To End the Nightmare
Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU. This is a story from my fertile imagination.
Lesbian love below, if you don't like it don't read it.
Olivia smiled as she watched Alex play with their child. She was so beautiful just like her mom. Seeing Alex sitting in the grass playing ball with little Bella made her happy beyond reason. Alex turned to look her way and smiled. Reaching her hand toward Olivia she beckoned to come join them. As Olivia started their way she saw someone moving toward them out of the corner of her eye. Turning to face the unknown person Olivia saw the gun flash as it fired.
NOOOOOO…Olivia sat up in her bed sweat drenching her body. "DAMMIT!" She tried to control her breathing and tell herself it was a nightmare nothing else. "Why did I have to comment about kids to Elliott?"
Crawling from the tangled covers Olivia headed for the bathroom. The face that greeted her from the mirror belied the careful control she had been showing to her coworkers lately. Olivia had seen how worried they had been getting and knew she had to find a way to stop them. If she couldn't do her job she would go insane. It was bad enough to be missing Alex all the time, but to not have work on top of it would definitely make her crazy.
Stripping off her sweat drenched boxers and t-shirt Olivia stepped into the shower. As the shower washed over her she thought back to the night that started her never ending living nightmare. Seeing Alex lying in her arms bleeding she thought for sure her heart would stop beating along with Alex's. Somehow she had made it through that moment and had found herself at work. She still didn't remember much from those few days of hell when she thought the only person she had ever loved was dead. Then the call had come to meet the DEA. Elliott and Olivia had pulled up and when Alex had stepped from the black SUV she had nearly stopped breathing. Wanting nothing more than to get in the SUV with Alex and leave her heart broke again when she realized she couldn't go with Alex. As they hugged Alex had whispered in Olivia's ear that she loved her always and then slid something into her pocket.
Once the DEA had left and Elliott had got her into the car Olivia realized she was clutching an envelope that Alex had slipped to her. Tears rolling down her cheeks she pulled it from her pocket. She had read it so many times she could recite it by heart now.
Baby,
I wish this didn't have to happen. No matter what know I always love you and you have my heart. As soon as I can I will be back with you.
I need you to stay strong and watch out for my mom for me. She loves you and will need you. I know I am asking a lot, but please do this for me. I need you both safe and this is the only way I know how to do it. I am sorry for not being able to ask for your help with this decision.
They know you are my heart and I promise they will get in touch if I need you. Don't do anything crazy, please baby.
I am with you always.
Your girl
Olivia wasn't sure when the water turned cold, but she knew she had better get out. Drying off she realized what time it was. Only she would wake up at three in the morning. Well it wasn't like she was going to get any more sleep, so she decided to get dressed and go to the station.
Elliott strolled in the station and caught her yawning. "Liv, why are you here so early?"
Shrugging Olivia sat down at her desk. "Thought I'd get caught up on some paperwork."
"Ok, let's go."
"Where?"
"Somewhere besides here, it's time to talk."
"Elliott, what are you talking about? I am just catching up on paperwork. It's not a big deal."
"C'mon Liv, that's the best excuse you can come up with. We've been partners for how long?"
Sighing Olivia realized he wasn't going to give up on this. "Elliott, I am not doing this here."
"That's why we are going out to get breakfast. I am sure you have been here long enough for us to sign out for a little bit. Grab your coat and let's go."
"Elliott! This is ridiculous."
"No, it's not. Now c'mon before I sick Cragen on you."
Grabbing her coat Olivia walked out the door leaving Elliott behind. She knew if she kept fighting with him in the squad room others would overhear and then everyone would be involved. She wasn't about to broadcast her personal problems to the entire squad, not when she just got them thinking she was fine again. Heading down the block toward the diner Elliott liked she didn't even bother looking back to see if he was following her.
As Elliott stepped into the diner he noticed Olivia had chosen a booth near the back. Trying not to grab her and force her to talk to him he slid in the seat across from her. "Liv, I just want to know what's wrong. You are always looking out for me isn't it ok for me to do the same?"
