AN: another one shot originally posted on AO3, Berena School/Prom AU
"You've got to go Serena you're the head girl. What head girl doesn't go to the prom? It's right up your street: music, dancing, smuggling alcohol in and having your wicked way with half the boys at St Cuthbert's."
Serena pouted at Bernie, who was lounging on her bed idly flicking through her chemistry textbook, not trying to study at all, and distracting Serena in the process. Not that Bernie needed to study, she had the infuriating ability to cram the day before an exam and come out with incredible grades, when Serena had slogged all year round. If they weren't best friends, they'd be at each other's throats most of the time.
They were, to begin with. Bernie's surliness and reluctance to make friends when she started at St Winifred's, which she regarded as punishment by her parents who wanted her to act like a 'proper lady', meant she pushed everyone away. That was an insult to Serena, who made it her duty to befriend every new girl, and took it personally when Bernie rejected her advances. They both competed for top in the class, Bernie regarding Serena as a swot, teacher's pet, and Serena hating Bernie's effortless academic ability. And sporting prowess, and musical talents (although Bernie later admitted that she absolutely hated the violin, and was only good because her parents forced her to practice at home).
"Ha, smuggling alcohol in? I think that's your area of expertise, anyway, if the head girl has to go, surely Hockey and Lacrosse captain needs to be there as well? Especially the one that has dragged St Winifred's to the top of the league from pretty much the bottom?"
Bernie's smile dropped from her face. Prom was not her idea of fun, and she had been planning on avoiding it. She didn't feel any particular nostalgia or link to this school, the only true friend she had was Serena and she didn't want to be hanging around her all night, when Serena was the life and soul of the party.
It was Bernie who reached out to Serena. During their O level year, Serena's father fell ill and she was worried about him. Being so far away meant she only knew what her mother told her. Which wasn't much, because Adrienne wanted her to focus on her exams rather than fret. The lack of information only made her fret more, and her grades slipped in a few tests.
When the result of one biology assessment was released, Bernie quickly glanced up at Serena across the room, she was quite far down the list. Serena couldn't bear the thought of Bernie aloof and gloating and swept out of the room. If she'd looked properly she'd have only seen concern in those hazel eyes. Bernie followed her, found her in the toilets splashing water against her face and doing her best not to cry. But instead of being patronising or smug, Bernie simply patted Serena's shoulder and said "I've got whiskey in my dorm, if you want?"
That evening they clambered onto the roof from Bernie's room, passing the bottle of whiskey between them. A large tartan blanket behind a turret made Serena think Bernie probably spent a lot of time up there. She draped the blanket over the two of them and sat as close to Serena as possible without actually touching. Bernie didn't pushed her to talk, but gazed out over the school grounds.
Serena didn't know what it was about Bernie, but she found herself telling this girl, to whom she'd barely spoken two words, everything. Her father's illness, her mother's high expectations, how despite her apparent popularity in school, she didn't feel like she had anyone that she could trust, who understood her and knew the real her. She portrayed the person she thought the other girls would like, and sometimes she felt like a fraud. Bernie listened, nodded but never interrupted, letting her get it all out, awkwardly patting her knee and offering a tissue when she cried.
After that, they became closer. Their trips to the roof were more frequent although Serena brought coffee or chocolate rather than alcohol, not wanting to drink in the run up to exams. Bernie opened up, about her strict parents, their disapproval of her tomboy looks and desire to join the army when she became a doctor. Her father didn't think the army was a place for ladies, wasn't even particularly keen on women being doctors. The rest of the girls in their year were puzzled by the developing friendship between two rivals. They were still fiercely competitive, every assignment and test they battled to get top spot, but there was no animosity between them anymore.
"Why don't you want to go, Serena?"
At this Serena sighed and shut her book, knowing she wouldn't be getting much more done. Why didn't she want to go? Bernie was right, it was her idea of a great night. But when Bernie had said she wasn't going, she had gone off the idea. Celebrating their last year at school, the rite of passage into adulthood wouldn't be the same if her best friend wasn't there.
But how could she say that to Bernie? It sounded needy, and she knew Bernie was reluctant to go. She couldn't force her, because if Serena said that, Bernie would of course agree to go, even though they both knew she wouldn't enjoy it.
"I don't know Bernie, I guess it's just difficult to think about enjoying myself when we've got exams coming up." Bernie pursed her lips, she didn't believe her but was willing to let it drop.
"In that case, you've got to go. You'll need it after all the hard work you're putting in." She picked the textbook back up and Serena hoped that would be the last she heard of it.
It wasn't, although it wasn't specifically Bernie that brought it up. The weekly post hand out during Saturday breakfast caused a bit of a stir. They couldn't quite see what was going on, but a lot of the girls were squealing and giggling in delight. It soon became apparent as a large cream envelope, heavy paper and dark blue ink, dropped in front of Bernie's plate. This was the biggest shock of all. She never got post, once a term she received a brief note from her parents, short and factual, telling her family news and what she would be doing over the holidays.
It was immediately obvious this wasn't from her parents. The hand writing on the envelope was large, clumsy and the ink had been smudged a little. The main giveaway was the rose taped across the corner, causing Bernie to gape at the letter.
"This can't be mine!" She exclaimed, as girls crowded behind her, eager to see what the letter contained.
Serena quirked an amused eyebrow at her friend. "Do you know any other Berenice Wolfes?"
Bernie looked up at her from the letter, hands trembling. Who could have sent this to her, was it a joke, a dare? She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks, feeling claustrophobic with the crush of bodies peering over her shoulder.
Serena stood, pulling her up and leading her out of the hall, away from embarrassment. Bernie hated being the centre of attention. She wanted a reputation based on her academics or accomplishments and did not want to be subject to gossip or humiliation. Serena knew this and made a loud excuse of needing to finish an essay.
They went straight up to the roof, although they were in final year now and had the privilege of their own rooms, it was still a place that they both liked to share, no chance of any disturbance. Serena leant against the wall as Bernie slumped down and ripped open the envelope. Inside was a short note that Bernie read, her furrowed brow soon disappearing up into her fringe as her expression turned incredulous.
