Welcome everybody to the first chapter of "Tales From the Arena": A counterpart to Bowser's Modern Life for when Bowser's Modern Life starts getting plot heavy! This is for stories in Bowser's Modern Life that are not quite plot important and ambiguously canon and focusing more on the day to day adventures in the Arena (Think of something similar to the relationship between HyperInuyasha's "The Normals" and his "The Attack of/War on Giygas")
Today's first story arc concerns a certain greedy plumber…
Team Match!
Bowser & Wario VS Shulk & Mario
Boxing Ring
The crowd went doughnuts as Mario tossed Bowser into ropes along the lines of the ring and, unfortunately for Bowser, he was quickly entangled in the ropes with no way out. The Koopa King wrestled with his prison as his arch nemesis approached him. Desperation clear in his eyes, he turned to his partner…
…Who was tapping away on his new phone.
"Eh, Koopa! The pot got higher! Guess how much gold we'll get if we lose this match!"
Bowser no doubt would have congratulated Wario and perhaps expressed a desire to see some help over here, had Mario's fists and Shulk's Monado not catapulted him off into the unknown. One blast and an announcement later and Wario was all by himself. The greedy treasure hunter looked unconcerned at his fellow fighters.
"Okay Wario," Mario said, not trusting his other rival as far as he could throw him. "Make your move."
Wario realized that he had an opening and gave a hearty laugh that spelled doom for his opponents. Then, he pulled out his bike and promptly drove into the blastline.
*GAME*
"What?!" The Bowser Monsters shrieked as Mario and Shulk, dumbfounded, posed for their victory. A moment later and the fighters entered the showroom.
"…And you're sure you're okay?" Mario asked. Wario snorted rudely.
"How many times do I have to tell ya? I'm a-okay! If anything, I'm richer! Thanks again Mario, old pal!" Wario happily shook Mario's hand before waddling off, kicking his heels and dancing a little jig. Mario sat down on one of the couches.
"I'm-a so confused…" He muttered, mystified.
Bowser, on the other hand, was livid. He walked over to the two couches his team was occupying and sat down, arms crossed. For a few minutes, Bowser just fumed there, glaring at nothing in particular.
"I take it, you are not well?" Greninja asked, hoping to make polite conversation. Instead, Bowser belched a large tongue of fire.
"What do you think?!" Bowser asked. "That portly gasbag just cost me my match!"
Dedede sat down beside Bowser.
"Yes," Dedede said slowly and carefully, "But he also got you money. Don't you like money?"
"Not when it's at the cost of my pride!" Bowser almost threw the gold at a wall, but thought the better of it. Instead he grabbed the nearest thing to him and threw it against a wall.
"That man's gambling addiction has gone too far. We do not throw fights here on the Bowser Monsters. Unless the key to World Domination is on the line. Even then, that's a big 'maybe'."
"Shall we go beat some sense into him?" Ganondorf asked. Bowser shook his head.
"No. We need to make sure this one sticks. We go for the source."
The two kings left the showroom, leaving behind the Pokémon and the crowd of bystanders, gaping at the hole Dedede made.
Wario in The Sky with Coins
Sponsered By the newly instated Spagonian gambling laws! You're next Casino Night Zone!
The Arena
Storage Room
The storage room was probably one of the most dangerous rooms in the Arena. Master Hand certainly thought so, as he forbade access into there under almost any circumstance, under penalty of Palutena's cooking. Needless to say, almost every single one of the fighters agreed to never enter, and only a bunch of snot nosed punks who missed the warning would dare enter. And sure enough, a bunch of snot nosed punks including a dog and an Amiibo were entering this forbidden zone.
Alph, the big nosed Hocatatian, walked into the room, followed by the dog and duck that made up Duck Hunt. Diddy Kong entered shortly after. They marveled at the thousands upon thousands of neat, well organized rows of items. Then, they turned their attention to the massive pile of junk nearby. A sign hanging above said pile read: "Lost and Found. Last Visited:…" The rest of the text was flat out illegible.
"My Koppad should be in there." Alph said pointing at the pile. "According to the digital manual, objects that fall past the blastline automatically go to this place." Alph turned around to find Diddy looking at a row of banana peels on the shelf. "Don't touch anything on the shelves! No one even knows we're here!"
"(But Alph, do you see how many banana peels there are here?! I could cover the entire Arena in peels! All of it! I could at least take a couple…)"
"No. We can't let anyone realize we were down here. That's the kind of answer I expected from Bowser Jr."
