Ralneox here
This is what I got from the whole danzo fights sasuke thing. If it offends you, my bad. If doesn't, my bad. I'll be sure to do better next time but I've had this floating around in my head eversince the battle started, thank god its over.
Enjoy XD
Basically what happenned at the Danzo VS Sasuke fight
by ralneox
Danzo stood alone on the carved bridge, waiting for the reappearance of the threat known as madara.
The air up ahead of him twisted and turned to form madara who wore a childish orange mask with an anti-clock wise twist, just like his teleportation jutsu.
The air around madara's right eye twisted as both sasuke and karin appeared in front of him.
Sasuke glared at danzo with his sharingan now active.
"Uchiha . . . Sasuke . . . " Danzo said as he observed his new opponent.
Madara leaned towards karin and gave her a word of warning.
"You stay out of this . . . If you get involved, you'll be killed."
Karin nodded in acknowledgment and hid behind a nearby pillar while madara lept up onto one of the bridge's beams, to stay out of the coming epic battle.
"This is perfect . . . " Danzo said as he took off the armor and bandages on his right arm.
"I'll take your sharingans." He continued as he showed his right arm to the surviving uchiha before him.
The arm was covered in sharingans that began to look around at their new surroundings.
Sasuke stared at the arm for a moment before voicing his thoughts.
" . . . Eww, icky."
Danzo stared at sasuke in disbelief.
"What do you mean . . . 'ew, icky'! I have like fifthteen sharingans while you only have two!"
"But . . . They're icky."
Danzo glared at sasuke.
"Na-uh."
"Ya-huh."
"Na-uh!"
"Ya-huh!"
"Na-uh times a thousand!"
"Ya-huh times a thousand and one!"
"Na-uh times whatever you say!"
"Ya-huh times whatever you say plus one!"
Danzo gasped at sasuke obvious infringement off the childish argument laws.
"You can't 'plus one' a 'times whatever you say'!"
Sasuke smirked at danzo.
"I. Just. Did."
Danzo stared at sasuke for a moment, deep in thought. "I see . . . So this is what it is like to go up against a true bearer of the sharingan."
"You are a powerful foe." Danzo said aloud. "But since I've got more sharingans than you that makes my awesomeness level rise, giving me the advantage. Prepare . . . to be OWNED!"
Danzo flashed through some handsigns before rushing sasuke. Danzo went to punch sasuke in the stomach but was stopped by a floating flaming rib. Danzo gasped in surprise that a punch, A PUNCH, was blocked!
"Powerful indeed." He thought as sasuke glared at him with his sharingan whirling into its next state.
Danzo gasped.
"Dear god!" he said alarmed. "Your eyes! . . . You've . . . "
Sasuke smiled evilly at danzo.
"That's right. I've achieved . . . the power . . . of SCIENCE!"
Danzo gasped, again!
"BEHOLD MY LAME ATOM SHAPPED EYES! FEAR THEIR LACK OF COOLNESS AND TREMBLE IN CONFUSION AS TO WHAT MY EYES WILL LOOK LIKE ONCE I'VE HARVEST ITACHI'S! TREMLE! TREMBLE!!"
Danzo trembled as the rib grew into a spine with an open ribcage. The spectral bone formation burst alight as a hand made of flames came forth and grabbed danzo. A bone hand fazed into view within the flames.
Danzo stared at the offending appendage in awe.
"This jutsu . . . It's . . . It's the one that can . . . "
Sasuke smirked at danzo.
"That's right. My sharingan's new ability is to summon none other than . . . THE SOUL OF OZZY OSBOURNE!"
Danzo gasped in horror as the ribcage grew in size and the rest of ozzy's bones came into view. It had two horns on it's skull, an extra finger on it's left arm and an extra arm from the elbow down on his right.
"DEAR GOD! IT IS OZZY!" Danzo cried as he struggled against the flaming bones of a bat eater.
"YOUR LAST SONG SUCKED! STICK TO MR CROWLY AND CRAZY TRAIN!" Danzo howled in defiance.
The spirit summon of ozzy osbourne growled at the old man, and crushed him in his hand.
As sasuke had an emoment in the rain of blood he smiled up at his devil like summon.