"It's an invite!" She exclaimed, waving it at Serena. "To go to prom with Marcus, of all people!" Serena caught the paper and skimmed through the note. It seemed genuine, no hint that it could be a hoax, his mates egging him on.
Bernie,
You have been a good friend to me for the past year and helped me enormously with the rugby team, when you had no obligation to. I admire you and although I have never had the courage to tell you, I think you are wonderful. Would you do me the honour of accompanying me to the prom?
Yours,
Marcus
She glanced up at Bernie who was pacing across the short space furiously. "Why would he ask me? Like this, so publicly? Who does he think he is? We're friends, when have I ever given him reason to think I might be interested in him like that?"
She stopped and stared at Serena, hoping she could answer these questions, tell her how to let him down, say anything. She was just as clueless, unfortunately. "I've got to tell him no, and he's got a typical fragile male ego. He won't like it."
Serena bit her lip and sighed. She could see Bernie was furious. Sending a letter to her, knowing she'd get it in front of her peers. Marcus should have known Bernie wouldn't have liked it, although he clearly couldn't read Bernie well anyway, if he thought she would go to prom with him.
"You've been spending a lot of time with Marcus recently," Serena smirked at her, after she had come back from a long training session, followed by a coffee with the rugby captain at St Cuthbert's, their brother school. Bernie frowned in confusion.
"We were planning the charity match, and I was helping him with some management tactics. His vice-captain is causing trouble, saying he'd be a better captain. Honestly, I thought girls were meant to be the bitchy ones."
Serena quirked an eyebrow and chuckled at her. The realisation of what Serena had been implying dawned on her. "Oh, right, no I'm, uh, not really interested. In him."
She nodded in understanding, Bernie had never shown an interest in the boys at the other school, her parents would say she was there to learn, she merely stated she was perfectly content as she was.
"Does he know that, Bernie?"
She hadn't thought about that before. It hadn't occurred to her that Marcus, well, any boy would be interested in her like that. Partly because she wasn't a typically attractive girl - untameable hair and gangly limbs - and she couldn't imagine anyone looking at her when her best friend was Serena McKinnie. Radiant, confident, flirty. Everything an eighteen-year-old boy could want, and more.
"You know half our year would kill to go out for coffee with him. Captain of the rugby team, total hunk. Some girls can be so shallow."
Bernie chuckled at this, knowing Serena could be just as bad. "Hmmm, I guess," she agreed. Yes, Marcus Dunn was physically fit, broad shoulders, strong arms. She should find him attractive, but she didn't. "Not really my type."
Something flashed in Serena's eyes - acknowledgment, understanding, but she didn't anything, was about to move on to a new topic of conversation. The words tumbled from Bernie's lip, she couldn't keep it from Serena any longer. If she spoke slowly the words would dry up, she couldn't be sure how Serena would react. It was too late now.
"Not my type, at all, be-because I like, um, girls. Yeah, I'm- I mean- I'm gay, Serena. I don't want to keep it from you. You're my best friend, and I can't bear you not knowing. Is- is that okay?"
Serena's face softened but Bernie glanced down, not wanting to meet her eyes, not knowing what she expected to see there.
"Of course, it's okay, Bernie. I've been waiting for you to tell me. I didn't want to push you into saying anything, but I'm glad you found the courage."
"I wasn't sure how you'd react. You're the first person I've- hang on, what do you mean you've been waiting for me to say it?"
Serena playfully bumped her with her shoulder, trying to ease her friend's awkwardness, show her rather than tell her that it didn't matter, nothing to worry about.
"I've noticed little things, here and there. Don't worry it's not obvious, not to people that don't really know you. But don't try and tell me again that your stumbling pronunciation in French O Level was because you were rubbish at languages. You could do it perfectly in group work, but as soon as Miss Jessop asked you a question you could barely speak English, let alone another language."
Bernie flushed at this, it was true she had a crush on the lovely French teacher, but she was a little worried that other people had noticed.
"How do I tell him no, Serena? I can't tell him the truth, I don't trust him enough not to tell everyone," she trailed off. Since coming out to Serena, she had felt more at peace. They didn't talk about it a lot, the walls of the boarding school had ears and very few people were accepting of homosexuality. She was happy that her best friend knew, and still accepted her. That was enough.
"He's a nice guy I'm sure he can take the rejection. If you just say you weren't planning on going anyway, he'll understand. Anyway, he won't be without alternatives."
Marcus caught up with Bernie after training the next weekend.
"Hey, Bern, fancy a coffee?" He threw his arm around her shoulders in a friendly manner but she flinched away from the touch.
"Waterhouse still giving you trouble?" she asked, thinking he was wanting to talk tactics and ways to manage his unruly Vice-captain.
A brief look of confusion flashed across his face.
"What? Oh, no, I mean would you like to go for coffee together. You know. Talk about, uh, stuff."
"Oh, right, sorry, I've got to write up a chemistry practical. Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about?"
"Well, you never got back to me, about prom?" He looked at her hopefully. She blanched, she had put it to the back of her mind, hoping he would forget.
"I wasn't sure how to. Um, thank you for asking, and what you said was lovely," she paused, working out the best way to say no without damaging their friendship. "I'm glad we're friends, you're great but I don't really want to go with you. I mean, you're a mate and it wouldn't feel right."
She was about to apologise, but his face had coloured.
"Why not? You've been so nice to me, we've spent so much time together. I assumed you liked me, Bern."
She stared at him, her mouth open, astounded.
"We're friends Marcus, we had to plan the match together, you needed some help. I enjoy chatting with you about sports and everything else. I'm sorry if you've got the wrong idea, I didn't mean for that at all."
"So, you don't want to be anything more than friends?"
She shook her head, mumbling her apologies. His expression turned sour.
"You know, I could have my pick of the girls in your year, they practically throw themselves at me."
