A GRUNTY CARNIVAL: BY CD AND SS
Disclaimer: SS and I own nothing. Not Halo, and certainly not Hitchhikers Guide...
Today, a friend (known here as SS) and I went to a carnival. The whole time we were there, we imagined Grunts going on rides and flying out of them at high speeds. This... is their story.
Twas a cool, windy, October night. Perfect for, let's say a carnival. And so, there it was. Many rides. Much food. Even a sandbox filled with a population of plastic dinosaurs and five teens sitting around it, apparently making a civilization (I bet yall can guess who was there... ) Everyone was happy. Suddenly, down came a giant purple Phantom.
Children screamed and promptly combusted. Even the little plastic dinosaurs melted, leaving the five teens with no lives to cry. Out of the Phantom dropped two Elites and seven Grunts. the Grunts were dancing in little circles around the Elites, who looked like they would need a lot of caffeine to stay alive. The second they hit the earth, the grunts began to nag the Elites for tickets. And rides. And food. One of the Elites rammed it's head into a tree multiple times, while the other one screamed as loud as it could. They all began talking in an alien dialect, which, roughly translated, went something like this:
"WE WANT FOOD AND TICETS AND RIDES AND HAPPY AND CAFFEINE AND SUGAR..." said a Gurnt, squealing in it's high voice.
"SHUT UP! THAT'S IT! THIS TREE WILL GIVE ME LESS OF A HEADACHE THAN YOU ALL!" yelled a very impatient Elite, who indeed was the one ramming it's head into a tree.
"NO! Don't leave me with them! Please! I didn't sign up for this. Just go on the rides. All the humans exploded anyways." said the other Elite, who wished it had some type of weapon.
So, off the little Grunts went. Although most of them opted for the Ferris wheel first, one decided on a giant, Tilt a Whirl like contraption. As the happy Grunts frolicked with joy, the one who didn't go on the ferris wheel was flung out of its seat at approximately 60 mph. It hit, coincidentally, one of the ferris wheel cars. The Grunts inside screamed, while one jumped up and down and broke the car. Down they went.The other four panicked and jumped out of their car when it was at the bottom. They looked for their chaperone Elites, but couldn't seem to find them. So, they decided on the same tilt a whirl as the now dead Grunt "Joebob" went on.
They got in and decided to actually use the safety belts. The littlest Grunt, RobertJames, couldn't pull his very tight. So, as the ride gained motion, RobertJames was flung off and into the window of a nearby building. Those inside were probably really freaked out by this random little alien hitting their window (and, for that matter probably breaking it) at 50 mph.
After the Grunts got off, tried to do a headcount (and realized that they could only count to one), and staggered like drunken phytoplankton, they reached a cotton candy stand. Sugar? YES! Glorious sugar!
"LET'S GET SUGAR!" yelled DaveJoe, a bigger Grunt.
"YAYYYAYAYYAY!" they all (well, the other two) yelled in agreement.
Meanwhile, the five teens who had had their dinosaurs melted where watching the three Grunts through a random camoflauge bush.
"Wow, how odd." said Jason.
"OMG THEY ARE SO CUTE!" said Jessie, who happened to think Grunts were quite adorable.
"IT'S LEIK TOTALLY FROM HALO AND HALO 2! I CAN QUOTE GRAVEMIND!" whisper-yelled a girl named CD.
"Halo 2 sucks." said Will, who promptly got pelted in the face with sand from the old dinosaur civilization, conviently thrown by CD.
"I'm too tired to think right now..." said SS, who promptly fell asleep.
The four teens continued to watch the odd aliens, who had gotten their sugar.
"YAY SUGAR YAY!" yelled another one of the gurnts, who no one felt like naming. Its parents hated it.
"Shut up noname. Your parents didn't even want to give you a name!" yelled DaveJoe. Sadly, Noname drowned its sorrows in sugar. He then promptly had a train run over him. Oddly, the top of the visible sky read "NONAME killed by the Guardians".
"Oh teh noes! There's only..." The grunt paused to count on its fingers, in the end holding up two. "...This many of us left! We should go tell the Elites."
"Nah. I dare you to go on the Ferris wheel, and then jump up and down on it's highest car!" said DaveJoe.
"Wha?" asked the other Grunt, named Ysley, who had been dipping its head in the goldfish tank, trying desparately to eat one.
"JUST DO IT! JUMP UP AND DOWN ON THE FERRIS WHEEL!" yelled DaveJoe, fueled with sugar.
Ysley shrugged, and said, "Okay."
At the end of this little charade, DaveJoe was the only one left alive. That is, until he went to another Whirly ride where a child's shoe flung off and hit him squarely in the head.
Again, we travel back to the lifeless teens, watching the Grunts from a safe distance.
"Wow, I can't believe they're all dead." said Jessie, who wanted to go and hug one.
"I told you Halo 2 sucks." said Will, this time getting hit by a flying puppy.
"Wait a second. Where are the Elites?" asked CD, who was the closest thing to an expert that ever existed.
"Lookie here. I found some Demons." said a voice from behind them. CD turned around only to be staring an Elite right in the face.
"Well lookie here, I found thems Elites!" said CD, happily.
"Wait a... that can't be good." said SS, who woke up again.
"STAY BACK! I HAVE MELTED PLASTIC DINOSAURS!" yelled Jason, holding up a few smoking dinosaurs.
"If you use those, we'll blow up the world!" yelled another Elite, who appeaed to have a bruise on its head, probably from hitting a tree multiple times.
"WELL THEN SO BE IT!" yelled Will, not scared of the AWESOME power that the Covenant has.
So, BLAM! The worlds gone. So long and thanks for all the fish. The answer was 42. Now, it's 7. Elsewhere in the universe, the Flood are having a teaparty with some Jackals. And we humans will never see that day.
Okay, this is also what you get from writing at 2:33 am. Whee hoo! Too much Mountain Dew. Well, CD and SS out