Dear Diary,
Well, another day is another moment spent in a time period that I shouldn't be in. This decade is like living in a totally different dimension. In all technicalities, I have been living in another dimension as a vampire for quite sometime now. I shouldn't really be complaining too much just for that fact. But I don't go a single day where I wish to be back home and not here in Forks, but home-home in Rochester in the year 1915.
I loved New York in the olden days. I see pictures of the city and present day Rochester and it makes me want to vomit. It has turned into a vermin-infested, overpopulated, disgustingly glitzy metropolis. I mean yes 1915 was a time where the urban lifestyle was just getting its start but seriously, this is just blown to a huge proportion that I don't really like compared to my human days. I even tell the others that I refuse to go back to New York for how unflattering it turned out over time and the fact it would bring up too many painful memories. Even if the entire landscape of Rochester was changed, I would still know where everything used to be and everyplace I used to be. Just to name a few, I would know exactly where Vera and I first met, the park bench in which sat on and she told me she was pregnant, where the bank was where father worked at, even where I first got asked out by Royce, that drunken vile swine who killed me. Maybe the one with Royce was something I wanted to forget.
But there was one day back in my mortal days that I can recall perfectly. It was one afternoon in May and I asked to take Henry out to the park. You know, watch him play with the other children, get some fresh air, it was a beautiful day outside and he was stuck inside while Vera was out for the day. The look on his face, his innocent face, when he first heard the proposal, it just lit up like the sunrise on the eastern plains, reflecting the warm colors of the early morning. He was so excited to go, it was impossible to say no to him when he was like this.
Around noon was when we arrived at the park. It was a simple, makeshift playground; probably a task given to the unemployed for some incentive so they don't go round the streets begging people like me for spare change. Father always told me not to give into their demands for money so I would follow his word and simply turn them away. I saw no harm in my ways but some (like Vera) thought what I did was cruel and heartless. As long as I did what father said, I knew it was the right thing to do.
They did a mediocre job is all I'll critique about it. It consisted of a metal slide, two swings hanging from a tree branch and a seesaw that looked like it would snap in half any minute now. I forbade Henry from going on that thing for the sake of him, God only knows what would happen if he got hurt. But like the sweet, obedient angel he is, he listened to my words that day.
Seeing him go up and down that slide at least a hundred times and laughing along with his playmates brought so much light to my still living soul. It blessed my still beating heart to watch him be so happy. Nothing could have been more precious than his smile, nothing at all.
For me, I found a nice area under an oak tree where I was illuminated by the sun but not so much to bring me discomfort. I liked how I practically shined when the sun hit my hair and face. It made my goddess like features even more heavenly. I mean I was beautiful; was it a crime for me to flaunt it about? I highly doubt that. Now I shine in the light all the time but it's very unappealing to people, even myself. The girls would always stare at me out of jealousy and the boys, out of pure attraction. It got quite tiresome to keep on flashing my engagement ring to hopefuls trying to pick me up. Their deflated reactions were to die for though. Thinking back now, that engagement ring would feel like fire resting upon my finger after what he did to me.
At one part during our time there, Henry came rushing over to me and started tugging at my hand.
"C'mon Rose," he squealed, "Can you push me on the swing? Pretty please?" I couldn't help but to grin and agree to the small wonder. Henry just had this magical charm that put everyone in a good mood no matter what; kind of like Jasper in a way.
The swing seemed to be in the same condition as the seesaw, but I could tell it was a lot sturdier than the seesaw. He climbed on the wooden seat chanting "Push me Rose, push me!" I then grabbed the ropes to pull him back and let it fall like a pendulum. As the swing rose higher and higher, Henry giggled more and more. I joined into the laughter fest as I had never partaken in something as dear as this moment right here. People looked at us like we were mad, but I couldn't really care about what they thought about us. Out of my entire life (that's human and vampire combined) that was probably the most joyous memory I ever had; just me and Henry in the brisk afternoon sun.
Today is his birthday. Today was the day that a little bundle of life came into this world full of people that would grow to love him. I spent the entire morning and early afternoon weeping invisible tears for him. How I wished those tears were real, damp and salty streaks going down my flawless features. Alice and Emmett were outside my door trying to comfort me but I wouldn't let them in, especially Emmett; not the one who looked exactly like the person I was grieving about. It's been long since Henry was gone and out of my life, and that didn't mean he died. I was the one who died and he was the one who didn't get a chance to say good bye. I was forever sorry for putting him through the pain of me leaving him; I was like a second mother to him. I loved Henry. My prayers go up to him, wherever he may now be.
* * *
Dear Diary,
Unbelievable! Edward brought Bella over again. She's turning into a real pest around here. Even when she isn't at the mansion, she's talked about non-stop. All I hear is how amazing she is from Edward and him moaning and groaning on how human and fragile she is. If you are so worried about actually breaking the one you love, then what's the point in loving her anyway? He just doesn't see, Bella's not that pretty, a human obviously, if she's not careful, she could lead those dogs over here to cause trouble for us and overall, I have a bad feeling about her in the pit of my dead soul. Simple as that and no one understands why except for me. Emmett and Jasper are making side bets on what would happen if she were to become one of us like who she could beat in an arm wrestling match. That's an easy bet to settle. When a vampire is born, he or she is extremely more powerful than one who has been one for a very long time like our entire clan. And on top of all that, I turned into Alice's model for when she decided to make her a new outfit or in Alice's case, an entire wardrobe. And some of the clothes that she makes are marvelous, I actually asked her if I could have a few articles but she said I wasn't allowed since I was already "too pretty." Honestly, you could never be too pretty, ask anyone. Carlisle and Esme are obsessing over her the most about protecting her from the nomads to the Volturi to something stupid she gets herself into like a paper cut. I say why bother freaking out over the little maggot. She has those dogs down at the reservation that could look after her. I know that long haired dog is crazy for her; he'd be more than happy to be Bella's babysitter, leaving her out of all of our hairs. I wouldn't mind that to tell you the truth.