"Thanks ozzy, you're the best. Ignore what he said, you're a rock legend and all of your songs are great."
"Don't you mean, 'great for torturing innocent minds'?" Danzo said as he reappeared behind sasuke.
Now it was sasuke's turn to gasp.
"A plot twist in a fight where you think that the bad guy is dead but he isn't? How on earth was I meant to see that coming? The originality! It burns!" Sasuke cried.
"Take this!" Danzo shouted as he drew a kunai. "If my fist was blocked then surely a pointed piece of metal will penetrate a huge frickin demon thingy that looks like it should have its own flashback!"
Danzo stabbed one of the ribs of ozzy and watched in amazement as his kunai broke.
" . . . I gotta honestly say I didn't see that coming . . . " Danzo said in disappointment.
The giant bone structure of ozzy osbourne smashed danzo with its fist. Only for danzo to reappear above them on a pillar.
Sasuke gasped in shock.
"Again with the fake deaths? This is hard to follow! Whats next? Another fake death? Nah, it couldn't happen again. That's too obvious." Sasuke thought as he watched danzo from below.
"I know!" Sasuke said. "If an attack didn't work the first time, then surely the second time after the enemy knows what will happen will work! Go ozzy! Punch him again! It's sure to work, I bet my contact lenses on it!"
The spectral bone form of ozzy obeyed and punch danzo again. Only for danzo to jump out of the way!
"He jumped!" Sasuke gasped. "I can't be outdone!"
Sasuke then jumped as well, to show that white men can jump. Sasuke then closed his left eye and glared at danzo with his right.
"Amaterasu!" He shouted while danzo burst into black flames.
"Oh god!" Danzo screamed. "Coloured flames! Surely they are superior to their non-coloured counterpart! The flames! They do the obvious thing flames do and burn! It burns!"
Danzo disappeared and reappeared behind sasuke and flashed through some handsigns.
"Take this!" He shouted. "A move that's called 'Vacuum sphere' despite the fact that it doesn't suck but blows or the fact that the attack its self isn't sphere shaped, but spear shaped! Haha! My jutsu with a misleading name will confound and hurt you!"
Sasuke, instead of doing the smart thing and use the spirit of ozzy osbourne to block decided to dispel the spectral summon and leap off the bridge, into the air above a huge frickin chasm!
Realising his mistake he took some blood from his mysteriously appearing shoulder wound and summoned the almighty airborne chicken of the skies. More commonly known as a hawk! . . . Funny that . . . Team 'HAWK'S' leader being able to summon hawks . . . totally didn't see that coming.
Sasuke urged the winged fowl forward at danzo who took a deep breath, preparing for his next jutsu.
"Senile style! Old man bad breath no jutsu!" He shouted as he unleashed a wave of air that smelt like old medication and prune juice.
Due to natural selection stating that the mighty prune was higher up on the food chain then the lowly hawk, the big birdy swerved away to avoid the cruel scented breath and flew away. Sasuke however, lept over the attack and drew his sword in a reverse grip because he never could figure out how to hold it the right way.
Before sasuke could land on the bridge, danzo suddenly appeared in front of him and grabbed him by the throat. But sasuke cut him up anyway because apparently he is immune to being chocked thanks to the uchiha blood that coursed through his veins.
As sasuke landed on the bridge danzo loomed into view from one of the pillars that adorned the bridge.
"It's no use . . . " He said. "I am invincible for the next five chapters until you figure out how I'm doing this."
Sasuke simply glared up at danzo as his body burst into a flock of crows that flew up to danzo and mobbed him. Danzo sensed a presence behind him and turned around to see itachi glaring at him.
Danzo gasped.
"Oh no! A dead character come back!" He shouted as he burst into black flames . . . again. Danzo stood there for a moment waiting to die but nothing happened. He stared at itachi.
"I think your coloured flames that burn anything to ashes are broken"
"No." Itachi replied. "I'm not real. Kishimoto simply put me here to make the audience think that I'm making a come back or that the amaterasu I put in sasuke to kill madara wasn't the only thing I put in him."
Danzo stared at itachi. "That sounds . . . kinda gay . . . "
Itachi looked confused at this.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, 'wasn't the only thing I put in sasuke'. That sounds pretty gay."
