I realize there are not many GinTsukki fanfics which is surprising since they are so awesome together. And those fics would even forget about Gin's love-crazy stalker Sa-chan.

This is my first fanfic and I apologize if anything seems strange. I do not own Gintama as it belongs to its rightful owners.

Lesson 1: Never ask about the three mysteries to anyone.

Sarutobi was exploring around the net curiously during her free time. She's fiddling with Gintoki's name around Google until she saw a tab that said, "Who do youthink is the most compatible with Gintoki?"

She snorted at the laptop screen. "Heh, it's obvious that it will be me since I've been in love with him since Season 1!"

As she clicked the tab, the first thing that she saw was the pairing chart. She looked from thebottom first, only to find out that they were small fries. She also came across HijiMitsu, SakaMutsu, TamaZaki, KonTae and of course OkiKagu, the most popular pairing.

But she was shocked when she saw what pairing was in second place. It was none other than GinTsu!

She then began to boil in rage. "WHHYYYY?! WHY DOES THAT BITCH GET GIN-SAN HUH?!"

"Oi,oi, Sarutobi, I know you're still cranky from the last mission but it's still morning ya know."

The JUMP ninja in a navy-blue shinobi suit came to greet her while she's still throwing a hiss.

"Oi... who do you think you are, barging into my room without permission?" Sa-chan turned to Zenzo as she was biting at the corner of her laptop screen.

"Well, I let you stay at MY house for the night and… also, you should not be damaging expensive objects."

She murmured him a question after she had let go of her magenta laptop. "You hemorrhoid bastard… Say, why do you think I can't seem to get through my crush after all these years..?"

Zenzo sighed while reading his JUMP. "Well, perhaps it's 'cause he's annoyed since you keep on stalking him?"

Sa-chan glared at him. "It's not helping."

Zenzo stared at the laptop screen which was now damaged and seemed to finally understand her situation. "Oh… I see now, it's the fandom pairings! And from the looks of it, your expectations are nowhere close!"

She remained silent, which he took as a signal in order for him to continue his words of 'wisdom'.

"Well, since it's the fans who voted for it, there must be a reason for it. And it must be that what you're doing is not up to par with their standards, which is something that this 'Tsukuyo' girl clearly has..."

By the time he was about to finish, she was already gone. He then sighed.

"If she wants to be compatible with that jump samurai, she's gotta know where she went wrong..."

Sa-chan was already at Kabuki-cho as she left the quarters and Zenzo's half-assed lecture ranting.

Her head was filled with jealousy for Tsukuyo.

"Damn that bitch, I came into this stinking anime from the beginning! So why the hell did she suddenly have to pop out and not only be higher than me in the popularity polls but also to steal my Gin-san away from me?!"

As her eyes started to trail off by looking at a familiar silver-permed samurai sitting on a park bench next to his motorbike, she started blushing.

"Say Gin-san," the glasses teenage boy asked, "do you think that Seita-kun would like Sadaharu?"

"Well, he better be," Gin replied back while picking his nose. "He was so eager to meet the whole Yorozuya gang, so he better not have a bad impression of it after getting the trouble to bring the furball out."

Sarutobi remembered that Seita lived in Yoshiwara along with Tsukuyo. She grunted to herself.

"Hmph. You just want to see that Tsukuyo girl again."

Before she said another word to herself, she then remembered her conversation with Zenzo a few minutes ago,

'And it must be that what you're doing is not up to par with their standards, which is something that this 'Tsukuyo' girl clearly has...'

She did not want to admit it, but he could be right. Maybe she did not please Gintoki as she thought she would (which in reality, she did not please him at all). So she just decided to keep an eye on him, thinking that she can watch him while daydreaming.

Her eyes were still focused on Gintoki until her attention was caught by the China bun girl who was spacing out while munching on her sukonbu.

"Say Gin-chan," she started. "What is LOVE?"

Both Gintoki and Shinpachi stopped on their tracks. Five seconds later, Shinpachi came closer to her giving her the 'U MAD?' look.

"Kagura-chan, are you asking this question because you've been watching reruns of the soap operas aneue gave you?!"

She gave him a shameless nod.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING, KAGURA-CHAN?! THAT IS ONE OF THE

THREE SINFUL QUESTIONS THAT COULD NOT BE ANSWERED!"