Diddy and Alph stopped suddenly as they realized that they were missing two members.
"(I'm on it.)" Diddy said. "(Come on dog. Let's find Junior.)"
The dog barked in agreement and started sniffing the air. Nothing. Nothing. Noth-wait! Catching the scent of painting oils and wooden planks, the dog bolted down a seemingly random direction. Diddy Kong followed at a quick rate.
It didn't take long to find Junior. He and his amiibo minion, a Toon Link Amiibo named 'Blink', were wandering around the "Dangerous Explosives" section of the seemingly gargantuan room.
"And this is called a 'Motion Sensor Bomb'. Dad told me all about these." Bowser Jr, sitting in his Junior Clown Car, showed off the item to Blink. "He said that the ones in the second tournament were from something called Gold… uh…" Junior frowned and began heavily thinking. For some reason, although he distinctly remembered his father telling him, the powers of Copyright Law blocked his memory from recalling where exactly they came from. "BronzeMouth? SilverNose?"
"Who cares?! It's a bomb!" The amiibo inherited its owner's hyperactivity as it bounced around impatiently. "Let's use it!"
"Nah." Bowser Jr. said in response. "I know of something even better than most of these bombs."
Blink looked skeptically at his master. Something even better than bombs? That was heresy! But this skepticism faded and was replaced with awe as Junior led him to an aisle filled with bazookas.
"Dad calls these 'Cracker Launchers'. They make colorful explosions!" Junior proudly announced. Blink gaped at that bold statement.
"Colorful explosions.' He could only whisper. "Why aren't we using these all the time?"
"Exactly what I was thinking." Bowser Jr. hopped out of the Clown Car and began jumping to reach the shelf. "Give me a boost up so we can grab these things." Blink allowed Junior on his shoulders as the boys began thinking of the mayhem they could create with the weapons. Then, suddenly-
"(Junior!)"
Blink jumped in surprise, which caused him to lose balance and send both boys tumbling to the ground. A single fire cracker launched through the roof.
Meanwhile…
"Why do I gotta be the one to fix the toilets?" Pittoo muttered. "Seriously, isn't that why the Marios are here?" Either way, Pittoo approached a toilet in the second floor bathroom and began shifting through the toolbox R.O.B. gave him. Suddenly, the toilet exploded into pieces, scattering water and bits of toilet everywhere. Dark Pit stared blankly at the now exposed and gushing pipe before dropping the toolbox and calmly walking off.
"Nope. I'm not doing it."
Back in the hold…
"What the heck Diddy?" Junior shouted as he hopped back to his feet. "I was about to grab that thing!"
Diddy shrugged in response.
"(Alph said not to.)"
"Ooh." Junior and Blink said in that tone that said 'That makes a lot more sense.'
"Well you're just gonna let that goody goody tell you what to do?" Junior argued.
"(I still think that I'd trust him more than I trust you.)" Diddy muttered. Junior stomped his foot in annoyance and pulled out his hammer. However, Blink suddenly ran up holding a strange device.
"Well, can we at least take this thing with us?" Blink asked.
Diddy and Junior looked at the thing Blink was holding. It looked vaguely like a vase and had handles for someone to try holding it. The dog sniffed at the thing, grabbed it and held it like a Super-Scope. A second later and Diddy, Blink and Bowser Jr. were instantly blown to the back wall by a sudden gust of wind.
"That thing is awesome!" Bowser Jr. shouted as he peeled himself from the wall. "Who cares about the firecrackers, let's get that thing!"
"(Imagine all the tricks we could pull off with that thing! We could put it in front of the bathroom door!)"
Diddy and Junior giggled ominously as they imagined the havoc they could wreak with the vase. Unfortunately, Blink brought up a very good point.
"But what about Big Nose? Won't he say something?"
And just like that, the two rivals scowled in disappointment as they realized that Big Nose would most certainly make them get rid of their awesome new toy. Diddy suddenly got a wily idea!
"(Hey Junior! Why don't you put the thing in your clown-bowl-thing?)"
Okay, maybe it wasn't quite so wily. Kinda obvious actually.
"I thought you didn't trust me more than Alph? Junior muttered.
"(Yeah, but at least you know what a good prank needs to work. At least, that's what you keep telling everyone. Besides, at lest this is (comparatively) harmless.)" Diddy said.
Bowser Jr. pretended to think over the proposition even though he had fully intended to take vase, regardless of whether Diddy had decided to ask him or not. At last, Junior giggled mischievously and grabbed the vase.
