian grabbed my forearm.

"Hey, Kurt! What's wrong?" He frowned down at me.

Blaine stepped beside me.
"Kurt?"
I shook my head and turn away from both of them, walking to the bedroom.

What's the point in staying here? They only care about each other.

I didn't leave the room at all until night time, so when I eventually came out, I peeked my head around the door frame, Sebastian and Blaine were sitting at the dinner table. They weren't talking, Sebastian was eating, watching the TV from where he sat, and Blaine was leaning on his right hand, picking at his food.

I heard Blaine sigh.
"'Bastian, it's getting late, why don't we go talk to him." He asked.

"If he's going I act like this, just leave him alone." Sebastian snapped.

I turned my head back around, I felt the tears make their way to my eyes. Just as I was about to walk back to the room Blaine walked around the corner, nearly running into me.

"Kurt! I was worried!" His lip quivered.
"Do you want dinner?" He asked.

I shake my head.
"I'm- I'm fine. I'm just gonna go back to-" I say, turning around.

"Please don't shut us out, Kurt. We love you, you know that, right?" He said eagerly.

I pause for a second then start walking again.

I flop onto the king size bed, that we all share.

How we sleep is usually, Sebastian closes to the door, because he's the first one up in the mornings, he works.

Blaine sleeps in the other side because he's usually the last in bed. He stays up late studying and doing finances and all that crap.

And I sleep in the middle, unfortunately. I'm the first to go to bed because I can't stand to be around my boyfriends, I can't stand to see them happy together and leave me out of things.

I tried to swap spots with Blaine once, so him and 'Bastian can be next to each other, but Blaine kept waking us up when he climbed in bed, an Sebastian kept getting angry and ordered us to move back.

"Kurt?" A strong voice came from the door.

I roll over to see my brother.

"Finn? What are you doing here?" I ask.

He walks over to the bed, gives me a hug then sits down. He smiled weakly.

"Blaine and Sebastian rang me up saying you're depressed. What's wrong?"

I open my mouth to tell him, but then my eyes land on the door to see my boyfriends.

I close my mouth and turn my attention back to Finn.

I shake my head.

Finn sighs. He puts his hands on my cheeks and tells me he'll always be there for me.

He then leaves, not sure if he left the apartment or just the room.

Blaine walks over to me.

"You need to see someone, Kurt."
Sebastian sits on the other side of me and kisses my temple.

"We know you've been having restless nights, by the way. We hear you whimpering and-"

Whimpering? Like a fucking dog?

I zone out to what he's saying. To be honest, I don't care. I don't want to know how they think I need help, how I should open up more and worse of all, how they love me and they'll always stick by me.

Pfft! If i were them, I would have left my ass ages ago. I understand why they don't take me places. Why they'd rather make out together than with me.

My thoughts were cut short when I heard Sebastian snapping at me.

"Kurt! You're not even listening to me!"

Yeah, again, Kurt. Way to go. Making him angry, wow, you're a great boyfriend aren't you.

I can't stand my thoughts anymore and I get up and run out of the room, to bounce off the chest of someone. I look up and see Finn's worried face... Again.

Way to disappoint your family, just like how you disappoint everyone else.

"Come on." Finn said taking me by the shoulder and leading me back into the room.

He sat me on the bed and turned to Blaine and Sebastian.

"I booked an appointment today. Kurt sees the doctor tomorrow. They class depression as an emergency."

I look at Finn in disbelief. How could he betray me like that! We were meant to be family!

"You should go to bed, kurt." Finn says.

I shake my head in annoyance and stomp out of the room and into the bathroom.

I sit on the side of the bathtub for quite a while until I calm myself down a bit. I stand up and look in the mirror.

Agh! So disgusting. How can they even act like they love me?

I splash water on my face, not even bothered to do my nightly facial.

It feels weird, being me but not acting myself. I know I've changed, I feel different, but... I kind of like myself like this, the depressive feeling is like adrenaline to my body. Like the movie 'Crank' I need the adrenaline to live.