Title: Stealing from Thieves
Category: DNAngel X Naruto Crossover
Summary: Daisuke's mother proclaims that she wants the Hokage Monument for the Niwa art collection. Daisuke makes the mistake by telling Dark that he can't steal something that doesn't exist. Dark bets that he'll not only steal the Hokage Monument, but the Hokage Tower, too. Crack-fic.
Disclaimer: I do not own DNAngel. That belongs to Yukiru Sugisaki. I do not own Naruto either. That belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
A/N: For timeline purposes, this occurs just after the Naruto plotline starts. As per DNAngel, you could place this after the 2nd Hand of Time arc, I guess. But the use of the feathers is borrowed from the anime.
Two forewarnings. First, if the ninja seem weaker, that's both purposeful and unintentional. I'm trying to keep them as in-canon as possible without killing Dark or Daisuke. Plus, in the short story of Volume 11, Daisuke's mom comments that Daisuke's speed would put a ninja to shame (after he gets dressed in .58 seconds, even with the bedhead). Second, I acknowledge that some people are bothered by the use of honorifics and Japanese words in fanfics if you don't know the language, and I apologize for the little bit that's in here if it bothers you (and I openly admit that I don't know Japanese and won't pretend otherwise). There are only a few words, though. The story just felt smoother with them (Hokage-sama, Hokage-san, Sandaime, genjustu, and omake, I think).
Other than that, enjoy!
Daisuke sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the ceiling. For once, his mother had not issued a warning note, and he had finished all of his homework for the evening. While he was certainly capable of entertaining himself, he decided to simply enjoy the moment. Peace was hard to come by in his household, and he was determined to revel in it.
Are you going to sit there all night, Daisuke? Dark interrupted the moment from inside his mind.
Daisuke huffed slightly. "Come on, Dark. We haven't had a break in ages. How about we just enjoy the evening, you know? It'll be fun."
Dark laughed. It would be just as fun if we sent out another warning letter. How about we up the ante by attempting two thefts in one night? He pointed toward the clock eagerly. Come on—it's only 7:19. There's still time. It'd be fun to watch the police scramble to defend two sites while proclaiming that we could never do it.
Daisuke rolled his eyes. "I don't think I could handle stealing two artworks in one night. One in a night is enough for me." He stood, interlocking his fingers and stretching his arms above his head.
Dark waved his hand dismissively. I'm sure you could handle it just fine. He grinned. How about I suggest it to Emiko and see what she says?
"Don't ask my mother, Dark!" Daisuke protested. He knew very well that his mother would send out two warning notices in a heartbeat.
Aw, Daisuke, you're no fun tonight, Dark pouted melodramatically.
"If it keeps us from pulling two jobs in one night, I'm fine with being no fun," Daisuke huffed. He knelt beside his backpack and started rifling through it, muttering as he searched.
Dark perked up again. Hey, Daisuke, what are you looking for? Did you remember more homework that you have to do?
Daisuke shook his head. "Nah, I'm looking for one of the books that Takeshi leant me. He kept going on and on about it in school, so I finally agreed to read the two volumes that he has in order to get him off my back and give my ears a rest." He searched around some more folders. "Ah! I found the first volume!" He pulled out the small white-and-orange manga triumphantly.
So, what is this literary masterpiece called? Dark asked.
"It's called Naruto," Daisuke read. He read the synopsis. "Actually, I think I remember Riku mentioning this on our way home a couple of days ago. Apparently, Risa is really into it, and it's driving Riku nuts." He chuckled.
Dark mulled over the theme. Ninja, huh. I bet they'd be a fun challenge to steal from. They at least have to be more competent than the police force. Satoshi is the only reason that we don't get away with the artwork in less than two minutes; without him, they're just sad. He grinned. I wonder what it would be like to steal from ninja. Stealing from thieves has got to be fun…
"I don't know." Daisuke tapped the spine of the book against his chin. "I have no idea of the skill of these ninja. For all we know, the book is actually a comedy, and the ninja are pathetic."
You didn't listen to what Takeshi was saying at all, did you?
"No. Why, were you?"
Dark laughed. Not really, but I can assure you, it's action/adventure-based. Look, it even says so on the back cover.
Daisuke rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Haha, you're right." He tucked the book under his arm and headed for the door. "Well, let's go check out this book."
"That looks so pretty!"
Daisuke looked up. He was lying on his back on the couch, and his mother was leaning over the side, peering at one of the panels on the page he was reading. "What does?" he asked.
His mother pointed to the Hokage Mountain. "That. It looks so majestic." She paused for a moment, and then declared determinedly, "I want to add that to the Niwa art collection."