"I don't get what you're- . . . Oh that's sick! You're sick! How dare you imply I . . . BLAH! That's weird. This is weird. This conversation is weird."
"Well you said it."
"Whatever, I'm not real anyway."
"GASP! An illusion? An uchiha cast an illusion? I didn't expect that to happen!"
Sasuke rushed at danzo's exposed back with his sword drawn . . . THE RIGHT WAY! But he stopped short of his target by a few inches.
Sasuke growled as he couldn't go in for the kill.
"What's happening . . . To my body."
Danzo turned around and smirked at sasuke.
"I put a seal on your neck when I chocked you. You can not escape."
Sasuke gasped as he looked at his neck to see that there was a seal on his neck.
"How could I miss that?" He growled to himself as the mammal sat on his neck and did tricks with a ball.
"Oeh oeh!" The seal barked as it flapped its flippers and looked cute with its whiskers.
"Now." Danzo said as he approached sasuke, careful not to draw the attention of the seal because if he did it would kiss him. And we all know that seals have sloppy kisses. "For the kill."
Karin decided to be useful for once and charged danzo. Apparently in her head she could beat someone who beat sasuke. Unfortunately for her and fortunately for us, she was wrong.
"Ugh." She grunted as danzo repelled her by pointing his foot at her. He used to be a sith you know.
Danzo then brought his hands up and did a handsign to release his jutsu and a fart he had been holding since the kage meeting. He then picked up sasuke's sword and aimed for his throat.
"Now to kill the main goal of the main character of this manga! There's no way I could possibly lose and die!" He shouted hysterically as he closed the distance between sasuke's neck and his blade.
Just before metal met skin, kishimoto realised that sasuke still has ozzy and drew him in the next frame, attacking danzo and defending sasuke. Danzo jumped away out off the bridge, apparently he didn't learn from sasuke's near fatal mistake. Meanwhile sasuke did the only sane thing he could think of. He ripped off DragonballZ and screamed until he combusted in flames. Which he did.
The flames crawled up ozzy's bones and weaved themselves into flesh. Clothes began to appear and attach itself to ozzy as he began to become fully formed in the narutoverse. The result was ozzy osbourne himself appearing on the battlefield. Granted his lower half was missing, he had an extra finger on one hand and an extra forearm on the other, he also had horns growing out of his head that were messing with his glasses and ruined his hair, a really fat guitar with stretched strings going horizontally on his left arm and a muffin in the palm of his second right arm. He was relatively like his original form when he went on tour.
Danzo, while in mid flight, prepared another 'senile style: old man bad breath no jutsu' and shot it away from the bridge to push him on a course that would place him on the bridge. Ozzy placed his first right hand above the muffin he held in his second right hand. A stream of muffiny goodness erupted forth and condensed into a arrow of pure fluffy-ness! Ozzy placed the arrow of pure fluffy-ness on the weird guitar thing he was armed with and shot it at danzo when he landed like a bow and arrow.
Danzo having no choice, used his super secret kinda lame because its been done before jutsu and made a tree grow out of his right shoulder. With the sudden appearance of the tree the arrow of pure fluffy-ness was sent off course and missed danzo.
The face of the first hokage began to surface on danzo's right shoulder. When it was finished and fully formed as a face on danzo's shoulder, sasuke spread words of wisdom to all those around him.
"EWW! Now that is super icky!"
Danzo looked a bit depressed at that.
"Yeah." He mumbled. "I know."
Sasuke stared at it for a moment.
"Does it talk?"
"Only when it has something to say."
"And that is?"
"How should I know? If it had something to say it'd say it!"
" . . . I . . . " The face mumbled.
"Shut up!" Sasuke shouted at danzo. "Its saying something!"
" . . . I . . . " The face continued. " . . . I . . . have wood . . . . . . nice!"
Danzo and sasuke simply stared at the face.
"EWW! THAT'S ICKY! DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!" Sasuke shouted at the smiling face while he put his hands over his ears.
"OH GOD YOUR RIGHT SASUKE! THAT IS ICKY! AND ITS ON MY SHOULDER! EWW!" Danzo squealed like a little girl.
