Trigger warnings - Suicide, death.
AN: First joniss oneshot and it's a depressing one. I just sort of opened a word document and this sort of happened. Hope you enjoy it anyway. Anyway I will go back to writing my Clovniss fanfiction now.
Katniss lay next to her wife hand brushing the strands of silver hair out of her forehead. Her chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm as her eyes open slowly, she turns her head ever so slightly to stare into Katniss' eyes.
"You still there brainless?" She asks, a weak smile playing on her lips. Katniss rolled her eyes at the familiar insult that had become more like a pet name to them.
"I'm here as long as you are." She replied leaning forwards and kissing Johanna's lips gently. Johanna shakily reached up and touched Katniss' cheek.
"Which isn't going to be very long I expect…" She whispered, her breath hitching in her throat as her hand fell down onto the bed. Katniss nodded as she reached for Johanna's hand rubbing her thumb over her wrinkled knuckles.
Johanna had been offered the best medical care for her condition but she'd refused it, of course she had, she'd said she'd had more than enough experience of hospitals to last her ten life times and Katniss couldn't help but agree with her.
"You put your hair in a braid." Johanna stated, Katniss nodded in reply, staring at Johanna's hand as she entwined her own fingers with Johanna's.
"For old times' sake." She whispered gripping Johanna's hand in her own. Johanna let out an amused but weak snort.
"Getting sentimental on me brainless?" She mocked, Katniss' only response was a grim smile as she looked back up into Johanna's eyes. They were silent for a long time before Johanna spoke again "You don't have to do this you know." Johanna whispers, her eyes saddened.
"I know."
"Then…"
"Don't you try to convince me to stay Johanna Mason. Not without you, never without you." Katniss snapped her eyes blazing, tears glistened in her eyes. And she shook her head blinking them away. She swallowed hard, she was beyond crying, she had to be.
They were silent, listening to the sound of the others breathing. Katniss' uneven from trying not to cry and Johanna's hitched and wheezing as she struggled to get the much needed oxygen into her lungs.
Katniss silently slipped an arm around Johanna's waist, moving closer to her so she may bury her face in her shoulder breathing in the scent she loved so much, the scent of pine and freedom. "It's better this way." Katniss whispered, "there's no one left but you…I'm done."
Katniss was crying now, she wasn't entirely sure why, she'd come to terms with this weeks ago when they'd agreed to it. Johanna reached up to trail her fingers over Katniss' neat braid. For once at a loss for words as she remembered how the remainder of their friends has passed away over the years.
It was just them left, two last reminders of a dark a terrible time. Most people just left them alone nowadays. Although in their younger years people had come in their hundreds to talk to the mockingjay, leader of the rebellion and to her wife, the great Johanna Mason victor of a terrible game so long ago.
"Katniss…" Johanna nudged Katniss' shoulder to get her attention. "I think it's time." Katniss nodded grimly, slipping out of Johanna's arms and disappearing for a brief moment before she returned with a small box.
She helped Johanna sit up, leaving the box on the bedside table as Johanna winced and wheezed the position causing her great pain but she preferred it this way. She would have stood if she could but she'd lost the ability weeks ago.
Katniss silently opened the box revealing two syringes filled with an amber liquid. Morphling, enough morphling in each syringe to put a person to sleep forever. The drug in this form had been banned years ago the leaders deeming it too addictive, but Katniss knew of Johanna's past habit with the drug and there were still plenty of dealers if you knew where to look. She'd contacted Johanna's old dealer and obtained enough for both of them at a hefty cost. But it didn't matter, it's not like either of them were poor, the Capitol had made sure of that.
Johanna watched as Katniss carefully removed the first syringe and pulled the needle cap off. She looked up into her wife's eyes. "Are you sure?" She swallowed closing her eyes for a moment before strengthening her resolve. "Now I mean." Johanna's only response was a nod.
Katniss gently reached for Johanna's right arm, pulling it forwards so she could access the veins there. When Katniss brought the needle to the skin she hesitated.
"We had a good run you know." Johanna wheezed, her eyes already half closed from the effort of sitting upright. Katniss looked up at her nodding in agreement. Johanna shakily reached for the hand in which Katniss held the syringe giving her a small smile. "I'm tired, and there's not much left to do now." She guides Katniss hand down, the needle slips into the skin and Katniss did not resist as Jo pushed her thumb over the plunger.
The amber liquid slowly entered her bloodstream and she closed she eyes releasing a sigh. "Don't you leave without me now." Katniss said sternly although her voice shook ever so slightly, her eyes were warm and a smile spread across her face. It'd been a long time since she'd seen her wife without any pain.
Johanna forced her eyes open, the drug already starting to take effect as Katniss reached for the other syringe. Pulling the needle cap off with her teeth she plunged the needle into her arm barley wincing as it pierced her skin.
Once she'd injected the liquid into her she put the syringe on the bedside table and leant into Johanna. Johanna found herself resting her head on Katniss' shoulder as they reached for each other's hand.
Katniss sighed as the drug started to take effect. Her limbs were tingling strangely and her skin felt like it was burning in a pleasant way where it made contact with Johanna. The light was strange too, it was at the same time to bright and too dim.
Katniss listened to the sounds of Johanna's wheezing the sound echoing off the walls. Katniss felt strangely calm, she always thought she'd be afraid if she ever got to this point but she wasn't, all she felt was calm and the warmth of her wife next to her.
Katniss closed her eyes, her mind going over every aspect of her life. She wanted to remember it all, She wanted to remember all the people she'd lost, her father, Rue, Mags, Wiress, Finnick, Prim, Peeta, Haymitch, Her mother, Beetee, Effie, Annie, Gale. She listed them silently in her mind, remembering each of their deaths. Those that survived the rebellion died peaceful deaths, of old age or from one illness or another.
Johanna was right. They'd had a god run, they'd survived not one but two hunger games and a rebellion. They'd then gone on to live for years afterwards. Katniss forced her fingers to squeeze Johanna's hand, the effort it took was surprising as her limbs no longer felt like they belonged to her.
It was time and Katniss couldn't help but be glad of that. Like Johanna she was tired, tired of the pain, tired of the effort it took to just move around. She'd noticed it, getting older. She could no longer stalk through the forest silently, she could no longer shoot a bow with the same perfect accuracy.
She remembered how she'd cried when she realised she wound never be able to use her bow again, how Johanna had comforted her grimly. She remembered how Johanna's axe strikes had become weaker and weaker over the years a she lost the ability to chop their own firewood and Johanna had become somehow more and more cantankerous the weaker her axe blows became.
They relied on the people of District 12 to bring them food and firewood nowadays. She thought about how tomorrow one of the people would enter the house, begrudgingly putting the food and wood on the table as they called out for the two old people living here. She imagined how they'd find them, lying in the bed cold as ice, their hands still clutched together.
"Katniss…" Johanna croaked, Katniss opened her eyes, almost blinded by the bright lights before her.
"Mmm." She replied, not having the energy to form any words.
"I…Love… You… Brainless." Johanna wheezed with much effort. They moved, their limbs heavy, so they could kiss each other one final time.
"I love you too idiot." Katniss whispered, it was all she could muster as they collapsed back onto each other. Johanna' s breath was getting shallower with every inhale and exhale. Katniss buried her head in Johanna's hair. Wanting to die surrounded by the smell of pine.
Johanna let out a shaky breath her chest ceasing its shaky movements, her limbs relaxed although her hand did not let go of Katniss'. Katniss knew it would not be long for her now a smile played across her lip as her eyes slipped closed and she fell still, her heart beating one last time.