Hetalia: Sit Back, Relax – Italy's Driving!
Everyone remember that episode where Italy offers Japan a ride? Maybe that's why his belly always hurts…It's not exactly the same, but please enjoy.
The day was sunny and partially cloudy when Italy grabbed the keys to a new red convertible. He had been persuaded to buy it that day at a remarkably 'low' price and so he was so excited and wanted to show it off. "Germany and Japan will love this!" he gleamed as he hopped over the car edge (without opening the door, of course) and landed behind the wheel. Italy looked at the two keys on the key ring he was given. "Um, I'm not sure which key to use or how to start it, but I think I should try putting one in this hole-thingie…" he placed one of the keys into the ignition and turned it – lucky guess. It started right up and he yelped with joy at the sound of the motor. "Whoopie! This is going to be great!"
Italy pressed the acceleration pedal and the car jerked ahead a little before he braked. "So this one is stop and that one is go," he made a mental note and smiled, It's going to be harder than I thought, oh well.
Italy sped out of the car sales parking lot and into the road without watching for other cars. He quickly went above the speed limit and hardly stopped in time for a lady to cross the street. Italy tried to persuade her to jump in the car with him so they could have some fun, but I don't think her boyfriend, who was walking beside her, liked the Idea. Italy continued driving alone with a smile, despite his rejection.
The sun got brighter and the morning turned to early afternoon. Italy's phone went off with a loud, obnoxious ring. "Hey! Some one's calling me!" Italy reached into his pocket and sang along with the tone a few times before answering it. "Hello?"
"Italy, stop singing and answer the phone when it rings the first time," a deep-voiced, irritated Germany fussed at him.
"Oh, hey Germany," Italy swerved in and out of traffic while he talked. "I have a surprise for you—"
"Did you forget about the meeting today?" Germany interrupted what he thought would be Italy's long blabbering. "It starts in an hour and you better be here, dummkopf! Have you been sleeping all day?!"
"No," Italy protested. He was getting nervous with Germany yelling at him over the phone, so it made his driving worse and other people's car horns were going off.
Germany heard the commotion over the phone, "Are you walking in the street again?! How many times do I have to tell you to wait for the cross walk light to be white? Are you drunk?"
"No, I'm not walking in the street. I can't help it if people don't know how to drive," Italy protested and honked back. He didn't realize he had run a red light. "Besides, none of these lights are even white. All of them are yellow and red…I saw a few greens though."
"Italy, get out of the road!" Germany yelled and added, "be sure to be here soon, or no pasta tonight."
"But Germany—" Italy tried to explain, but realized that the other line was dead. He pouted. "Grr, why does Germany always say mean things like that? I'm just driving and it's not like I'm breaking any laws. He should know I can't get off the road while I'm driving a car! What does he expect me to drive on the side-walks where people are walking?"
Meanwhile, Japan was walking out of some government building and he was examining the papers in his hand. He thought to himself, today I was called to a meeting with Germany and Italy all the way on the other side of the earth. Boy, are my arms tired. He chuckled sarcastically to himself as he finished walking from under a large archway. He continued thinking, these European meetings are very inconvenient. He sighed and said, "I need to get our scientists to start working on a transporter machine." Let's face it, there was no way Japan could get to the meeting on time.
Italy had noticed Japan walking by himself. Just my luck, he thought joyfully, now I don't have to show up alone and have Germany yelling at me again.
Japan heard Italy call out even before his car arrived, "It's a miracle!" Italy slammed on the breaks and the tires squealed to a stop right behind Japan. "It's actually still running! You want a ride? Hop on in!"
Japan looked at his friend in surprise. "That is kind of you. And since it would be impolite to refuse, I have to." Japan opened the passenger door and sat down, but before he could close the door, Italy stepped on the accelerator again, causing him to jerk back.
Italy had to be driving over 85 miles an hour and was using the opposite lanes against traffic to pass cars. Japan was gripping the dash board at first, but changed to gripping his own seat out of total fear. The normally polite man who refrained from speaking was freaking out and saying all kinds of rude words that Italy thought were funny. Japan's head was getting whip-lash and he was scared for his life! All Italy heard out of Japan's fit was something about being a 'Greece-freak' and 'ripping your guts out' someplace in 'Verdana.'