"Then I guess it's settled. We're taking this bad boy!"
Up to this moment, the Duck had been quiet about this whole business and watched idly, hoping that someone would be the voice of reason. Unfortunately, it seems that the duck itself will have to save the day. And so it made a valiant speech about the morality of this event. It spoke of the betrayal of trust being place on them as well as suggested a different possible course of action that could provide some decent alternative to their actions. Alas, the duck was just that: A duck. And thus, it merely quacked. Its partner was of no help either. The dog fully understood what the duck was saying, but lied and simply motioned the boys to go ahead.
"Hello!" Alph's voice called out. "Did you find Bowser Jr. yet?
"(We did!)" Diddy yelled back. "(Did you find your Koppad?)"
"Yes. It was surprisingly easy to find. Right on top of the pile actually. Come on. Let's get out of here."
The boys and the dog grinned mischievously at each other.
"So it will be done?" Ganondorf asked. The mysterious spokesperson looked calm and cool.
"Rest assured Mr. Dragmire." The messenger said. "The complaints of you and Mr. Bowser have been taken into consideration and shall be forwarded to the Master Hand."
The kings nodded and stood up from the table which they were sitting at. The lights in the room turned on, revealing they were in the lunch room and their messenger was none other than Nana sitting on Popo's shoulders.
"Thanks kids. I'll get you snow cones, or whatever it is you Eskimo kids like." Bowser promised as Ganondorf simply walked away. He caught up with him while the duo struggled to walk towards the backrooms. "So Dorf, do you think the Hand will get the hint?"
"There are various ways this can go." Ganondorf said simply. "However I am confident the Master Hand will take action to take care of this situation."
"Good! Let's see that money-loving air sack throw matches after tomorrow." Bowser said with glee obvious in his eyes. He turned to the rest of the Arena and bellowed: "Junior! Meet me at the front door!" Bowser then walked off to the entrance to wait for his son. On the way out, he ran into Wario with a giant sack full of gold.
"Hey Bowz! I really cleaned up tonight! Waahahaha!" Wario bragged
"Yeah! And tomorrow, you're gonna clean up your act! Bwahahahaha!"
Wario stared blankly at Bowser. He shrugged off the Koopa King's rather blatant laughter as Bowser being Bowser and instead waddled over to the parking lot where his car was parked. Bowser was so busy glaring at Wario that he didn't notice Junior and Blink arrive.
"Dad, what'cha doing?" Junior asked.
"Just admiring Wario's soon to be crushed joy son. Let's head home."
The Next Day…
The small animal residents of Smashville dove out of the way of the Bowser Mobile (Bowser's giant purple muscle car) which continued to drive recklessly through the streets.
"…And that's why Daddy avoids that 'feeling it' guy." Bowser paused before taking another bite of his steak. "And remember kids: Anyone who says steaks aren't for breakfast is a liar."
Bowser Jr. nodded at that important information but Blink raised his hand.
"Mr. Bowser- I mean, Master Bowser, is it safe to be driving like that?"
Bowser made a scoffing noise as he turned the wheel with his left foot while his right was firmly planted on the gas.
"Maybe not, but it's cool and that's all that's needed." Bowser said. Bowser kicked the wheel, turning the car into the parking lot. Why Master Hand decided that the arena needed a parking lot when barely any of the contestants drove was beyond him. He began driving down to his parking space approximately eight spaces from the end, only to slow down as he noticed a commotion going on near the betting counter. Bowser grinned as he quickly realized what that meant.
"Son. Why don't you and your little friend go inside? I'll be there in a bit."
Junior and Blink glanced at each other before exiting the vehicle. Junior turned back to his father.
"Um, dad? I might have 'borrowed' something from the item storage…"
"Didya get caught?"
"Nope!"
"Have fun."
The boys grinned and ran inside. Bowser pulled into a nearby parking space (Fox's, to be exact) and began untying the Junior Clown Car from the back of his ride. He took relish in hearing the fighters arguing with Mario.
"I'll get in trouble if I break anymore pots! How else can I get rupees?!" Link asked.
"But I had a side bet with Robin going on!" Shulk said with his alien accent that sounded suspiciously British. "We were gonna see who could win the most smashes for three days!"
The characters nobody ever writes about (such as Olimar, Yoshi, Donkey Kong, Mr. Game & Watch, etc.) were there too, but they're insignificant compared to whatever romance was currently going on so nobody cared what they had to say.
"I'm sorry!" Mario apologized yet again. "But we've received complaints about the use of gambling in the arena."
