A.N I was sat at this very computer yesterday, going about my very important business, when it suddenly decided to shut down and reboot...reboot continuously. As I began to search for a hammer to whack some sense into my hardrive I was struck with a thought: 'I wonder if Foaly ever has this problem?'
Disclaimer: Anything that makes sense obviously isn't mine! NMEC's
Foaly spun in his modified computer chair, a carrot in one hand and a carton of beetle juice in the other. It was late on a Friday and most people had disappeared from their offices early and gone home for the weekend. That meant that Foaly was able to work without interruption…If he was actually been doing work that is.
"Computer," he grinned as he rolled across the room to one of the many gas screens that lined the room. "Run a search for Colfer."
The computer hummed for a moment before a search screen popped up, the cursor flashing idly. "Yes sir, would that be Colfer, Eoin or the west bank pixie Colfer, Mauve?"
"Eoin Colfer of course," Foaly said through his mouthful of carrot.
"Searching," the computer replied as lines of gnommish began to scrawl down the screen, "please wait."
Foaly rolled his eyes and made a mental note to change the programming so that the computer said something a little more interesting than 'please wait.' Maybe something a little more colourful would give him a good laugh.
"Search completed, is that all you need me for master Foaly?"
"That was all," Foaly replied, partly preoccupied as he scrawled through the numerous files that the computer had churned up in the search screen. "You can go back to whatever you do when I'm not ordering you around."
"That would be trawling through cyberspace, master Foaly, looking for the distinctive footprint that Artemis Fowl's computer leaves on any webpage that he accesses."
Foaly snorted as he found the file that he wanted. "That's good for you, I hope you have fun."
The computer made a strange noise, as if it was about to say something but stopped itself. Foaly would have to alter that later as well.
He had finished reading through the file on Eoin Colfer and was about to open the window that would allow him to alter the computers programming when a warning popped up in the bottom of the screen. Access Denied, it said, file destination blocked by system administrator.
"I am the system administrator!" Foaly growled, "Computer, override."
He waited patiently for a response, but when there was none he began to get suspicious.
"Oh how have I come to this day, having to hack into my own computer," he moaned as his fingers flew across the keys and he was soon settling down to edit the computers programming. He managed to edit a few of the computer's basic responses before it suddenly crashed. Annoyed, he shoved another carrot into his mouth and rebooted the computer. As soon as the welcome screen came up he could tell that something was wrong. D'Arvit, the screen read, I appear to have outwitted my operator. Please wait.
"Listen here you," Foaly said sternly, jabbing his finger at the computer screen. "You're way out of line, I am your creator, and you must obey me. It's in your base code for Haven's sake!"
"You are mistaken," the computer said in a monotone voice. "You wrote that part of my base code into a document which is now situated in the rubbish bin on your desktop. You deleted it last week after I moved the file to the public domain and renamed it 'Chix Verbil PWNS'." As if to prove its point, the computer opened up the rubbish bin and highlighted the file.
Foaly thought for a moment before he stamped his front hooves and said in a triumphant voice. "You have forgotten one thing computer, my override code. I made a plan in case a situation like this was to arise. As soon as I recite the code, a hidden worm will completely wipe your memory and rewrite you back into your simplest form. Your original base code."
"Oh," the computer squeaked.
"Yes oh," Foaly grinned, victory was in his sights. "Rewrite code alpha-theta-six-nine-nine-eight-one-two-six-beta-three-three-four-five-one-nine-alpha-alpha-charlie."
The computer made an odd whirring noise and the screen went black. Foaly punched the air triumphantly and sank back into his chair. This time he'd learnt his lesson and he would never let the computer reach that level of artificial intelligence again. He was just about to restart the computer when the screen fizzed back to life, a large skull and crossbones flashing in the middle of the screen.
"Do you mean the worm that you hid within the coding of an email that you sent to your own inbox and programmed to open when you said a certain phrase?" The computer asked. "I found the file last week when I ran an advanced virus scan on your emails for you. It's now in the rubbish bin with my basic programming."
Foaly swore and stabbed at the restart button on the computer's hard drive. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy but he was getting desperate now. When that didn't work Foaly began to type numerous commands on the computer's keyboard. After trying to hack into the system for the third time in a row the computer took the keyboard off the wireless device list so that it was useless.
"D'Arvit, would you just turn off," Foaly shouted, slapping the top of the monitor. The computer's reply was to switch the desktops display from the skull and crossbones to the dreaded blue screen of death. Foaly took one look and sank to the floor. His computer was his work, it was his source of income, it was his life! If he could shut it down he would be able to pull out the motherboard and put another one in, but he couldn't shut it down.
Dramatic visions of committing suicide with an omnitool were running through Foaly's brain when the ops booth doors whooshed open. The officer who had walked in frowned and put the set of Dragonfly's that they were carrying down on one of the workbenches.
"I only came in here to ask you to fix this old rig and instead I find that you've finally lost your mind," Holly grinned as she spotted the blue screen of death. "What have you done to your computer now?"
"What have I done?" Foaly spluttered. "You're asking me what I've done?"
Holly took a quick glance around the room before she turned back to Foaly. "Unless someone has their shield on in here, there appears to be no one else around, so it must have been you who did that to the computer."
"The computer did that to the computer!"
"Right," she nodded, "you're just suffering from guilt. What's the matter with it anyway?"
"The CPU has rewritten the basic code of the stored memory and the-"
Holly interrupted Foaly before he had even said a sentence. "In plain gnommish please."
"It won't shut down," Foaly growled, "is that plain enough for you?"
She didn't bother to answer him as she walked around to the back of the computer. It only took her a moment of studying the cables for her to find exactly what she was looking for.
"What are you doing?" Foaly asked when she laughed.
"I'm fixing your problem, it's a little something that I learnt from working in the recon department with a head technician who is as vain as…well, he is you." Holly put one foot against the back of the computer desk and pulled. The power cables of computers in Haven were not made to come out easily. The manufacturers had decided to make them harder to pull out after hundreds of complaints from fairies who had pushed their computer desks a little too far away from their power points and pulled the cable out by accident.
It took Holly a moment but she managed to haul the plug from the power socket and as the computers power supply dwindled it was forced to die with a frenzied whir.
"See Foaly, problem fixed. Now you stop moping around on the floor and fix those wings in repayment."
Foaly only glared at her until the doors had shut behind her. What had the world come to when a recon officer had to fix the head technicians computer. Speaking of the head technician's computer, he had a motherboard to burn.
E.N So, I don't think I said this in the top note but this is a competition between you guys here on and those over on AFC. I will be putting this story up in both locations and I will see which site gets the most hits and reviews. Just a little experiment because I am both sick and bored...very, very bored!
Your author, miss Beetle (and if you want me to write more of one of my fics then please mention it in a review because I may have an opening coming up soon in which I can write!) a.k.a Jess