For cheesecakecaramel on tumblr. I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's day, and I am so sorry it will take me a bit to get them all up, but hopefully, it won't be too long...
Nami crept closer to the campsite, mouth watering at the smell of the stew cooking over the fire. It had been days since she'd eaten anything besides what she could gather with her limited skills in this accursed forest, and the stew made this poor traveler an even more appealing target, though he was so oblivious that it was really a public service to rob him blind and teach him to pay attention to his surroundings a bit more.
The man started muttering to himself, and Nami frowned, creeping closer in the underbrush to hear what he was saying.
"It's n-n-not a sc-scary forest. The br-rave C-c-captain Usopp fears no forest!" Nami blinked as she watch the clearly insane man get seemingly bolder as he went on. "Why, I, the magnificent Captain Usopp have conquered a thousand such forests, and all the terrible, vicious creatures that inhabit them!"
A owl hooted following this declaration, and the self-proclaimed Captain Usopp shrieked and ducked under his blanket, which he'd had wrapped around his shoulders. Nami rolled her eyes and circled back around to the road. She might as well pretend to just be a fellow traveler and see if this Usopp would be willing to share honestly. She could rip him off before he woke up after all.
She strolled up the path back to Usopp's campsite, admiring the way the setting sun filled the normally dark forest with gold. Sunset would be her favorite time in the forest if she didn't ever have to worry about the night it foretold.
It took Usopp a surprisingly long time to notice her on the path, despite the fact that she could see him almost immediately. He really was an idiot, it seemed, not even paying attention to his surroundings for all his nerves.
"Hello!" Nami said when she was near enough to Usopp's camp. He jumped at her voice, and she forced a reassuring smile to her lips. "Would you mind terribly if I set up camp next to you? It's getting dark, and it's rare to find a clear area so near the path.
"O-of course not!" Usopp straightened and puffed up his chest. "I would be honored to share my sight with you. You need have no fear while Captain Usopp is here!" Nami smiled more warmly this time, noticing how he was trembling.
"My name is Nami. So, you're Usopp?" Nami slung off her bag and took a seat across the fire from Usopp.
"Yeah, I'm the famous traveler Captain Usopp! I'm sure you've heard of my wonderful adventures."
"Right." Nami drew out the word skeptically. "Well, I do appreciate this. This sure is a weird forest. I've never been lost before, but it doesn't seem to matter what I do, I just keep walking in circles."
"You mean you don't know?" Usopp blinked at her, his act dropped. "This forest is unnavigable. The magnetic fields mess with compasses, and it is impossible to tell with the stars or sun since you can never see them. I've got a map, but it doesn't seem to be helping me much since I've been lost for days." He looked warily at the shadowy trees looming above them. "There are rumors that the forest shifts in the night."
Nami's mouth dropped open. Unnavigable? That couldn't be. "I'm going to be stuck in this stupid forest forever! I didn't even mean to come here. The irony. I'm one of the best navigators in the world, and I can't even find my way out of a stupid forest."
Usopp dug through his bag and pulled out two bowls and spoons, dishing stew into each. He handed her one before digging into his own.
"You can look at the map after dinner if you'd like. Not that it does all that much good when you can't figure out where you are and what direction you're going in."
"Thanks." The stew smelled divine, and it was all she could do to not just wolf it down. It was remarkably well seasoned for camp food, and she looked at Usopp consideringly as she ate.
When she'd finished the bowl, she'd decided. "Hey, Usopp, want to travel with me? If we're going to be lost we might as well be lost together." She could always cut and run: Usopp didn't seem likely to be able to track her off the path, and it might be nice to have some company, especially when it was dark and strange things rustled in the brush. Plus he had food and could cook.
Usopp grinned at her. "That sounds like a great idea! I understand why you'd want to be protected by someone as great and powerful as me. Why this one time I..."
Nami smiled and listened to his farfetched stories for hours since it was far too dark to look at the map by now, catching herself laughing far more than she should have. By the time they finally turned in, both too tired to be nervous of the wildlife, Nami felt more at ease than she had in a very long time despite trying to talk herself out of it. She didn't have time to make friends with anyone, let alone random cowardly men in the woods.
It hadn't taken them long to pack up and set off together in the dim greyness that passed for morning in the dense forest. After looking at the map while Usopp packed, Nami had decided the best course of action was to follow the path until they either reached the border of the forest (any border would do at this point) or one of the few landmarks the map showed. There was really nothing she could do without knowing where they were since the branches were entwined to the point that not even a sliver of sky could be made out, much less the location of the sun.
They'd walked at an easy pace for what had to be a few hours, Nami tuning out the incessant nervous chatter, when Usopp froze suddenly. He whipped out a slingshot and fired off a shot before Nami could even blink. A muffled thump signaled that the stone had hit something besides a tree. He motioned to her to wait and moved into the underbrush and came back carrying a grouse, it's neck neatly broken.
Nami gaped, unable to believe he'd not only spotted the bird but been able to hit it with a slingshot. He grinned at her as he fastened what would be tonight's dinner to his pack.
"Nothing less from the great Captain Usopp," she said, impressed despite herself then laughed at his baffled expression. He pulled himself together quickly, however, and puffed up his chest.
"Of course not! Why, have I told you about the time I took down the largest bear ever seen in my village with only a piece of twine?" Nami held back a giggle as they came to a bend in the path.
"No, I haven't heard that one yet," Nami said. "Why don't you-" She stopped, stunned to silence by the sight of a building in the middle of the clearing they'd come upon. "A little house! We can get directions!"
"I don't know, Nami," Usopp said, looking at the dilapidated cottage. There were a few hens clucking in a pen and some laundry on the line, so it was obvious someone lived there, even if the house was overgrown with brambles. "I think I'm developing a rare disease called I-can't-go-into-that-creepy-house. It's deadly, so I'll just wait out here."