"It's covered in paint, Mom. The kid just painted graffiti all over it." Daisuke raised an eyebrow. "Why would you want it?"
"Silly," his mother responded with a wave of her hand. "It'll be clean by the end of the chapter. If it isn't, then I'm sure we could easily remove it. Besides," she concluded with an excited twinkle in her eyes, "it looks just like Mt. Rushmore. I want it!"
Daisuke shook his head in amusement. "Sorry, Mom, but I don't think you can have it."
Emiko puffed her cheeks out, pouting. "If you don't want to get it for me, then I bet Dark would—and could—be willing to steal it for me."
Of course I could steal it, Dark chimed in Daisuke's head with a grin. Besides, who'd miss that big mountain? I bet we could improve the view.
Daisuke sat up, flustered and his hands patting the air in front of him. "Mom, it's the wall of a mountain that only exists in this manga that Takeshi leant me. He can't steal something that doesn't exist!"
Emiko stood up straight, crossing her arms with a sly grin. "Who says that it doesn't exist? It exists in the world within the artwork, doesn't it?"
"Well, of course it does, but…" Daisuke eyes widened, catching the implication. "Oh, no. No, Mom, I really don't think that's such a good idea."
Why is it such a bad idea? Dark grinned. We'll be in and out so fast, you'd be fine. All we need is a little magic… he trailed off suggestively.
Daisuke shook his head emphatically. "Dark, it's a bad idea! Do you remember what has happened the last times that we attempted to use magic?"
Dark shrugged. Who cares about the last times? The point is that now you've built up a greater tolerance for magic. You could handle it.
"Please, Daisuke?" Emiko whined, her eyes shining brightly in eagerness. "Would you bring back the Hokage Monument for your mother?"
Daisuke looked around for help out of his predicament, but his grandfather wasn't in the room, and his dad simply sent him a look of silent apology from behind his newspaper. His shoulders drooped. "Fine, Mom," he sighed.
"You'll do it?" she squealed excitedly, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"We'll try," Daisuke huffed in clarification. "But I still think that this will be impossible. And we're going up against ninja! Who knows what could happen?"
Aw, lighten up, Daisuke, Dark laughed. It'll be fun! Even more fun than stealing two artworks in one night.
"And look—I already have the warning note written out for you!" Emiko exclaimed, dropping it into Daisuke's hand. "Good luck, boys!"
Daisuke sighed for what felt like the eightieth time that night as he took the warning note.
Half an hour later, Daisuke had changed into Dark and was dressed in his phantom thief costume of the night. Wiz sat beside them, looking at them curiously, his big eyes wide and round. The first volume of the Naruto manga lay on the living room floor in front of them, having been quickly read and now prepared for the spell that would take them into the world of the artwork.
What have I gotten myself into? Daisuke mourned.
"Relax, Daisuke," Dark reassured for the eighty-first time as he rolled one of his shoulders, warming up his muscles. "Just let me run the show tonight. I'm the great Phantom Thief Dark! If I can't steal this, I can't steal anything."
I still don't think it's possible to steal something that doesn't exist, Daisuke reiterated.
"Just for that, we're stealing the Hokage Tower, too!" Dark declared.
Ack! Daisuke yelped. That was not meant as an encouragement to steal more, and you know it, Dark!
Dark laughed, summoning Wiz to be his wings before he started the magic. "Of course I know that, Daisuke, but you just said again that I couldn't do it. As a thief of my stature, I simply cannot back down from a challenge like that. You'll see—Konohagakure is going to be missing some landmarks tonight!"
I just hope we come back safe. Who knows how strong these ninja are? Daisuke fretted.
"Aw, lighten up, Daisuke. For the last time, we'll be fine." Dark pulled out a feather, and began to summon the magic needed to enter into the world within the Naruto artwork. Slowly, the wind began to pick up and the light began streaming around it, spinning like a small tornado in the middle of the room. Dark laughed, "This is it, Daisuke! Let's go!" He dropped the warning note into the book, waited a moment, and then jumped into the spinning whirlwind of magic.
The Sandaime stared intently at the little scrap of paper on his desk. "Where did you find this?" he finally asked.
"We found it just within the village gates, Hokage-sama," the ANBU in front of his desk reported. "According to the chunin in charge of the gate, it drifted from the sky and simply fell to the ground. As we were uncertain what to make of it, we brought it straight to you."
The Hokage sighed, reading the words over for a third time:
Tonight at 9:00 PM, I will steal both your Hokage Monument and your Hokage Tower.
