Edward was sick of lying to himself, of lying to her, of lying to everyone. He was wrestling with himself right now. He did love Bella - but he thought of her as he thought of Alice: a sister figure, somebody to protect. And hell did Bella need protecting. From everybody. Even herself included, the way she would always trip up and attract trouble the way the moon draws the water. But now Edward was through with lying.
He looked into her face. He'd come to meet her from work at the Newton's shop and take her home. Dressed in a checked shirt and simple jeans, her entire body was rotated towards him. Guilt washed through him.
"Bella," he started in the voice that was like the most beautiful melody to her ears.
"Yes Edward?" she replied.
He looked into her eyes and that was confirmation for him. That he was doing the right thing. Her eyes were so plain and so wrong. How he had ever thought those mudpools were pretty he would never know. Edward looked into them now and felt nothing.
"Bella this has to stop," he told her gently. "Us."
Hurt. Pain. Confusement. All of these flickered across her eyes but none stayed in place for long, flitting from one to another like a jumpy video set.
"What do you mean?" she asked tearfully.
Edward just shook his head and started up the car.
"Why?" she wailed.
"Bella, I don't feel the same," he told her curtly.
She cried then. Edward expected dirty tears to fall from her eyes but they were disappointingly clear. The least those mundane eyes could have done was be unusual.
"Please Edward!" she cried. "I need you."
Edward set his mouth in a rigid line and drove steadily all the way to her house. He deposited her quickly. Bella's weeping and pleading wasn't important. He felt remorseful, but it wasn't what it was all about. She wasn't what he was about.
It had started strangely. Edward had been out of town for a while and in that time Bella made a new friend, Jacob Black from down the Quilete reservation on La Push. She would go down to his and they would hang out. It was all innocent enough. But Edward felt jealous. Insanely jealous, like he could rip something to shreds.
Edward and Jacob would take part in furious arguments where Bella would bleat at them to stop. Things became strained. Edward needed to protect Bella still, so he would take her down to the border between Forks and La Push. Jacob would collect her and the two young men would stare at eachother hostilely. It drove Edward insane when they were together. It was a relief when she was back with him, away from Jake. Edward felt comforted but still couldn't help thinking about Jacob even when they were apart.
And Edward realised it one day. Edward was not in love with Bella. Edward was in love with Jacob.
It was at one of the civilised drop offs. It was a warm day and Jake ran hot anyway so he didn't have a shirt on. It struck Edward how defined Jacob was and he admired the curves of his mucles. Edward thought about it that night when Bella was sleeping. He compared the two. Bella's curves weren't the right kind of curves. Jacob's were his kind of curves. Edward fantasized about him every night while Bella lay oblivious beside him. What Edward would have gave to just stroke Jake's strong chest...
But he had felt so guilty. It was Bella's best friend. It was wrong. But Edward realised things after his revelation. The reason he felt so insanely jealous was not because Bella was with Jacob. It was because Jacob was with Bella, and Edward didn't want Jake to be with anybody else but him. Edward was only aggressive to Jake because he didn't understand what his feelings were. How could he have known? He'd had no homosexual urges until Jacob Black had blazed across his night sky burning as brightly (and hotly) as a shooting star. Jacob was Edward's shooting star now.
He needed to know. Edward needed to tell Jacob exactly how he felt. He was still sitting in the car outside Bella's place when he felt the surge of adrenaline rush through him. He was going to go now. Edward threw open the car door and set off at a run towards La Push. The human car was not fast enough for him - his vampire velocity would get him there so much quicker. It took about ten seconds and Jacob's house came into view. It was run down and very basic. Edward vowed he would give him somewhere better to live. Quil, Jake's friend, emerged from behind the trees.
"Edward?" he called.
"Is Jacob here?" Edward asked impatiently.
Quil nodded. "I'll go get him."
Quil disappeared inside the shack and reappeared with Jacob. Edward's heart jumped. He was shirtless, barefoot and his hair was starting to grow out to his ears in sexy waves. He approached Edward.
"Edward? What is it?" he asked.
Edward kept his face straight because Quil was still there.
"I need to talk to you in private," he said pointedly.
Quil took the hint and left. Edward and Jacob went in the oppoiste direction. They'd been walking for a few minutes when Edward could bear it no longer.
"Jacob it's Bella," Edward said. "We're not together anymore."
Jacob stood there in stunned silence. "But she's so into you."
Edward shrugged. "I don't feel the same. Not about her."
Eward hoped Jacob would catch his hint. Jacob didn't let anything on his face show.
"That's...unfortunate," he said carefully. "But why are you here?"
Edward took in a deep breath. "Jacob, it's you. It's always been you."
