- Chapter 1 -
Time To Go
"Okay, deep breaths, Hermione; you can do this." Hermione sighed to herself, as she slowly lifted her head from her hands. "You willdo this. You have to!" The index finger of her right hand absentmindedly rubbed at her nose, as she reread the letter in front of her. Her front teeth worried at her bottom lip, as she ran through the little speech she'd prepared for her boss. She was half-way through translating it into Mermish before a friendly face appeared in her office, and gently pulled the lip from in between her teeth.
"Nothing to worry about," the sandy-haired man told her. "There's nothing he can do, or say. It's all been sorted. You have the job there, you're leaving here. All you have to do is tell him that." Hermione sighed once more, before forcing her lips upwards into some semblance of a smile.
"I know, Tinny," Hermione paused, giving herself a moment to grin, and for her companion to grimace. "I just don't want him to hate me for leaving. God knows I've got it good here, but it's just not me."
"I know, Hermy," Justin paused, giving himself a moment to grin, and his companion to grimace. "It was always for the three of you to do. They wouldn't hold it against you for leaving. Hell, I'm sure they wouldn't have held it against you if you'd never joined up. But you did what youhad to do to make peace with yourself. And now you're just doing what you need to do to move on with your life. This just isn't your thing, and frankly I'm not surprised. This has been your life; always fighting. You deserve more than that. You deserve to go back to where things were always good. Dawlish knows that. He won't like it, but he'll go with it."
"Thanks, Justin." Hermione reached over her desk, to grab onto his hand. "I needed that. You're right, I just don't want to leave you and Luna and Cho here alone, with no support." Justin's face twisted into a wry smile.
"We'll be fine. Just think how much better we are now. It's been five years, Hermione. We have to be fine. Plus, Ginny's just around the corner at St. Mungo's. If any of us go crazy it's a ten minute walk to go get sectioned." Hermione squeezed his hand, soothingly, instantly recognising his fear that the joke would become real.
"I know you'll be fine, Justin. I just can't heal with all this around me." Their clasped hands waved around the room. "And I think Neville might need some support too. He's got no one our age. I feel a bit bad that we left him with only Minerva and Filius there." Justin nodded his head in agreement.
"When are you meeting with Auror Dawlish then?" He released her hand and retreated into the chair behind her desk. He'd vented his fears, and she'd vented hers; it was now time to get back to business.
"Soon," she replied, settling back into her chair. "You should go, Justin. You have work to do. And I need to incorporate some bits of your motivational speech into my spiel for Dawlish." Justin smiled then, a warm, genuine smile that lit up his whole face. I'mgladhecansmilelikethat,Hermione thought, thoughIknowbetterthanmosthowhardheworkedtobeabletosmilelikethatagain.
"Okay, Hermione. I'll let you plan in peace. At least you're not making me study plans anymore." For a moment, Hermione's throat constricted, and she felt her eyes begin to water, before she realised that it was Justin, on about their Auror training, rather than Ron or Harry, on about their Hogwarts days. Justin's pained expression showed that he already knew what she was thinking on, so she waved him off, trying her best not to let the teardrops spill. It wouldn't do for him to think he'd made her cry.
She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, and concentrated fiercely on her breathing. Once her heart had stopped pounding wildly, and her throat had loosened considerably, she allowed herself to pull a photo from her desk drawer. She smiled at the picture it showed. Her, Ron, and Harry, at Grimmauld place, just weeks before the Final Battle.
Harry was in the centre of the picture, his arms looped around the shoulders of his two best friends. His face glowed with joy, and with youth. Ron, too, was grinning, on Harry's right side, and Hermione herself smiled happily on the left. The real life Hermione stroked her fingers over the two-dimensional boys, before hugging the frame to her chest.
"I'm so sorry I left you!" She whispered. "I miss you so much…" She brought the picture up to her face and kissed each boy tenderly before sliding the photo back into its drawer. Hermione leant back in her chair, turning her eyes to the ceiling for a moment, before casting Tempus.