"Well you should take one of them to prom then," she wasn't in the mood for this. She could tell he was about to use some bullshit 'I'm not like other guys' line and she wasn't sure she could restrain herself from lashing out. She had a notoriously short temper, only beaten by Serena's.
"I don't want to Bernie, I want to take you. The lads think I'm mad, they don't get you. They think you're cold and surly, but I know you're not."
It wasn't word for word, but the sentiment was still there. The 'lads' wouldn't want to date Bernie, she should feel honoured that Marcus was asking.
"If you're trying to compliment me, you're doing it in a very backhanded way. Telling me no one else would want to take me to prom is not flattery. I'm sorry, Marcus, but I'm not interested."
"Fine, your loss. You're right though, you'll go to prom on your own. I'm sure Serena McKinnie will find someone, and you'll be sat on the edge, watching everyone else have fun. In fact, I might ask her myself."
She laughed, Serena wouldn't accept an invitation from Marcus, she spent a lot of time calling him a pompous twat. It was true though, Serena had been approached by a few people although she had politely declined all of them.
The problem was, he was right. Bernie wouldn't have anyone to socialise with other than Serena. It's mainly why she didn't want to go, because she didn't want to spoil Serena's fun. She would spend the night with Bernie because she felt she had a duty to her friend, when she should be enjoying herself.
"He should be so lucky!"
Bernie smirked, as she had expected, Serena did not seem enthusiastic at the news that Marcus would be asking her.
"He is such a twat, Bernie, I never knew why you were friends with him. This just proves it, he has a typically fragile male ego. Oh, I hope he does ask me, just so I can see the look on his face."
Serena was furious, marching up and down her room, wearing a path into the carpet.
"Trying to claim that no one would take you to prom? It's ridiculous. You know what, let's show him. We'll go together!"
Serena looked at Bernie with the anger and passion burning in her eyes. Bernie was floored. She'd made it clear to Serena that she didn't want to go. Serena had grudgingly accepted that she had to, as head girl, but Bernie had put her foot down.
Now, though, there was a sparkle in Serena's eye. She was appealing to Bernie's vengeful side; the one Serena knew would be itching to get back at Marcus. It was true, she was angry with him for assuming and being spiteful.
She felt the breath catch in her throat. What would other people think? What would she wear? But Serena was already talking, barely registering Bernie's panic. Once she got hold of an idea there was no stopping her.
"If you don't go, he'll think he's right. But this will be a middle finger up to him, he'll see we don't need boys to have a good time. You especially." She winked and Bernie found herself chuckling.
She pretended to ponder it for a moment, but she knew she would agree. Serena could always bring people round to her point of view, and Bernie found it difficult to refuse her. She nodded and Serena grinned, immediately grabbing her diary.
"Great, we'll go shopping one weekend. When are your next matches?"
"The quicker you come out and show me, the quicker we can go back." Serena crossed her arms and sighed impatiently. Bernie had given her a limit – she would try on three dresses and that was it.
"I'm not coming out," Bernie called back, earning a dry chuckle from Serena.
"Bit late for that."
"Ha, I'm serious Serena, the shoulders on this dress should be on an American football kit, not a prom dress." She poked her head round the curtain and slowly revealed the dress. Serena could see what she meant. The dress was a lovely colour, deep purple, ruched satin but the shoulders were overexaggerated and her slender arms looked quite ridiculous poking out the bottom. She shook her head and Bernie disappeared back.
She waited for a few minutes, Bernie opening the curtain with a dramatic flourish and a frown on her face.
"No," she said, crossing her arms. It was full length, with a lot of ruffles and a large skirt, stiff fabric layers poking out at various angles. "This last one had better be good."
She returned without allowing Serena time to comment. She was sure the last one would be perfect, she'd only picked out the other two to show Bernie bad options, so she would like the third one. Also, seeing Bernie in ridiculous dresses was rather entertaining.
The curtain opened once more and Serena gasped. A no fuss, royal blue off the shoulder dress with a v neck that highlighted her collarbones. It had an asymmetrical hemline which ended at her knees at the front, slightly longer at the back. It showed a black lining, the colours contrasting perfectly.
"It's perfect, Bernie, you're going to make Marcus so jealous," Bernie gave her a shy smile, she did like the dress although she wouldn't admit it to Serena because she would be unbearably smug.
"Right, shall we find one for you then?" She asked as she appeared looking rather more comfortable in her casual clothes.
Serena patted her arm and grinned. "Don't worry I'm not going to put you through that, Mum is sending me something she's made."
Bernie sighed with relief that the shopping was over and she wouldn't have to sit around in the musty fitting room. They stopped in town for lunch, Serena seemed in her own world, usually she would talk incessantly, but she was quiet, staring at her plate.
"You okay?" Bernie questioned. "I thought you'd be more excited about me buying a dress, for the first time in…well, ever."
She smiled, but it never reached her eyes.
"I'm just thinking…"
"Always dangerous," she smirked, then reached over the table and placed her hands over Serena's, stopping her from wringing them. "What's wrong?"
"I feel like the term is going so quickly. Soon it'll be summer, and then we'll be going to university. What if I can't do it? I don't know what to do if I can't do medicine. And you'll be so far away."
She could feel the fear and anxiety coming from Serena in waves. Despite her confident front that she showed to others, Bernie knew Serena was a worrier, always feeling like she wasn't good enough. No amount of good grades or praise from teachers helped her to be truly confident in her abilities. She only hoped that medical school would show Serena how brilliant she truly was.
"I know it's going quickly, but we've got a really long summer, we don't start until the end of September. And frankly I'll be glad when these blasted exams are over. You will be amazing, Serena, and hypothetically in some weird parallel universe where you aren't good at medicine you can come and live with me and keep my room clean and make sure I eat properly."
She grinned at Serena, who let out a low chuckle. She didn't want to think about the last part, because she knew that being away from Serena was going to be hard. They spent most of their time together, teachers would be shocked if they saw one in the corridor without the other. She was the only thing about St. Winifred's that Bernie would miss.
