Once upon a time, it was a beautiful day in Free Country U.S.A., and a white van was rolling down the highway. No, it was not that kind of white van. This was the van of John Egbert and Dave Strider, who traveled across the land, searched far and wide, each storage unit to understand, the money that's inside?

John turned on the radio. "How Do I Live" started playing, and he sang along. Until Dave changed the station, that is. His favourite radio station was playing "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" and he sang along to that. They went back and forth, until the songs were over, and then both stations were playing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song. Forever. Luckily for them, they were getting off the highway, and into the city of Berlin, New Hampshire. They went to the Norway St. Self Storage, where an auction was being held. They were almost late, but they managed to get there before the first auction.

Unit 612 was the first one. All over the walls of the unit were pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong. He was not wearing a shirt in any of them. There was also a boombox and some Green Day CDs on the floor. "We could sell the boombox for twenty bucks," said Dave. John did not agree. Some guy with 3D glasses won the auction for a dime.

The next unit was number 1025. It was full of bagels. There was a huge bidding war between some guy that looked like a Klingon and also a sweaty dude. Then some girl with ugly hair bid on it for $500 and they backed off. "It's Good To Be Me," she said, eating the stale bagels.

Then there was one unit left, the 413th. There were lots of boxes labeled "fragile". "If it says fragile, it's worth a lot of money," said John. Dave saw an object covered with a tarp. "I bet there's a car under there," he whispered. Since it was the last unit, they decided to bid all of their money. But they didn't even have to, because no one else bid on it. Maybe it was because it smelt like fish. But they didn't care.

They paid for the auction and opened it up. First, they looked in the boxes. There were Boy George CDs and old beer bottles with beer still inside. They found dead fish and some broken cap guns. As well, there were many sketchbooks filled with bad Harry Potter fanart, mostly some dude's self-insert in love with Harry. They also found an Atari 2600, but John accidentally threw it on the ground and broke it. They were so sad. Then they heard a voice. "arent you gonna look and see wwhats under this tarp," it said. They ignored it. "wwell arent you," it said again, but they still ignored it. "wwhats takin so long," fed up, the tarp flew up in the air. Beneath it was ERIDON.

Eridon was like Eridan, but not as good. He was missing a fin, and you could tell his skin wasn't actually grey, it was painted, very badly. Also his horns were backwards. But John and Dave didn't know that. They had no idea what he was. So they booted up their computer and pointed Netscape Navigator to their favourite search engine, Dogpile, and searched for "hipster harry potter with fins and horns" and the first result was "Eridan Ampora". "Oh my GOOOOOD," yelled John, "we have a REAL LIFE ERIDAN AMPORA." "thats right scumbags i am too legit to glubbin quit the reel thing the reel eridan ampora" said Eridon, even though he was not the "reel" Eridan Ampora. He was a knockoff.

But John and Dave didn't know that, so they took Eridon to a comic shop. "I only know one place that'll take this off our hands," said Dave. That place was Berlin Comix, better known by its initials, BC. "Look at this, it's... Eridan," said John, "How much will you give us for it?" "A buck-twenty," replied the store owner. "Come on! A buck-eighty at least!" whined Dave, in the coolest way possible. "Sixty cents means that much to you?" asked the store owner. "No, sixty dollars! Geeeeeeeeez you are stupid. I should go somewhere else." "Really? I overheard you saying that you only knew one place that would buy this from you... a buck-fifty. A dollar and fifty cents. That's my final offer." Dave gave in, "Okay."

"wwhat you think thats all im wworth you cant even buy lunch wwith that tiny amount of money wwoww"