"Who said gambling?!" Suddenly the crowd was flanked by an army of Miis lead by Master Hand's Mii representatives, Sophie the Gunner, Ken the Swordsman and… Mii Brawler. "We can't have that in this tournament! The Spagonia gambling laws have dictated that underage gambling is illegal." Sophie said.
Everyone stared at her.
"We have four children in this tournament."
Donkey Kong and Olimar glared at Sophie. Still, the Gunner Mii got the point across and the adults started groaning as the miis began demolishing the betting corner.
"Darn kids…" Falco muttered. "Why does everything we love have to be ruined by kids or casuals?"
"Come on Falco. It's not that bad." Fox tried to say, but Falco thought otherwise.
"Think Fox: What is the best way to get gold outside of Smashes?"
"…Classic runs-!-Oh…"
The implications of Fox's statement slowly started setting and the fighters quickly began rioting over the soon-to-be-lack of gold in the future. Bowser on the other hand, was smiling as he sauntered into the arena. He walked over to a minisofa where Wario was hysterically sobbing.
"Bowz! Did ya hear?! It's terrible! They've closed down the gambling section of the Arena!"
"Yeah." Bowser happily said. "Such a shame. Who knows what'll happen?"
Wario began shivering violently. If he hadn't been a fat, smelly man with an ugly nose, he might've even looked adorable.
"Come on! I'm sure that the Game Corner can care for ya, ya big baby."
"The closest one doesn't have any slot machines or roulettes! What else am I supposed to play?! Voltorb Flip?!" Wario shuddered just thinking about it.
"Maybe you should have thought of that before throwing your matches." Bowser muttered bitterly. "But whatever. Unless you've got some harebrained scheme in the works, then its time to cash in cause the house just won! Or does the house need to take your kneecaps as well?"
Had this been anyone else, they would have sighed, accepted the casino metaphor and moved on. Over time, perhaps things would be different. Maybe they wouldn't rely on gambling as much. Maybe they'd find a new hobby. Maybe they'd, at least, try going to the Game Corner rather than gamble at their workplace. Wario was not anyone. And so he immediately began thinking of a harebrained scheme that he could place into action. And Bowser immediately picked up on it.
"No! NO! Wariodontyoudare-"
"Sorry Bowz! I've got business to take care of. Take care!" Wario pulled his bike out of his mouth, drove to the entrance and then suddenly turned around. "And by that I mean Have a Rotten Day." He turned back around and drove out into the big, scary, world.
The Lunchroom…
"You guys got rid of betting!?" Dedede asked, offended. Ganondorf nodded bluntly. "But it was so much fun! It was something everyone could bond over! Imagine them: sitting in the showroom, shouting at the fighters to 'do this' or 'tech that', you know?"
"No I don't." Ganondorf answered. "It was a pointless endeavor, especially since it distracted Wario from our goals. We have lost nothing from this."
"What?!"
A second later, Bowser walked over to the lunch table Dedede and Ganondorf were sitting at. Bowser seemed even angrier than he did the day before. Puzzled, the other two kings looked at where Bowser came from. In the showroom, Wario had set up a stand where fighters were paying him money to place bets on matches taking place right now and, with the gambling corner out of commission, business was booming.
"Put 500g on Shiek!" Female Robin said, fist full of gold coins. "Trust me: I'm a tactician."
"I'm feeling pretty good about Rosalina's chances." Samus said. "Put me down for 1250g."
"The President told me to bid 3000g on Sonic. Olimar admitted wearily. "I tried telling him that he could probably put it to something more reasonable like a second ship…"
"Thank you so much for your money!" Wario gleefully shouted to the audience.
"You're welcome Wario!" The audience answered back.
"It would seem that I have spoken too soon…" Ganondorf muttered thoughtfully. "This is starting to become a problem."
"Forget it!" Bowser grumbled, irked that he was outsmarted yet again. "We gave that fat bull a chance and he blew it!"
"Did we even tell him about this?" Dedede asked.
"So WE are gonna keep on, keeping on, until Wario begs us to return!" Bowser shouted. In spite of this, Dedede chuckled to himself.
"Yeah right. With that racket Wario's running, he'll be swimming in money. There's no way he'll come back!"
Bowser roared viciously, but Dedede still laughed. Instead, Bowser tried to change the subject before he threw Dedede at another wall.
"So… We got any matches coming up or what?"