"And we can still write, and see each other in the holidays. I'll want to get away from my parents anyway. It'll be different, but you won't want me cramping your style when you're making friends."
This earnt her a smile, and she relaxed a little. She hated seeing Serena so worked up and hoped she had done enough to reassure her. They spent the rest of their lunch gossiping about the girls in their year, who was cheating on who, the fact that Sian was still taking antibiotics for the rather nasty infected nose piercing, and generally chatting. This ease between them they would both miss, knowing it would change at university but not wanting to acknowledge it.
"I feel sick," Serena was shuffling her notes, constantly checking they were in order. Bernie stilled her, putting her hands on Serena's arms and looking her in the eye.
"You've got this Serena, ignore the rest of the school and the parents. Imagine you are practising to me, like last night. I'll be in the seats, just look at me."
It was the last day of term and the formal service and prize giving for the Upper Sixth was all that stood between them and freedom. The only problem was that, as head girl, Serena had to make a speech in front of the entire school and the parents of all the girls in their year. Her own mother would be there, and this made Serena even more nervous. She'd made speeches before, and deep down she knew when she got up there she would be able to speak confidently, but her anxiety wouldn't let her think that.
She had practically memorised the speech, but still had notes just in case, and had practised to Bernie and in front of a mirror so many times she was bored of hearing it. They were stood outside the Great Hall, waiting to process in after everyone else was settled into their seats.
Serena simply nodded at Bernie, hoping her voice would come back when she was stood at the podium. The doors open and the organ started playing the processional hymn, the girls following the head teacher in, shuffling and mumbling the words as they tried not to trip over each other.
The service passed by Serena in a daze, Bernie had to prompt her to get up ready to collect her academic achievement award. She smiled and shook hands with the Head and sat back down, tapping her foot impatiently as she clapped for what felt like an hour. She applauded a little more vigorously when Bernie collected her sports trophies, although this was drowned out by the hockey team cheering their captain, much to the disapproval of a lot of the parents. Bernie blushed at the recognition, she didn't think she was particularly popular but Serena knew a lot of the girls idolised her.
Eventually she heard her name, the applause from behind her and the soft 'you'll be amazing' in her ear. She stood, smoothing her skirt and walking up the steps, gripping onto her notes. She gulped slightly as she saw the amount of people she was stood in front of, but immediately her eyes flicked down and found Bernie, smiling up at her with her typically messy light brown hair and untucked shirt.
She kept her eyes focused on her as she began, thanking the head and other staff and commencing her speech. Although she had written it herself, it had been thoroughly vetted by the head teacher, and she felt there was very little personality in it. Every head girl had pretty much the same speech, it was a formality that had to be done. But the last paragraph she had been allowed to talk about her own experience and what the school meant to her.
"St Winifred's has been more than a school to me. It's been my home, my family, for so many years. I have valued my time here and it has prepared me for the future, more than I could possibly have hoped. I have formed wonderful friendships, had enormous fun and learnt so much along the way. St Winifred's has helped me, helped us all, to discover things about ourselves, talents and dreams that we will make a reality. I would like to thank you all for making my time here, and my year as Head Girl, so fantastic. I will miss this school and everyone in it, but I know without a doubt I will leave here with St Winifred's occupying a space in my heart."
She met Bernie's eyes at this point, saw her friend closer to tears than she had ever been before, and her own eyes stung. It was true she would miss school, but the part of St Winifred's that would be closest to her would be Bernie. The times they had spent on the roof, the scrapes they'd got into in chemistry, cheering her on from the side lines in hockey matches. Those were the moments she would cherish.
She had paused for longer than she had realised, but it didn't matter because she had finished, and Bernie knew this so led the applause. She looked out to see the entire school getting to their feet, in appreciation for the Head Girl they respected so much. Bernie was stood, with a smug 'I told you so' face on, no doubt because she had reassured Serena so many times that her speech would be a success and everyone loved her.
She dipped her head in acknowledgment and headed back to her seat where Bernie punched her arm playfully and grinned. The elation bubbled up in her chest, only a few more minutes then they'd be leaving.
"I never thought I'd be saying this but hurry up, Serena, we're going to be late!" It wasn't like Serena to be so last minute, but her hair had been a nightmare, not quite sitting right. After about two cans of hairspray (and a few burns from the curling tongs), she was happy.
Bernie was stood outside her door. She felt rather foolish in her dress, and had not attempted anything with her hair other than brush it out. She wished she was more talented at hair styling, but tight pins and elegant up dos weren't really her style.
"I'm ready, one second!" was the harried reply, she obviously didn't need the reminder that she was late.
The door flew open and Bernie stood there, open mouthed. She looked beautiful. The thought struck Bernie to the core. She'd always known Serena was attractive, especially to the boys, but she had never quite appreciated just how beautiful she was. She had envied Serena, mature and confident in her looks, and now Bernie knew that she looked completely inadequate next to her best friend.
She was wearing a strapless, sweetheart full-length dress. Perfectly fitted with a mermaid skirt, in a rich burgundy with stitching detail around the hem. Her hair was swept up onto the top of her head, accentuating her collarbones and neck. Her eyes sparkled and Bernie swallowed. She could feel a blush creeping up her cheeks, and a shiver ran down her spine.
"Bernie? Are you alright?" Serena questioned, concerned that she hadn't actually spoken, or moved, since seeing Serena.
"Yes…yes, I'm fine," she stammered. "You…you look, nice, no I mean, lovely. That colour really suits you."
Serena frowned at her, Bernie was acting rather oddly, and was now fishing around in her dress, rather uncomfortably.
"Thank you, Bernie, so do you. Can I ask what on earth are you doing?"
Bernie soon returned to her usually mischievous grin as she pulled out a hip flask. "Here you go, McKinnie, you said smuggling in the alcohol was my job. And if I'm going to be suffering through this evening of socialising and dancing, I'm making sure the fruit punch has a bigger hit."
