I wrote this on a whim. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.

I was her best friend.

I was her confidant, her guardian angel, in a way.

I was the only person who was worthy of her smile, after Prim and her mother.

I was her hunting partner.

I was her safe haven. Who she would go to when dealing with the problems that were looming over her inside the fence was too much.

I was her sanity during those hard first months after the mine explosion.

I was the only boy she would think of talking to, giving any of her time to. Not all those merchants, not the Seam boys that ogled at her. Especially not Mellark. Only me.

I was, but I'm not anymore.

So what am I now?

I should've confessed my true intentions earlier.

I should've alerted her of what I wanted, because I knew her expectations were different.

I should've volunteered for that blonde-haired blue-eyed baker.

I should've found her in the woods and helped her earlier.

I should've stayed after the rebellion and helped her heal.

I should've been there to hold her after the Quarter Quell was announced and comfort her. Though I wouldn't tell her it was going to be okay. Both of us know a lie when we hear one.

I should've let her open up to me and restore her after the Games.

I should've noticed earlier that she came back not my Catnip, but a whole other person.

So why didn't I?

I would've run away with her before the Games, to escape the hunger, poverty and sickness of the districts.

I would've volunteered to go into the Games together with her and sacrifice myself at the end, just so she could come back and have a happy life. Even if that meant dying without ever her tell me she loved me.

I would've run away with her after the Games, to set out looking for District 13.

I would've been everything she ever wanted or needed, if she only gave me a chance.

I would've worked away all my days in those wretched mines, if it only meant I had her.

I would've taken all the tesserae, if it only meant I could prevent her name from being added into those glass pits of death more than necessary.

I would've taken every injury she got myself, just to not have to see her even, perfect skin get marred by the bloody weapons and forever etched with the numerous scars.

I would've faced the Capitol myself and saved her the mental trauma of seeing her own sister become a human torch.

So why couldn't I?

I could've been the one perfect for her.

I could've been her best friend and confidant forever.

I could've been the one who understands her, even when she doesn't understand herself.

I could've been the one to bring her back to life after the rebellion.

I could've been the one to grant her wish and kill her when we were all captured.

I could've been the one by her side when 22 other people wanted to kill her.

I could've been the one catch her when she stumbled.

I could've been the one she couldn't survive without.

So why wasn't I?

I am her ex-best friend.

I am the one everyone thought she would marry.

I am her sister's murderer.

I am not the one she chose in the end.

I am a ruthless soul, hardened by the war and the countless deaths I had caused and witnessed.

I am a fire, only fueled with rage and hatred, never burning out.

I am a lonely boy, eternally missing a part of his heart.

I am broken without her.

Why weren't the odds in my favor?

Hope you enjoyed. Review if you like :)