"What do you mean?" Kagura asked with a blank expression.

"LIFE, LOVE, and MANKIND ARE THE THREE THINGS THAT COULD NOT BE ANSWERED WITH A STRAIGHT ANSWER! In other words, nobody could reply you so easily because it's a very complicated question! "

She was obviously ignoring him and turned to the silver-permed samurai instead.

"Well Kagura-chan, it's when two lovers meet, go on a date, get married, have kids, grow old together..."

She could tell that his words where becoming softer and more unsure. Then she sprang up another question. "So why did one of the lovers want to marry the other?"

This time he was speechless as well. She then gave a loud sigh.

"Never mind, I should not have asked this kind of question to someone who has never been on a date before..."

Gintoki wanted to shout back in objection but she wasn't even finished yet. "I guess some people are meant to be 'forever alone' in life. Right, Sadaharu?" The dog just barked cheerfully.

It was no use. They were completely defeated. He shot his head down in depression, until Shinpachi saw Tsukuyo pushing Hinowa's wheelchair, heading to their direction in a hurry.

"Yo, where's the kid? He's the whole reason why we're about to bring our dog to Yoshiwara," asked the samurai, even though they were nowhere near Yoshiwara yet.

"Oh no, so even you have not seen him..?" Hinowa was more depressed than before.

They were silent for a while. Finally, Shinpachi spoke up.

"Is something wrong, Hinowa-san?"

Tsukuyo bravely spoke back. "Seita is missing and we looked all over Yoshiwara. But we couldn't find him."

The two Yorozuya teens were shocked at this, while Gintoki was still picking his nose. Shinpachi asked again. "Don't you have any clues as to where he may be?"

Tsukuyo gave out a sigh. "A passerby said that he last saw him near an orange truck which came from nowhere and when they turned around, they were both gone."

Gintoki gave a loud sigh. "Man, that's just too troublesome. Edo is so huge it's like looking for a needle in a haystack!"

Suddenly, an orange-shaped truck was speeding while being tailed by several police cars.

They have just hit the jackpot.

Wasting no time, Gintoki, along with Shinpachi who got on the motorbike, dashed towards the police. By the time he reached one of the police cars, he recognized one of the officers who had their windows open.

"..You came chasing after me all the way here?"

Gintoki ignored the Shinsengumi's sadist question. "I wanna know what's with you tax robbers chasing a running orange. Have you started robbing oranges as well?"

"Well, it's been suspected that those 'running oranges' store illegal drugs and we're here to squeeze it all out."

"Please let us come with you, there is a child who we suspect that may have gone inside by accident."

It was Tsukuyo who was still pushing Hinowa's wheelchair, only this time it was in hyper speed, making Hinowa feel dizzy. Kagura also tagged along, riding on Sadaharu.

"Oh wow boss, I didn't know you had a girlfriend. Is that why you're being so considerate for a former Joui, SHI-RO-YA-SHA?"

"Shut up, not another word from you!"

Sougo smirked at this. He could tell that he's irritated and that's enough for him.

"Fine, couldn't hurt having more help."

The last car from the line of Shinsengumi cars had Matsudaira Katakuriko in it. While Kondo was driving, he took a puff from his cigarette and then turned behind him.

"Sa-chan, are you really sure about this? You just got back from your mission and now you want to deal with the Harusame Pirates already even though it doesn't concern you."

Sarutobi gave a straight reply, "Yes, I'm very sure about it. There's just something I want to confirm."

He then gave a loud sigh. "Well, just now you asked me one of the three mysterious questions in the world. All I could say is that nobody is gonna reply to you with the answer you wanted, and no one likes to be asked about it."

She then remembered that Zenzo did not felt like answering her question either. It looks like she is gonna have to find out about it herself.

To be continued…

I wonder if it feels a bit too long. But I could not help it, I just felt very tempted about it.

I know the first chapter did not seem to fit the title but I'm sure it will as I continue to write. Also, I hope there will be more comedy for the next few chapters but the first five (maybe) are all serious. Please write down your comments in the reviews so I could improve.

(I would even accept a mentor!) Anyway, thanks for reading. :)