Sincerely, Phantom Thief Dark
"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what to make of it myself," he murmured. "This "Phantom Thief Dark" claims that he intends to steal both the Hokage Monument and the Hokage Tower."
"I don't see how that would be possible," the ANBU countered. "Surely something of that magnitude would be impossible."
The Sandaime shook his head. "Actually, it would not. It is possible if one used sealing scrolls, but I don't feel that that is how this person intends to do it."
"Then how else would they do it, Hokage-sama?"
"I honestly have no idea," he sighed. "I guess we will find out come 9:00." He looked at the clock. "That is in ten minutes. It's not a lot, but it's enough time to gather troops." He paused, and then announced, "I do not believe that this person will be successful—it could even be a hoax—but as I have no idea what kind of methods they may use to 'steal' the Hokage Monument and Tower, we will evacuate the tower and keep all personnel and civilians away from the Monument."
"Yes, Hokage-sama!"
Dark crouched atop the (clean) Hokage mountain, looking out over the city. "That's quite a view. The manga really doesn't do this city justice."
It's beautiful, Daisuke agreed in awe, and I'm happy that the monument was cleaned before we arrived. He paused, but then added, Um, Dark? I don't want to spoil the moment, but why are you just hanging around the monument? Shouldn't we be getting to work on stealing the monument and tower?
"In a moment, Daisuke," Dark assured. "It's not quite 9:00 yet, and I want to let your body rest a little before we set about stealing the artworks. I'm fine inside worlds within artworks, but you're not as used to it. Besides, I don't know how much of a fight we'll have against these ninja. At least in the book, they appeared pretty competent—or more competent than the police force, at least," he laughed.
As great as being here is, I'll feel better once we're safely back home.
"Aw, stop worrying, Daisuke." Dark checked the clock on one of the buildings. "Look, it's 9:00 and everything's going to be f—" Dark froze.
Dark! What's wrong? Daisuke cried, and then he felt the source. Ack!
An ANBU stood right behind Dark, a kunai held to his neck. "State your purpose."
Dark slowly looked behind him through his peripheral. "I'm here to see the sights?" he nervously chuckled.
The kunai was pushed harder against his neck. "Try again."
Dark slid the feather he had had hidden up his sleeve out a little. He grinned and said, "As promised, I'm here to steal your Hokage Monument and the Hokage Tower."
The ANBU scoffed, "That's impossible."
Dark smirked confidently, and then exclaimed, "I am the great Phantom Thief Dark! Nothing is impossible for me to steal!" With a wave of the feather, the ground around them shifted and began to glow. The ANBU jumped back in alarm, and Dark spread his dark wings, catching the air current and pumping hard to get airborne. Once in the air, he completed the spell, and the familiar whirlwind of magic began swirling. For a moment, the mountain glowed a vibrant violet. The arriving ninja guard had to shield their eyes against the light. There was a pop! and some smoke billowed as a result of the spell.
Dark swooped down and snatched what he was looking for, catching the palm-sized figure before it tumbled to the ground. Daisuke stared in awe through Dark's eyes. That's a miniature version of the Hokage Monument! he gasped. You really did it, Dark!
"Of course I did it, Daisuke!" Dark exclaimed proudly, stowing the miniature into the pouch at his side. "I'm the great Phantom Thief Dark—how could you ever doubt me?" He took a moment to laugh, and then noticed that the ninja were beginning to mobilize. "Oops, let's go grab the tower. Almost fighting one ninja was enough, and they should have evacuated the tower by now."
With a mighty thrust with his wings, he sailed toward the Tower.
"What just happened?" the Sandaime demanded, coughing from the smoke.
Gasps rang out among the ninja force. "The Hokage Mountain has just been stolen, sir!"
"Are you serious?!" As visual confirmation was obtained, he fought back his incredulity and ordered, "They'll be after the Hokage Tower next! Hurry!"
"This is almost too easy," Dark boasted, landing on top of the tower soundlessly. "And they even evacuated for us! Even easier."
Don't say that yet, Dark, Daisuke warned. We still haven't finished the job.
"Yeah, yeah." Dark pulled out another feather, beginning the incantation. Then he pulled back hastily to avoid a large fireball aimed at his head. "What was that?!"
Probably the ninja trying to defend their other landmark," Daisuke commented.
"I know that!" Dark hissed. "I meant the fireball—hey!" His feather ignited. He dropped it hastily, and ashes blew away in the wind. He pulled out another feather. "They are proving a hair more competent than the police force," he conceded with a grumble as he restarted the spell. "And what was that thing they threw at me?"
One of those jutsu we read about, maybe? Daisuke suggested.