"I told you I was fine. What do you want me to do to prove it to you?"
Growling in frustration Elliott stared at her. Unfortunately for him the waitress picked that time to bring coffee and ask if they wanted their usual. After giving her a nod yes he turned back to look at Olivia.
"Since my partner is so eloquent this morning yes please the usual, Tammy."
As the waitress disappeared to the kitchen Elliott tried to get Olivia to look at him. "Fine, you want to play this game. You think I don't know that you are hurting. You think I don't know about the unofficial stakeouts by you of Vallez's men. Do you really believe that I don't notice that you haven't slept in the last almost two years?"
Olivia stared at her hands and tried not to give into the need for someone to share the pain. "There isn't anything you can do Elliott, so let it go."
"LET IT GO!" Taking a deep breath to stop him from yelling at her again Elliott stared at the picture on the wall. "I can't let it go, Liv. You are my partner, my friend. Your girlfriend…"
Olivia reached over and grabbed his arm. "My girlfriend was shot by a drug lord because she wanted to prosecute him. I held her in my arms and watched her bleeding. Me, not you. I want you to let it go. You can't do anything so let it go."
"Fine, you don't want to let me in I guess I don't have a choice." Standing up and dropping a ten on the table Elliott gave Olivia one last look before walking out of the diner.
Dropping her face into her hands Olivia tried desperately to keep the tears from coming. Feeling someone watching her she looked up. "Can I help you?"
"Detective Benson?"
"Who wants to know?"
Flipping open her wallet the women showed her DEA credentials. "Special Agent Randy Mackenzie, can I sit?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Well, I would prefer we do this pleasantly, but no you don't have a choice of whether you talk to me. I spoke to your Captain and he told me you would be here."
"What do you need?"
"I need to know how you have so much information on a mutual suspect."
"You'll need to give me more information than a cryptic statement if you expect me to help you."
"Detective Benson, I am not at liberty to discuss details in an unsecured area. Just think about someone you have been targeting personally and I am sure you will come up with the answers I need."
"You think I am going to help you find something you've had almost two years to find. Trust me if I had found something useful you'd know about it." Standing up Olivia reached into her pocket for some money.
"I suggest you sit down and cooperate with me Detective Benson. I will make your life very difficult if you don't."
Seeing Tammy approach Olivia smiled at her. "Sorry Tammy got a run this should cover breakfast." Leaning down by the Agent's ear she whispered, "You've already stolen the only thing that matters to me, so I don't think there is much you can do." Striding for the door Olivia pulled on her coat.
As Olivia walked into the station she tried to keep her mind from thinking about the DEA and how much they irritated her. Heading up the stairs she thought about just taking the day off, but decided she didn't want Cragen getting suspicious. Though he could've called and warned her DEA was on the lookout for her. Pushing the door open to SVU's floor Olivia walked out to hear Elliott yelling. Standing in the doorway she saw Elliott and Cragen glaring at each other.
"I don't care what they told you, what you are doing is wrong? You could've talked to her and found out her side before deciding to let them have their way."
Seeing Cragen was about to lose his patience Olivia stepped between the two men. "Elliott, whatever the problem is I am sure the Captain is only doing what he thinks is right."
"Detective Benson…"
"Captain, I am sorry for intervening, but it's my fault Elliott's in a bad mood. Why don't you let us get back to work and I'll keep him out of your hair?"
"Detective Benson…"
"Captain Cragen, why don't you let me do the honors?" Olivia whirled around to see Special Agent Mackenzie and two men standing in the doorway. "Detective Benson, you will come with us now."
Turning and looking at Cragen Olivia got a sick feeling in her stomach. "What are they talking about Captain?"
"Detective Benson, the DEA needs your cooperation and since you weren't forthcoming when Special Agent Mackenzie met with you, you will need to go with them."
"What? You have got to be kidding me. You want me to go with the DEA for questioning?"
"Olivia, just help them out and it will be no big deal."
