Chpt 1
*italics=thoughts
Ruth
I feel like i'm in shock,I can hear what the Teaching Assistant is saying but I can hardly understand it. "two weeks" ..."you will be thrown out of school"...what does he mean?...I can't breath...this can't be happening...but it is.
I'm in a daze as I hang up my cellphone...
"I knew It,I knew it"..."but I still let it end up like this"..."how am I going to catch up with all that work in two weeks?"..."damn it i'm so fucked!". I say out loudly to myself,eyes tightly shut ,brows furrowed and phone clenched tightly in my left hand,right hand clenched into a tight fist as I furiously stomp my right foot over and over. I stop and squeeze my phone tighter, I would throw it but I just bought it,I comically think to myself. Funny that I can think up some slight humor in this situation. Now if I can only think up a way to complete my course work for this semester in two weeks it'll be fucking fabulous.
Coming to South Korea was suppose to be my new start. This is where I came to from my home-land in the West Indies, to disappear from everyone that knew me. I wanted to be someone new,someone better. But I've gone and messed it up. Like I've done everything else in my seemingly cursed life.
I open my eyes looking up to the blue sky, lightly decorated with scattered puffs of white clouds, inhaling deeply through my nose and exhaling slowly through my mouth like I know i'm supposed to , trying to catch my breath. My throat aches from wanting to cry and my eyes burn with the tears I can feel forming. I can't cry, I don't deserve to... the damned breathing exercise is not working!
"Ah!" I utter out bending over pressing my closed right fist to my heart trying to take in as much air as I can but its not working. I'm going to pass out. As that thought crosses my mind the lack of air only gets worse. Dear God don't let me pass out... But its getting dark and I can't breath.
"Hey!" just as my eyes close and my legs start to fail I hear the muffled sounding shout come from someone standing surprisingly close to me , I'm going to hit the ground really hard...but I don't,suddenly there are arms around me.
Jung
Finally,some peace and quiet. I think to myself as I recline on the bench and look up at the almost cloudless sky. This seems to be one of those really long days...its not even lunch yet. It's never easy being around so many people all the time...people,not friends.
I usually come to this spot at the back of the University's building to catch a breather from the crowd whenever I get the chance and I don't have a class. Looking up at the sky like this always clears my head and helps me put things into better perspective. Hardly anyone passes by during the day aside from the janitors and the odd couple that would rather fool around with each-other than go to class. Why they have benches at the back here in the first place puzzles me,there's not much scenery,aside from the same big green trees you can see here and there through-out the compound,nothing different, and its not like any of the professors bring their classes out here for lectures. Whatever the purpose it serves me well.
"damn it i'm so fucked!" I hear someone curse suddenly from my left...huh? looking across,through the few trees hiding me from view I see her. Ah, One of the international students,Ruth Joseph. We have the same business class this semester, which she comes to when she deems it fitting ...is she stomping her foot? I find myself chuckling at the sight,what grown person stomps like that? she's so short too which somehow makes it funnier. She stops and stands still,she seems to be trying to calm herself down as she lifts her head to the sky. I think I can hear her breathing from here...its not my business,I shouldn't mind her, but I keep looking. She seems somewhat exhausted,but in an internal sense. Usually, looking at her on the outside she looks well.
"Ah!' I hear her utter out as I see her double over holding a fist to her chest and her breathing sounds more erratic. I quickly realize she's not just trying to calm down from anger but having a full blown panic attack. I stand up jogging over . I reach her where she's standing but I don't try to touch her,from what I've read you're supposed to give someone in this situation 'room to breath' . "Ruth" I call calmly standing in front of her and trying to make eye contact "Ruth,you have to calm down","you need to breath slowly" does she even register that i'm here?...I don't get a chance to say anymore because she starts to faint. "Hey!" I say out loud as she starts falling. I reach out and catch her putting my arms around her, holding her up. Her head is leaning on my chest and she's still trying to breathe, I feel strangely panicked. I look around and decide to take her to my recently abandoned bench. I pick her up bridal style not surprised by how light she is and begin to walk back over to the bench. Half way there her breathing evens out and I look down to see that she's passed out.
Placing her down and holding her up into a sitting position I let my Book- Bag slide down my arm and place it on one end of the bench as a pillow for her head. Lowering her down I fix the bag so that her head rests comfortably. I stand up looking down at her for a few seconds,even though she's not conscious she's making a frown. I should call for an Ambulance. Taking my phone out I pause as I hear her make a quiet sound. Crouching down beside the bench one hand braced on one knee and the other resting on the edge of the bench I call her name, "Ruth", "Ruth, can you hear me?" she answers with "hmm?" that's good. "Can you open your eyes?" she slowly nods yes while frowning ,probably trying to get her bearings, "open them for me then" I say, and she slowly opens them. I breathe a small sigh of relief that she's OK enough to comprehend and comply. And I give her a small smile as I see those rich brown pupils gain focus. She then says "Yoo Jung" in a very confused tone and it makes me smile even wider for some strange reason.