She hid the flask back in her bra, she'd only got it out so she could look down and hide her face, which had coloured deeply after her stuttering compliment to Serena. She offered her arm to Serena, who grasped it tightly. She was rather unsteady on her heels, but looked down at Bernie with a smug expression.
"Finally I'm taller than you!"
Bernie chuckled, she herself was wearing low kitten heels because she did not want to add falling over to the list of things that could go wrong tonight. She would be busy enough worrying about Marcus and looking ridiculous on the dance floor.
She took a moment to really look at Serena, her eyes bright with excitement for the night ahead. Her dark hair was soft, the curls shining as the light caught them, her pale skin accented by a slight blush swept over her cheekbones. Bernie couldn't believe she had never noticed it before but her pulse quickened slightly.
She felt Serena squeeze her arm and blushed again, having been caught staring. Perhaps it was for the best that they were going to different universities , having a crush on your very straight friend could never end well.
She walked down the stairs in a daze. Did she have a crush on Serena? Surely, she was just appreciating how wonderful she looked. That's what friends do, right? Did she have bigger feelings for Serena? It wasn't a crush, not really. She'd had a crush, many in fact. They were all women completely unattainable, Mrs Jessop, the actress in Sophie's Choice, she couldn't remember the name. How did she feel about Serena?
She wasn't sure. She enjoyed spending time with her, felt a pull towards her from the moment they had sat out on the roof, perhaps even before then. She didn't know what had made her reach out to her in the first place. She made her laugh, she would do anything for her. She had never had such close friendships in the past.
That must be it, she decided. I'm just confusing a very close friendship, not used to it. Even if it is something else, she definitely doesn't feel the same way back. And now is not the time to be having thoughts like this, Wolfe. Pull yourself together.
She was lost in thought and missed the last step, almost pulling Serena down with her. They managed to stay upright and Serena raised an eyebrow at her.
"I hope you've not started drinking already Wolfe." She laughed as she tucked a strand of Bernie's hair back behind her ear. The touch left Bernie s skin burning and she gasped softly, covering it up with a chuckle.
"Of course not, you know me and heels never get on. Shall we?" She indicated towards where the girls were all gathered, getting ready for a photograph. They were ushered towards the front of the group and plastered on wide smiles as their head of year got the camera ready.
After that they all met the boys at the main entrance, and piled onto the bus that would be taking them into the venue.
Bernie could see Marcus, forcing a smile at Julie Granger who had obviously been his next choice. She ducked her head so he wouldn't see her and slipped in to the seat next to Serena.
The prom committee had done a great job, and there was a red carpet into the entrance. They were encouraged to enter in couples or small groups of friends and have an official photograph taken. Serena beamed at Bernie as they walked up the carpet and leaned in to her for the photo. Once inside they went straight to the tables for the meal. They chatted as a group, reminiscing about their time at school and excitedly speculating about what the future might hold for them.
Serena could tell Bernie had something on her mind and was doing her best to hide it; forcing smiles and laughing in the right places. She didn't know whether it was her discomfort with the social situation, or something more. She had caught her staring a few times, but she quickly ducked her head and feigned interest in her food.
She tried to focus on the conversation, rather than worrying about Bernie.
"I mean, most women have a thing for men in uniform, isn't that right Serena? And just think of all the nurses!" Serena bit her lip, Edward Campbell was loud mouthed and obnoxious, he thought he was God's gift. She didn't know him well, but he was also going to be studying medicine. The 'work hard play harder' reputation of medical students seemed to be the main reason he had applied. She was glad they'd almost finished dessert, so she could escape.
As the staff cleared the plates she caught Bernie's eye, who looked pointedly at her glass. She nodded, it was impressive how Bernie seemed to read her mind. Bernie made a beeline for the drinks table and Serena was about to follow, when Edward cut her off.
"You know, it's a shame. A beautiful girl like you not having a man on their arm, Serena," he grinned and she could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leaned in closer, one hand slipping on to her waist. "Shall we dance?"
She leaned away from him and smiled. He had obviously had a few drinks before arriving, and she didn't want to upset him. "No, thank you Edward. It was very nice of you to ask, though."
Bernie watched the scene from across the room. Her stomach felt like it had coiled tightly, seeing Edward with his hands on Serena, she had a coquettish grin, tilting her head playfully. She had no right to feel like that, although she did wonder at Serena's taste. Her blood had been boiling at some of the sexist, arrogant things he had said during the meal.
"Jealous?"
Marcus' voice in her ear made her jump, she almost dropped the glass that was in her hand. The heat flared in her cheeks, how could he tell? If Marcus had worked it out so quickly, she was doomed. He would gossip and it would get round to Serena. She could imagine the whispers now. How pathetic, Bernie Wolfe, in love with her best friend, pining after her like a puppy.
Love? Is that what it is? Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, she thought to herself, the bile rising in her throat.
"Wha-, no, why would I be jealous?" she stammered, trying to keep cool. She gulped down her drink, knowing she'd already added a little something extra and wanting to take her mind off the nerves.
"She's getting all the attention, every guy in our year fancies her. It must be hard, to live in her shadow."
Bernie breathed a sigh of relief: he hadn't noticed that Bernie had been jealous for a rather different reason. She shook her head.
"I don't want the attention, I just don't like the look of Edward."
"Well, Serena certainly doesn't seem to mind the attention." He smirked before being pulled onto the dance floor by Julie, who did not seem impressed that he was talking to Bernie.
She sighed and made her way across to Serena with the drinks. As she got closer she saw that Serena's expression was rather more strained than she had thought and she seemed relieved to see Bernie.
"Hey there Bernie, I was just telling Serena just how beautiful she looked, and that it would be such a waste for her to have got all dressed up and not have a man to dance with. Don't you agree?"
Bernie stammered, not quite sure what to say, but Serena cut in. "And I was telling Edward that a woman doesn't need a man, isn't that right?"
She took the glass and smirked at Bernie who nodded, but before she had a chance to say anything Serena squealed.
