Award Ceremony
A/N: Hello all! It's Buttons again, and this time it's a pure comedy. Sorry if there's a typo somewhere, I hate this stupid Mac, but anyway, enjoy! And throw me a damn bone and review will you. I'm dying over here in anticipation with 'Crap, is this good or not, nobody will tell me!'
Disclaimer: nothing owned and nothing gained, simply to be entertained
Heero Yuy was the busy Preventer agent that was currently bored out of his mind, doing nothing but tedious, but necessary, paperwork. He was listening to some calming and mentally stimulating Mozart when suddenly he heard the ding of an opening window. The music stopped and Heero looked up to see an open video link of a podium with a shelf of trophies written with things that Heero couldn't read. All of a sudden, Duo Maxwell hopped behind the podium in a black tuxedo with white undershirt and black bowtie. He cleared his throat and started to do little clearing throat things to warm up his voice, muttering incomprehensibly. Heero ignored him and went back to his paperwork.
Heero vaguely wondered how Duo had managed to hack into his computer, but he figured he just ask him about it later. It wasn't the first time he'd done it, and probably wouldn't be the last, but he never left any lasting damage in the systems so he didn't care all that much. Heero heard people scrambling around the other offices, which left him suspecting that he wasn't the only one watching (read ignoring) the video feed.
"Hello one and all, ladies and gents, former Ozzies and comrades, welcome to the Gundam Awards! Hosted by yours truly, the Shinigami Duo Maxwell!"
Heero glanced at the computer screen again, trying to ignore the baka, but his curiosity got the better of him and he settled down to watch.
"These are the wonderful awards given to those who earned them throughout the entire war and were unanimously voted upon by a panel of judges who shall not be named for safety precautions." Heero raised an eyebrow at this but didn't say anything. "But for right now, let's get on with the award ceremony shall we?"
Duo held up the first award from the shelf, "Our first award, for Best Impersonation and Personality of a Moving Statue goes to…" there was a drumroll in the background, "Trowa Barton! Congratulations!"
Heero could just imagine the annoyed look the tall Italian pilot would be giving if he saw that, but he knew that he'd be flattered too.
The braided pilot turned around and held up the second trophy. "Our second award for Best Alter Ego and Other Personality goes to…" drumroll, "Lady Une! Sorry Milli/Zechs, maybe next time."
Heero heard the scream of anger come from Une's office and the shout of, "Turn that damn thing off!" Heero chuckled and continued to watch Duo pick up another trophy off the shelf after he put Lady Une's back.
"The next award, for Best Keeper of Justice and Ranting About It goes to…" drumroll, "Chang Wufei! Great job Wuffers, I knew you could do it!"
Heero snickered at the squawk of indignation that came from Chang's office and wished he had popcorn to go with the entertainment. "Injustice Maxwell! I do not rant!" Then he started ranting. Heero ignored him.
"Our next award for Best Moment of Insanity While Still Keeping His Hair Totally Perfect goes to…" drumroll, "Quatre Rebarbar Winner! Yay! And Rashid, don't shoot me please!"
Heero had a feeling Rashid wouldn't be doing the shooting.
"Next up is Best Imitation of a Firework which goes to…" drum- "it's okay guys, you don't have to do a drumroll every single time," a collective disappointed sigh came from the background. "…Heero Yuy! Not one to be upstaged, Heero blew himself up and lived to tell the tale! Twice!"
Heero frowned in annoyance, giving the braided idiot the best death glare he could muster up and hoped he felt it through the computer screen. From the shiver that Duo gave, he was pretty sure it worked.
"Did it suddenly get very cold and somehow deadly?" Duo turned around to face away from the screen, but due to the microphone on his collar they all heard anyway, "I'm getting workman's comp for this right? What? What do mean they can hear me? Oh. Whoops!" Duo spun around, sending his braid flying over his shoulder, a noticeable sweat drop on his forehead and an embarrassed grin on his face, "Guess I should pay more attention to my wardrobe huh?"
Duo straightened his suit and bowtie before continuing, "Next up is for Best Puppy Dog Impersonation Towards a Lover Unrequited Till the Very Freaking End of the War goes to… Lucrezia Noin! You go girl! Show that man who loves the best!"