"That reminds me." Ganondorf muttered before pulling out a ticket. "I was supposed to have a Smash with Pit this morning, but he never arrived. I was given a different order to compensate."
"Yeah, nobody's seen Pit all morning. I kinda wonder what happened to him…" Dedede asked for all of two seconds before shrugging and going to get some snacks. Had Bowser and Ganondorf been more involved with the popular characters, then perhaps they would have cared more.
As it turns out, Pit was stuck in the bathroom. Let's go check on him shall we?
In the first floor bathroom, Pit was in the uncomfortable situation of being trapped, several feet in the air, above the toilet.
"Somebody help! Why, oh why did this have to happen the day the second floor restroom was being renovated?!"
Alph and R.O.B. watched from afar, not really bothering to do anything.
"And he's been like this for hours?" Alph asked.
"AFFIRMATIVE." R.O.B. answered. "THE PERPATRATORS MUST BE FOUND AND BROUGHT TO JUSTICE. SO IS THE WILL OF THE MASTER HAND."
Alph gulped nervously as he had a feeling he knew who exactly was behind this.
"Do you have any leads?"
"NEGATIVE. BUT I MUST FIND THE PERPETRATORS BEFORE THEY STRIKE AGAIN." R.O.B. turned around to find Pit sitting forlornly on the floor. The vase that was previously in the toilet was gone. "OH BOTHER."
"Great! I'll catch up with you later then!" Alph said before running off. Still, R.O.B. activated his minifan to simulate wind blowing on his nonexistent hair.
"THESE PERPETRATORS MUST BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE. I WILL HAVE TO CALL IN MY ASSOCIATES."
Suddenly, Stack-up music!
*Click*
"What's the news Buddy?"
"WE ARE LOOKING AT A CODE 'BLACK 2' DOC."
"Just as I feared. Buddy, I'll gather the gang. You keep sleuthing for clues. We'll find these perps yet."
"AFFIRMATIVE DOC. CONTINUING SEARCH."
*Click*
Bowser dodged a punch from Donkey Kong and turned around to find Bayonetta standing over a downed Marth.
"I can't keep pulling your rear out of the fire Bowz. What happened to all that 'lower mid tier hype'?"
Bowser gave a mere growl before walking over to Marth, leaving Bayonetta to handle DK. Bowser loomed over Marth with a claw ready.
"Alright Marth, your name has M-A-R in it, so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to crush ya. Any last words?"
"Bowser… Please…" Marth turned on his disgustingly cute puppy dog eyes. "My country… it needs money. The economy is still in poor shape."
Bowser's look remained stoic, but he waited.
"You see… I made a bet with Wario. If I win this match-"
At the name "Wario", Bowser's blood boiled. Showing no mercy, Bowser dropkicked Marth into the Skyloft, er, sky. In spite of this, Bowser was annoyed even after the Smash ended in his team's favor. Not helping at all was the angry mob he walked past on his way out.
"Bowser! You cost me so much money!"
"That Landmaster won't pay off itself you know!"
"Wow Bowser! You made me 256% richer! You've made my day!"
Bowser growled and instead headed for the lounge where he sat on one of the couches.
"Somebody's not happy." Bayonetta joined Bowser on the sofa. "What's wrong big guy? I know you've got a short fuse, but that seems a little too much don'tcha think?"
"What's it to ya?"
"I believe that a certain clause in the contract clearly states that I must know what you're up to whenever necessary."
Bowser thought about it. He didn't remember that part of the contract.
"It's that darn Wario and his stupid habit of throwing matches for the sake of money! I tried to get him shut down, but then he pulled that stand stunt and now it's wrecking Smash, since people are gonna be throwing matches all the time now!"
"You were the one that did that? I was wondering why you weren't tearing people apart…" Bayonetta relaxed on the couch. "But why not tell him to stop being a baby and to go to the Game Corner?"
"Don't you think I haven't tried?!" Bowser snorted. "But don't think I'm giving up just yet! I'm not letting this go!"
Bowser began to walk away, only for Bayonetta to point a gun to his head.
"Easy there big guy. We've still got three more matches today? Forgot the contract already?"
Bowser groaned. He really needed to take another look at that contract.
To Be Continued…
Next time:
Wario in The Sky with Coins: Part 2: The Bowser Monsters go to great lengths to stop Wario's business, but how far exactly will they go and what will they do to stop it? Meanwhile, The Junior Fangs find themselves at the mercy of the Doc Squad!
Next month (maybe) Bowser's Modern Life: Operation Smash Attack: Part II: Memories of Fate