"You know what; you can go to hell with them. Elliott, I know I wasn't nice today but will you call Katherine Cabot for me and let her know I need a lawyer?"
"I don't think that's necessary."
Well, sorry to disagree with you Captain Cragen, but I do." Turning to look at the DEA agents Olivia glared. "You want to talk to me, talk to my lawyer."
"Olivia, don't do this. I can't help you if you do this."
"You are on their side, what kind of help is that." As Cragen stood looking at her Olivia did the one thing she thought she'd never do. "As a matter of fact, if this is the game you want to play her take it." Ripping off her badge she thrust it at him.
"Olivia, don't. The Captain is wrong, but don't do this. Mrs. Cabot and I will stand behind you."
"No, Cragen and the DEA want to play games here it is." Cragen looked at her in disbelief. "Why would I want to work for someone who turns me over to the DEA for some bullshit reason without even talking to me?"
"Olivia, this is not like you. Just cooperate and put your badge back on."
Slamming her badge on the table she took off her gun and put it next to the badge. "Arrest me or whatever you want to do. Elliott call Katherine, I am sure she will have a field day getting the DEA to explain."
"We are not dragging Mrs. Cabot into this!"
"Oh, but see Special Agent we are. She is my lawyer and you think she is going to roll over as easy as Cragen I think you've got a surprise in store. So either arrest me or I am leaving."
"Olivia, be reasonable."
"Be reasonable, you turned her over to the DEA without knowing what was going on and YOU WANT HER TO BE REASONABLE."
"Elliott I don't have time to deal…Detective Benson where are you going?"
"Since I don't seem to be under arrest I am leaving."
"Ma'am, I can't let you do that."
"Sorry, are you arresting me." At his uncomfortable look Olivia turned her head to look at Special Agent Mackenzie. "Want to tell you guard dog here to let me pass or arrest me and get it over with."
"Detective Benson, I think this has been blown out of proportion. I would just like to speak to you."
"I've said all I am going to say."
"Can we use your office Captain Cragen?" At his nod Special Agent Mackenzie turned to Olivia. Sighing in frustration she said, "You win. I can't touch you. Pick up your badge and gun, Detective Benson. Give me five minutes and if you don't like what you hear I will go away."
Olivia tried walking past the men in the doorway.
"Liv stop." As she stopped Elliott stepped close to her. "What Cragen did was wrong, but don't throw your career away for this. Give her five and then call it a day." Seeing her shoulders slump he whispered, "For me, I don't want to break in a new partner."
Walking back to her desk she stared down at her badge and her gun. Did she really want to walk away or could she pick them back up and put them on? Alex's face popped into her mind and she knew she couldn't walk away, not until she got Vallez. Snapping her holster to her belt she picked up her badge and walked toward Cragen's office.
Olivia stood looking out at the squad room. Everyone seemed shell shocked; Munch didn't even seem to be talking from what she could see. Special Agent Mackenzie walked into the office and closed the door.
"Detective Benson, we seem to have an issue that needs resolving." Getting no response from Olivia she continued. "We know you have been on Vallez's trail since Ms. Cabot's shooting. The thing is so does he, which of course makes him nervous." Still only a blank look on Olivia's face greeted her. "Detective, Vallez makes rash decisions when he feels cornered and we think you have him cornered."
Olivia smirked, surprise never cease. Seems she was on the right track. Could she really be that close? Realizing the agent had stopped speaking Olivia looked up. "DEA afraid the NYPD will be able to do something they have failed at for years?"
"Detective, this isn't a game!"
Before she realized it Olivia was staring down at Special Agent Mackenzie. "You think I am playing games, little girl. Think again, Vallez stole my life from me and I am going to make him pay." Moving to go around her Olivia felt her arm slide behind her back just before she was slammed into the door.
"Listen up Detective; you are not the only one who wants Vallez off the streets. However, you are the only one who is going off by yourself and making yourself a target."
Olivia pushed off from the door and wrenched out of the agent's grasp. "That was your one shot agent. And this conversation is over." Opening the door she almost didn't hear Special Agent Mackenzie's reply. "What?"