"Oooooh I love this song, come on Bernie!" and she found herself being marched into the centre of the room, Serena throwing all kinds of shapes, just like the film. Bernie stood awkwardly, not quite sure what to do with herself. She shuffled from one foot to the other, vaguely in time to the music, and downed her second drink. Dutch courage.
She relaxed into the next song, reminded of a warm summer afternoon they'd spent in the park, tipsy and listening to Serena's brand new radio.
"I think brown eyes are so much nicer than blue, don't you?" Serena mused, taking a drag from the cigarette before passing it to Bernie.
"I've never really thought about it," she admitted, glancing at Serena. "I guess they're warm."
"What's your ideal girl like?"
"Hmm? I don't know. I guess I'd be too scared to do anything about it if I met them."
"Oh, come on, Bernie, you must have imagined it. Someone to settle down with, no?"
"I couldn't, Serena. My parents would flip if they found out. And it's definitely not allowed in the army."
"What so you're going to spend the rest of your life alone? I can't imagine you just sleeping around, going from one girl to the next, leaving them broken hearted."
Bernie sighed, it was something that ate her up inside, she didn't know what was worse: the shame she felt because of who she was, or the twisting in her stomach every time she considered not being her true self. The guilt was ingrained into her by her parents saying people affected by AIDS deserved to die, sneering at anyone who seemed like a 'queer'. But could she really deny herself happiness? She didn't know.
"I guess I'd be fine, you know, settling with a guy. It wouldn't be awful. If I was friends with them, I could learn to love them."
Serena had looked at her in horror. "Bernie, you can't do that! You'd be living a lie, I know it would be hard but times will change you know. People like your parents will become outdated, the army will be more accepting. You can't lie. If a guy fell in love with you and you settled, it would all come out eventually. You can't do that to someone else, Bernie. You just can't."
She was staring at Bernie intensely, she hated lying, always said it was the worst quality someone could have.
"You're right, I know. Sorry," she hung her head, tears threatening. "What if opinions don't change, though? If people think I'm unnatural, a freak?"
Serena patted her hand. "I think if you find the right person, then none of it will matter. You'll just want to be with them, and you couldn't imagine life without them. You want to be with them more than anything else in the world and the hate will be nothing compared to that amazing lightness you feel in your chest. When you look at them, you won't see anything that's happening around you and you'll want to make it work. You'll want to shout it from the rooftops."
Bernie honked, unable to keep a straight face. Serena turned to her indignantly.
"What?!"
"McKinnie! Are you drunk?!"
"I bloody hope so!"
"You've been watching too many films. Come on we'd better get back before your mum wonders where you are!"
Serena could see the faraway look in Bernie's eyes as she almost subconsciously danced to the song. She was obviously deep in thought, not for the first time that night. Serena was concerned, normally Bernie told her everything, Serena was her one outlet for the emotions and troubles she usually kept bottled up.
"Ah, Serena, how about you be my very own brown eyed girl? You don't mind, do you Bernie?"
Edward had cut between them, but Bernie barely noticed so Serena had no choice but to be whisked away by Edward. He wasn't so bad, she supposed. He was rather attractive and not a bad dancer. She kept an eye on Bernie, who had been found by her hockey team and was dancing with them. Their eyes met and Serena rolled hers, indicating towards Edward, but all she received was a tight-lipped smile.
She pushed Edward away as the next song started. The memories of them dancing in her bedroom to this, Bernie tripping over a light, came to the front of her mind. The simplicity, pure joy, no cares in the world. Bernie found her across the dance floor, eyes alight and with no hint of the previous concern.
Bernie chuckled to herself at Serena posing with her hands on her hips. Her confidence radiated from her, she wasn't afraid of who was watching, she was perfectly happy and lost in the music. Her energy was infectious, and Bernie knew she would get caught up in it herself soon, despite being self-conscious. Looking around, she saw that no one was watching, and she started to move in time, when Serena grabbed her arm and span her round.
The shock made her stumble and Serena caught her, propping her back up and throwing her head back in laughter. They were dancing close together now, Bernie trying not to stand on anyone's toes as the crowd pressed in around them. She found the rhythm again and felt something lift from her shoulders.
She looked at Serena, this was how it was supposed to be; two friends dancing, laughing. Nothing complicated. The ease between them was something Bernie had never expected to find, growing up she'd been private, unwilling to open up to friends. She never would have thought she would find a friend in someone like Serena. Unlikely as it was, she wouldn't change it for the world, and she certainly wouldn't ruin it by muddying the waters with feelings.
The music changed to a song she didn't recognise, but Serena grinned and started singing. Bernie listened to the words, trying to pick them up so she could join in.
I travel the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for something.
She felt a lump rise in her throat. She always thought she would never look for love. If it found her then so be it, but she was scared of the consequences. She loved medicine and had a deep, burning desire to go to the army. Her father always said it was no place for a woman, that she wouldn't be able to have a family if she signed up. Her father's disappointment hurt but love wasn't something she needed to feel complete.
She would be travelling the world, hopefully. But was it in search of something? No, it was to run, from a family and a world where she never truly felt she belonged. Until now. In a world that hated her, well, what she was, there was Serena. Did Bernie need to travel the world to look for something? Or had she found it right here? Her thoughts were swimming, clouded by alcohol, and she didn't know what to do.
Edward cut between them for the second time that night and she scowled, but it was probably a blessing. She needed to go to the bathroom and clear her head, so she pointed in that general direction, hoping Serena wouldn't follow her.
Serena watched as Bernie slipped away to the toilets but she could tell by her expression she wanted to be alone. Bernie had never understood the 'girls going to the bathroom in packs' and so she let her go. Hopefully she would return with another drink for Serena.
Edward pressed close to her and she started to feel claustrophobic. He was by now incredibly drunk and was openly staring at her chest, a slightly lecherous grin on his face. She coughed and his eyes flicked up to her face, and she did her best unimpressed stare, one eyebrow arched threateningly. To his credit he apologised, but his eyes still wandered away from her own.
