My Special Day

Beta-read by Seerstella

(Hello, dear reader. Since I had a little fanfic written for Kuon's birthday, I didn't want to leave out my favorite uke either. So here's a little story. Enjoy.)

(Nanao's POV)

The day after tomorrow is a special day. Well… maybe that's not the right word but I would like to think of it that way. It's my birthday, and what makes it special is that this is the first one that I can spend with my lover.

Even though I think birthdays are special, I never really liked mine. When I was small, my parents weren't around much so I didn't get any big parties or family outings to some amusement park or something. Plus, I never really had good friends. Not to mention the fact that Nee-san used to dress me up as a princess.

I really hated her for that. I kept telling her that I was a boy, but she didn't listen. A few times she even applied make-up on me. And people wonder why I turned out like this?!

When I got into high school, I grew out of the phase of wanting any sort of attention on my birthday. There were times I completely forgot about it. That is until Nee-san came at me with a dress. Of course, that didn't change. I was still her dress-up doll, but then I started to not mind it that much.

The first real turning point was at my sixteenth birthday. I gave my virginity to Senpai just a few days before. His words haunted me for weeks so that birthday was forgotten. Even Nee-san didn't try anything.

So much for a 'sweet sixteen'.

I hated myself and others too. I felt abnormal and dirty. Senpai said I forced him but even he couldn't deny that he enjoyed it more than me. For me, it was all pain and an uncomfortable feeling of fullness. He was too rough on someone who was doing it for the first time. Not to mention how he forgot to prepare me properly.

For months, I felt alien among my friends and family, and slowly but surely, everyone left me. As my seventeenth birthday approached, I found that there was no one to share it with. Nee-san was out, spending the day with her 'hopefully going to be' boyfriend and I no longer had any friends worth mentioning.

Feeling alone and miserable, I went to a bar far from our house and ordered a drink. Of course it wasn't easy with me being underage. But I could charm the bartender and soon found myself satisfyingly tipsy. At that moment, a man in his early thirties sat next to me and we started chatting and drinking. It didn't take long for us to find a hotel and do it all night.

The next morning, I felt awful and it wasn't just from the hangover. I realized that I slept with someone whose name I didn't even know. Hurriedly, I pulled on my clothes and left before he even woke up.

I stood under the shower for an hour that day, trying to get rid of the disgusting feeling of some unknown person touching me. That was when the realization of not using condoms hit me. Who knows what diseases he was carrying? For a moment I felt like it was okay if I got something. I didn't care about dying after selling myself for a few drinks.

Two weeks later I went to a clinic to have blood tests. Even after convincing myself, I was still afraid of getting some nasty disease. When the tests came out negative, I felt nothing.

What was I expecting?

I started sleeping around, having one night stands, but I always asked for their names first. It felt wrong to sleep with someone unknown. I also never let anyone have me without a condom on. After a few months, I lost count of the people I slept with, and started caring more about the sex than the getting-to-know-one-another part.

Then my eighteenth birthday came and I was miserable again. What to do?

I don't know where the idea came from, but I went to the same bar I visited a year ago and drank until someone came up to me. That man was much like the one last year and I didn't even want to know his name. We went to a hotel and spent the night having sex… without condoms.

The next morning, I fled just like last year and spent the morning in the shower reflecting on what I had done. Two weeks later I went to have blood tests again and they were negative… again. I felt… disappointed for some reason.

However, my promiscuous days were not over and I could tell that my siblings knew but didn't know how to approach the subject. We pretended to be the perfect family and stopped thinking about my problems.

Yes, a problem, because I knew this was one. I was drunk most of the weekend and slept with more people than I could count in the next year. But since my grades were good, no one said a word to my parents and the teachers didn't even know me.

Then I got into the university. A whole new world opened up to me. I no longer had to hide in the darkness. I could go to pubs and seduce people, even though I stayed away from everyone in the university. This was when my promiscuous tendencies got out some way or the other. People started talking about me sleeping with anyone who approaches me and that I could seduce anyone.

Maybe they were right, even though I never did anything at school.

I felt isolated even though I didn't have any friends to begin with. No one really talked to me at school and that didn't changed. They didn't talk to me, they talked about me. When I turned nineteen, I did the same thing I did on my last two birthdays. Still, those damn tests turned out to be negative.

However, after a few more months of playing around, it started to get a bit tiring. I wasn't really enjoying myself anymore. No matter how many drinks I had, the sex was worsening as time went. I could still become hard and cum, but it took quite a bit more time. Not long after, the time between these one-night stands grew longer and longer and, I turned twenty just like that.

On my birthday, I found myself at the door of that bar again. After a little hesitation, I went inside and ordered a drink. It was going well as someone was sitting next to me, obviously trying to pick me up. Suddenly, I felt sick and left without a word.

Eventually, I spent my birthday walking around the city, trying to find the thing I was missing. I felt alone and miserable. For the first time in a long while, I wanted to spend my birthday with someone. As I had no one, I went home to be with my siblings but nobody was home.