The fireball was quickly followed up by a powerful gust of wind, and Dark's new feather blew out of his hands, falling to the ground. "Hey! I'm trying to work here!" he yelled down to the ninja as he whipped out a third feather. "They're making me use up my feathers…" he grumbled.
I think the point of their attack is to hinder you, Daisuke chuckled.
"Aw, shut it. I already know that," Dark gritted out, turning sharply to avoid a water spear jutsu thrown at him. "At this rate, it's going to take a little while longer to get back." Now he was grateful for using Wiz's wings as opposed to working from the ground. A ground assault would have been nigh impossible, but thankfully, the majority of these ninja were not prepared for long-range sky attacks.
Maybe we can cause some kind of distraction? Daisuke asked
"Hm, I wonder." Dark pondered for a moment. He pulled out a red feather from his other sleeve.
Daisuke's eyebrows furrowed. A red feather? What's that for?
"You'll see!" Dark activated the feather with a breath of magic, and suddenly, the world turned a slightly different color. Startled shouts rang out below them.
"Stealing the Hokage Monument was a distraction! Stone ninja are invading over the northern gate!"
"Seriously?! Mist ninja are invading over the eastern wall!"
"Sand ninja from the west!"
"There's no way they could have pulled an alliance for this! This has to be a genjustu!"
"It can't be a genjustu! I can't cancel it!"
As the defending ninja scurried beneath them, attempting to repel the sudden "attacking" forces, Dark sighed in relief. He reclaimed the black feather he was using from his sleeve and attempted to finish the spell.
What was that, Dark? Daisuke asked, shocked.
"Just a little illusion," Dark replied, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. "Although magic is magic, it comes in different forms. It's our luck that whatever form these ninja use, it's different than mine. They won't be able to use theirs to dispel it, but it'll disappear once we're done." He grinned. "Now, let's finish this!"
Holding the feather tightly in one hand, he made the necessary hand movements, and then then activated the magic. The Hokage Tower began glowing a vibrant purple, and the cyclone of energy swirled around it. As before, plumes of smoke appeared, and the tower disappeared with a pop! Once Dark arose from the descent, he viewed the recovered miniature version of the Hokage Tower in his hand. "Cool, huh, Daisuke?"
Yeah, it is, his host murmured. As with the other one, it's an exact replica, too. That's a really powerful spell.
"It is," Dark agreed, "but, thankfully, it isn't one that requires a lot of power. If it did, there would have been too much strain on your body." He dropped the Hokage Tower into the pouch he had put the Hokage Monument into. "But enough on the spell. Let's go home, Daisuke!"
Daisuke nodded. Yeah, the sooner we get home, the better. I don't want to risk the sp—
With those words, the magic broke, and chaos once again absorbed the ninja ranks.
"See! I told you that it was a genjustu!"
"But disrupting our chakra flow didn't break it! How was it a genjutsu?!"
"I have no idea, but maybe it was a—oh man, look!"
"They really stole the Hokage Tower!"
Dark laughed as he pulled out his final feather. Summoning the magic, he shouted to the ninja below, "Thanks for the fun time, guys! Catch you later!"
"Look! He's getting away!"
"After him! Quick—"
Dark grinned at them as the magic caught him up and spirited him away. Ninja didn't stand a chance against him.
Dark dropped to the living room floor soundlessly, Wiz transforming back into his rabbit form beside him. With a recession of power, Dark receded and Daisuke regained control of his body. He looked around and breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm home."
Emiko stood up from where she had been waiting for them on the couch. "How did it go?" she asked excitedly, her eyes wide. "Did you get the Hokage Monument?"
Daisuke nodded, reaching into his pocket. "Here. And Dark even stole the Hokage Tower for you," he said.
Emiko squealed, hugging Daisuke. "Thank you, Dai! Thank you, Dark!" She scooped up the miniatures. "Ooh, these will so good on the mantle in a snow globe!" She swept out of the living room, humming happily.
Daisuke stared after her. "Snow globe…?" he repeated, dumbfounded. Then he shook his head. "I don't think I want to ask."
"That's probably a good idea, Daisuke," his father chimed in with a smile from the other end of the couch. "When it comes to Emiko, sometimes, you just let her be." He chuckled.
"Yeah," Daisuke laughed, smiling back at his father. After reaching down to pick up the manga that was still lying on the floor, he announced, "I'm think I'm head up to my room, Dad. Good night."
"Good night, Daisuke!" his dad called from the couch.
It was a slow, but happy, journey up the stairs. "I'm so glad that we made it through that venture all right," Daisuke murmured tiredly.