After quickly gathering together two letters, one still sealed, the other slightly crumpled from the many times Hermione had perused it, she headed down the corridor to Dawlish's office. As she walked she passed many familiar faces, she smiled and waved at them all, pondering on how they had each changed.
There was Luna, of course. Where she had once been scatter-brained and almost dazed, she was now organised to the point of being annoying. If Luna had been a Muggle, Hermione was sure that she would have been diagnosed with OCD a long time ago, but the only Healer that cared was Ginny and she was still a fairly junior Healer so could do nothing about it.
Next came Cho Chang, who no longer cried at anything, a far change from the adolescent girl who'd once kissed Hermione's best friend whilst in tears. Cho hadn't even cried at the many funerals they'd all attended, or at any of the memorial services. Sometimes, Hermione couldn't help but wonder if Cho had ever really come to terms with the idea that the war was over, and that they were the only ones left standing.
Justin Finch-Fletchley, (who really should have been working, Hermione noted), had changed the least from an outsider's viewpoint. He still seemed to be the happy-go-lucky charming guy he'd been, and he always made sure to act as if nothing bothered him, but his friends knew better. His flat had more wards than the Minister of Magic's office, and he even bathed with a wand by his side.
Finally, Hermione stood in front of Head Auror Dawlish's office. She raised her hand to knock, but the door swung open before she could touch it. Her boss sat lazily behind his desk, his feet kicked up, lounging back in his chair. His wand, however, was casually pointed at the door, and his eyes flicked almost nervously behind her until she closed the door.
Hermione slowly made her way towards the desk, and placed the sealed envelope next to his feet. Dawlish narrowed his eyes at it, and his feet edged back onto the floor as he sat forward, and prodded it with his wand.
"This is from you." It wasn't a question, but Hermione answered it anyway.
"Yes sir. I thought a letter would be more appropriate. Also, it is Ministry policy." Dawlish prodded at it once more, and it unfolded easily. His head bent over the desk, eyes scanning the information in front of him.
"You're leaving." Again, a statement that Hermione felt the need to respond to.
"Yes sir, I am."
"May I ask why?" Hermione paused to gather her wits, noticing that Dawlish's shoulders had sagged slightly, and his nonchalant air had all but disappeared.
"I'm sorry, but I just don't think I'll be able to continue here, Dawlish." Hermione stopped, and sighed before launching into the first part of my pre-planned speech. "I just don't feel that I belong here. It has been an eye-opening experience for me, but this isn't what I wanted to do in life, I think I'm only just realizing that."
"Bull shit." Dawlish nearly spat the words at her. "Don't give me one of your speeches, Granger. At least have the decency to explain to me why."
"I'm just done here." She slid gracefully into one of the several seats in front of Dawlish's desk, giving up on the speech. "I can't do it anymore. This isn't me. Why am I here, Dawlish?" The burly man didn't answer, although his hand reached up to scratch his head. "When I was twelve, I made two friends. We didn't know it back then, but that's when it all started. That's when we started to fight. I'm twenty three years old, Dawlish. And I can't remember a time when I didn't have to fight. And I fight damn well, I know that, and you know that. But I can't do it on my own."
"There are other Aurors with you, Granger." Dawlish's deep voice rumbled. Hermione couldn't help snorting.
"But they aren't who I want them to be. I would fight with you if Harry were here. I would fight with you if Ron were here. But they're not. And I just can't do this anymore." One of her hands reached back to lace through her hair, as she sniffed. "This,here,nowwas meant to be for us. But there's not an us,notanymore. I need to live my own life, Dawlish. I've spent the last five years living in the past, and grieving for those we lost. I've lived the life that they would have lived. And for now I fully intend to live my ownlife."