Danzo decided that he needed to kill sasuke now before anyone else found out about his dirty little secret. He flashed through the handsign he used earlier while ozzy fired another arrow of pure fluffy-nes, this time with choc-bana topping at danzo. Danzo didn't even attempt to dodge as the muffin originated arrow pierced him in the chest and pinned him to the ground.
Danzo coughed before fading and exploding in a puff of smoke as he reappeared next to the arrow, fully functioning and unhurt from ozzy's previous attack. Danzo rushed towards sasuke as ozzy prepared and fired another arrow at danzo. Who again, instead of doing the intelligent thing and dodge the giant arrow of impending doom, braved the attack and took it to the chest.
Danzo coughed and faded before poofing again. Danzo burst out of the dust that was tossed up by ozzy's previous attack and ran toward sasuke while flashing through some more handsigns.
"Giant vacuum ball!" He shouted as he shot a ball of air at sasuke. Ozzy, not wanting his summoner to die, blocked it with his weird horizontally stringed guitar. Danzo glared at ozzy before taking some blood from his mysteriously appearing injury and flashed through some handsigns before slamming his palm on the ground.
Smoke erupted forth as a huge animal was summoned by danzo onto the bridge. Sasuke stared at it, confused as to what it was.
"What the fack is that!"
Danzo looked up at his summon before looking at sasuke, slightly abashed.
"Its a tapir . . . The creatures of nightmares . . .They're really cool, all the rage in mizu . . . "
"Well we ain't in mizu. Besides, it looks like the love child of a panda-raccoon hybrid and an mummified elephant."
"Does not!"
"It does. My word is law, Its also dramatic."
"Damn you sasuke! Go my tapir! Suck him up and dissolve him in your belly! Let him experience the full joys of the digestive track!"
The tapir, whose name was trent, opened its mouth and proceeded to suck up all loose objects into its mouth. Ozzy grabbed hold of the foundations of the bridge and protected sasuke from the mighty suction of the lame summon. Sasuke felt a presence behind him and looked in that general direction to find that danzo was standing there, just finishing a wind style jutsu.
"Multi vacuum blast!" He shouted as he shot multiple . . . vacuum . . . blasts . . . yeah.
The speed of the wind style attacks were increased because of the tapirs suction technique, which smashed into the exposed back of sasuke's ozzy osbourne. The attack broke through ozzy's gothic clothing and provided an opening for danzo to attack sasuke directly. Sasuke flashed through some handsigns and sent a fireball towards the tapirs mouth. Danzo in all his wisdom realised that was bad.
Wind strengthen fire. Sasuke use fire, tapir use wind. Therefor tapir gonna get owned.
"Aww." Danzo moaned as he watched his tapir swallow the fire instead of doing the intelligent thing that people seem to forget they can do and dodge. But, it didn't. And as a result, it screamed various slogans of sports drinks before going back to where ever the hell it called home.
Ozzy osbourne, now free to move as it wished, punched danzo into a nearby cliff wall. Sasuke gasped as he collapsed to one knee, the toll of having ozzy on the field was beginning to show. Ozzy groaned as the clothes, weird stretched guitar thing and muffin turned into flames and vanished. The groan stopped when then flesh dissolved into the fire leaving ozzy's sentient bone structure to protect sasuke while it was still alight.
Karin appeared out of nowhere and screamed at sasuke.
"Sasuke! I've figured out his jutsu! Just listen, ok-"
"I've figured out your jutsu, danzo. It'll end when all the icky eyes on your arm close, right?"
Danzo gasped at sasuke's statement.
"Y-you figured it out?"
"Hah! I was right! Fooled you!"
Danzo glared at the uchiha.
"Nu-uh"
"Ya-huh"
"Na-uh!"
"Yah-hu-"
"SHUT UP!" Karin screamed at sasuke and danzo. "I'm sick of playing the supporting role in battles! I rarely ever get to do anything other than bitch and when I spend this entire fight, trying to figure out danzo's jutsu, you just interrupt me and guess what I had carefully calculated the past few chapters! ITS. NOT. FAIR!"
Sasuke stared at karin with confusion written all over his face.
" . . . Haven't I killed you yet?"
