(A/N:As a heads up this chapter goes a bit back and forth from First person Remus and thrid person a few other characters. ALSO! I make NO promises to update or finish this story. It was started back in 2006 and is not copy and past from a site I used to be on.)

This is my confessional, the confessional of Remus John Lupin. In here I hope to accurately portray the events of my life and the lives of my friends. There will be points where I will need to extrapolate seeing as my memory can not recall the exact words shared, but know all events are true.

In this confessional, there will be moments of humor for not all memories are sad, but the general flow of my life and that of my friends is on the whole a sad tale, one I wish could be made better.

The best place I feel to start would be an explanation of myself. I am a werewolf, but in no means am I the beast that most would think. At least I try to deny that ghastly part of myself. It hasn't been easy and there are times where I wish to give in, but if I did then I would be no better than the beast within me, no better than the one who placed this curse upon me.

I was a small child when the wolf overtook me. Six years old to be exact. I had wanted to surprise my mother for her birthday. I wanted to pick her flowers for her birthday. So the night before I slipped out to pick flowers. I was going to place them on the table as a surprise. That never happened.

As a six year old I didn't know much of my father's work. If I had, I would have known more of the dangers of sneaking out late at night but I didn't. I didn't pay much mind of anything at that age. I thought rules were things that could be bent and broken from time to time. I never thought of them as a form of protection. So I freely admit that my blatant disregard for the rules is the cause of my curse. You see, the night I went out was a full moon. That night Fenrir was out seeking revenge. I never knew, I was out to pick flowers. The howls that traveled late into the night didn't even cause me to think twice. Fenrir was out for blood, mine or my father's and he attained mine and almost my life.

Fenrir was a vicious man who did not take disagreements well, especially when his pride and money were involved. My father was a man who did research on dark creatures trying to understand them better for defense and other such matters. Fenrir was his partner in the area of study. According to my father, Fenrir took great risks with his job to get the information and pay. My father also stated that Fenrir took what could be called a less than healthy outlook on the subject matter having an over developed interest in it.

With this intense interest in the dark creatures Fenrir allowed himself to be bitten. He kept his condition well hidden for month or so with only minor mood swings and changes, but soon it became apparent to my father. With that knowledge Fenrir was no longer considered a friend and associate, but a monster. Instantly, Fenrir lost his job, his home, his everything.

From here I speculate on Fenrir's mentality and motives. His mind and psyche is not a pleasant place to delve into, as can be seen by his actions. Fenrir embraced the wolf and has become quite a dangerous person. I gather the rejection and betrayal did not sit well with Fenrir. I believe he thought if he bit me as he did he would cut my father to the quick, and he did, for who could ever love a wolf?

*****

Remus sat outside playing a game of the imagination, as only a six-year-old boy would. He was unaware of being watched. He was lost in his own little world. Two sinister eyes followed the small boy as he went about his playing.

"Yes, your boy John," breathed Fenrir. His eyes followed the young Remus as he got up to run across the yard. "Will you hold the same opinion of the werewolves if your only son is one? Yes John, I will forever remain here. I will break into your house if I must. But I will get you where it hurts, your son. Making you a wolf is not enough. I know how proud of Remus you are. How many times have you told me about him? Shown me his picture? It makes me sick. Life is so perfect for you is it? Just you wait John, how perfect will be when your son is a wolf? Tonight is a full moon; I can feel it without looking at the calendar. I will be ready and waiting. The desire to kill and hurt is strong and tonight I shall quench my thirst."

"Remus!" called a melodic voice bringing Remus inside.

"Enjoy that innocence while you can," growled Fenrir from his hiding place as he watched Remus run to his mother's call.

The hours ticked away as they do in any other day, causing the sun to eventually set and the full moon to rise. It was not until later that Remus Lupin would venture out of the house and Fenrir would have his chance to maim and destroy.

*****

I remember the night as if it were yesterday. I wish I could forget the events of that fateful night, but I can't. How could anyone forget the traumatic events of that night? As I stated before, I disregarded the rule of not going out after dark and went out. I was to pick flowers for my mother's birthday. Slipping out into the night, I made my way to the field where the wild flowers grew. Wild flowers were my mother's favorite.

It was a warm summer night there was humidity in the air. Crickets were chirping and there was a faint howl in the distance, but I did not think about it. I laughed to myself at my cleverness and sneakiness. I looked at the yard and marveled at the pale blue shadow that was cast upon everything making it all seem different and foreign. I felt like I was on some sort of adventure.

There was a sweet smell of summer and flowers mingled in the air. I could feel the cool, moist dew that had already settled on the grass. The soft, long, green blades gently tickled at my bare feet and ankles. I was already getting too tall for my pajamas, my ankles and wrists sticking past the cuffs of those blue pajamas with broomsticks all over it. They were my favorite pajamas at the time.

It did not take me long to reach the field where the wild flowers grew. The pinks and purples were my mum's favorites. I quickly set to work gathering those flowers in particular. As I was busy about my work another howl pierced the air. The sound was still distant, but decidedly closer. I was such a fool as a child. The closeness of the howl should have sent me back to the house, but I found it to be excitingly creepy, enough to add a bit of fun and adventure to my task. My imagination carried me away as did the sweet smell of the flowers. I was so lost in my imaginary world I did not see the wolf quietly approach.

As I bent to pick the last flower of the night I heard a sound. It was so loud and piercing of a sound that it still sent shivers down my spine. The thought of it still sends shivers down my spine to this day, it even haunts my dreams from time to time.