She sighed, wondering whether there was any guy out there that could appreciate a girl's looks without being so obsessed with sex. Someone who would compliment her for intelligence rather than beauty. She knew she was a flirt and could always charm a guy around to her way of thinking. She liked to be desirable as well. But no one had ever really caught her attention and if they did, she soon found they weren't interested in a girl with aspirations and a passion for medicine like she did.
She hoped things would be different at university, that there would be likeminded people who she could study with and socialise with. She had this big dream, meeting someone who would respect her, hold similar opinions but be different enough that they could have debates, putting the world to right over coffee or wine. A friend first and foremost, always there to listen. Caring, thoughtful, intelligent. Someone who felt like home.
She stopped suddenly as her train of thought came screeching to a halt. One word in her mind: Bernie.
Edward looked at her, concerned, but she shook her head and carried on dancing. Tried to carry on like nothing had happened, but her entire world felt like it had been spun on its axis. Hadn't she just described her best friend? The person she was going to miss the most when she left this school. The one she felt drawn to, who always knew how to cheer her up or calm her down when she was angry. She had other friends of course. But no one quite like Bernie.
And now they were going away, all they had was the summer. Bernie was going to the army and Serena wasn't stupid, she knew very few people stayed friends after school. Not long term. She was losing Bernie when she'd only just realised how much she meant. It would almost be easier if she had never realised.
She looked across the room, immediately picking out her tall, slim figure and messy curls that Serena always threatened to tame (but secretly loved). She was getting drinks and Serena excused herself from Edward's company. His hand trailed down her back as she turned, but a sharp glare soon stopped him.
She sidled up beside Bernie, touching her arm gently in greeting.
"Serena, don't feel like you have to come and keep me company. I'm sure you'd much rather be dancing with Edward."
She could hear the bitterness in Bernie's voice, was it jealousy?
"Don't be silly, it's not an obligation. I would much rather be with you than him. He's barely looked at my face once tonight. Egotistical creep."
"What, so you don't….you know….like him?" Bernie visibly relaxed and her expression softened.
"No! Honestly, Bernie what's going on?" her eyes dropped and she stammered before responding.
"I…I…I didn't like the look of him. You could do so much better, tha- that's all," she glanced up at Serena through her fringe, her eyes wide with earnest.
She narrowed her eyes, not quite believing her. "Come on, let's dance, you can show Edward how to dance with some respect," she joked, but she saw a small change in Bernie's expression again. A little tension, trepidation. It was gone as quickly as it appeared and Bernie nodded, following her back into the crowd.
"And this next one is for all those young couples, it's your last day at school together. Grab your partner!" The DJ announced and Bernie paled.
"No, no, I can't slow dance, Serena. Besides, what will people think?"
Serena looked around before fixing Bernie with a stare. "Look, loads of the girls are dancing together, we're best friends. Everyone knows that, they won't care at all. As for the slow dancing, I'll lead, you follow."
Bernie gulped and nodded, linking their hands. Serena marvelled at their softness, delicate and tender. Not roughly grabbing, just intertwined fingers slightly cooler than her own.
Babe I'm leavin'
I must be on my way
The time is drawing near
My train is going
I see it in your eyes
The love, the need, the tears.
Her stomach coiled and tightened, her pulse racing. University beckoned, doors open with a promise of a fresh start for both of them. This was an opportunity. It didn't matter what happened because if it went wrong, if Bernie didn't feel the same, then they could leave. But those open doors would close quickly behind them and if she didn't say something now then she would always wonder.
But I'll be lonely without you
And I'll need your love to see me through
So please believe me
My heart is in your hands
And I'll be missing you
She sang the words softly, pulling Bernie fractionally closer so her mouth was close to her ear.
"I'm going to miss you so much Bernie. I mean it, I don't know how I'll get through university without you there as well. You'll be having such a wonderful time and you'll forget all about me. Please, promise me that you won't be too scared, or ashamed. That if, no, when, you find someone you won't let fear get in the way. I couldn't bear to think of you unhappy, and I care about you so much," she bit her lip, willing the tears to not spill onto her cheeks. As she was composing herself she heard a sob from Bernie and felt her pull away.
Somehow, she took away the warmth. Serena hadn't noticed it but now they were apart there was a gaping hole and a chill in Serena's core.
"I can't do this, Serena, I've, I've got to go," Bernie's voice was close to breaking. She ran from the dancefloor before she had a chance to ask what was wrong. She was stunned.
"You know, I think this is the bit where you run after her," Serena turned to see Sian right behind her. They were quite close, had been in the same class for most of their O levels.
"Sian, what are you talking about?"
"Serena, don't be naïve. I can see you like each other. You're both too stubborn to admit it though. And Bernie is definitely terrible at talking feelings. You'll have to go after her. Make the first move!"
"I...I didn't even realise it myself until about 20 minutes ago. How can I tell her, she probably doesn't feel the same way back. And now somehow I've said something to upset her but I don't know what-"
"Because she's so bad a talking. Ask her about medicine, or feminism and she'll natter for hours. As soon as you mention any feeling she clams up. Except to you. You need to get her to open up."
Serena raised an eyebrow and smirked, "No offence but why on earth would I take advice from you?"
Sian grinned, "Hey, I may not want the whole childhood sweetheart thing for myself, but that doesn't mean I can't see it in other people. Apparently before they see it themselves."
She winked and Serena flushed. If Sian was right and people thought Bernie liked her back…..
"I've got to go, thank you," she wrapped Sian in a hug and made a beeline for the door. She hoped Bernie hadn't gone too far.
Bernie sat against a tree in the grounds, the tears flowing down her face as she sipped the whisky straight from the flask. She didn't care that her dress would be getting wet, she couldn't feel the cool chill settling in the night air.
