This one is basically the same as the other one until the end but it will be a two-shot, the second chapter in Merlin's POV. I already have some ideas so I should be able to get it started later this evening.
A/N WARNING ATTEMPTED SUICUDE (I do love writing these don't I?)
Never thought I'd write a song fic (when I read them the lyrics always really annoy me when I'm reading) but you have to go where the plot bunnies take you...
Set after series 3
Disclaimer: IDOM
There was no more death, burning buildings, bad weather (which hadn't been that bad, just bothersome) or damage to fix. Camelot was safe again. Arthur had taken back control of the castle with ease after the immortal army had been vanquished – it wasn't like anyone actually wanted Morgana as Queen.
Especially after her little display involving the Knights and innocent citizens of Camelot – over thirty people had died in that and pretty much everyone in both the castle and lower town knew someone who had died.
But one thing was getting on his last nerve.
His idiotic, cheerful manservant.
Merlin.
Merlin who hadn't been acting his usual idiotic, cheerful self.
Merlin who had been acting ... strangely. Very strangely. Un-Merlin like. (Arthur had decided that Merlin was so unique and his attitude so strange it deserved its own word.) And as much as normal Merlin irritated him and amused him in equal measures, he was kind of missed in comparison to this sullen, quiet Merlin.
It wasn't as though he was concerned for Merlin though (why would it be something like that?) Lancelot and Gwaine had been pestering him about Merlin's depressing mood.
Quite frankly it was killing Arthur's buzz – yes his sister was an evil sorcerer and yes his father had kind of lost it but he could freely show his relationship with Gwen, and he had Camelot back, and Morgana was gone, and ... Merlin was being annoyingly depressing.
The one person he had to see every day.
Not that he saw him every day anyway.
There was no cheeky, goofy smile. No annoyingly witty back chat – which he'd become accustomed to. Just silence.
There was no glaring and frowning either – no visible signs of displeasure or anger. Just smiles that didn't reach his eyes (and he wasn't fooling anyone) and a faraway gaze whenever he wasn't directly involved in the conversation.
From always happy-go-lucky Merlin, this transformation was downright eerie.
He was being the perfect servant.
How ... terrifying.
Step one; you say we need to talk,
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk,
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through.
Some sort of window to your right,
And he goes left and you stay right,
Between the lines of fear and blame,
You begin to wonder why you came.
He'd just tried to talk to Merlin. And he'd been blown off and politely dismissed from his own chambers. Why had he bothered?
He remembered now; Gwaine's persistently irritating threats (which wouldn't be carried out), Lancelot's mournful staring (no one was dead were they?) and Gwen's pleading.
They only thing that slightly inclined him to talk to Merlin was Gwen (Merlin was not his friend!)
During the conversation he'd restrained the urge to strangle Merlin – he kept on doing this infuriating scratching motion on his skin – and received no answers. Just silence. He probably would've received more information talking to one of the castle walls.
Not that he talked to the castle walls.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
He was losing Merlin.
And he didn't know what to.
This ... nothing was killing him.
Perhaps this was one of Merlin's plans – he go right back to normal once Arthur complimented him or insinuated he was something within fifty miles of a friend (last time he'd done something like that, Merlin beamed for the next five hours. Even through mucking out the stables and doing Arthur's dirty laundry).
Let him know that you know best,
Cause after all you do know best,
Try to slip past his defence,
Without granting innocence.
Lay down a list of what is wrong,
The things you've told him all along,
And pray to God he hears you,
And pray to God he hears you.
He'd tried slipping in his enquires in subtly (well as subtly as he could manage. He was a Pendragon. They had the tact of ... well Merlin.)
He'd tried asking Gaius and Gwaine and Gwen and Lancelot.
He'd tried to follow Merlin (he was NOT being a stalker. Merely a very concerned fri-Master. But really, Merlin spent far too much time in the bathroom. And not enough in the kitchens – the cook kept trying to fatten him up.)
Nothing was working!
It was really very frustrating, and (for Merlin) positively unusual. Merlin couldn't keep a secret to save his life.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours and grant him one last choice,
Drive until you lose the road,
Or break with the ones you've followed.
He will do one of two things,
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's just not the same,
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
"I can't do this anymore."
"What can't you do?"
Merlin was silent (how surprising!), his face stoic.
This ... nothing, uncaring was frustrating Arthur beyond belief.
"Tell me what's wrong." Arthur's voice was soft and deadly.
"I can't!" Merlin's voice was louder and reached a higher pitch every time he spoke.
"Consider it an order."
Merlin stared disbelievingly at Arthur for a moment, tears welling in his eyes. He forced them back down and his gaze sharpened, cerulean eyes glowering at him, his back straight and rigid.
"In which case I quit. Sire."
Merlin bowed stiffly and exited the room without looking back.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
How to save a life.
How to save a life.
Merlin was missing.
He hadn't turned up to do his chores, to attend to Arthur.
Gaius hadn't seen him.
Gwen hadn't seen him.
Neither had Gwaine, Lancelot, Percival, Elyan or Leon.
None of the castle guards had seen him (then again they were guards – they probably wouldn't notice if a flying chicken danced through the front gates singing opera.)
No one had seen him anywhere.
Arthur was not getting worried.
Really.
He wasn't.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
No one had seen Merlin.
But the next time Arthur saw Merlin, he was lying in his bed, idly watching the dagger he had given Morgana inch towards his waiting wrists.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
How to save a life.