"I said we need your help. Now, please, shut the door."
"Why should I help you? It seems like I am doing fine on my own."
"I need you to stay alive, as much as you annoy me. A mutual friend would kill me, if anything happened to you."
Olivia looked at Special Agent Mackenzie closely. Closing the door softly she tried to breathe. "She's alright isn't she?"
"Detective she is fine. But if I let you go get yourself killed I won't be."
Olivia sank into a chair. Steadying her breathing she tried not to panic. "What do you want?"
"First to apologize, I went about this all wrong. You were right; I am frustrated that you seem to get information so easily when we keep running into brick walls."
"And?"
"Detective, I need to know how you are getting your information."
"No deal!"
"You have got to be kidding. I apologized, what more do you want."
"If I tell you then you'd have to report the information and my guess is somewhere there is a leak." Seeing the anger in Special Agent Mackenzie's posture Olivia hurried to clarify her meaning. "I am not accusing anyone of wrongdoing, but it seems that someone told Vallez about your agent turning him in and then about Alex's whereabouts and security. Now you can't get close, but I can and guess why?" Seeing the agent's anger get overshadowed by confusion Olivia stood and paced. "I work alone and report to no one. Does that make things clearer?"
"Your Captain knew you were doing something he just wouldn't tell me."
"He may have known I was up to something, but he didn't know what. So see there was nothing he could tell you."
"So you don't trust me?"
"To be honest no, none of you have given me reason to trust."
"Detective, we have to work together. Please, I promise you I want Vallez as badly as you do. Plus, you are going to need help if Vallez is cornered. He is going to come after you and you don't want to be alone."
Olivia thought about what was being offered. She wished she knew for sure if she could trust this agent. "I am better off alone than worrying whether…"
"I was with her until three months ago."
Damn, why did she have to keep mentioning Alex? Manipulating bitch, Olivia growled to herself.
"Don't you see if I was a problem I could have done anything anytime I wanted? You can trust me, she does."
Olivia was trying hard to rein her temper in; this bitch must want to die. What did she think she was doing rubbing her nose in the fact that she had been able to be with Alex while Olivia had to sit with her hands tied and stay away? Stepping toward Special Agent Mackenzie Olivia grit her teeth.
"What is wrong with you?" Seeing Olivia's fists clench Special Agent Mackenzie thought back to what she said Alex hadn't mentioned this jealous streak. Though really she couldn't blame the detective. "Stop right there before you do something you regret Detective."
Taking another step closer Olivia fought to keep her hands at her sides. "I don't think you have a clue how much I wouldn't regret a thing I did."
"Detective, just to make one thing clear before you lose your head I am happily involved with someone." Seeing Olivia control about to snap she hurried on. "And not your someone."
Olivia stood ramrod straight. What in the hell was she doing? Had she really lost her mind today? First she was going to quit and now she almost beat a woman senseless because she spoke of Alex. Growling Olivia slammed her fist into the file cabinet next to her.
"Feel better?"
"No."
"You know if we work together maybe we can end this."
Olivia was suddenly very tired. She wanted everything to be over and Alex to be home where she belonged. Looking at Special Agent Mackenzie she saw the hope in the other woman's eyes. "Can you play by my rules instead of yours?"
Groaning Special Agent Mackenzie tried not to sound as frustrated as she was, "Detective, what rules?"
"No full disclosure to anyone." Seeing the incredulous look on the agent's face Olivia walked to the door and stood. "You, my Captain, my partner, and I will have the information no one beyond that. That's my offer."
"Detective, I can't give you that. My bosses need to know, so we can handle the situation."
"Your bosses haven't been able to handle Vallez. You want my help we do it my way, this is my life remember!"
Knowing she would probably regret this Special Agent Mackenzie stepped to stand by Olivia. "I guess we play by your rules. But I will need to be able to organize the team for Vallez's take down."
"I am sure you will figure out a way to do that and stick to our deal. Screw up and you better hope I don't live to find out Special Agent Mackenzie."