But in reality, I truly try to like Bella. Really, I do. But it pains me to see her associate with creatures like us and carelessly waste away a life with so much potential is so foolish. She chooses this fate yet all of us had no option or say in what we became. When remembering that night long ago, if I had the choice to be this or dead, I would ultimately choose death. It would be so much simpler than what I am today. You see, being a vampire isn't the best thing in the world like Bella sees it. It's actually a cruel reminder of what you can't do anymore in the real world like go to the park on a sunny day, unless you want to be perceived as a disco ball. Also it is absolute torture to watch everyone you once loved drop like flies one by one and you can't say anything to them like "good bye" or "I love you." I know I wanted to say those things to a few people like father, Vera and of course Henry. I also keep in mind the day that I left with Carlisle and the coven and I saw a missing person flyer with my picture on a lamp post. It said "Missing: Rosalie Hale, 18 years old, perfect blonde hair (thank you father for that description) last seen: unknown, a beloved daughter and friend." Carlisle only pulled at my arm to maneuver me away from the flyer and we were off, never being able to go back.
In death, you don't see anything anymore and you're in a peaceful state of life, not wandering the world drinking animal blood to survive. Humanity is a gift, one that was taken from me and one that Bella is throwing away like garbage. And it's that very decision that makes me cringe at the sound of her name.
Anyway, I didn't see her for very long, she's still intimidated by me, definitely by my stellar looks but I wouldn't be surprised if she was afraid of my abilities. Of course she knows that I am ten times stronger than she is and I'm already not too fond of her. All I'm saying is that Bella should watch her back, she'll never know if I may snap.
Once she left, which wasn't for a while might I add, I secluded myself in my room; the reason being that the entire coven wouldn't shut up over the stupid mortal. She's more like a pet rather than part of the family dare I say. So I was in a bad mood for lack of better words. Not to mention thirsty too and having Bella here was like telling a starving person not to eat anything in a room full of food.
Emmett came in after about 15 minutes to check on me. I love it how he doesn't bother to knock first before barging in. But that's just his nature that I find so attractive about him.
"Rosalie," he whispered in my ear as he held me close, "What's the matter baby?"
"It's nothing," I sighed, "I'll get over it soon."
"Rose I know you and you won't," he reassured me, "tell me what it is. If it's about Bella, don't worry about her. She's just a silly mortal. And no silly mortal will ever take your place in me." I snickered at his little pun and loosened up a bit because I knew that was true. His arms were now wrapped around me and bringing me into his frozen, empty chest. My head nestled softly under his while he kisses my hair down to my neck. I hissed with pleasure it felt so good and I knew he liked when I did that. Then our starving black eyes found each other and so did our lips, locked together in a hold that could last for another lifetime. My favorite part of our kisses is his little bite of my lip as he drew back asking me for more. Like the "swept-off-her-feet" girl I was, I would go after him. I loved Emmett almost as much as Henry. I think he is the only reason why I'm grateful for being able to last for eternity. I'd be lost and restless without him.
* * *
Dear Diary,
Last night was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. After talking to Emmett in my room the day before, we were so caught up with each other that we didn't bother letting go. Our love was pulsating through our dead veins as we leapt to his Jeep, where we made love that evening. I won't go into any detail, that's between us two only. But I will say that it was fervent and satisfying. It was probably the only time in my vampirehood where I became warm all over.
It was about 7 A.M. when we left the Jeep and I had realized that Alice most likely saw the whole thing while Edward probably knew that we were going to do it even before it occurred. Whatever, they're just jealous that they can't do something as amazing as we did. Take that Edward! I knew that would anger him greatly; thankfully I had my Emmett to protect me. Nothing could get past him and his brute strength (except maybe a newborn or the Volturi).
Today was a Saturday which meant it was time to hunt. Finally! I was so thirsty. I almost went to town and feasted on a human myself but I held out. I have more strength than that even if it's the sweetest of all the bloods in the world. So now I'm getting together some things to take for the trip, especially my cell phone. Ever since Bella, my phone has become imperative to her survival like I would get a random call from Edward asking me to watch over her or something like that. Annoying sometimes when I'm doing something I'd rather be doing. This trip would be Emmett, Alice and I. The others went hunting a few days ago so they would be well fed for the arrival of Bella.
Hunting has become a real chore now. When I first turned, hunting used to be an exciting thing to do. I've never hunted an animal before so I was eager to try out a new and important task. I think my first animal was a black bear. Everyone was so impressed by my first catch that night, it felt good to be in the spotlight. Now it's become so usual, there's no thrill anymore. The only thing that is "fun" is when I race Emmett to a big catch. He usually wins so what's the point any way to be a fan of his game. Besides, I don't like the big meat eater animals like bears and mountain lions. I found that out on my first catch; it wasn't very pleasing to me. I prefer smaller game like Elk and Deer. Yes I know they are herbivores but a meal is a meal. As long as I'm getting fed then I'm not complaining.
Damn it! I'm getting yelled at by Alice to get moving. For such a little person, she really is bossy. And on that note, I end the day's entry. I won't be back until most likely Monday for the most part, refreshed and ready for the rest of the week and whatever is thrown in my direction.
My story is far from over, but it's farewell for now…