It was understandable. They got used to me not being there on that day, and so they left too. So I was spending the rest of the day in bed watching the ceiling and crying for the first time since I slept with Senpai.

I was twenty and the only thing I had was school so I turned to studying and reading books in the library. One of my teachers was fond of me and I found myself in his company a lot. Helping or just talking. Eventually we breached the topic of my previous night life and he seemed to accept it. I was glad to finally find someone with whom I could talk.

As I was building my new life, I met someone. Not actually met, but my eyes found him in the crowd and I couldn't look away.

A man younger than me, tall with sharp eyes and brown hair. For some reason, I couldn't keep my eyes away. I wanted to know more about him but it was pretty clear that he didn't want anything to do with me. Later, I found out that his name was Aikawa Kuon and that he not just didn't like me. He hated me. Of course that didn't keep me from drooling over him whenever I saw him.

Then I turned twenty-one and found myself wanting to spend the day with Aikawa. I didn't even think about the bar or sex. I just wanted to talk to him.

Of course, things never really worked out for me and the next day, I saw him on the corridor talking on a phone. Suddenly, he was smiling. Smiling at the person called Towa who was on the other side of the line.

Girlfriend?

I stopped short when I saw it. He looked even more handsome and I wanted to go to him and say something. Then he noticed me and his smile turned into a frown as he looked at me like I was some something disgusting.

He was probably right, but that broke my already bandaged heart and I did something stupid again. I slept with Sensei. Right after it happened, I came to my senses and promised to not do something like that again.

As destiny would have it, Aikawa turned out to be the brother of the person my little brother was in love with. Though he still hated me, I could have a few – very short – conversations with him.

After a few painful months, we ended up dating. I was happier than ever and every day was like a miracle to me. I was so in love with him that I didn't even care why he agreed to go out with me. That was until he said that he loved me.

With those words, he made me crazy for him. I was in love with someone who loved me back. Life couldn't get any better, could it? But I found myself being greedy when it came to Aikawa and as the day of my twenty-second birthday approached, I was practically eaten by anxiety.

All I wanted was to go out with him, but I found it harder and harder to ask him. Now here I was, just waiting for him to finish work so we can talk.

"Nanao-san?"

I almost jumped at his voice. When did I get so lost in thought?

"Are you finished with work?"

He nodded and we started towards his house. We didn't talk much and I was trying to find a way to ask him out.

"A-aikawa…" I started, trying for a subtle approach. "What are you doing that day after tomorrow?"

"I have work. Then my friends are coming over to work on the group presentation. Why?"

"Just asking." I shrugged and quickly changed the subject.

I've waited too long.

So I spent my twenty-second birthday feeling miserable again. The only difference being that I was miserable even though now I had someone I could have spent this day with. The house was strangely silent throughout the day and I didn't even notice that I spent three hours just watching the ceiling until the doorbell rang.

With a sigh I stood up and went to the door. When I opened it, my heart stopped for a few seconds.

It was Aikawa.

He was standing at the door, breathing hard like he was running, but still as stunning as ever. He walked in and hugged me close. I didn't know what was wrong so I let him and soon found myself being kissed passionately.

The way up to my room was long and difficult as we didn't stop kissing and touching each other. As we finally made it, I found myself on the bed, rapidly losing clothes and being devoured by Aikawa. All reasonable thought left me as we made love and the only thing that caught my attention was what he said as he finally laid down next to me, pulling me close.

"I love you. Happy birthday, Nanao-san."

My breath caught, I looked at him with wide eyes. How did he know? Did he run here just because of me? Did he leave his school work and friends behind for me?

Before I knew it, I was crying and he started stroking my hair and back to calm me down, but it only made me cry even harder. I was so happy, yet I was weeping like a child.

When was the last time someone wished a happy birthday to me? When was the last time someone held me like this? When was the last time someone loved me this much?

So I cried and cried until there were no more tears and he just kept me close and said nothing. I buried my face in his chest so he wouldn't see me and he didn't seem to mind it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

Why indeed. I wanted to. I wanted nothing more than to spend this day with him. Still, I didn't say anything in the end.

Why?

"I didn't want to force you into anything."

He sighed. "Baka."

Then he pushed me away and made me look at him. I was so embarrassed that he saw me crying again that I couldn't meet his eyes.

"I love you," he said. My eyes widened as I finally looked into his. "I would have been happy to spend today with you. Please be more selfish with me, Nanao-san."

I thought I had no more tears to shed but I was wrong. I started crying again and he pulled me into a sweet kiss. It was nothing more than a brush of lips but I felt immensely happy. I fell asleep in his hands smiling, feeling like all the past bad birthdays were worth it. I was loved and in love safely in his arms.

When I woke up still in his hold, I watched him for a few minutes until he opened his eyes.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Mikado-kun was at our place and told me everything."

"Everything?" I tensed up.

"He told me that today was your birthday and you never really had it celebrated and that you always disappeared on this day."

"Oh."

"But this year, you wanted to spend it with me."

It wasn't a question and I didn't try to deny it. He knew so there was no reason to say otherwise.

"Thank you," I said with a smile.

"What for?"

"For coming."