Italy laughed and his brown hair continued to blow rapidly in the wind. "HA! You're funny – it looks like your head is about to fall off and give birth to an alien!" He couldn't understand that Japan wasn't making a joke, after all, everyone in Italy drove over the speed limit – probably the reason he hadn't been pulled over by the police yet.
Japan had no idea what Italy meant by that last remark about his head, but he was too busy screaming and worrying for his life that he didn't even try to process it. Didn't Italy care about the speed limit?
"Please," Japan was almost sobbing by now, "I'm not used to being out of control!"
"Look," Italy bragged, "I can even close my eyes and let the streets guide me!"
"NOOOOO!" Japan screamed as they continued driving.
When they arrived at the location, Japan was in the back seat, trembling. His face was all blue and he had his hands over his mouth as if he had or was about to lose his lunch.
Italy turned his head and his hair was completely blown out of proportion. He smiled when he saw Japan, "You think that was fun—Next time I'll show you my famous butt-driving trick!" He realized that Japan was still shaking. Excitement form Japan? He must have had a lot of fun, he thought.
I will make safer cars, was all Japan could think about as he tried to get a grip, and I'll never ride with him again, unless I am the one driving. This whole episode embarrassed Japan a great deal, but they had arrived in less than 15 minutes from the time that Germany had called Italy on the phone.
Germany started to greet them, but noticed how unprepared they both looked. Italy's hair was blown back and his shirt was wrinkled – he probably lost his tie and coat while he was driving. Japan was still trying to get out of the car and find his leg strength again.
"Hey, Germany, I got here really quick," Italy waved as he walk by Germany and went inside.
Germany turned back to look at Japan, "he looks like he could use a change of clothes, honestly, was he swimming a minute ago?" He went to take Japan by the shoulder and help him to balance out, but Japan practically fell on him.
"I-I am soo…" Japan couldn't even apologize for touching him.
"What on earth happened?" Germany asked him.
"Italy. Drive. Wreck. Speed. No Safe. Want. Home. Die...Alien." Japan could only get out his basic words to explain what happened.
"Huh?" Germany looked up at the shiny red car, that had bugs splattered all over the front, and he didn't recognize it. "Was Italy driving that? Where did he get it?"
"Carry me…" Japan managed to say.
Germany was surprised that Japan actually requested help, but he took him inside and let him rest on the couch. Then he grew stern as he walked towards the one who cased this, "ITALY!"
Italy was eating a snack and humming as if this were a normal occurrence. "Do you know why Japan is so lazy today?" He asked. "I think he had too much to eat and his belly was hurting again. Japan really is a pig when it comes to food, isn't he?"
Germany tried to refrain himself from strangling Italy, but after he got to the bottom of the story, he relaxed a little. He knew that it was naturally in all Italian's blood to drive frantically, so he couldn't blame him that much. He was more upset that Italy actually bought a car on impulse without asking him to help finance it, not that he would have. Germany probably would have searched a while, then bought him a little, used, cheap car that could get him where he needed to go, not a new sports car. After all, this was Italy's first car.
"We'll have to see about returning it," Germany explained to Italy. Unless he was conned out of buying a warranty.
Italy was disappointed but agreed anyway. "But no girl will like me if I drive an old, dinky German car…"
"Our cars are made to last!" German reputed, "she will probably think you spend your money wisely and know that you are responsible enough to support her!"
"Or she'll think I'm a miser," Italy mumbled. Then he sighed. "Alright, but could I have money for gas, so I can go driving again before we have to return it?"
"I don't want to risk it," Germany said, "I will drive it back. You can ride beside me."
"AWWW!" Italy slouched.
After a while, Germany convinced Japan to come ride home with them and Japan reluctantly agreed. Germany took the keys and got inside the sports car. As he sat there, his hands trembled with excitement, I always wanted to drive a sports car. He hid his enthusiasm.
He started driving and was obeying all of the laws. Japan calmed down, at least now I can relax a little. Italy was quiet for a few minutes as if he was upset, but it didn't take long for him to start blabbing again.
Gradually, Germany didn't realize that he was going faster and faster, but Japan seemed to notice when he saw them pass up a sign that said 'Speed limit: 25.' Sweat started to form on his forehead as he remembered that even though Germans were safe drivers, they didn't have speed limits, either. Italy started to yell, "Go faster, Germany! Go faster!"
"You want FAST?!" Germany grinned as he switched into the highest gear it had and pushed harder on the accelerator.
"Please kill me now," Japan tried to reach for a buckle but realize there wasn't one in the back.
THE END