"You're serious about this, aren't you?" He asked, more to himself than to Hermione. "And I bet you've got a job lined up too." He smiled ruefully as she waved the crumpled letter in her left hand at him. "We'll never replace you, you know? No one fights like you. And - oh Merlin - what's gonna happen to your office? You practically run this place." He sighed, before looking up at her once more. "Good luck, Hermione."
"Not trying to change my mind, John?" She teased, giving him a warm smile.
"I'm not bloody stupid, girl." He laughed, a hearty sound. "It'd be easier to rearrange the whole department than change your mind. I hope your new bosses, whoever they may be, understand that." Hermione smirked as she caught the unasked question from the former Slytherin.
"Minerva does, yes."
"Hogwarts then? Nice, cushy job. No fighting there." His answering smirk proved the latest set of trainees wrong; John Dawlish didhave a sense of humour.
"A little fighting." Hermione admitted, a self conscious blush creeping up her cheeks. "Defense Against the Dark Arts. And subbing for pretty much everybody."
"We'll miss you, Hermione." His smirk was gone, replaced with a sincerity that shone from his hazel eyes.
"Not if you promote Luna, you won't." She joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "God knows that girl deserves it. And it'll give her a little time outside of the field. You will lose her in a year or two though, probably to the Prophet."
"Hmmm," Dawlish considered. "Give me, say, six weeks. That'll give you time to prime her for the job."
"Three." She returned. Dawlish's mouth opened again, a smile on his face, but her raised hand stopped him. "Three weeks, no more. Even that'll be more than enough time for her to learn everything." The amusement in her voice somewhat tempered her reprimanding expression. Dawlish narrowed his eyes, and then nodded sharply.
"But you have to tell the Minister his favourite Auror's buggering off!" This was said with a large grin and a wink. Finally,Hermione thought. Icantellthatbastardwheretogetoff!
- HBP - HBP - HBP - HBP - HBP -
"Hermione!" The cultured voice sounded out above the secretary's reedy squawks. "What brings you here today? Nothing bad, I hope? Do come in." He turned to the still protesting woman at the desk in front of him. "Now, now, Belinda, didn't I tell you all of the war heroes would always be welcome in my office?"
"You said they could always make appointments…" Belinda's nasal voice was cut off as Hermione entered the office. She narrowed her eyes at the doorway, and reached her hand out. Silencingcharmandanimpervioustoo,she thought to herself. The Minister followed her in, closing the door behind him.
"I swear that whoever works in personnel and sent me her as a secretary hates me." He confessed, leaning up against the door. "Now, to what do I owe the pleasure, my dearest Hermione? Decided to take me up on that offer of dinner yet?" He smiled at her, in a manner he obviously thought was charming, but merely looked slimy.
"I've told you before, Minister, that you may address me as Auror Granger. There is no place for such familiarity in the workplace, as I'm sure you'll agree."
"Ah, but what are names between friends?" He smiled, revealing a set of charmed-white teeth.
"Nothing, Minister. But your logic assumes that we are friends." Hermione countered.
"Are we not?" The Minister looked downright down-heartened. Hermione inwardly sniggered.
"No, Minister, we are not."
"Oh." He frowned. "What brings you here then, Miss Granger? It can't be another budget problem, can it? I thought I'd had all of those sorted…?"
"It's Auror Granger, Minister, not Miss Granger. I am not an errant schoolgirl." Hermione glared at him coldly. "Auror Dawlish thought that you should hear my good news directly from me. After all, it wouldn't do for the Minister of Magic to be the last to know, would it?"
"In that case, I'll have to send him my thanks for allowing me to stay on top of business." His voice was pitched low, and there was a predatory gleam in his eyes. "And I thought I told you that you simply must call me Cornelius, dear. Minister makes me feel like such a bore."
"I'm sure you did, Minister.But I'm not sure you'll thank Auror Dawlish for this message, Minister," Hermione told him solemnly. "You see, he thought you might like to know that I'm resigning."