"WHAT?!"
"Nothing! Must be later on . . . Maybe next chapter, or something . . . "
"HELLO~W!" Danzo called to the distracted sasuke. "Bad guy waiting for recognition over here! By the law of NARUTO I'm not aloud to attack someone while they're talking to someone or having a flashback. So I'd like for this fight to continue~. Preferably sometime today~!"
"Shu . . . Shut up." Sasuke mumbled as ozzy smashed danzo into the ground again.
While danzo was defying logic and reality by ignoring the fact that he died and popped back into existence, sasuke dispelled ozzy again and tapped the written seal on his wrist that prevents him from cutting his wrists during alone time and was also used for storing weapons. He shot some shuriken at danzo who copped it to the chest again and reappeared a few seconds later. Next to where his corpse laid before.
Sasuke stared long and hard at danzo before voicing a question that has been on his lips since the beginning.
"Uh, danzo. I have a question about your technique. Why don't you just, instead of going blind in an eye every time you die or every sixty seconds just use a replacement jutsu or something . . . "
" . . . Wha . . . What do you mean? I don't get it."
"I mean . . . Your jutsu enables you to look like you've died but instead are somewhere else, alive and whole. The replacement jutsu does the same thing, the only difference being you have to not be an r-tard and dodge or block the attacks that are fatal. So why don't you just do that?"
"Ah, well, you see . . . ah . . . um . . . crap . . . "
"Thought so."
"Yeah I feel like an idiot now. A complete idiot. Yep, an idiot. . . . Idiot. Damn."
"Well at least the inside suits the outside now."
"But! . . . Izanagi does have a pro . . . "
"Really . . . that is?"
" . . . It . . . it ah . . . Oh! It allows me to die but then defy reality and come back to life as though I never died in the first place!"
"But you could do that if you simply dodged or blocked. Dodging or blocking an attack usually leaves the user alive."
"I, I see . . . You are so wise . . . You are truly itachi's brother."
"Meh, it happens naturally for me." Sasuke said as he used chidori to create a sword of lightning while danzo grabbed a kunai and breathed fire along it into the shape of a sword.
They both rushed towards each other a stabbed each other in the chest. Sasuke's piercing danzo's right lung while danzo's pierced sasuke's left lung.
Danzo smirked.
"You lose sasuke. Izanagi is still in effect, so I'll simply ignore this injury and come out unscathed."
"Mhm, that sounds nice." Sasuke said. "But you forget . . . One simple little detail."
Danzo frowned in confusion as he didn't feel Izanagi take effect.
"And do, pray tell . . . what that would be."
Sasuke leaned closer so that he could whisper into danzo's ear.
"I . . . am . . . the . . . main characters best friend, and also the whole point of the NARUTO story right now. If I were to die, the story would have nowhere to go. So, I. Can. Not. Die!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU BASTARD!" Danzo howled as he felt the injury he received from sasuke stay and watched as the injury he inflicted on sasuke disappear.
"Heh. Don't mess with us main characters . . . BITCH!"
Danzo rolled around on the ground realising that in order for a main character to die it had to go up against another main character. He watched as karin went to sasuke's side and let him bite her to heal his wounds.
"No." Danzo thought. "This can't be happening. I refuse to let it end like this! Time to use my ultimate technique!"
Danzo stood up and glared at sasuke.
"You shall die with this next killer jutsu, sasuke! Die! Take this!"
"What?" Was all sasuke could manage before danzo's right arm erupted and grew into a tree.
"HAA HAHA HAHAA! YOU'LL NEVER SURVIVE THIS ONE!" Danzo laughed maniacally while he detached himself from the tree.
Sasuke got into a fight stance as he waited for the attack. And waited. And waited. And waited.
Starting to get annoyed at the fact that this lame fight was taking to long sasuke hissed at danzo.
"What's taking so long? Where's your killer jutsu?"
Danzo stared at sasuke then the tree then back at sasuke.
"What do you mean . . . I just used it . . . "
Sasuke stared at danzo in disbelief.
"You gotta be kidding me . . . What part of turning you arm into a tree is 'KILLER'?"