A deafening silence before Duo seemed to feel the awkwardness and brought up the next trophy, "Now we have the award for Best Living Homing Missile goes to…Relena Peacecraft!" Duo gave a loud snort, "Yeah, and best cockblock, but they wouldn't let me put that on there."
Heero had a feeling that they wouldn't.
"Now for Best at Confusing-the-Enemy-So-That-We-Wouldn't-Know-What-Side-You-Were-On…Milliardo Peacecraft! Jesus, did he even know what side he was on?"
"For Most Androgenous and Most Likely to be a Lesbian goes to…Hilde Schbeiker! I'm pretty sure she is actually, which confuses me as to why that's on here." From out of nowhere a wrench went flying and hit Duo in the side of the head, and a far away, "I'm fucking straight and I do not look like a boy!"
Duo rubbed the side of his injured head and just muttered, "Yeah, yeah, but with that personality you might as well be lesbian, you're not going to be picking up guys like that."
"What was that?! I've got a whole toolbox with me!"
"Nothing beautiful straight miss," Duo said nervously, and moved on to the next award. "For Best Sarcastic Doctor and Putting Wufei in His Place goes to…Sally Po! Where would we be without you?"
Not far was Heero's thought.
"For Creepiest Person and Most Likely to Watch You Take a Shower Through Your Window goes to…Doctor J… I won't comment."
Neither would Heero.
"For Best Background Evil Doer and Most Impressive Eyebrows belong to…Dorothy Catalonia! Jeez, did you even have any competition there?"
Heero didn't think it was likely, but perked his ears up when he heard Duo clear his throat and say, "Almost done folks! Just three left!"
"For Best Minor War Role Playing Part and Most Sagely goes to…Pagan the Peacecraft Butler? What? Really? Well, okay whatever."
"For Funniest Cracks and Best for a Laugh While Elbow Deep in Grease…Howard the Mechanic and Peacemillion Engineer!...What, we don't know the guy's last name?" Duo whispered into his mike, "Well, no, I don't know either but…Well, whatever."
"And last but not least, for the Most Loved and Popular Persona of the Gundam War goes to…Hey look! Me! Yay!" Duo hugged the trophy to his chest and grinned. "I'm so happy! Well, that's all folks, I'll see you all around!"
Duo's image fazed out and all that was left was a bright yellow smiley face that just kept blinking its eyes and winking every few seconds. Heero was about to close the window when he heard a knock on his office door. Heero got up and answered, where a very haggard and harassed looking UPS guy had a cart with a few packages and a clipboard in his hand. "Are you Heero Yuy?" he asked without preamble. Heero nodded and the UPS guy shoved a clipboard in his face, "Sign here, here, here, initial here and here, and finally just a signature here please." Heero did as he was told and a package was shoved into his arms, where only a second later the UPS guy left.
Having a good idea as to what it was, Heero went to his desk and grabbed a pair of scissors, where he sliced open the tape and pulled out the statuette wrapped in paper. It was a small version of a non-specialized Gundam, something that looked like the pilots Gundam but didn't resemble any single one of them, about a foot tall and ten pounds of metal. At the base where the Gundam stood was an inscription that said FOR BEST IMITATION OF A FIREWORK – HEERO YUY. Heero growled at it for a second before setting it down behind him on his shelf as a decoration.
He was about to go back to work when Wufei poked his head through the door, an obviously displeased scowl on his face. "Did you get one of them too?" the Chinese man said, holding up his own trophy. Heero jerked his thumb towards his shelf where the statuette stood, and Wufei just scowled harder at it. "Ugh, when I get my hands on that baka I'm going to show him ranting." Muttering about the injustices of having been awarded his trophy, Wufei stalked off, probably to find Sally and show the world that she couldn't put him in his place. Heero had a feeling that Sally would be showing how well deserved her reward was.
Heero was finally about to restart his work when he noticed a little note tucked into the packing paper. Heero opened it and immediately noticed Duo's handwriting.
Since Relena will be too depressed to ruin our night,
Want to head to my place?
-Duo
Heero grinned and tossed the paper into the rubbish bin, remembering what Duo had said about Relena being the best cockblock. Of course he would go, like he would miss a night with Duo when he didn't have anything to do. Heero had a sudden feeling that he couldn't wait for the night to come.
Fin
A/N: So? Throw the damn bone please!