Serena's words had hit her, punched straight through and left a gaping hole. How was it possible to feel this much, and yet be numb at the same time? The last few hours had passed Bernie in a daze, but in that moment, the two of them dancing, there had been a rush of sound. Time had stopped and Bernie had tried to commit each detail to memory: Serena's delicate fragrance, her soft hands, the feel of her weight as they moved in time to the music, her sweet voice singing and harmonising with the music. That had been enough, for Bernie. She had decided that they could be friends, she would treasure that moment where nothing had mattered and they would carry on as normal.
But what had Serena meant? Her voice had been close to breaking when she said she cared about Bernie. It almost sounded like she was saying goodbye, sealing their friendship into a yearbook, a memory to be found many years later with a nostalgic smile.
Forget Serena? Not possible. Let fear get in the way of her own happiness? That was second nature.
She didn't need to look up to know Serena was coming towards her. She stared at her knees, pretending not to notice, but Serena slid down next to her and lifted the flask from her hands, taking a swig.
"You probably don't want to talk, but I do. As in, I want to say something to you, but you don't have to respond. Is that okay?"
She nodded, not daring to meet her eyes. She didn't know where this was going and she wasn't sure she wanted to. But Serena had asked.
"I'm sorry for what I said, I don't quite know which part of it upset you, but it did and that wasn't what I intended. I'm…confused…no, that's not the right word. I realised tonight that you are more than my best friend. I don't know what that means for me, or for us. But I needed to tell you."
Bernie couldn't believe what she was hearing. She stared, dumbfounded.
"If you don't feel the same then that's fine, like I said I couldn't bear for you to be unhappy. I couldn't go to uni not knowing. So, now you know."
Bernie was still dumbstruck, unable to process what was happening. "You obviously don't, I'll- I'll go," Serena went to stand up and leave. Bernie's brain finally caught up with what was happening, her thoughts having to wade through the alcohol, and she took Serena's hand.
"No, wait. I…" she trailed off, she hadn't got much further than this. All her brain had been screaming was don't let her go. And now she didn't know how to make her stay.
"I'm sorry I ran. You're right, I was scared. Scared of ruining a friendship, because it felt like you were saying goodbye, because I couldn't think of ever meeting anyone else that would make me happy. Scared of you forgetting me."
Her voice was a whisper as if something inside was trying to stop her saying them. She pushed on regardless.
"I don't want you to think that I've only been friends with you because…I mean, I only just realised it, maybe only just consciously admitted it to myself tonight. I've not been pining or…or…"
Serena cut her off with a low chuckle, wiping tears from her cheeks. "I don't think that, at all."
She glanced down at Serena's lips, the emotion and alcohol encouraging her to lean forwards. She didn't know what to expect. It wasn't like the movies, where the kiss happens after months of wondering, building expectations in her head. She had never kissed anyone before, except for a dare in primary school.
It was tender, nervous, she could feel Serena's hand shaking slightly against her cheek. They parted, both looking deep into the other's eyes, searching for signs of regret. Bernie glanced around, but no one was nearby. She shuffled closer and tentatively placed her hand at the nape of Serena's neck. A thought flitted through her mind.
What happens after this? After prom, after summer? Is this a reaction to the thought of losing a friend? Is it real?
She pushed the thought away, reminding herself to not be scared. This was real, this as what she wanted. She couldn't deny herself with what ifs. Serena had told her to not let fear get in the way. Their lips met again, this time with more confidence.
Serena had been surprised at first, not expecting Bernie to express her feelings, certainly not expecting her to kiss her. But the moment their lips touched she knew it was right. She sounded cliché but she didn't care, the softness and sweet taste were perfect. She'd enjoyed kissing guys in the past, but stubble could be irritating and comparing it with this. Maybe it was Bernie, maybe it was girls. Serena found she didn't really care.
They stopped as Bernie shuddered from the cold. Serena stood and took Bernie's hand.
"Do you want to go back inside? There's still a bit of time before the bus takes us back to school." Their parents would be collecting them the next day.
They made their way back inside and Bernie didn't miss the questioning look from Sian, and the small thumbs up Serena gave in response.
"What was that about?" She whispered in her ear and Serena chuckled.
"Well apparently we weren't the first to acknowledge there was something between us. She decided I needed a bit of encouragement. She'll probably be gloating about playing cupid for a while yet."
The tension had lifted from Bernie and she danced happily with the rest of the year, always close to Serena.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen it's time for your last dance. I hope you've all had a great night!"
Bernie turned towards Serena and held out a hand. She grinned and took it, pulling them close together. They both sang, swaying from side to side. A peace settled over Bernie, once again living in the moment, but this time delighted that she didn't have to commit it memory because she could live it, and many more like it, again. Hopefully.
Oh I want the truth to be said.
They weren't ready for the truth to be released to the world. But they had told the truth to themselves, and each other. That was the most important part.
"What happens now, Bernie?"
Serena's voice cut through her thoughts. It was the one niggling thought at the back of her mind, that she was ignoring because it was too hard to contemplate. That they had come together and would soon be parted, all too soon. It would have been hard, but that night's events would make it even more unbearable. Was what she had to gain worth the inevitable pain and suffering further down the line? She grimaced, that was not the right mentality, but she was always preparing for the worst.
"I don't know, but I can't think straight. Too much alcohol, too many emotions. We have the summer. We'll talk about it, work it out."
Serena smiled contently, hugging Bernie a bit closer.
"You're right, we can write, see each other in the holidays. What's that thing Churchill said? Something about not looking too far ahead. I suppose I should take my own advice, not let fear get in the way," she paused for a moment and then giggled. "It seems I can't think straight, either."
Bernie groaned at the pun and they settled into a comfortable silence, each pondering how they had reached this point. The night had seemed so short, yet at the same time getting ready had been a lifetime ago. Neither could have predicted what happened tonight but it felt familiar and looking back how could they have not known. Their presence in each other's lives was vital, not to make them complete but to add a vibrant colour, a harmony to an already beautiful composition.
It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link of the chain of destiny can be handled at a time – Winston Churchill.
Fin.
A/N Serena's dress. Bernie's dress.
And they lived happily ever after! Hope you have enjoyed, it was my first attempt at AU, reviews are appreciated :D