See? I told you not to doubt me, Dark responded with a grin. Didn't I tell you that it would be fine?
"Yeah, you did," Daisuke chuckled, stifling a yawn. "I just didn't believe that you would be able to steal anything that wasn't real. I guess I forgot about how worlds exist within the artworks."
You see, Daisuke? Everything's possible for the great Phantom Thief Dark! Dark bragged. And look how happy Emiko is. Why would you regret it?
"I don't regret it at all," Daisuke defended. "Besides, that wasn't even the point."
Then what was?
"Just that I hadn't thought it could be done." He stopped, his hand on the door. "Wait a minute…" He slapped the once-extended hand against his face. "Argh!"
What's wrong, Daisuke?
Daisuke banged his forehead against his closed bedroom door. "I can't believe you got me to steal two artworks in one night!" He glanced at his watch. "And look at how late it is! It's after 2 AM!"
Dark chuckled, smiling mischievously. Had Daisuke just now realized that? Aw, lighten up, Daisuke. Who said I planned that on purpose?
"Because you're Dark," Daisuke grumbled, opening his door. "You have ways of getting what you want that, some days, I simply can't fathom."
Well, you're right on that end, Dark laughed.
Daisuke quickly prepared for bed, taking a shower, changing out of his thief costume, and brushing his teeth. As he climbed into bed, he saw the manga volume where he had left it beside his book bag. Although he had read the first volume, he had not touched the second. He had promised Takeshi that he would read both, but after looking at the clock again, he changed his mind. "I'll ask him if I can borrow them for an extra day. I don't think he'll mind," he said with a sigh, before climbing into bed and promptly falling asleep.
The next morning, the talk of his classroom was how everyone's manga editions of Naruto had managed to erase the images of the Hokage Monument and the Hokage Tower. A few girls postulated excitedly that Dark must have stolen them (further clamoring that they thought they could see a tiny warning note in the corner of one of the panels), but the boys debunked it, saying that Dark couldn't steal something that wasn't real (and then claiming that the "warning note" was actually an extra-large speck of ink).
Dark simply laughed within Daisuke's mind.
OMAKE:
Daisuke sighed as he opened his bedroom door. "Yeah, ok. I get it, Dark, you're awesome. Can we discuss this tomorrow? I really want to sleep now."
"How about we discuss this now?" came a voice right in front of them. "How about returning the Hokage Monument and the Hokage Tower? We would like our landmarks back."
Daisuke looked up to stare into the masked face of the ANBU that had challenged them on the mountain. Suddenly, the night appeared a lot longer.
Hey, Daisuke? Don't worry. I'll handle this guy, Dark chimed in.
Too tired to argue, Daisuke let Dark take over. "Hey," Dark greeted, waving his hand. "How's it going?"
The ANBU did not reply.
"Don't feel like talking? Eh, don't worry about it." He whipped out the ever-present feather. "Have a fun trip back!"
In a faster flash of light than Daisuke had seen before, the ninja was gone. Dark reverted back to Daisuke, who sighed. "Yay, now we can sleep." And he promptly dropped onto his bed and zonked out.
Wow, Dark laughed. Guess the successive magic usages wore him out. Oh well, my turn… Using a tiny bit of magic, he called the two volumes of manga over and continued reading. I wanna see how my exploits are recorded…
Upon seeing verification of the absences of the monument and tower, he smiled. He outright grinned when he read a panel reading, "We'll get you, Phantom Thief Dark! Just you come back and try to steal something else!"
Dark hummed, mulling the challenge over. What else could I steal? he wondered with a laugh, flipping through the pages. How about your crystal ball next, Hokage-san? He paused. Oh, wait. That probably got left in the Hokage Tower, along with all of their secret files. He stared at the second volume in his head, before turning it and tapping the spine against his chin. Finally, he grinned. How about that secret scroll?
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this! I had this playing at the back of my mind for a while. The OMAKE scene was added afterwards, and turned out longer than I had expected. I had only intended to go as far as Daisuke entering his room to find the ANBU standing there, but I like the result. How about you?
Shameless plug: You can blame Marz1's story "The Truth Decays" (a really awesome Fullmetal Alchemist X Naruto crossover fanfic!) for Dark stealing the Hokage Tower. In the story, (SPOILER ALERT)Ed sinks the Hokage Tower, but the ninja respond by saying that "he stole the Hokage Tower" (END SPOILER ALERT). I remembered that and laughed while I was writing, so instead of simply stealing the monument, as was the original plan, he literally stole the tower, too. Hahaha.
Thanks for the read! Please R&R and share your thoughts!