Jacob shook his head, dazed. "Me? What do you mean?"
"I mean you're the one I love," Edward admitted softly. "The reason I was such a cunt. It wasn't because I was jealous of you being with Bella and making a move. It was because I didn't want her near you."
Jacob was quiet. He looked at Edward and Edward realised how beautiful Jake's eyes were. They were black and matched his russet coloured skin perfectly. In contrast to Bella's, they were so alive and unordinary. They told a thousand stories and glittered with the magic of those stories. Suddenly, Jacob's face closed the distance between them and their lips met in one heart stopping moment. As much as Edward wanted this to continue with every fibre in his being, he broke away.
He gasped. "Jacob?"
"I'm gay Edward," Jacob said in a matter of fact.
Edward was astonished. He tried to recall a time Edward had suspected he was gay. He couldn't think of one.
"Wh-what? How? What?"
Jacob laughed at Edward's incoherency.
"I'm gay Edward," Jacob repeated. "I always have been."
"I didn't know,"
Jacob shrugged. "Everybody does. Quil and Embry would laugh at how riled you got about Bella being here." Suddenly Jake's voice dropped. "But it turns out it was for a different reason."
Edward nodded; trembling at the more seductive tone his voice had taken.
"I didn't know you were gay," Jacob said.
"I didn't know I was g- I didn't know I was either," Edward amended.
Jacob moved closer to Edward so he could see Edward's perfectly pale flesh in detail.
"Say it Edward," Jacob coaxed softly. "Say it out loud."
Jacob finger's were stroking Edward's hand.
"I'm gay," Edward said. "I'm gay for you Jacob Black."
That was all it took. Jacob pounced on Edward's mouth with such force. Edward's groin hardened in quick response. This was everything he'd ever dreamed - and dreamed he so frequently had. Edward's mouth moved on Jacob's in perfect harmony. Edward opened his mouth to allow more of Jacob in and Jacob put his tongue in Edward's waiting mouth. Edward greeted his tongue eagerly and responded. His arms reached around to feel Jacob's defined torso, to pull him closer. Jacob felt the same, for he crushed his body against him line for line. Jacob gasped as he felt the hardness of Edward crushing against his own. He had no idea he felt so strongly.
Jacob's hands traced the planes of Edward's chest. He was a strong, defined vampire and this turned Jacob on. Jacob wanted to feel Edward's teeth scrape across his neck and sink in. Tantalisingly close, Jacob led his hand down towards Edward's crotch. Edward moaned.
"Do you want me to stop?" Jacob breathed.
Edward shook his head and crushed his mouth on Jacob's again to stop him from speaking. Jacob's hand brushed across the fabric covering Edward's penis. It all happened so fast then. It struck both of them that they were wearing too many clothes, and were tore off frantically until they were standing there naked. They just stood there taking in eachother's bodies.
Now the clothing was off, they could share body heat and feel eachother's skin properly. Jacob's burning skin was like an open flame to Edward's cool pallor. It was welcoming. It was like a log fire in winter. Jacob was home. Edward instinctively moved his hand to the head and worked Jacob's shaft to which Jacob moaned in pleasure. Edward had never done this before, but when the big deed came it felt so natural.
It was the joining of fire and ice, heaven and hell, vampire and werewolf and it had never felt so right. Jacob moved in Edward and Edward felt as animalistic as Jacob's true nature. It was euphoric. It was bliss. It was nothing he had ever experienced with Bella - nothing that he had ever came close to feeling with her.
All too soon it was over and they were lying in the dewy grass side by side. Anybody could have walked past, but they didn't care. They held hands sweetly and watched the clouds. Edward never wanted this moment to end. But it had to end of course. Jacob rolled over.
"We need to tell Bella," he said.
Edward sighed. "I don't care."
"Come on," Jacob replied.
He was already up and pulling on his clothes. He stretched out a hand to help Edward up and planted a kiss on his neck before helping him back into his clothes.
"Race you," Edward grinned.
Jacob's smile sped up and he morphed into the huge, proud wolf. Edward spasmed in pride and pleasure at seeing him looking so powerful. Jake had already took off and Edward pursued him. They took the leafy trail back up to Bella's place and emerged from the foliage simultaenously, Jacob back in his human form. They laughed and bantered about the race.
"I won!" Edward claimed.
"No I definitely won," Jacob contradicted.
"No," Edward said, softer. "I won. I won you."
Jacob softened and melted his body into Edward's. Edward took him willingly and they kissed tenderly.
They didn't see Bella watching from her bedroom window. They didn't see her face distort with the sheer pain of it. Her best friend and her ex boyfriend who she loved. They didn't see her creep away from the window and cut her wrists.
They didn't see her die.