Ciel tried to ignore the rain that fell around him- But to no avail. He cursed quietly as his boots sank deeper and deeper into the muddy English countryside. When he got home, Sebastian would scold him for not being more careful, with that affectionate grin on his face….
But there was no Sebastian. Not anymore. Sebastian had released him from their contract, leaving Ciel all alone with no way to get home other than walk. As he took step after step, both his fate and his boots sank in deeper and deeper, and Ciel felt his world come crashing down around him.
He grew weary and sank to his knees, now not caring that he was ruining his clothes. What worth were mere luxuries when his entire life was in shambles? Not even a penny. His body ached. If he had believed in God, he would have cursed the deity for not delivering him from his pain already. But he did not believe in God. God had done nothing for him his entire life. He believed instead in himself. He helped himself or he lost the game.
He took a deep breath before continuing on his way, just wishing he was home, if you could call it one. Ciel knew that he had to pull himself together and find himself again. He was lost, and who was there to look for his old self other than him? He was caught in the pull of the tide, slowing drowning in the river of life. He needed to keep swimming until he drowned- He couldn't give up! Everyone fell down. It was whether or not that they got back up that decided their fate.
Good Lord did that sound like something Sebastian would say! Ciel felt the tug at his heart at the thought of his lost companion yet again, and pinched himself. He hated only and loved no one, lest of all Sebastian. Sebastian was his pawn, nothing more!
"Who are you kidding, Ciel?" he asked himself aloud. He used to think that he had to hate until he loved- meaning he hated until he found someone else to love. And that he would never find someone else to love and die a lonely soul, life wasted. But now he knew that he needed to love until he hated- meaning, never love again because he had begun to hate, and forget about Sebastian. But he couldn't bring himself to.
"Come on Ciel. Forget him! You have to be strong until you break!" he screamed, kicking himself. He fell forward into the mud, and he realized- He had already broken. He had just held the pieces together for Sebastian. And now that he was gone, he had no reason to hold himself together at all. He let the pieces of himself slip through his fingers to the ground and wept bitterly.