"Well . . . " Danzo said as he looked to the tree next to him as though it held all the answers. "It ah . . . I mean come on! Its a tree! What's not killer about that?"
"Well the fact that it cost you your arm to grow it might play a factor, Hm?"
"Well . . . "
"I mean." Sasuke continued. "There aren't that many jutsus you can use with only one hand. Add on the fact that you already have a hole in your lung and you think a tree is killer and you're looking pretty sad right now."
"But, come on, It's a tree! A tree! Leaves and all! . . . Bark to."
"Oh dear god, help me. He's got a tree. I'm going to be barked at."
"Hey! Stop it."
"Only if you, leaf me alone."
"Ok now, that was terrible."
"Your right. We should get to the root of the problem."
"Ok, I'm not good with naming secret organisations. So shot me!"
"Alright, but I left my gun in the trunk."
"Ok, ok! I get your point! Growing a tree using my arm wasn't the smartest thing I've done."
"Are you going to stick to hiding in the shadows or are you going to branch out to other possibilities?"
"That was uncalled for! I admit defeat, just stop the bad one liners!"
" . . . Ok . . . I guess I should treeat my elders better any way."
"Argh! Stop it!"
Madara appeared by sasuke's side and grabbed his shoulder.
"That's enough sasuke . . . You've won . . . "
Sasuke stared at madara before sighing.
" . . . Ok . . . . . . tree."
"THAT'S IT!" Danzo screamed. "LIFES NOT WORTH LIVING! BANSAI!"
"Shit! Wait a go sasuke, real smooth." Madara swore at sasuke.
"TAKE THIS! THE ULTIMATE SEAL! THE MILEY CYRUS FANCLUB 4EVER SEAL! I SHALL SEAL OUR SOULS INTO THE TEEN POP STARS IMAGE THAT WILL ONLY LAST A FEW MORE YEARS! SHE IS ALREADY BECOMING A WOMEN AND WILL EVENTUALY TRY TO GET RID OF HER CHILDISH TEEN IMAGE! WHEN THAT HAPPENS WE WILL BE CURSED TO SUFFER FOR ALL ETERNITY WITH HER SONGS, VIDEOS AND SHOWS PLAYING AT THE SAME TIME FOREVER AROUND US WHILE WE FIGHT IN A WORLD MADE FROM CRAPPY MERCHANDISE WITH HER FACE ON IT AND A FEW REALLY CORNY GAMES AND TRADDING CARD SETS!"
"Dear god!" Madara gasped. "You speak true evil! Quick sasuke run! Run or kill yourself!"
"-MILEYCYRUS-HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"
"Noo!"
BOOM!
As the dust settled two uchihas gasped for air, both barely escaped imminent doom and loss of sanity and possible loss of appetite for a few hours. Such were the effects of miley.
Madara looked to sasuke.
"That-huh . . . was-huh . . . close-huh . . . "
"Yeah-huh . . . " Sasuke huffed as he inspected the crater that danzo had left after he took his own explosive way out of the world.
They both sat there waiting for their breath to return. Madara wondering why his left eye couldn't see anything and sasuke thinking that he had forgotten something. Then it came to him.
"Karin?" He called out.
"Yes sasuke?" Karin replied while she came into view.
"Die." Sasuke said as he impaled her with a chidori sword.
"AARGH!" She cried as she fell off the bridge and fell into oblivion.
"There, that takes care of that then." Sasuke said with a smile as he stood up.
Madara stood up next to sasuke and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Where to?"
"Well . . . I'm tired, injured, sore, exhausted, had the crap beaten out of me, overused my sharingan, bleeding, summoned ozzy osbourne twice and a hawk once, I'm going blind and lost my sword . . . Konoha?"
"Sounds good to me."
That's it. If you expected more, well life just plain sucks like that doesn't it? If you were offeneded I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
If you liked it or hated it, I don't really care which, review and tell me your thoughts and feelings. Because I love you and care for your feelings. I really do. Honestly.
You're special and should be put on display at an awesome museum. I'd go and pay to see you every day, I swear.
So since I care about you so much, how about a review? Hm? Good or bad, just something that I can read would be nice.
If it sounds like I'm being a bit . . . strange, then it's probably the heat. It's roasting here.
Ralneox out