Neon Genesis HAMSTERGELION

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I do not own Evangelion or Zim, much much much better people than I do.

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TOKYO: "FISH IN BEAR SUITS" GONE, GIANT HAMSTER CREATURES RAMPAGE AFTER FREAK METEOR LANDING, GOVERMENT SAYS TWO ARE NOT REALATED, GOSH,THIS IS A LONG HEADLINE!

Dib looked up from a newspaper he was reading on a bench at recess.

"Giant hamsters, why does that ring a bell?" Suddenly, memories flooded back to Dib. Images of mass panic, total destruction, and giant fluffy anarchy flashed through his mind. "Peepi..." Dib's bespecticled eyes widened. "Peepi!" Dib stood up on the bench, proclaiming to his peers, "PEEPI LIVES! PEEPI LIVES! PREPARE FOR THE PEEEEEPIIIIIIIIII!" His fellow students were quiet...

...and then exploded in a uproar of laughter and ridicule.

"Hahahaha! Dib can't control his pee pee!"

"Yeah, Dib is scared of pee pee!"

The schoolyard began to chant:

"Dib is scared of pee pee! Dib is scared of pee pee!"

"No I'm-! You-!" Dib sat down, "Aw, forget it."

His little sister, Gaz, scooted away from him on the bench, not taking her eyes off the GameSlave 2. "You and your pee pee are distracting me..."

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Back at Zim's base, the computer's voice could be heard throughout the strange house.

"Warning! Master, there are-"

"SILENCE!" Zim shouted, his eyes glued to the television monitor.

"-and we now return to When Trained Walruses Go Bad!"

"Now, the next trick Mr. Tootles will perform will be-"

"RRROOOOAOAAR!"

The zoo keeper looked at the giant walrus, "What's wrong, Mr. Tootles?" The beast then lunged at the man, and clamped on to his head!

"ARRRRHHHHHH! HE'S EATING MY BRAINS!"

Zim laughed, "HAHA foolish human! He can't even control his pathetic earthling meat monster!"

"Master!"

"'eh?"

"A large,unknown, sentient, object has entered Earth's atmosphere."

"What is it?"

The computer was starting to get confused, "Ummm, I don't know... it's unknown."

Zim scratched his tiny head, "Ah ha... COMPUTER! GET ME A SODA!"

The computer's voice sighed, "Certainly, master."

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Dib walked home from school, the memory of the article, stuck in his large head. Suddenly a shiny black car pulled up next to him.

An atractive woman with wavy black hair, and a dark trench coat opened the door. "You Dib?"

"What if I am?"

The woman smiled, "Then we might have just found the savior of mankind." She pulled out a small black taser and struck Dib's neck with it.

"AARRRGGG!" Dib fell to the ground as the electricity coursed through his body. "OW! That hurt!"

"Oh sorry," The woman turned a small switch on the device, "I forgot, you have to turn the switch to stun." She hit him again.

"AAAARRRGGG!" Dib screamed even louder, and fell to the ground, unconcious.

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Dib woke up in a strange, large building. His father, Professor Membrane, looked down on him from above.

"Hello son!"

"Dad?" Dib got up off the ground, "Where are we?"

"Well son, right now we are in the," Prof. Membrane shot his hands into the air, making flashy hand motions, "HAM docking bay!"

"Ham?"

"Now Dib, I know that you're not interested with the strange, strange things that have been going on in the world."

"You're wrong! I-"

"Shh! Shh! Shh! Let me finish! Your small, innocent mind has been sheltered from all the evil in the world, but now, it's time for you to grow up!" Membrane motioned over a large raised catwalk behind him, to a large bright brown machine. The platform they'd been standing on, moved towards the catwalk. "This is my pride and joy!" There stood the behemoth. A tall, slender, humanoid battle mech, with a large jagged head, and a pair of giant, goofy, buck teeth. "The Hamstergelion Battle Unit 01." The profesor strode on to the catwalk, his son listening intently. "You see, latley, GIANT HORRIBLE HAMSTER CREATURES, have been atacking major cities across the world. To combat this latest evil, the wonderful PROFESSOR MEMBRANE and PROFESSOR MEMBRANE INDUSTRIES (The people who brought you SUPER TOAST) have developed a bio-mechanical fighting machine to fight these horrible monsters and SAVE THE EARTH!"

"Wow," Dib put his hand on the cold metal of the giant machine, "How does it work?"

"I'm glad you asked that question," Membrane pulled a remote control out of his coat and pressed a button. A large floating armchair shot itself under Dib, complete with a cupholder holding a large soda and recliner. "Comfortable?"

"Umm, I guess."

"Good," Professor Membrane pressed another button, summoning a hovering T.V. screen. "Enjoy!"

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A dark voice set the scene, "In the year 9034839578297589... ummm 3, the horrible, yet fuzzlie wuzzlie ADORABLE, Ultra Peepi reigned doom upon the fair people of planet earth, consuming everything in it's path. After being shot into space by a mysterious floating hotdog entity, minutes later he crashed to Earth, causing the caticalismic explosion dubed, "The Second Impact".

A small boy, with a single tooth faced the camera, "What was the first impact like?"

"SHUT UP!" The voice screeched. The boy's eyes began to tear. "Now where was I? Oh right, giant hamster. Ultra Peepi, being extremely damaged from the impact, began to self-replicate and create weaker clones of himself to distract humanity as he regenerated his mighty hamster form."

"That sounds horrible." The boy said, sniffling.

"WHAT DID I JUST GET DONE TELLING YOU!" Giant metalic claws apeared from off screen, and slowly reached for the small boy.

"AAAHHHHH!"

"Geez, that kid. Anyway, the fine people at MEMBRANE INDUSTRIES have devloped the Hamstergelion Battle Mech. Created with aquired cells from Ultra Peepi, the HAM, for short, is the perfect fusion of modern science, and the overwhelming power of mutant rodents. Instead of having to deal with the complicated controls of a normal 50 story combat suit, the HAM unit also integrates an emotionaly and physicaly tiring robot-pilot synchronization system, in addition to complicated controls."

"Well, that's all for now. You'll probably learn the rest about your HAM unit durring a random attack by the enemy at your home base, good luck!"

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A loud alarm blared throughout the hangar. Personel scrambled to their stations.

"Well, that must be the PIPI, right on schedule." Membrane picked Dib up by his large head, "Good luck son," He then violently threw him through the open hatch in the HAM unit's back.

"Wait, Dad!" The doors of the HAM shut, locking him inside.

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