The sound was that of a wolf howling, about to take its prey. I was found without a voice, petrified for a time, the wolf less than two feet away. After half a minute a neuron fired in my head and I started to flee. I abandoned the flowers I had in my hand. I hadn't a hope or a prayer in the world, but instinct told me to run.

I made it no more than five feet and I was knocked to the ground. Instantly, there was a searing pain in my left ankle and heel. I cried out in pain. This was it in my mind, this was the end. I thought of how I was going to miss my mum and dad and how I wished I hadn't broken the rules.

I could hear the wolf's growl as he shook me about and started to drag me on. I cried and grasped desperately for something to get away. My heart raced and beat against my rib cage. I was scared for my life.

From here things go blurry. I believe I blacked out, for my next distinct memory was in the hospital. From what I gather, Fenrir dragged me about and was about to make more of a mess of me when my father came and ran Fenrir off.

My next clear memory is fuzzy at best.

*****

"Mum?" croaked a small Remus in a big white bed in St. Mungo's hospital. His head had a clean white bandage around his head. His left foot was propped up in a sling that was magically enchanted to hold the foot up. It was wrapped as well, but that bandage was already turning red.

"Shh," cooed a sweet gentle voice, Mrs. Lupin's hand grasped Remus' right while her other went to cradle the side of his face. Her thumb gently brushed up and down on his cheek.

"You rest. Everything is going to be alright," whispered Mrs. Lupin. Her gray blue eyes misted over with tears. There was a pained sadness and worry etched on her face, but she wore a faint smile, one of grim relief that Remus was conscious, and one of mock bravery for the sake of her son.

"Mum.." started Remus, wanting to explain to apologize.

"Shh, not now. A healer should be in soon," instructed Mrs. Lupin as she brushed a few tears from her eyes.

Remus nodded his head slightly. Before he knew it he was unconscious once again.

"Still unconscious?" asked a blond healer entering and unwrapping Remus' foot.

"He was conscious just a few moments ago," answered Remus' mother as she took her hand from his face to wipe some more tears from her eyes.

"He'll pull through," assured the healer as Remus moaned in pain through his unconscious state.

Mrs. Lupin nodded, "It's just not fair, he's so young." She let out a sniff as John Lupin entered. He looked worn and frazzled. It was obvious that he had been crying and had little sleep.

"None of it is fair," answered John as he entered the room. He ran a frazzled hand through his hair.

"John," breathed his wife.

"We need to talk," whispered John placing his hand on his wife's shoulder.

"What is it?" she demanded eyes wide and searching as she looked up at her husband.

"Let us speak outside," answered John, "Allow the healer to do her job."

"We shall be preparing to remove and re-grow bones," explained the healer as she continued to work on Remus' foot and leg.

Both parents, with grim expressions, nodded their heads and got up to leave the room.

"What is it John?" demanded John's wife.

"Sarah, I think Remus' situation is worse than what we once thought."

"How so?" demanded Sarah, fighting every urge in her body to rush back into her son.

"I had my suspicions even last night, but I couldn't say for sure until I did a little bit more research."

"What is it John?"

"Remus wasn't attacked by an ordinary wolf last night. Last night we lost our son. He was attacked by a werewolf, and that is what lies in that bed in there."

"No!" firmly stated Sarah, fighting back tears, "In that room in that bed is our son. He is severely hurt and is a lost scared little boy, werewolf or not."

"When bitten people change, Sarah. They no longer are what they once were. You know what happened to Fenrir."

"I refuse to believe that!" answered Sarah her blue gray eyes meeting the steel ones of her husband, "That is still our son in there."

"Sarah…"

"I won't hear it John," snapped Sarah, turning to enter back into the room.

*****

My next set of memories from that time are broken up. I vaguely remember being given a potion that tasted terrible and I remember a fire in my leg and foot. It was one of the worst pains in the world. I remember waking up and falling back to sleep through out the night. I remember my mum being by my side through it all. Hushing me and assuring me I would be fine.

After my fitful night, I woke up with my mum's head resting on the bed next to me. I felt disoriented trying to figure out where I was and what had happened. It was sudden how the memories came flooding back to me and in an instant I was frightened.

"Mum?" I choked, tears in my eyes.

"Remus," breathed my mum with a weak smile, her eyes were blood shot and she looked worn.

I wanted to say more, but words seemed to fail me. It was a comfort to know she was there with me and awake though I felt bad for waking her. She didn't have to be awake, though it did make me feel better. Before I knew what was happening, I was crying. Choking on tears, tears releasing all my fears and tears of relief.

"Oh, Remus, It's all right, it's all right," cooed my mother as she gently enveloped me in a hug. As I cried she rocked me back and forth. A soothing shushing sound escaped from her mouth. I don't know how long we sat there, but we were there for a long time. Long enough for me not to have any tears left.

"I want to go home," I mumbled into my mother's neck.

"Soon honey, soon," whispered my mum as she rubbed her hand up and down my back.

*****

As Sarah cradled her son, she looked up at her husband standing in the doorway. Her look spoke much to John, stating how Remus was still their son and was a very lost and scared little child.

John stood in the doorway taking in the scene before him. What he knew of wolves negated what he saw before him. Maybe he was wrong in his speculation. Remus seemed as the same boy as he was the other day. While he looked on he caught the message that Sarah conveyed with her look.

John cleared his throat and stepped fully into the room. Remus pulled away from his mother and looked to John his eyes still full of fear, the silvery orbs glistening from his tears.

"The – the healer should be in soon to check up on you. We should be able to take you home soon," explained John to Remus though he looked to his wife Sarah with a look that seemed to say, 'okay we'll try this.'