Nami glared at him but looked up as the wind shifted. "Are you kidding? I am not going into that hovel by myself. I'll get eaten or something. Besides it is going to start raining any minute now."
"But if we both go, we'll just both get eaten. I'll wait out here to mount a daring rescue. But don't need it." He looked at the rundown house. "Please."
She sighed. That did make more sense, though she wouldn't drop her guard and depend on a rescue from him. "Fine. If I don't call you in in five minutes, expect the worst."
Nami knocked on the door, trying to peer through the filthy windows to get a glimpse of what lay inside. The door creaked open, and for a moment she thought it had moved by itself, but then her eyes adjusted, showing an amazingly tall, shadowy figure wrapped in a cloak. Nami automatically tried to step back at the sight, but a clawed hand snatched her arm and tugged her inside, the door closing firmly behind her.
"A visitor, how nice." The voice was unmistakably female but it grated on the nerves. "It's not too often I have guests."
"Um..." Nami started, trying to wrench her arm free. She couldn't have stumbled into Big Mam's house? She chuckled weakly at herself. Big Mam was nothing but a myth. Usopp was getting to her if she was starting to think of children's tales. The figure busted away to put the kettle on, and Nami gulped when she caught sight of the figure's eyes glowing yellow in the dark of the hovel.
"Sorry, I just need directions," Nami said, trying to edge back to the door. "I really don't have time to-" She knocked into a shelf, a glass jar shattering on the ground and it's contents spilling all over the floor. "Sorr-" Nami stopped when the scent of formaldehyde hit her, horrified at the mutilated animal pieces scattered across the dirt floor.
The yellow eyes turned to her, and suddenly Nami didn't feel that children's stories should be taken so lightly. She gave up all pretensions of calm and spun to the door, yanking on the handle fruitlessly.
"Now, now, my dear, you really must stay for tea." Nami spun around to find that the woman had pulled back her hood, and she screamed at the sight. There was really no doubting that this was the legendary Big Mam, already drooling at the thought of eating her. Nami was frozen in terror at the sight, unable to resist the unnatural strength of Big Mam as she opened a large metal door and flung her inside. The last thing she heard was the lock click into place.
It wasn't even ten minutes before the door opened once again, but the moment it took for Big Mam to toss Usopp in next to her wasn't enough for her to scrape up any momentum. She had already worn herself out screaming and frantically searching for a way out, a plan, something. The door clanging shut just as she looked up from her knees made it official: there was no hope for them.
She could only barely make out Usopp in the the light from the furnace on the far wall, the angry orange light casting his face in grotesque shadows as he jumped up, smiling at her a bit sheepishly. "Um... Sorry."
Nami sighed tiredly. "What were you thinking? You should have run!"Nami didn't even react to the unmistakable sound of coal being loaded along one wall. "Did you really just waltz in and expect to win a duel or something?"
Nami wondered idly what sort of situation would take to rend Usopp incapable of his bombastic pride. "I, the great Captain Usopp, had a brilliant plan to lure out the wicked witch into the rain because everyone knows water dissolves witches."
Nami let herself make a strangled growl."You idiot! How would water melt witches? She was making tea when I came in."
"The world is a mysterious place," Usopp said, nodding wisely. The air was now noticeably warmer, and it was only a matter of time before the heat became unbearable.
Nami let out a strangled growl and strode across the room to where Usopp stood near the door, jabbing him in the chest with her finger."There was no hope for me in the first place. If you're going to be useless, you might as well escape instead of being burned to death!" Usopp's eyes widened.
"What do you mean burned to death?"
Nami rolled her eyes. "This is an oven in case you hadn't noticed, and it isn't getting any cooler." She shrank back to the floor, Usopp sliding limply along with, eyes frantically darting around the dim room with new realization.
"But-but-but I'm too young to die!" Usopp turned to the door as the temperature rise became more pronounced. Nami's clothes felt like they were plastered to her skin, and even Usopp's hair was looking a bit droopy.
"I haven't had any adventures yet! Or kissed a girl! Or-" Nami grabbed his shoulders and pulled him toward her so she could press her lips to his, lingering a beat or two more than she expected, before pulling back.
"There. One thing off the list," Nami said casually, ignoring her elevated heart rate. The heat must be getting to her. She only had a moment to relish in the blessed silence and stunned expression on his face, when a cacouphanus crash soudned outside the oven.
They both froze and spun to door. Surely, Big Mam would wait to eat them until they were cooked, Nami thought wildly, that would be a better way to go than being eaten alive somehow. Her heart flew into her throat as the door creaked open.
Nami blinked at the sudden wash of light, keeping from quivering only by force of will. However, when her eyes had adjusted, instead of the cobwebs and mysterious jars, there was rubble everywhere, and not a witch to be seen. The chill air of the forest as the rain pattered down between the leaves felt like a balm on her already dry skin. A lanky man about their age stood before the door looking disappointed as he examined them.
"No meat here either. Ahhh, I'm so hungry." The man pouted and kicked a bit of rubble. "Do you guys know where there is any food? I tried to ask the weird lady when the bird dropped me on the this house, but she just fizzled and screamed until she vanished. Weird Mystery Lady."
"Um..." Nami was dumbstruck. Did he really just say that he fell out of the sky (Nami did not want to even consider the size of a bird that could fly away with a person) and landed square on a witch's house, melting her in the rain by accident, then rescued them all in search of dinner? Beside her Usopp looked equally dumbfounded and could only shake his head helplessly when she glanced at him.
"Oh, sorry," the man said, adjusting his hat and grinning the most ridiculously contagious grin she'd ever seen, "My name is Monkey D. Luffy. You guys should join my crew!"