How much would it take?
I wonder this late at night sometimes, when I have watch, as I watch him sleep. What is the price I am not willing to pay?
It's not his life. I know that. There have been times when I thought we would die, when I thought he would die, and leave me all alone. That has never been enough. Even when it's been darkest, I've stayed strong, avoided temptation. And it's not for lack of knowledge. No, I know more about it than most anybody, more than most of the practitioners of it we've fought as a matter of fact. I've practically picked it up by osmosis. Spend enough time fighting against its users and you can't not learn some of it. Hell, he knows more about its practical workings then most, even without his prior experience.
It's not despair. I've felt true despair, the kind that comes from having all of your faith in humanity crushed… I didn't turn to it then. We were betrayed by the one person I thought I could count on to be an ally, to be another shining example of the right way, and still I held back. Though at this point, I kind of wonder how much of that is for his sake, do I avoid temptation because it is the right thing to do… or because I could not bear to disappoint him? I do not know anymore. I suspect the latter.
It's just the two of us now. Everyone else had places they needed to go, and for all the safety there is to be had in numbers, we're too distinctive. If we don't want to alert all of our searchers to our presence we really can't travel in groups larger than two. I'm actually… surprisingly okay with that. For almost nine years I saw these people nearly every day, barring a handful of extended adventures and personal events, and for all that I miss them it's… nice to have the peace and the quiet. To be able to be just me and just him out here in the wilderness.
But no matter how nice it is, they are still tracking us. And I don't know what they will do if they find us- when they find us. Maybe nothing. Maybe they really do just want our help, like Varric said at least one group was claiming last time we spoke. Maybe they'll try to kill us- like so many before. That's not really what I'm afraid of. Either one of those two things, I could handle. No, I'm not sure what exactly I'm afraid of, but it makes me wonder
How much would it take?