"But you can't be resigning! How will the Auror department function without you? And we need you here! What will the public think? They'll lose faith in the Ministry. You simply must stay!" He affected what Hermione called the 'puppy-dog' look. Morepityyou,Fudge,she thought to herself. Ihatedogs."Oh no, I know what it is!" His sad face moulded seamlessly back into his 'charming' grin. "You're leaving so you can accept the original position I approached you about, as my personal advisor! This is simply marvellous!"
"Actually Minister, I think not. But, Minister, now that you mention it, I did want to take this opportunity to 'advise' you of my true feelings for you…" Hermione began, with a coy smile. "You see, I think you're a complete and utter fool."
"Excuse me?" The smile shrank a little. "Are you sure you meant to say…"
"And don't think that none of us know how you try to use us to curry favour with the public. And, I tell you now, that none of us will stand for it. I know full well about the letters that you send to Healer Weasley too, and if you're not careful some of them might just find their way into the Prophet. But I'm not here to speak about that, Minister. I'm here to warn you. If you attempt to take liberties with Luna, or Cho, or any other 'war heroes', you will find yourself on the wrong end of my wand. And don't think that I won't use any number of the curses that I did in the war, forgivable or otherwise. Understood?" By this point Hermione was standing, one hand leaning forwards on the desk, the other holding her wand pressing into his throat.
"Understood!" Fudge squeaked. Hermione smiled as she walked away. Ha,she thought triumphantly. Thelittlebastardlookslikehe'sabouttowethimself!
- HBP - HBP - HBP - HBP - HBP -
"Oh, Hermione I can't believe you're leaving!" Luna wailed. "I'll never be as good as you, I don't know half of what I should, I'm sure!" Hermione rolled her eyes, as another wave of her wand sent the last of her belongings into a box at her feet.
"Luna, you'll be fine. And if you come across any problems, make it up as you go! That's what I did. Let's face it, I createdthis job, it's first generation. You can easily improve on some of my methods." Hermione nearly smirked to herself; she had made sure to teach Luna some slightly inefficient methods that the girl could refine. Damn,I'vespenttoomuchtimeroundDawlish'sdamnSlytherinmethodology. "And if you're that lost, I'm only an owl away. Hogwarts isn't far."
"You'll come visit me?" Luna eyes opened wide. "There's not many people around I can talk about… youknow… with. Not anymore. And you'll have Neville right there!"
"Just like you have Justin right here. And Cho." Hermione parried Luna's worries away with ease.
"But they weren't there, not like we were." Luna sighed bitterly. "I know that they fought, and I know that they lost people too, but it was always different for them! They were all on the edges of the battle, not head on with the Lestranges!"
"I know, Luna. But they werethere, and they didfight, and it's up to you to help support them now. It's up to all of you to support each other. We have to learn to live on our own two feet, or else we'll never doanything ever again. That's why I need to go." Her wand flicked, and the boxes shrunk before floating into an open trunk. "Plus, Ginny's just around the corner too. She was in the thick of it just as much as we were."
Luna suddenly shifted forward and wrapped her arms around the older girl. Her face nuzzled into the crook of Hermione's neck, as it had done many times before. Hermione rubbed soothing circles onto Luna's back, resting her head gently on the blonde girl's.
"What if we never get better?" She asked quietly. "What if we're always broken?"
"Then we'll be broken together." Hermione promised, eyes showing her sincerity.
"Do you have to go?" Luna untangled her arms, and looked up petulantly. "You could still change your mind…?"
"Luna, you know this has never been me. This is what the boys wanted us to do. And we would have been happy. But it was always something we would do together.And I need to reassert my own self. Plus, Neville has been alone far too long. I know we see him at Hogsmeade weekends, and the holidays, but two years is a long time without proper support." Luna nodded in sympathy, before launching herself at her friend once more giving a rib-breaking hug.
"Write often, Hermione. We all need you."